L2Dennis
It's not It's not a question of individual style.
L3Dennis
It's about having some taste.
L4Mac
You're attacking my ability to express myself, dude.
L5Dennis
How am I attacking your ability to I just don't get it.
L6Mac
What's not to get? "Come to Philly for the crack.
L8Mac
It has a picture of the Liberty Bell on it.
L10Mac
It's funny and original.
L11Dennis
It's not fun How is it funny and original? Every asshole on South Street's wearing a T-shirt with an ironic slogan on it.
L12Mac
Well, excuse me if all my T-shirts don't have a little guy playing polo on the lapel.
L13Dennis
You cut the sleeves off of all your T-shirts.
L14Dennis
What, so you can show off your tats? Those are really original, dude.
L16Dennis
Oh, they're trib I'm sorry.
L17Dennis
What tribe are you from?
L18Mac
What? Is it, like, an Indian tribe or
L19Charlie
Okay, okay, okay.
L20Charlie
You guys gonna let me in this game or what?
L23Charlie
I don't want to ref anymore.
L24Charlie
I'd like to play, so
L25Dennis
You're an excellent ref.
L26Mac
You're a very good ref.
L28Charlie
I'm a great ref.
L29Charlie
I'd like to play the game now.
L30Dennis
Are you gonna get mad? You gonna turn into the mad munchkin?
L32Dennis
Do you represent the Lollipop Guild, Charlie?
L33Dennis
Do you? Hey, Charlie.
L34Dennis
That's a mad munchkin dance? Oh, okay.
L35Dennis
This is what we do?
L36Dee
I need to talk to you.
L37Dennis
It's about our son! Nobody wants to hear that.
L38Mac
So, wait, she's sayin'this is your son?
L40Mac
Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me, Charlie.
L41Charlie
I know! I know it.
L42Charlie
There's, like, no way that this is possible.
L43Mac
Well, did you have sex with her?
L46Mac
Did you use birth control?
L47Charlie
Oh, Dee, we went to Catholic school, so
L49Mac
You're allowed to have premarital sex, but you're not allowed to use birth control? No.
L51Charlie
You're twisting words here and, like, gettin' cute.
L52Mac
When did she have this kid?
L53Charlie
It's been, like, 10 years since I've even seen her, so
L55Mac
What does she want?
L56Charlie
Well, that's that's the weird thing.
L57Charlie
She doesn't want money or anything.
L58Charlie
She just wants me to meet him.
L59Mac
Are you gonna do it?
L61Mac
Well, dude, you gotta meet the kid.
L62Mac
I mean, you gotta find out for sure.
L64Charlie
It's just I mean, I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing, you know?
L65Mac
Like be there for him?
L67Charlie
Get her an abortion.
L68Mac
So you're not allowed to use birth control, but abortions are no problem? All right.
L70Charlie
So now you're, like, a word genius.
L71Dee
And everything I say, you twist it around and make me look dumb.
L72Mac
Charlie's right though.
L73Mac
He should have at least had a say in the matter.
L74Dee
It's her body, and it's her decision.
L76Mac
It's not just her decision.
L77Mac
The man should get a vote.
L79Dee
Well, ultimately it's her choice.
L80Mac
It is not just her choice.
L81Charlie
It's nobody's choice.
L82Dennis
It should be left up to God.
L83Dennis
Is he Is that Are you joking? No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis, Book Two, Verse Three? "And he breathed into the nostrils of Adam on the first day.
L84Dennis
And it was good.
L85Charlie
" Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.
L86Dee
You're making an asshole out of yourself.
L87Mac
Dude, you need to get a blood test, okay?
L88Dennis
I remember Stacy Corvelli.
L92Dee
Uh, Mac, what's God's stance on blood tests? Hmm.
L95Dennis
All right, you feeling good? No.
L96Charlie
I feel nauseous.
L97Charlie
I think I'm gonna go.
L106Waitress
You brought your, uh Uh, Dennis Reynolds.
L107Dennis
We didn't get a chance to talk before, but I remember you.
L109Dennis
You went to St.
L115Dennis
So you two are together now, or
L120Waitress
I'm just here for moral support.
L121Dennis
Yeah, we're not That's not even a
L122Waitress
I brought him along.
L127Waitress
I'm real glad you decided to do this, Charlie.
L129Charlie
Well, uh, you know, it's the least I could do, so Yeah.
L130Charlie
Sorry I don't have a lot of time.
L131Charlie
I gotta get to work.
L132Waitress
Uh, Tommy, come on in here, Son! What do you want, Mom? He's a bit of a handful.
L133Waitress
Uh, Charlie and his friend are here.
L134Tommy (son)
So goddamn what? Tommy, come in here, please! This is bullshit.
L136Waitress
Language, please.
L137Tommy (son)
Which one of you fags is supposed to be my dad?
L139Dennis
Right off the bat with the
L141Dennis
Tommy, be nice.
L142Mac
Huh? This is Charlie.
L143Dennis
Are you serious? This is the guy? What's that What's that supposed to mean, buddy? Okay.
L144Dennis
Well, I should be home around 8:00.
L145Dennis
Uh, what do you guys have planned?
L146Mac
Uh, I thought we'd go to the park.
L148Dennis
That sounds nice.
L149Dennis
Wanna go to the park, Tommy?
L154Dennis
Have fun, boys.
L155Tommy
I'm not goin' to the park.
L157Mac
What is this place? Uh, this is a place where we're gonna go see a special friend of mine.
L159Mac
'Cause he's gonna help us figure something very important out.
L160Mac
It's gonna be good to know.
L162Mac
Because I said so.
L163Mac
No more questions, okay, buddy?
L169Tommy
I don't like this game.
L171Mac
Is this a game? This is your game?
L172Tommy
Why? Why? Hey, pretty boy.
L173Mac
What you here for? My friend's gettin' a blood test.
L174Mac
Your boyfriend? No.
L175Mac
He's not my He's not my boyfriend.
L176Mac
He got Al DS? I don't I don't think so.
L179Prostitute
I'll blow you for $10.
L180Mac
You know what? Let me consult some of this free literature they got here regarding that proposition.
L182Mac
You know what? According to this, that's not really a good idea.
L183Mac
So I'm gonna have to pass.
L186Mac
Really nice of you.
L187Tommy
He's playin' mind games, dude.
L190Tommy
What are we doin' here? Don't answer that.
L191Mac
It's a trick question.
L192Mac
He tries to get in your head.
L193Mac
It's a little game he plays.
L194Tommy
No, let let me answer the question.
L195Mac
See, we're at a free clinic, Tommy.
L196Mac
Charlie doesn't have health insurance.
L197Mac
See this lady back here? Take a look.
L198Mac
That's what you get when you don't have health insurance.
L199Tommy
I wanna go to the mall!
L200Mac
Keep your voice down.
L201Tommy
I wanna go to the mall!
L203Tommy
I wanna go to the mall!
L205Tommy
I wanna go to the
L206Mac
Stop your yelling.
L208Mac
He's biting my hand! He's biting my hand!
L213Mac
It's a child, not a choice.
L216Mac
I'll make sure he gets the message.
L220Mac
So I was having an argument with some friends the other day.
L222Mac
And I was wondering if you could help me out with some information.
L223Protestor
Are you interested in joining our cause?
L226Mac
Actually, just looking for some info on the Bible, Jesus, that kind of thing.
L227Protestor
Well, if you join our mailing list, the reverend
L228Mac
Okay, listen to me.
L229Mac
I don't really wanna join your little freak show.
L230Mac
Just looking for some information.
L231Mac
So if you could point me in the right direction, that'd be great.
L232Protestor
Well, we have some literature
L236Protestor
On the display back by the water cooler.
L241Megan
Oh, are you here to sign up for the rally?
L244Mac
Yeah, real excited about the rally.
L245Mac
We're gonna kick ass this time.
L246Mac
Well, I'm ready to kick somebody's ass, I'll tell you what.
L247Mac
I hate those bastards.
L249Megan
Uh, hate's a very strong word.
L251Mac
Yeah, well, let me tell you something, Megan.
L252Mac
I hate dead baby fetuses, you know? I hate them because they're dead, and they shouldn't be.
L253Mac
They should be alive, and they should be loved.
L255Megan
You just You seem really passionate.
L257Mac
More than you know.
L258Dennis
Nice kid, Charlie.
L259Dennis
What the hell do you think is wrong with that kid? You've gotta get that blood test, dude.
L261Tommy
No! Hey! Whoa, Tommy! No! No! No! No! Give me the stick! Give me the stick! Come on! This place sucks! I wanna go to the mall!
L262Dennis
We can't go to the mall, all right?
L263Tommy
Shut up! I'm the boss of you!
L264Dennis
You're not the boss of me!
L265Tommy
I am the boss! I wanna go to the mall!
L266Dennis
I'll show you who's the boss of who.
L267Tommy
Let's go to the mall!
L268Dennis
You wanna go to the mall?
L269Tommy
I wanna go to the mall! You could ask nice.
L270Dennis
Dennis, let's go.
L271Dennis
We're goin' to the mall.
L272Dennis
I'm not spending any more time with that kid.
L273Mac
Come on, dude! Fine.
L275Dee
Dee Dee, will you just Can we go to the mall? Will you drive me?
L276Dee
I guess, if Dennis watches the bar.
L284Dee
You are the one that's ugly! Charlie! Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30? Are you almost 30 years old?
L286Unknown
You have to buy me a toy!
L287Charlie
I don't have to buy you shit.
L288Unknown
If you don't buy me anything I'm gonna tell my mom you took me to a black people's house.
L290Dee
Wow! Oh, my God, that's racist.
L291Dee
What do you say to that?
L292Charlie
I don't say anything.
L293Dee
You still have to buy me a toy! Charlie, what in the hell are you gonna do if this kid's yours? Oh, I don't know.
L294Charlie
I'll probably, uh, kill myself.
L295Mac
Whoa! Isn't that your waitress from the coffee shop? Cool.
L303Mac
You've been in love with this girl forever.
L305Charlie
You know what? Come with me and pretend you're my girlfriend.
L306Charlie
It'll make her jealous.
L310Charlie
It's gonna work.
L314Charlie
Come stand next to me then.
L316Charlie
So she doesn't think I'm creepy.
L317Mac
Well, you are creepy.
L318Charlie
I realize this.
L319Charlie
That's why I need you.
L324Dee
Then we can grab him if you like him, okay? Hey.
L325Dee
Fancy seeing you here.
L327Waitress
Hello, Charlie.
L328Charlie
Buying toys, are you? Yeah.
L330Charlie
This is my, uh
L332Charlie
We're good friends.
L335Waitress
Is that cute little girl your
L336Dee
I'm her big sister.
L338Waitress
Hmm, that's weird.
L339Waitress
She looks Mexican.
L341Dee
It's the Big Sister program.
L342Dee
She's not my real little sister.
L343Waitress
That is such a coincidence.
L344Waitress
That's exactly what we're here doing.
L347Waitress
Do you see that, um adorable little guy over there? That's Charlie's little brother.
L352Dennis
You're involved in the program? Yeah! Well, that's I didn't know you were involved in the program.
L353Dennis
I love the program!
L354Mac
It's one of his favorite programs.
L356Dennis
I've I've been in the program since
L357Dennis
A long time now.
L358Dennis
I guess you're gonna be going to the picnic then at Fairmount Park.
L363Dennis
Are you there? Are you goin'? Are you gonna be there?
L364Unknown
I will be there on Saturday, yes.
L366Dennis
Maybe we'll see you there.
L368Dennis
Or you know what?
L369Dennis
Or maybe we could carpool.
L370Dennis
You know what I mean?
L371Unknown
Carpool? Yeah.
L373Dennis
Think about it.
L374Dennis
We'll save the environment.
L378Dennis
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
L379Dennis
You should do it.
L380Dennis
The kids will love it.
L381Charlie
The kids He loves Mexicans.
L391Dennis
Nice to meet you too.
L393Dennis
I gotta go get my little sister.
L397Dee
You're still pretty sweaty.
L398Protestor
Baby killer! Baby killer! Baby killer! You bastards are gonna burn in hell! Abortion is murder! It's a child, not a choice! Pro-choice is pro-death! Wow! Great rhetoric.
L400Dennis
Hey, you're really hard-core, aren't you? Oh, well, you know.
L401Dennis
I mean, if you really wanna see hard-core
L403Dennis
That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill.
L404Dennis
There's two already crossed out.
L406Dee
So you really had a good time, huh?
L408Dennis
We had a blast.
L410Dee
He didn't give you any problems?
L412Dennis
Not a single problem.
L413Dennis
Uh, listen, I was thinking maybe I could take him out this Saturday?
L416Dennis
I'd pick him up at, like, 8:00? You know, do the father-son thing.
L417Dennis
Are you all right? Is that gonna be okay? Because I could really use use him.
L420Dee
Is everything all right? I can't do this! Tommy's not your son.
L422Dee
RememberJimmy Doyle from high school? That son of a bitch is Tommy's real father.
L423Dee
He left me six months ago.
L424Dee
You know what a nightmare it's been since he left?
L426Dee
I can't raise Tommy alone.
L427Dennis
I don't care! You thought you'd just pawn your son off on me? What else? I thought I could find him a better role model than that piece of shit! Stop talking! Wait.
L429Dennis
God! All right.
L430Dee
So can I still take him out on Saturday?
L433Dennis
That's pretty thin.
L434Dennis
That might be too thin.
L437Dennis
Where you been?
L440Dennis
Are you still on this kick, dude?
L441Mac
Yeah, you know, Den I was thinking what you were saying the other day about the T-shirts with the stupid slogans on them.
L442Mac
And I was wondering what you think about this? Huh, bitch? Yeah! Is that stupid enough for you? You're not seriously wearing that, are you? You look ridiculous.
L443Dennis
Whatever, dude.
L444Dennis
You know, that's the problem with you antiabortionists.
L445Dennis
You cry about the sanctity of life, and then you wear a shirt like that.
L446Mac
I'm not listening to you.
L447Dennis
Aren't you right-wingers all about the death penalty too?
L448Dennis
Does that not involve killing somebody?
L449Mac
Right, right, right.
L450Dennis
And you liberals are against killing murderers.
L451Mac
But you're for killing innocent babies.
L452Dennis
That's interesting.
L454Dennis
We like to kill babies.
L455Mac
You guys are taking this way too seriously.
L456Mac
Den, you don't understand the week I've been having.
L457Mac
I met a girl at one of these organizations who is a freak.
L458Mac
She is the dirtiest chick I've met in my life.
L461Mac
You gotta come with me to one of these rallies.
L462Mac
They're having another one on Saturday.
L463Mac
These chicks are everywhere.
L464Dennis
I can jump on board with that.
L465Dennis
Yeah! Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid? I don't really have any convictions.
L466Mac
Where is this rally being held? Uh, Planned Parenthood, Bryn Mawr Medical Center.
L467Dennis
Well, I'm gonna go.
L468Dennis
At least one pro-choice voice is gonna be heard.
L469Mac
One? There was, like, tons of those chicks at the last one.
L470Dennis
Which side had more?
L471Mac
Oh, which one do you think? The one that cares about protecting women's bodies or the one that's run by the religious right? Probably the side you're goin' to.
L472Dennis
I'm gonna fight for the right to choose.
L473Mac
You're a scumbag, Dennis.
L474Dennis
Today's a big day for me, Tommy.
L475Dennis
Why? Well, today is probably the best chance I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl.
L476Dennis
So, uh, look at me for a second, pal.
L477Dennis
Okay, do me a favor.
L478Dennis
If you're good today, I'm gonna buy you anything that you want, anything in the world, all right? Oh, my God! I will smash your face into a into a jelly! Wrong key.
L479Dennis
Keep abortion legal! Keep abortion legal! Stop abortion now! Stop abortion now! This is crazy.
L481Dennis
People actually care about women's bodies.
L482Mac
You believe that? Yeah.
L483Dennis
I think Mac picked the wrong side.
L484Mac
There's, like, no dudes here.
L486Dennis
You know what? Uh, give me a second here.
L489Dennis
I like your look.
L490Unknown
Excuse me? I like the whole hippie thing.
L491Dennis
It really works for you.
L492Dee
Get lost, breeder.
L496Mac
I love the smell of protest in the morning.
L497Mac
What? I was quoting that movie, you know, Apocalypse Now.
L498Mac
"Napalm in the morning.
L500Charlie
Is that the new Mel Gibson movie?
L502Charlie
Did you see Passion of the Christ? I saw it 12 times.
L504Dee
You know, you really shouldn't joke about the Apocalypse.
L505Unknown
So just fill these out.
L506Unknown
We'll get your information in the mail.
L508Dennis
"Keep your laws" I like your T-shirt.
L511Unknown
Where do I sign?
L513Dennis
Love T-shirts like that.
L515Dennis
So, do you come to these kind of things often, or Are you hitting on me at an abortion rally? Yeah, I You know what? I think all these chicks are gay.
L516Dee
Yeah, I don't know that they're gay.
L517Dee
I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.
L518Dennis
That sucks for me.
L522Dennis
Uh, look, man, there's no talent over here.
L523Mac
What's the deal over there? Oh, yeah.
L524Mac
We're lookin' real good over here, bro.
L525Mac
What do you think?
L526Dennis
Hop the fence and come over.
L528Dennis
I'll see you in a second.
L530Unknown
All right, Megan.
L532Dennis
You are a genius.
L536Dennis
Uh, this side sucks.
L537Dennis
I'm gonna try my luck over there.
L538Dee
Are you kidding me?
L540Dee
Dennis, you are such a jackass! Excuse me.
L543Dee
Can I get by here? Thanks.
L544Dee
I just I really love that sign.
L545Dee
I wondered that so many times.
L546Mac
Hey, there's a guy on the fence.
L547Mac
Hey! Hey! They're coming after us!
L549Dennis
They're not coming after us.
L550Mac
I'll show you what we do to them.
L551Dennis
How's your aim? Pretty good.
L552Dennis
But I don't think that's such a good idea.
L555Mac
These people deserve this.
L557Mac
He looks like he deserves it.
L558Dennis
Maybe just one.
L559Mac
Oh! Ow! Yeah! Come on! Get your eggs, people!
L562Dee
Shit! They're throwing eggs!
L563Dee
They did this last time.
L566Mac
Hey, Dennis! How's the action over there, buddy?
L567Dennis
What? What the hell are you doing?
L568Dee
Oh! They're coming
L569Dee
Now they're coming back.
L572Mac
Hot chicks on that side, Dennis? You're gonna burn in hell! Stop! Stop! Stop! Hey, guess what.
L573Mac
I have a surprise for you.
L575Mac
It's a real miracle.
L577Mac
I'm pregnant! What? I'm pregnant! You gotta get an abortion.
L578Dennis
Megan, wait, wait, wait!
L579Megan
Stop talking to me! Well, listen, I just think our situation is different.
L580Dennis
How is our situation different?
L581Dennis
Well, because I didn't mean to get you pregnant.
L582Dennis
It was an accident.
L583Megan
You are so pathetic.
L584Dennis
You can't have this kid.
L585Megan
I'm way too young, and I have a little bit of an alcohol problem
L586Megan
Save it! I'm not pregnant!
L587Dennis
What? I'm not pregnant.
L589Megan
I just thought for, like, one second that you might be the one.
L590Megan
I just had to know for sure.
L591Dennis
Wait a second! So you're not pregnant?
L593Dennis
And this was a test?
L595Megan
And I failed? Have a nice life, asshole.
L596Dennis
No! Wait Wait Wait a second! Wait! Oh.
L597Dennis
Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
L598Mac
Where the hell have you been? You said 11:30, dude!
L599Charlie
I don't wanna talk about it.
L600Dennis
That waitress is picking me up any minute! I was ready to shut down the bar!
L601Mac
What is that kid doin' here?
L602Charlie
I'm taking him to the Big Brother-Big Sister thing.
L603Mac
Get him out of here, Charlie.
L604Dennis
I'm getting picked up any minute! Will you relax?
L605Mac
I told you, I don't want kids in the bar!
L606Dennis
Dude, what is up your ass?
L607Mac
You You are out! Whoa, dude! This kid reeks of booze! No, no, no, no, no.
L608Mac
Are you drunk? Don't be drunk.
L610Mac
How could you let this happen? I was the only one bartending! He must have been takin' sips out of people's beers.
L613Dennis
You can't give him coffee!
L614Mac
Let go of that! Let go of that!
L615Charlie
Get him out of here, Charlie! Charlie! Okay, here we go! Fresh air! Have a seat! Sit down! Fresh air!
L617Charlie
You suck, all right? Breathe it in.
L618Charlie
Fresh air now.
L619Kid
You suck and you have an ugly face!
L620Charlie
You suck! You have an ugly face, okay? You try and push people's buttons all the time! And you get in their head, and you drive them crazy!
L621Kid
Maybe that's why you don't have a dad anymore!
L623Dee
What are you doing?
L626Charlie
He's not drunk.
L628Charlie
You're not drunk.
L630Kid
I am drunk! You're not drunk! Stop saying that! He's fine.
L637Mac
I didn't recognize you without all your acne.
L639Mac
All right, listen, I need to talk to you about your kid.
L642Mac
Because your kid has serious emotional problems.
L645Mac
Maybe because you're not there as a father.
L647Mac
You're kidding me? This your little game?
L649Mac
This is what you're doin'? This is what you're doin' to me?