L1Dennis
You're being ridiculous.
L2Mac
He's a professional football player.
L3Dennis
I'm not talking about killing the guy.
L4Mac
I'm talking about going with a group and intimidate him, maybe break his arm.
L5Dennis
You can't break Tom Brady's arm.
L7Mac
No more Super Bowls for that pretty boy.
L9Dennis
Let me tell you something with absolute honesty and concern for your well-being.
L10Dennis
Tom Brady would kick your ass.
L11Dee
What the hell is that?
L12Dennis
Come on, who locked up last night?
L14Dennis
The kid needs to start paying attention.
L17Dee
I've never seen him before.
L18Dennis
Well, can you get him out of here? He stinks.
L20Dee
Oh, my Je Oh, my God.
L21Dennis
He shit his pants, Dee.
L22Dee
Oh, I don't wanna know that.
L23Charlie
I'm gonna poke him with this.
L25Mac
This isn't the American Legion.
L28Dennis
What's the matter?
L30Dennis
Well, poke him harder in his ribs.
L32Mac
Wake up! Holy shit.
L33Dee
That bitch is dead.
L34Dennis
This ought to do wonders for business.
L35Dennis
How could you let this happen, Charlie? What? It's not my fault.
L36Charlie
The guy orders one drink sits down, I don't see him again the rest of the night.
L37Dennis
What are we gonna do about this booth? There's piss and shit everywhere.
L38Charlie
All the death germs.
L39Dee
Plus, that guy was so old.
L40Dee
Old people are gross.
L42Charlie
I'll get the gasoline.
L43Dennis
We're not gonna burn it.
L45Charlie
You never let me burn anything.
L46Dee
Maybe we should close to fumigate or something.
L48Dennis
We can't do that.
L49Dennis
We can't let anybody know that this happened.
L50Dennis
We'll never live it down.
L51Dee
Are we gonna serve drinks today? I don't think the board of health will be too keen on that.
L53Dennis
Do you see any representatives from the board of health here? Let's clean up the mess and act like it never happened.
L54Dee
I'm not getting anywhere near that booth.
L56Charlie
I can't believe you guys are making me do this.
L57Dennis
I can't believe you left a dead guy in the bar overnight.
L58Charlie
So I guess we're even.
L62Dennis
Said he had a heart attack, not Ebola.
L63Dennis
Do you wanna do this?
L65Dennis
Then don't question my methods.
L66Dennis
Whoa, Charlie! Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop.
L68Dennis
We need to isolate the area.
L69Dennis
You're just gonna spread whatever parts of him decomposed overnight.
L71Mac
What, are you a scientist, dude?
L73Mac
That's, like, science talk.
L74Dennis
Science talk? What the hell is science talk? I'm sorry.
L79Rebecca Keane
I'm looking for the owner.
L82Mac
Actually, I'm the owner.
L83Dennis
I could help her out now.
L84Mac
We own it together.
L86Rebecca Keane
What can I help you with? My name is Rebecca Keane.
L87Rebecca Keane
I was notified that my grandfather died here last night.
L90Dennis
That's really horrible.
L91Mac
I'm sorry for your loss.
L92Rebecca Keane
I, uh I just wanted to see where he spent his last night.
L93Dennis
Hmm, that would be somewhere in this vicinity over here.
L95Rebecca Keane
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm okay.
L96Rebecca Keane
L I really didn't know him that well actually.
L97Rebecca Keane
But he didn't have any other family, so the police called me.
L98Dennis
Oh, that's so sad.
L100Rebecca Keane
I guess I was a little curious, you know.
L101Rebecca Keane
I mean, he's my grandfather.
L102Rebecca Keane
And I know nothing about him.
L104Mac
Well, he was a great man.
L105Rebecca Keane
Really? Yeah.
L106Mac
Yeah, just a very warm and gentle soul actually.
L107Rebecca Keane
So you knew him?
L108Dennis
Yeah, I wouldn't actually say that I knew him all that well.
L109Mac
I knew him pretty well.
L110Mac
Yeah, we got pretty close near the end there.
L111Rebecca Keane
Wow, really?
L112Dennis
I knew him too.
L113Dennis
L- I just meant I thought you meant more of a
L114Mac
He didn't know him as well as I did though.
L116Rebecca Keane
Well, listen, I should go.
L117Rebecca Keane
I have to get back to work.
L118Rebecca Keane
I just wanted to stop in.
L120Mac
Well, listen, if you ever wanna stop by, you know I could tell you some stories about your grandfather that you would not believe.
L121Dennis
L- I'll make myself available as well.
L122Mac
Don't worry about it.
L123Dennis
Yeah, any time.
L126Dennis
Yeah, of course.
L128Mac
What are you doing, dude?
L130Mac
You're totally blowing up my spot.
L131Dennis
I'm not blowing up your spot.
L132Mac
You can't just claim the girl for yourself.
L133Dennis
She's way out of your league anyway.
L134Mac
Out of my league? She's out of your league.
L135Dennis
I could get that chick.
L136Dee
Hey, guys! A man died here yesterday.
L137Dee
His family just abandoned him.
L138Dennis
Could we think about that for one second? Why the hell would we want to think about that?
L139Mac
Really depressing, Dee.
L140Dee
It just makes me think about Pop-Pop is all.
L141Dennis
Pop-Pop is an asshole, Sweet Dee.
L142Dennis
And I'm placing my bets that that girl's grandfather is an asshole too.
L143Dennis
People don't just abandon their parents for no good reason.
L144Mac
Dude, have you ever been to a nursing home? People abandon their parents all the time.
L145Mac
It's a sad, throwaway culture we live in.
L152Dee
Geez, your place is looking good.
L154Charlie
I've been doing some rearra rearranging.
L156Charlie
So you wanna have a seat?
L159Charlie
Have a seat, come on.
L160Dee
Listen, I wanted to ask you a favor.
L161Dee
Will you go to the nursing home with me to see my grandfather? Dennis won't go.
L162Charlie
Dennis won't go?
L165Dee
I know, and I haven't seen him since I was really little.
L166Dee
And he's stuck in that nursing home.
L167Dee
And I don't wanna wait until it's too late and then regret it.
L168Charlie
Why don't you just go by yourself? Uh, I have a little bit of a problem with old people.
L169Charlie
Sounds a little mean, but I find them kind of creepy and scary and gross.
L170Charlie
I think they're gross.
L171Charlie
It's their hands mostly.
L172Charlie
You know, how you can see right through them.
L173Charlie
They're all Their inside business is I'll tell you what.
L174Dee
I'll go with you but you have to let me borrow your car any time I want.
L176Dee
Every now and then.
L180Dee
And you have to take me to lunch
L181Dee
twice a week for a year.
L187Mac
I can get hot chicks, dude.
L188Dennis
Mac, don't embarrass yourself.
L189Dennis
I will always win in these circumstances.
L190Mac
You will not, dude.
L191Mac
She's coming over here to see me.
L192Dennis
She's coming to see you because you answered the phone, dude.
L193Mac
That's just semantics, bro.
L194Mac
You know, I have a real shot with this chick.
L195Dennis
You can't beat me here, okay? I will always win in these circumstances.
L196Mac
I will one-up you.
L197Dennis
I'm sharper than you.
L198Mac
You're not sharper.
L202Mac
Don't tell me to shut up.
L204Dennis
Is this a bad time? No, this is a great time.
L205Dennis
We were just We We were talking about your grandfather.
L206Dennis
Emotions are running very high around here today.
L207Dee
Yeah, it's been a difficult couple of days for me.
L208Dennis
Yeah, I try not to think about me though in circumstances like this.
L209Dennis
More importantly, how are you? You kind oflook like you're gonna pass out.
L210Dee
Charlie, I don't think I can do this.
L213Dee
You're gonna be fine.
L216Mac
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
L217Dennis
They have ears, all right? All right, listen to me, Dee.
L218Dennis
The slow and painful crawl to death is an inevitable part of life.
L219Dennis
So just embrace it, all right? Wait, wait, wait.
L220Dee
It's really creepy in here.
L221Dee
What is that very bad smell?
L222Dennis
Uh, it's probably urine and maybe some feces.
L223Dennis
17-D, right? This is your Pop-Pop's door.
L224Dennis
Just hold on a second.
L225Dee
What if he asks us to help him go to the bathroom?
L226Dennis
Are you kidding me? Come on.
L227Dennis
A lot of people lead perfectly normal lives in nursing homes.
L228Dee
Oh, Jesus! He doesn't even look like a real person.
L229Dee
Should we go wake him up?
L230Dennis
No! I don't know.
L232Dennis
No, we can't go.
L233Dennis
We came all the way down here.
L236Dennis
What? No, no, no, Dee.
L237Dennis
Do not leave me here alone.
L238Dennis
'Cause I can't Dennis.
L240Pop-Pop
Oh, this is awkward.
L241Pop-Pop
I'm I'm not Dennis, come here.
L242Pop-Pop
L- I've been waiting a long time for this moment, Dennis.
L244Pop-Pop
You have? Oh, yeah.
L245Pop-Pop
My only grandson finally come to see me.
L247Pop-Pop
My eyesight's not so good.
L248Pop-Pop
You're lot shorter than I thought you'd wind up.
L249Dennis
Yeah, well, you know.
L250Dennis
I'm actually still growin', so
L251Pop-Pop
You want some candy?
L254Pop-Pop
Eat the damn candy! Okay.
L256Pop-Pop
These people in here they've stolen everything from me.
L258Pop-Pop
Yeah, well, what do you expect from Jews, right, Dennis? Uh Jews.
L259Dennis
Um, maybe I should go and check on Dee, because No, leave her be.
L260Pop-Pop
I'm sure she'll be fine.
L261Pop-Pop
I'm an old man, Dennis.
L262Pop-Pop
And as you can see, I don't have much time left.
L263Pop-Pop
I need your help.
L265Dennis
Oh, no, no, no.
L266Dennis
I mean, I'm not very comfortable with that.
L267Dennis
First of all, I don't even know which one of these things I would unplug.
L268Pop-Pop
No, you idiot! I don't need you to kill me.
L269Pop-Pop
I need you to help me.
L272Pop-Pop
You probably don't know this because that bastard father of yours didn't tell you but I was a war hero.
L274Pop-Pop
I wanna be buried in my uniform.
L275Pop-Pop
And I don't trust any of these kikes in here to take care of that.
L276Pop-Pop
All the belongings from that part of my life are in a box at the Roxborough Storage Facility.
L277Pop-Pop
I need you to pick it up and bring it here.
L278Dennis
Oh, okay, sure.
L279Dennis
I could do that.
L280Pop-Pop
And I need you to keep it as a secret between you and me.
L282Dennis
So listen, I have a favor to ask you guys.
L286Dennis
You can talk to me, 'cause I get things done, so I'm in charge of putting together a memorial service for him but I can't seem to find anyone else who really knew him that well.
L288Dee
That might be difficult to do actually.
L289Dennis
It's not gonna be a problem.
L290Dennis
I knew a lot of his friends.
L293Dennis
But, uh, it might be hard to find "friends.
L294Dennis
" It's not gonna be hard for me.
L295Dee
That would be so amazing.
L296Dee
Would you like another drink?
L297Dennis
No, we're fine.
L298Dennis
I need your car.
L300Dennis
I wasn't really serious about that.
L306Dennis
Going back to see Pop-Pop.
L307Mac
What the hell you talking about? You're going to see my Pop-Pop without me?
L309Mac
You can't do that.
L311Mac
I'm the one who's supposed to feel better about myself.
L312Mac
I'm going with you.
L313Dennis
Oh, you can't actually, because it's just supposed to be me and him.
L314Mac
I want to see my Pop-Pop.
L317Mac
This is just goddamn shady.
L319Dennis
If you wanna back out now, be my guest.
L320Dennis
I'd be happy to take all the credit for this.
L321Mac
I'm not backing down.
L322Dennis
All right, all right.
L324Dennis
How would you like to make 20 bucks?
L326Dennis
Got some nicer clothes?
L336Dennis
I see you brought some of my grandfather's friends.
L337Dennis
He loved those guys.
L338Dennis
So I was wondering if maybe you guys could say something.
L339Dennis
You know, maybe tell a funny story about him or something.
L342Mac
Actually, I've got a little something prepared.
L344Dee
Mac, did you prepare Oh, no.
L347Dee
He's a terrible public speaker.
L348Dee
He gets really flustered and he clams up and his third-grade stutter comes back.
L350Dee
Oh, is that your phone?
L352Dennis
Gonna answer that?
L353Dennis
Well, I don't wanna be rude.
L354Dennis
Well, the ringer's going off in the middle of a funeral.
L355Dennis
It's gotta be pretty important, right? Excuse me.
L356Dennis
Charlie, what do you want?
L357Charlie
Mac, you gotta come to my apartment right now.
L359Mac
I'm in the middle of something.
L360Charlie
I don't care what you're doing.
L361Charlie
Get over here right now! It's an emergency! Fine.
L363Mac
It's an emergency.
L364Dennis
You gotta leave? That's a shame.
L365Dennis
So can I borrow your car, or what?
L366Dennis
You've been drinking.
L367Dennis
Uh He's a good guy.
L368Dennis
He's just got a bit of a drinking problem.
L370Charlie
It's Mac, dude.
L371Mac
This better be good.
L373Mac
This is unbelievable!
L374Charlie
I know that! There are, like, so many medals in there, dude! This guy was probably, like, king Nazi.
L375Mac
How is this even possible, Charlie?
L376Charlie
Oh, it's possible.
L377Charlie
They came on boats or whatever, but they're here.
L379Mac
This could just be collector's crap.
L384Mac
He looks exactly like Dennis.
L386Charlie
All right, so here's the deal.
L387Charlie
He wants me to take all this shit to him so he can be, like, buried in it or something.
L388Mac
Buried in it? Screw that old bitch.
L390Mac
Let him die and burn in hell, right? Let's sell this shit on eBay.
L391Charlie
No, I thought about that though.
L392Charlie
I think it's, like illegal, or maybe a little bit immoral.
L393Mac
We could sell it to a museum.
L394Mac
I could live with that.
L396Dennis
As we all know, Lionel could be a bit of a curmudgeon.
L397Dennis
But he had the heart of a lion.
L398Dennis
I'll tell you a story about him.
L399Dennis
It was Christmas Eve last year and, uh I was at Lionel's house, making him dinner.
L400Dennis
And we got to talking about the spirit of giving.
L401Dennis
And I said, "Lionel, why are we just talking about it? Let's put the spirit into action.
L402Dennis
Let's go down to the mission.
L403Dennis
" Lionel said, "Great.
L404Dennis
That's a great idea, Dennis.
L405Dennis
" So we did, we went down there.
L406Dennis
And not only did we feed every last poor, miserable, precious soul but we washed the feet of every man, woman and child there in the spirit of Christ.
L407Dennis
And that was Lionel.
L409Dennis
Lionel the lion.
L410Dennis
Sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting.
L411Museum Curator
Not a problem at all.
L412Museum Curator
How can I help you?
L413Dennis
We are going to make your day today, sir.
L414Museum Curator
Is that right?
L415Dennis
We've gotten our hands on a "little something" that we like to think is an important part of human history and needs to be in this museum.
L416Dennis
Mac, if you will.
L417Museum Curator
What in the hell is that? This, my friend, is an authentic Nazi officer's uniform circa 1942.
L418Dennis
Notice the stitching and fine attention to detail.
L419Museum Curator
Where did you get this? Let's just say it found its way to us and leave it at that, shall we? Okay.
L420Museum Curator
I find this offensive for so many reasons.
L421Museum Curator
I'm guessing you acquired this through illegal means.
L422Museum Curator
For me to take this from you would be an extension of that.
L423Museum Curator
And secondly, that you would expect it would "make my day" assumes that I'm interested in profiting off the murder of millions of innocent people.
L424Museum Curator
How much will you give us for it? Nothing.
L425Museum Curator
Nothing, or I plan to call the police the minute you guys leave my office.
L427Pop-Pop
Deandra? What are you doing here? Where's Dennis? Oh, um, I just came by myself.
L429Pop-Pop
Well, do you know where Dennis is? He was supposed to be here hours ago.
L431Dee
Pop-Pop, it's just me.
L432Dee
I thought that you and I could spend some time together so I brought a couple books that I could read to you.
L434Pop-Pop
Come here and sit down.
L436Pop-Pop
No, why don't you come closer so I can get a good look at you?
L437Pop-Pop
Come here, come here.
L438Dee
Okay, that's fine.
L439Pop-Pop
Sure, sure, sure.
L442Pop-Pop
A little closer.
L444Pop-Pop
Come on, come on.
L445Pop-Pop
Come here, come here.
L446Pop-Pop
Oh, now I remember how beautiful you are.
L447Pop-Pop
And look at these wrinkled old hands against your young face.
L448Pop-Pop
Oh, and and these teeth.
L450Pop-Pop
Look how straight and white.
L451Dee
Is there a bathroom around here? Yeah.
L452Pop-Pop
Right down the hall.
L453Mac
We're doing the right thing here, man.
L455Charlie
But it just seems like a waste of a perfectly good Nazi uniform.
L457Mac
If we sell it, we run the risk of going to jail.
L458Mac
And if we keep it, we don't get anything, so we may as well burn it.
L460Charlie
I mean, it is always fun to burn things.
L463Mac
And we probably shouldn't let Dennis know about his grandfather anyway.
L465Mac
It might just screw with his head.
L466Mac
Yeah, get it going.
L471Charlie
Auf Wiedersehen, my friend.
L474Mac
So it's all in there, right?
L476Mac
You didn't keep anything, or
L485Dennis
What's up? What you burning?
L488Dennis
Do you wanna hear what happened with that girl?
L490Charlie
No, I don't, dude.
L491Dennis
No? Oh, come on.
L492Dennis
I don't care about what happened.
L493Dennis
Of course you care.
L494Mac
I don't wanna hear it, Dennis.
L497Dennis
You know what, bro? I'm sorry.
L499Dennis
Okay? I give up.
L501Dennis
You're the better man.
L502Mac
You don't give up.
L503Dennis
See, I won fair and square.
L504Dennis
We went head-to-head and I came out the better man, just as I predicted I would.
L505Dennis
So we went back to her house and we made sweet, passionate love.
L509Mac
You You must be really proud of yourself.
L511Dennis
Your grandfather's a Nazi.
L512Charlie
Who's your neighbor? I'm your neighbor.
L513Charlie
But let me ask you a couple questions.
L514Dennis
Go ahead, shoot.
L516Charlie
Who lives in this here hole?
L518Charlie
That big brown hole.
L519Dennis
Oh, I'm inside that hole.
L520Charlie
Dozen Rangers in there too.