L2Dennis
You didn't do that on purpose.
L3Dennis
Otherwise that would have been a great shot.
L7Dee
What? "Christopher Murray, a teacher at St.
L8Dee
Vincent's Elementary has been accused of sexually abusing two former students.
L11Mac
Vincent's? That's that school you went to, right, Mac?
L12Mac
Yeah, me and Charlie.
L13Dee
What else does it say? "Murray has been the physical education teacher and boys' basketball coach for 25 years.
L14Dee
" Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
L16Dee
"The accusers are two brothers whose names are being withheld "but the investigation will focus on the mid-1980s "as the time period for alleged abuse.
L17Dee
The police are hoping more young men will come forward.
L20Dennis
That's horrible.
L21Dennis
Did this guy teach you guys?
L25Mac
We were in the same class.
L28Charlie
Well, no, I didn't like it though.
L29Dennis
What the hell are you talking about?
L30Charlie
I didn't like that class.
L32Charlie
I gotta go! Holy shit.
L33Dennis
Charlie got molested.
L34Mac
When dealing with molestation, the first step is always understanding.
L35Mac
So we need to take a moment and assess the situation.
L36Dennis
Write this down.
L38Dennis
First of all, we can't sit around and let him wallow in it.
L39Mac
And second of all, the first step is acknowledgment.
L40Dennis
So I better write that down.
L43Dee
Whoa! What, guys What the hell are you guys talking about? Sweet Dee and I took psychology at Penn, so let the grown-ups talk.
L46Dennis
I think we need to have an intervention.
L47Dennis
You know, bring his friends and family together for support.
L48Mac
Yeah, that's a good idea.
L49Dennis
Let's tell everybody Charlie knows that he got blown by a gym teacher.
L50Dennis
Then we'll throw him a little surprise party, celebrate the occasion.
L51Dee
Okay, you know what? You being a smartass not helping Charlie.
L52Mac
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
L53Mac
Who said anything about getting blown? The article didn't specify what type of abuse it was.
L54Mac
It could have been anything.
L55Dennis
Yeah, but do you think he got blown?
L57Dennis
Yeah, you know? Probably got blown.
L58Dennis
Which is why I think you need to reconsider my idea.
L60Dennis
You know what? Stop.
L62Dennis
We need to clarify something here.
L63Dennis
Do you think that Murray blew these guys? Why are you so obsessed with the blowing aspect of all this? Because I knew these two brothers that the article was talking about.
L64Mac
The McPoyle twins Ryan and Liam.
L65Mac
Okay? They were the type of kids that would blow snot bubbles and rub 'em over each other.
L66Mac
They were gross, and they smelled like a couple of unwiped assholes.
L67Mac
So what? Well, if Murray is, like, fondling or touching them, whatever I get it, all right? But if he's dishing out blow jobs, come on.
L68Dennis
I just don't understand.
L69Dennis
What do you not get?
L70Mac
What are you talking about?
L71Mac
You're not getting this? I was in that class with them, all right? I was with those guys!
L72Dee
Um, are you okay, dude?
L75Dee
How come you're getting so upset? The police are asking for more young men to come forward.
L76Mac
That means there are more guys out there who've been blown.
L77Dee
What are you looking for?
L79Mac
I have photographs.
L81Dee
You have photographs of it?
L83Dee
Listen, are you trying to say that you got molested? Okay, look at this.
L84Mac
Look at this guy, huh? I was cute.
L87Mac
I mean, what exactly was this prick looking for?
L89Mac
Sorry? If the McPoyles got blown and Charlie got blown then why didn't I get blown?
L90Dee
You're goin' to hell, dude.
L92Mac
Yo! McPoyle! Hey, open up! Hey, Charlie.
L94McPoyle
What do you want?
L95Mac
Is your brother here, man? I gotta talk to you guys.
L101Mac
I need to talk to you guys.
L107Mac
I'm not gonna walk in front of you! Go.
L109Mac
No, you go first, and I will follow you.
L110McPoyle
Shut the door.
L111Mac
I will shut the door.
L113Dee
That was really weird.
L115Dee
Well, this confirms it.
L116Dee
He definitely got molested.
L118Mac
We gotta get in there.
L119Dee
Get We gotta get in there?
L121Dee
You can't just thrust yourself in the position of caregiver like that.
L122Mac
"Caregiver"? Why are you throwing around big words?
L123Dee
I actually majored in psych, so
L124Mac
You failed all your classes.
L126Mac
I had a minor, and I passed all mine.
L127Mac
Well, you know what? Three-quarters of a major is bigger than a whole minor.
L128Dee
I don't even know how to respond to that.
L129Mac
That doesn't surprise me.
L130Dee
Well, it shouldn't because what you said is really dumb, you know.
L131Mac
That's a good one.
L135Mac
I felt good about it.
L136McPoyle
So did you want a beverage of some kind?
L137Mac
No! Where's your brother? We just stepped out of the shower.
L138McPoyle
He'll be down in a minute.
L139Mac
Listen, you guys can't go
L140Mac
Did you just say "we"?
L141Dennis
What? Did you just say, "We just stepped out of the shower"? I said "he.
L145Dennis
I heard about the Coach Murray thing.
L146Dennis
You guys cannot go to the police and say that he molested you.
L148Dennis
Because he didn't molest you! That's true, but he's a dick, and we hated him.
L149Dennis
This is our chance for revenge.
L151Dennis
No! I think you do.
L152Dennis
Hello, Charlie.
L154Dennis
I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news recently but there are millions to be made here, my friend.
L155Mac
Oh, sure, there's the classic route of priest molestation but we thought we'd mix it up a bit.
L156Dennis
We're going after the whole damn school board.
L157Dennis
If you want in on the team, we could probably get a nice class-action suit going.
L159Charlie
Okay, first of all, there are people out there who actually have been molested.
L160Charlie
And you guys are gonna exploit that for your own personal gain? You assholes are securing your place in hell.
L161Dennis
We thought about it.
L162Mac
We're willing to roll the dice.
L163Charlie
I won't let you do it.
L164Charlie
I'm gonna call the cops.
L165Dennis
Oh, no, you won't, Charlie.
L166Charlie
Oh, yes, I will.
L167Dennis
Oh, my friend, I'm afraid not.
L169Dennis
We'll tell the cops the whole thing was your idea.
L170Mac
We should tell the cops that that fat dickhead gym teacher we had in junior high molested us and just sue the shit out of him!
L171Dennis
L I was joking.
L172Mac
Really? I'm not joking though.
L175Mac
I wouldn't even joke about something like that.
L179Dennis
We'd hate to have to put this whole thing on your shoulders.
L181Dennis
So you're gonna have to keep your mouth shut.
L182Dennis
You don't have to join us, but if anyone asks you point-blank Your ass got molested.
L183Dennis
Otherwise, we're talking conspiracy charges.
L184Dennis
And prison can be a bad place for someone like you, Charlie.
L185Dennis
A very bad place.
L186Dee
Soon as Charlie comes out, we gotta grab him, take him back to the bar get him liquored up and tell him, "We know you got molested.
L187Dennis
" Gonna have to disagree with you, Sis.
L188Dee
I think we need to ease him into it.
L190Dee
Okay, you know what? Dr.
L191Dee
Gainer used to say that in situations like this Dr.
L192Dennis
Gainer? That guy was an idiot.
L195Dee
Talk about molesters.
L197Dee
He didn't molest me.
L198Dee
I had sex with him 'cause I wanted to.
L199Dennis
You had sex with Dr.
L202Dennis
No, you had Oh!
L203Dee
He was a hot older man.
L205Dee
You know what? You have no room to talk.
L206Dee
All the girls you've molested.
L208Dennis
Don't start throwing that word around like it's meaningless, okay?
L209Dennis
This is serious.
L214Mac
Hey, Coach Murray!
L215Mac
Yeah? It's me Mac! I don't know what this shit is all about.
L216Mac
One day the cops just roll into my classroom and they haul me out of there.
L217Mac
And they did it right in front of my kids too.
L220Coach Murray
Molestation? I mean, please! I got so much ass back in those days.
L221Mac
What the hell did I need that kind of shit for? God, man, I hear you.
L222Coach Murray
So much ass, it was like Whew.
L223Coach Murray
Oh, and you know what, to tell you the truth? I don't even remember who these assholes are that are accusing me.
L224Coach Murray
Nothing special there, right?
L226Coach Murray
Nothing special.
L227Mac
You know, Coach, I've been working out a lot since grammar school.
L228Coach Murray
Good for you, son.
L229Mac
Yeah, it's good for you, right? You know when you get real tight, like, right up in here in this area here?
L230Mac
You know what I mean?
L233Mac
Like right in here.
L234Coach Murray
What are you doing? What do you want me to do? All right.
L237Coach Murray
That's a good shot, bud.
L238Coach Murray
Hey, tell me something, man.
L239Coach Murray
What's been going on with you lately?
L240Coach Murray
You just seem
L241Charlie
You know, um, I'm just distracted.
L242Coach Murray
Is that why you ran out of the bar the other day? No.
L244Charlie
I was I had some stuff I needed to do.
L245Charlie
It just popped in my head.
L246Coach Murray
Yeah, well, that's understandable.
L247Coach Murray
We've all got things that we have to do.
L249Coach Murray
What you running from, Charlie? What?
L250Dennis
Dee, could you grab me a beer?
L251Dee
Grab one yourself.
L252Dee
I'm right in the middle of a game.
L253Dennis
Your game isn't working.
L255Dennis
Let me play the game the way I want to play it.
L256Dennis
Your way is dumb, and it's not working.
L257Dee
Then we'll play your game.
L258Dennis
It's not gonna get the results we want.
L259Dennis
You're playing a game for children, and it's not working.
L260Dee
Charlie's not a baby.
L261Dennis
Charlie! Great.
L263Dennis
Good job, Dennis.
L265Dee
How are you gonna put this on me? You messed it up!
L267Dennis
We have to push him! Push him? You're pushing him away.
L268Dennis
Now he knows something's up.
L270Mac
Good? Guys, I have good news! I've been reading up on the subject of pedophilia.
L271Mac
It turns out that it isn't about sex after all.
L273Mac
So, the assailant doesn't go after the one he finds most attractive this guy.
L274Mac
He goes after the weakest he can find.
L276Dennis
That is good news.
L278Dennis
What is wrong with you?
L280Mac
You're not following.
L281Mac
If Murray was looking for the weakest he could find, it wouldn't have been Charlie.
L283Mac
Because Charlie was a bit of a psychopath.
L284Mac
When he got excited, his face would turn purple and he'd start biting things.
L285Mac
I don't think Murray would've put his dick anywhere near him.
L286Dee
What about the McPoyle brothers?
L287Mac
They were prime real estate.
L288Mac
I'm sure he went to town on them.
L289Dee
What's your point? Charlie didn't get molested.
L292Mac
I'm sure he didn't.
L294Mac
I'm sure he didn't.
L296Dennis
Leave this to the two people that are qualified to deal with the situation.
L297Dennis
It is cute that you did some research and got four books though.
L300Dennis
You know what? We tried it your little tippy-toe pussy way.
L301Dennis
That failed miserably.
L302Dee
So now why don't we try something that will work? Look, I just want to say that I think this is a terrible approach.
L303Dennis
You know how I already know that? 'Cause you keep saying it.
L304Dee
I keep saying it because it is.
L305Dennis
I'm sorry you're wrong about stuff all the time.
L306Dee
I'm sorry that you're sorry all the time.
L308Dee
That doesn't make any sense.
L310Mrs. Kelly
Well, hello, Dennis!
L313Mrs. Kelly
Don't you look so handsome!
L314Mrs. Kelly
And, Dee, so beautiful.
L317Dennis
I'm sorry we had to stop by like this, but we really need to talk to you about something.
L319Dennis
It's about Charlie.
L320Mrs. Kelly
Oh, I can't believe this! I just can't believe it! Though I have to admit, it does explain a lot about him.
L321Dennis
Yes, we were thinking the same thing.
L324Mrs. Kelly
Be strong, Bonnie.
L325Mrs. Kelly
Be strong for your little gingerbread man.
L326Mrs. Kelly
Now is not the time for an episode.
L328Mrs. Kelly
I'm fine! So, what do you need from me? Hello? Ma? In here, Charlie! Hey, I got your message.
L329Charlie
You sounded kinda funny.
L330Mrs. Kelly
Come on back, honey.
L331Charlie
Is everything all right? Hello, Charlie.
L332Charlie
Mom? Grandma? UncleJack? What's What's everybody doing here? Well, we've all gathered here at the request of your friends.
L335Uncle Jack
Hello, Charles.
L336Uncle Jack
L I don't exactly know how one of these things are supposed to go.
L337Uncle Jack
But we understand that there's been some abuse.
L338Uncle Jack
These two boys have been strong enough to admit what happened and we thank you for that.
L339Uncle Jack
Just hope that that man goes away for a long, long time.
L340Uncle Jack
Prison can be a bad place for a guy like that.
L341Uncle Jack
Very bad place.
L342Uncle Jack
Now, we're not exactly sure how this thing is supposed to go.
L343Uncle Jack
But your friends have been helping us out on a couple of key points.
L344Uncle Jack
Now? Okay, Charlie, show us on the doll.
L345Charlie
Show you what?
L346Uncle Jack
Where he touched you.
L348Charlie
Shall I turn it over? Yeah, turn her over.
L352Dennis
I think that went well.
L353Dennis
You did a wonderful job, Charlie.
L354Dennis
I really think they bought it.
L357Dee
I gotta say, my favorite part was at the end there when we were all hugging and my sister screamed and told everyone that I touched her vagina.
L358Dennis
Yeah! So, Charlie where to? Oh, well, I was thinking we should, uh, zip down to the police station file an official report.
L359Charlie
I gotta do it sometime, right?
L360Dennis
That's the spirit.
L361Mac
Let's get it on the books.
L363Charlie
I'd like to, uh, speak to a detective, please.
L365Charlie
Charlie Kelly.
L366Charlie
And what is this in reference to? Sodomy.
L368Police Officer
Uh, take a seat.
L369Police Officer
Someone will be right with you.
L370Dennis
You're doing the right thing, Charlie.
L371Dennis
The American school system's been oppressing people for years.
L372Mac
It's about time we start doing a little oppressing ourselves.
L373Dennis
That doesn't make sense.
L375Dennis
How are we oppressing anything? You need to think before you speak.
L377Police Officer
Charlie Kelly? Oh.
L379Charlie
Uh, I'll be right back.
L380Dennis
Have a good time.
L381Dennis
Twenty-five million is a lot of clams.
L383Dennis
Charlie's gonna want something.
L384Mac
How 'bout Charlie? Yeah.
L385Dennis
He'll want some.
L386Dennis
He's not gonna get some.
L387Mac
We could always split it 50-50-50.
L388Dennis
You even hear what you're saying? Your gums are bleeding.
L391Charlie
I just ratted you out.
L392Detective
Can I see you two boys for a minute, please?
L393Dennis
So you're not gonna get in any trouble at all?
L395Charlie
No, not really.
L396Dennis
And since the McPoyles are gonna plead guilty, I'm off the hook completely.
L399Mac
Was he saying that the intervention worked?
L400Dennis
No, I don't think that's what he's saying.
L401Mac
What are you talking about? It was the final push Charlie needed.
L402Dennis
Turns out three-quarters of a major not so bad after all.
L403Dennis
And the best part of it, actually, for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I've been molested.
L404Dennis
So, in a way, my life is ruined.
L405Dennis
In the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office and cry and cry and cry and drink for a while.
L406Mac
Emotional release.
L407Dennis
Another giant step forward.
L408Dennis
My God, we're good.
L412Mac
I mean, so I just want to apologize again for the other day.
L413Coach
It's all right, Mac.
L414Coach
Don't worry about it.
L415Coach
Awkward, right? You know what? You were a good student at school.
L416Coach
You got potential.
L417Coach
Just put that in your pocket.
L418Mac
Really? You mean that?
L421Dennis
That's all I really needed to hear.
L423Dennis
That is so great for me.
L424Mac
Hey, say hi to those folks for me.
L428Charlie
That little prick's goin' to hell.