# GilmoreGirls-S04E03
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s04e03

You know what's great|about you going off to college? My newfound independence? No.
 My new batch|of youth-oriented catalogs.
 For example, where on earth could I put this fabulous purple-flowered rug? It's so young and cool,|but doesn't really go with my room, so My room.
 The matching beanbag chair|arrives next week.
 I love it when you miss me.
 It's not that.
|It's just since you've been gone I finally realized how the living room|stayed so clean.
 - What do you think?|- It works.
 - Thank you.
|- You're welcome.
 Sookie sent marshmallow cookies Luke sent muffins and I got you a copy of|the "Stars Hollow Gazette.
 " You don't have to bring that.
 I subscribed.
 You subscribed to|the "Stars Hollow Gazette?" The editor does not subscribe to|the "Stars Hollow Gazette.
 " - I don't want to get cut off from the town.
|- That's very sweet of you.
 Want to grab some coffee|before I head back? - Can't.
|- Why? - It's shopping week.
|- Isn't it always? The first week of school|is called shopping week.
 You get to try as many classes|as you want before you pick the ones|you want to stick with.
 I picked over 50 classes|I'm gonna try out plus another 10 I'm gonna squeeze in|if I have time.
 They all sound completely amazing.
|I stayed up all night reading the class subscriptions|over and over.
 You do know|that if you weren't so pretty you would've had|the crap kicked out of you every day.
 - Walk me out?|- Because you need the protection.
 What time is your first class? You know, soon.
 What? You're not gonna rush to your first class|and get there an hour early? - No.
|- You are.
 - I am not.
|- When you started elementary school you told me the teacher wanted|to meet all the parents at 6:30 and when we got there,|the school wasn't open yet.
 - I did that once.
|- No, you got away with it once.
 - You tried it every year.
|- I'm not gonna be early.
 If you took all the time|you wasted being early for things - What?|- My mother was here.
 - What?|- My mother.
 She was here.
 I can feel it.
 Grandma hasn't been here.
 - Smell that?|- Smell what? The room.
|It smells like guilt and Chanel No.
 5.
 - I'm telling you, you're wrong.
|- You put the coffee table like that? No.
 I have three other roommates.
|One of them probably did it.
 Three roommates?|When did the other one come? - Last night.
 Her name's Janet.
|- What's she like? - She jogs.
 Come on, let's go.
|- You seriously don't smell that? We can get one cup of coffee,|then I have to get to class.
 - I knew you were early.
|- I'm not that early.
 Freshmen.
 - Sign and date.
|- Signing and dating.
 Do you have your last check stub? Yeah.
 Here.
 Remember that? Income.
 Those were the days.
 Okay, my hand is cramping,|and I'm done signing now.
 Sookie, can you hand me|that screwdriver? Hey, tomorrow we have to meet|with Ted Oldaman and get our liability insurance instated|before we can break ground on the inn.
 That reminds me Tom sent over|the initial proposal for the work.
 - How much?|- I'll tell you later.
 - When?|- After you blow.
 Come on.
 Once you have the baby,|then you can have the cow.
 Okay, I think I got it.
 - Is it really that much?|- Here, I'm going in the nursery.
 It's $20,000 more than we thought.
 $20,000? That sucks.
 - I got the chimney report back.
|- Shoot.
 - Hello?|- What is that? Jackson.
 He's trying to hook up|the house's central sound system to the baby monitor.
 I'm in the baby's room.
 I repeat, I am in the baby's room.
|Copy that? This is probably the cutest creepy thing|he has done yet.
 Can anyone hear me?|I repeat.
 Can anyone hear me? - Yes, Jackson!|- You're supposed to use the walkie-talkie.
 Roger, Jackson.
|We're receiving some feedback.
 I repeat, we're receiving some feed- - Hello? Sookie?|- Jackson, I'm receiving feed- Do you hear me? Sookie? Yes, I can hear you.
 Sookie, just tell me if you can hear me.
 Jackson, I can hear I can hear you just fine! This system's gonna work great.
 Why aren't you using the walkie-talkie? - It's not working.
|- Here.
 - You know, I have a thought.
|- Yes? Well, obviously it's gonna take some time to get|the inn up and running, right? And until we do we have absolutely no money|coming in whatsoever.
 So it's a happy thought.
 What do you think about starting|a catering company? - A catering company?|- Yeah.
 You could plan the events,|decorations, themes, and I can cook.
 It wouldn't be for very long,|just until the baby came.
 - Yes, but-|- Okay, here.
 Sookie, I'm not really a party planner.
|I've never done that.
 What are you talking about? You put on all those beautiful weddings|at the inn.
 And the conventions.
|The men in the hats and the buttons.
 Yes, but I had a staff at the inn,|and I had resources.
 Come on.
|It'll be so fun to work together again.
 - Just think about it.
|- Fine, I'll think about it.
 Good.
 How long do I have to think about it? - About a week.
|- Sookie.
 Helen Thompson's son, Aaron,|is having a birthday party and she asked me to cater.
 I suggested that you plan it.
|She thought it was a fabulous idea.
 So she offered us the job,|and I just took it.
 It's Thursday.
 She wanted to do it|on Aaron's actual birthday.
 I thought that was so sweet.
|Helen's like that, you know? Yes, I know.
 I can call her right now and tell her no,|if that's what you want.
 I mean it.
 You say the word, and it's off.
 Maybe we could just try this one,|just to see if you like it.
 Maybe.
 Okay, Sookie,|can you hear me now? Hello.
 Jackson, I can hear you.
 - Use the monitor!|- Sorry! - Russian economics sucks.
|- I will make a note.
 Tanna? - Tanna.
|- What? - Where did this come from?|- What? This.
 The furniture,|the couch, the chairs, the rug.
 I don't know.
|It must have been here when I got back.
 Hello? I was going to wait until you called me,|but my life isn't as long as yours.
 - Did you sit on the couch?|- The couch? I didn't want to get it too soft, I knew you'd be studying there and watching|television and you'd need a little support.
 You did this? Of course I did it.
|My granddaughter's a Yalie now.
 She needs to live like a Yalie.
 But how? When? I snuck in yesterday|when you were in classes just to measure to make sure|everything would fit.
 Then I had to butter up|your dippy freshman counselor so she'd let the movers in.
 Did you look in|the entertainment center yet? No.
 That's a plasma TV with|a VCR and a DVD player.
 There's also a five-CD changer|and a turntable and the whole thing is wired|in 5.
1 Surround Sound.
 I have no idea what that means,|but the man who installed it said to get Pink Floyd's|Dark Side of the Moon.
 It's supposed to be amazing.
 Grandma, this is all really sweet,|but I have roommates.
 This might make them|a little uncomfortable.
 Uncomfortable about what? This is a common room.
|It is common to all of us.
 There are four of us|who live here together.
 The common room, it's|what we all have in common.
 Just show them how to use the remote.
|They'll be fine with everything.
 Grandma, I worry|that by you giving me all these things it kind of makes it my room.
 - Exactly.
|- What? Never underestimate the value of|the upper hand, Rory.
 You are in the real world now.
|Status matters.
 Your grandfather|and I are very proud of you.
 Enjoy the furniture.
|We'll see you on Friday.
 Okay, see you Friday.
 My grandmother broke into our room|and furnished it.
 Did she put that fireplace in, too? No, Tanna, the fireplace was always Why don't we take a little tour of|the place, okay? Great! They burnt my fries,|forgot to give me extra BBQ sauce the Jeep is making|a crunchy sound again and I gotta spend my evening making|elf ears for Aaron's "Lord of the Rings" party.
 Grandma broke in to my dorm|and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture|and stereo equipment.
 You win.
 It's unbelievable.
|You should see this place.
 I feel like I'm in Uday's house.
 Okay, tell me the whole story.
 I came home,|and all the normal furniture was gone and all this stuff was in here.
 What did your roommates say? Tanna doesn't know she's at Yale,|Paris saw it and said nothing.
 So that's coming.
 Janet's jogging.
|I don't know what she thinks but I have to hope she's pleased 'cause the girl's in shape|and can kick my butt.
 Make sure something she likes is|on TV when she gets home.
 Something soothing to runners.
 Maybe something|that goes in a circle over and over.
 This is bad.
|This is a totaI invasion of privacy.
 I know.
 She didn't even ask.
|She got rid of everything that was here.
 What if some furniture belonged|to someone who wanted it? I don't know what she was thinking.
 She was thinking, "Rory's life, mine.
 "Must cover with chenille.
 " I can't believe she did this.
 - Yes, you can.
|- Excuse me? Come on, it's my mother.
|It's Emily Gilmore.
 This is what she does.
 You've seen her pull stunts|like this on me before.
 That was you.
 I said when you borrowed money from her,|this is what you'd get.
 - I can't believe you're gloating.
|- I'm not.
 I'm just saying,|when you sleep with dogs you wake up|with an entertainment center.
 So what do I do? You could say,|"Grandma, this furniture is very nice.
 "I appreciate the gesture,|but this is a dorm room "and I cannot guarantee|that the other people "will love it as much as I do.
 "I worry about expensive equipment|getting stolen "and it's just too much right now.
 " - That sounds good.
|- Okay.
 Then my mother will say,|"Rory, your grandfather "and I are paying for you to go to Yale.
 "We are enabling you to have|this rarefied education "you're being ungrateful|and small-minded, and I resent it.
 "I am hurt on a leveI|you won't understand "until you yourself have a daughter|or a granddaughter "who will cut your heart out|the way you've just cut mine out "and I hope that small veneer|of independence "that you've extracted from this incident "is worth the total alienation|of the grandparents "who have done nothing but love you|and thought of you only.
 " Or I could keep the furniture.
 Yes, you could.
 This is great.
 Hon, seriously, if you feeI strongly,|say something.
 I just want you to be prepared, that's all.
 I know.
 Take heart in knowing,|when it comes to controlling a person my mother targeted my soul,|my independence and my entire future,|and at least with you she threw in an ottoman.
 Emily? I'm home.
 I keep wanting to give this room|a little spruce but for the life of me every one of these fabrics|gives me a headache.
 - What do you think of this one?|- It's fine.
 That's just the sort of enthusiasm|I was looking for.
 Emily, you have excellent taste.
 I'm sure whichever one you pick|will look lovely.
 - Do you need some ice?|- No.
 A taller glass.
 - You sound tired.
|- It's been a very long day.
 You know, some men retire.
 Yes, and some men tattoo|their mothers' names on their biceps.
 I don't think the two are|necessarily linked.
 I'm fine, Emily.
 I just need a drink and a nice meal,|and I'll be good as new.
 You got a call from Jason Stiles today.
 Digger Stiles? What did he want? - To talk to you.
|- I have nothing to say to him.
 He might have something|interesting to tell you.
 What? That the turncoat company|I used to work for is cutting my pension? The stock they gave me when|they unceremoniously forced me out has been rescinded? Yes.
 That, or hello.
 He's probably been sent to do|his father's dirty work.
 It's not enough to fire me.
 They have to continue to harass me|now that I'm gone.
 I thought you always liked Digger.
 Yes, I liked Digger|when he was fetching my coffee.
 I liked Digger when he was refilling|my stapler.
 But I do not like Digger now that he is his father's heir apparent|and sent to annoy me.
 I certainly don't understand|why you defend him.
 I'm not defending him.
 - If you don't want to return his call, don't.
|- Thank you.
 I invited him over tomorrow.
|You can find out what he wants then.
 You did what? He was absolutely insistent|that he talk to you.
 - Why would you do that?|- It was the polite thing to do.
 If you don't want him|to come over, I have his number.
 You may call and disinvite him.
|It's up to you.
 Fine, he can come over,|but he's not staying for a drink.
 He can come in and deliver|his message and then leave.
 Whatever you say.
 That's it.
 No drink, no handshake, nothing.
 I'll even hide the liquor bottles|so he doesn't get any bright ideas.
 It's really comforting to|have such a supportive wife in times like these.
 I'm so glad.
 - Did you hear?|- Hear what? The first party of the year|is going to be on our floor.
 Technically, it's to celebrate|the first week of classes but I'm anticipating the themes|quickly degenerating to: "Walking works, let's drink.
 " The important thing is that the first party|is going to be on our floor.
 - Our floor.
|- Yes, our floor.
 The way it works is|that anyone who wants to be a part of the party|will just leave their door open so people can just wander in and out.
 - What do you think?|- About what? Leaving our door open? It's the perfect opportunity|to solidify our social standing at Yale.
 It'll guarantee invitations|to every other party thrown this year and we'll get our faces in people's heads.
 I don't know.
 What don't you know?|I've explained it all to you.
 I'm not sure I want to leave our door open|to strangers.
 They won't be strangers|once they come in and say howdy.
 I'm not sure how I'll feel that night.
 - I might be tired.
|- For God's sake, Grandpa, you're 18.
 Sleep when you're dead.
 We can still go to the party.
 We can meet people,|you can solidify your social status get your face in people's heads,|and I can bail when I want.
 Going isn't the same.
 Going is passive.
 Opening your door,|you are giving the party.
 You're responsible for the fun.
|People owe you.
 - Don't you want people to owe you?|- I'm good, actually.
 Sure, you're good.
 You're fine.
 After all, you have all this fancy furniture|and a big TV to lord over people.
 It's the rest of us who are screwed.
 The ones whose grandparents|hadn't thought to provide suck-up furniture.
 - This is not suck-up furniture.
|- You're being selfish.
 You don't care about anybody|but yourself.
 No.
 I hate college! Okay, we've got costumes,|cutouts, rings, ladies and gentlemen we've got fairy necklaces, tree heads.
 I'm picking up|table decorations tomorrow.
 Do you need me to order|a "Lord of the Rings" cake? - The cake is under control.
|- Okay, cake's off my list.
 - So you've got the menu going, right?|- Yes.
 Festive kiddie food like bagel dogs,|Tater Tots, mini pizzas, mac and cheese.
 You know what would be great?|Those colored popcorn balls.
 - Rory used to go mental over those things.
|- How many adults are gonna be there? - Probably about 10.
|- Okay.
 - Hi.
|- Hey.
 Okay, so I've scoured the entire store,|and here's what we got.
 Hit me.
 Horn of Gondor, Legolas' bow, and a cape.
 Cape for who? There are 4,000 people|in that movie who wear capes.
 - Wow, you're crabby.
|- I wore a bracelet to school today.
 My parents were called.
 There was a special service in chapel,|and I've been ordered to a soul-searching seminar next week.
 I'll be sitting between|the nail-polish-wearing girl and the spicy-condiment user.
 - I'm sorry.
|- That's okay.
 Leave the horn, the bow, and the bill.
 Right.
 - Hello?|- I need to talk to you about Rory.
 Paris? She's not adjusting well.
|I'm concerned about her.
 The socialization process in college is|vitally important.
 The connections we make|can last a lifetime.
 They can alter our future.
|That's how important they are.
 It must be tempting to|emotionally stunt your daughter so she'll return home, take care of you in your old age,|but don't you want better for her? Paris, did something happen|between you and Rory? She won't open the door for the party.
 There's a party on our floor,|if you open your door you get to be a part of it,|but she won't open it because she's busy|being Heidi's grandfather.
 - If you were a real mother-|- Paris, you called my mother? - You wouldn't listen to me.
|- Give me that phone.
 - Hello?|- Hi, honey, how's school? I'm rooming with a Stephen King novel.
 What's she talking about? Just some ridiculous party.
|I don't want to let a million strangers traipse through my room,|so she's having a meltdown.
 - Sorry she bothered you.
|- That's okay.
 I'm gonna kill her.
 Remember, you cut off one head,|she'll grow another.
 Tell me about the party.
 It's just a first-week-of-class kind of thing.
 - You going?|- Maybe.
 It might not be such a bad idea to get to know the people|in your building see who's gonna have|the emergency Pop-Tarts on hand.
 - I'll get to know them.
|- A party might be a fun way to do it.
 Are you telling me to let Paris|open the door to the world? I'm not telling you anything.
 I want to make sure|that at the end of four years you've not only read|every book in the library you've also had some fun.
 I will have fun.
 I can see you the night of the party|holing up in your room with a book the entire evening.
 You know when I do that,|I'm not hiding.
 I enjoy it.
 And I'm making friends.
|You saw me make friends.
 I know, but I'm not just talking|about making friends.
 I'm talking about experiencing things.
 Parties, football games,|protests, barn burnings.
 Very big amongst the kids these days.
 Those are all experiences.
 Maybe dumb experiences,|but you never know when you're accidentally gonna|stumble across something that could be something.
 Fine, I'll open the door.
 - Yes.
|- This isn't for you! Like I care about the reason.
 - You might have fun.
|- Yeah.
 - Call me later.
|- If I don't, I'm sure Paris will.
 - Tell her thanks for me.
|- I will not! - What do you think?|- What is that? You said I could borrow something to|wear to the party.
 Yeah, I did, but that's my Chilton uniform.
 My mom probably threw it in for a joke.
 It's my high-school uniform.
|I wore it every day to You know,|there's a tie in there that goes with it.
 Okay, I've scoped out|the other open rooms and no one seems to have copped|a clear identity yet which leaves the field wide open.
|What should we be? We've got a lot of seating,|so we could be the make-out room.
 We could crank the stereo up,|push the furniture aside and be the dance room.
 Or we could throw down some towels|and be the keg room.
 I don't want an identity.
|You already made me open the door.
 We're the open-door room.
 That's it.
 How about some low lighting|and some candles? The meaningful-conversation room.
 - No themes.
|- No one knows me here, Rory.
 Do you understand what that means?|It means I can start all over.
 I can wipe out the last 18 years and introduce people|to the new Paris Geller.
 The fun Paris Geller.
 I just want everything to be|different this year, that's all.
 - One candle.
|- Thank you.
 - No, seriously, give me the ring.
|- No way.
 - $5.
|- No.
 - Just let me hold it.
|- Forget it.
 Come on.
 I promise I'll give it right back,|my precious.
 - I mean, Roger.
|- You're crazy.
 What? You're the one|with the pointy ears, my friend.
 Here we go.
 I'd like you to meet Redmond|and Riley James.
 Redmond, Riley, nice to meet you.
|I'm Julie, your cruise director.
 I'm here to help you with your costumes.
 - I want to be Legolas.
|- I want to be Gimli.
 - I want to be Gimli, too.
|- Two Gimlis coming up.
 - Lorelai, my hood is loose.
|- Her name's Julie, stupid.
 No, it's not, retard.
 She just told us her name was Julie.
 - She's our cruise director.
|- What's a cruise director? - I don't know, but you fart with your face.
|- Love, guys.
 Love, okay? "Lord of the Rings" is all about the love.
 No.
 It's about the destruction|of all mankind.
 And who doesn't love that?|You're fixed.
 Go play.
 Lovingly.
 Lorelei, some of the kids|are asking for swords.
 - Did you bring swords?|- No, I didn't.
 The Raymonds.
 I forgot we made up.
 - Will you excuse me?|- Absolutely.
 Riley said only boy hobbits|can travel to Mount Doom.
 Is that true? In the movie, only boy hobbits|travel to Mount Doom but that's only because|the girls went to do - something even more dangerous.
|- What? Have you ever heard of|a Brazilian bikini wax? - Lorelei.
|- Great, you're here.
 So girls go on adventures, too? - And they go in heels.
|- Good.
 - Are Rawley and Cheech here?|- They've been chopping for an hour.
 Perfect.
 There is a full house, isn't there? - You have enough costumes?|- We're good.
 The screen's up, tables are set,|and four kids are crying so we're right on schedule.
 I better get in the kitchen.
 All right, because it's coming up|on elevenses and the hobbits are hungry, right? Right! I'm going.
 - Who wants a sword?|- Me! Jason Stiles, look at you.
 Look at you.
 I've just got a trainer.
 You have cheated God.
 One minute|and you're already starting with flattery.
 - I apologize.
 It is lovely to see you, Emily.
|- It's lovely to see you also.
 - Did you sell your soul to the devil or-|- How's your mother? - She's exactly the same.
|- And her horses? Have a better life than I do.
 - Well, Richard is in his study.
|- I would expect no less.
 Come in.
 - Richard, there's someone here to see you.
|- Hello, Richard.
 I appreciate you taking the time to do this.
 I'll leave you two alone.
 - Jason, say goodbye before you leave.
|- I'll do that.
 - So, how have you been?|- Fine.
 - May I sit?|- Your choice.
 I hear your business is going well.
 You hear correctly.
 No reason for it not to be going well.
|You were always the best.
 Is that what you came here to tell me how competent I was at my job? Nope, I came here|to make you a proposition.
 - Go ahead and make it.
|- I want to be your partner.
 - Excuse me?|- I want to join forces with you.
 You know, put a desk in your office,|get a copy of the key maybe snag some of that fancy stationery|to write on.
 - You're not serious.
|- I'm prepared to buy my way in.
 I am also prepared to bring|all of my current clients and that should be appealing to you even if sharing an office|and parting with stationery is not.
 Think about it.
 I'd make your company|an instant contender with my youth and clients|and your reputation and respectability.
 It's a pretty interesting package,|don't you think? - You want to become my partner?|- Yes.
 You want to pay me|and bring a whole slew of high-paying clients with you? You keep leaving out the stationery.
 Thank you for coming, Jason.
 - Is something wrong?|- Yes, something's wrong.
 I don't appreciate you wasting my time.
 I didn't know that I was.
 Am I such a joke to you|that you feel you can take my time away- I assure you, you were no joke.
 You were the best|my father's company ever had.
 You're right.
|I was the best the company had and now I am the best competition|they will ever have.
 Not yet.
 But with me, you could be.
 Why would you think|I'd believe you were serious about this? When was the last time I stuck|a whoopee cushion on your chair? Your father started the company.
|He made the company.
 - With you.
|- You've been there since you were a kid.
 All the way through Harvard|you worked there.
 You're groomed to take|that company over and now you're telling me|you want to leave? - Yes.
|- Why? Because I want to do|something on my own.
 I want to work someplace|that hasn't known me since I was 6.
 I'd like to get through an entire day|without being called Digger.
 And I really want to piss off my dad.
 - You what?|- Can you imagine his face? No, really, take a moment.
 Picture it.
 I walk into his office.
 He's sitting|in his enormous red-leather chair.
 I say, "Dad, I am leaving.
 "I am taking all of my high-paying clients|with me.
 "I'm getting into business|with Richard Gilmore "the man you forced out to|make room for me.
 " Can you see that face? - I can see it.
|- It's a pretty good face, isn't it? It is rather satisfying.
 So what do you say? You hate your father that much? I don't hate him.
|I just don't want to be him.
 Jason, would you care|to join me for a drink? Gladly.
 Emily, Jason's going to join us for a drink.
 He is? How nice.
 Would you mind if I borrowed your phone? - No.
 You can use the one in my study.
|- Thank you.
 I'll be right out.
 So, I see your meeting went well.
 It was actually very interesting.
|He wants to be my business partner.
 What? What about his father|and his company? He wants to leave.
|He wants to work with the best.
 - Good for Digger.
|- I always did like that boy.
 - So what did you say?|- I told him I would have to think about it.
 I mean, it's not as if I need anyone|working with me.
 Things are going very well.
|I'm building a solid client base.
 It would be nice for you|not to have to work so hard.
 - I don't mind hard work, Emily.
|- I know you don't mind it.
 I just said it would be nice|if you didn't have to do it.
 - Jason's a very nice boy.
|- Yes, he is.
 He is a very nice boy.
 What are you doing? - I'm getting the tables ready.
|- They were ready.
 - No, ready for the food.
|- They were ready for the food.
 - No, they weren't.
|- Yes, they were.
 I set them myself.
 - But where were the tablecloths?|- Right here.
 There.
 - They're paper.
|- Yes, they are.
 There's monsters on them.
 They're "Lord of the Rings" characters,|which is appropriate since this is a "Lord of the Rings" party.
 - So this is the table?|- Yes.
 - And the paper cups and plates?|- All there on purpose.
 - Thought you put them for the kids to see.
|- And use.
 But the chafing dish looks so much better|on the white tablecloth.
 You shouldn't have|a chafing dish out here.
 Why not? A chafing dish has a candle,|and a candle has a flame a kid could stick his finger in|and get hurt.
 Isn't that how they learn? - Let's heat things up in the kitchen.
|- Fine.
 You made Brie.
 With lavender honey|and bourbon-sugared pecans.
 I thought it would go nicely|with the crudités platter.
 - Tell me you made food for the kids.
|- I did make food for the kids.
 These kids.
 Not the Romanov kids.
 I just put these in case|anyone over the age of 10 gets hungry.
 - There are parents, too, you know.
|- I know.
 Parents whose responsibility|it would be to keep their kid from hitting another kid or putting their fingers|under a chafing dish.
 - Sookie.
|- Fine.
 Having a good time?|I'm Paris Geller, Suite 5.
 It's open.
 It's got a candle.
|Perfect for some deep conversation.
 Prepare two to five subjects to discuss so that the conversation|doesn't lag and totally ruin the vibe.
 Party on.
 I did a survey of all the rooms,|and by far, ours is the best.
 Three is way too cluttered.
|Four has developed a weird smell.
 Two was a contender|until I started telling everyone that the girl who lives there|was wait-listed.
 I'm gonna get out there and mingle.
|This is a great party.
 - Rory!|- My God! Madeline, Louise,|what are you doing here? Party, baby.
 I thought you were supposed|to be at Mills.
 No more Mills? Mills went bye-bye before|I unpacked my shoes.
 - She's hanging out at Tulane with me.
|- I love New Orleans.
 - I am so Southern.
|- What are you doing here? We found out where|all the first-week parties were.
 - We're making the rounds.
|- We hit Harvard next.
 - That's where my boyfriend goes.
|- You're dating a Harvard man? - He's gonna be a writer.
|- He hopes.
 Right now,|he's freaked that "The Simpsons " will be off the air by the time|he graduates.
 Good to see you guys.
|Paris is around here somewhere.
 Hope she's in back of that guy there|because that's where I'm heading.
 - We'll be back.
|- Good luck.
 Rory Gilmore.
 - Are you Rory Gilmore?|- Yes, I'm Rory Gilmore.
 - Rory, what can we do with that?|- Ro-ro? - A last name can help.
|- Ro-gil? - Gil-roy?|- What are you doing? Giving you a nick.
 - Do I know you?|- We get so ahead of ourselves.
 I'm Kick.
 I'm Mickey.
|Your grandmother told us to look you up.
 - My grandmother?|- She's tight with our mom, D-A-R darling.
 When she heard we were going to Yale,|she laid down the law.
 - Ensure you fell in with the right crowd.
|- Which would be us.
 We never settled on a nickname.
 I think we're still trying|the last-first combo.
 I appreciate you seeking me out,|and it was nice meeting you but I actually have to go|find my roommate.
 - Do you have a middle name?|- Yes, that might help.
 - What's your birthday?|- Astrological nickname.
 Very in.
 Seating.
 Great fabric.
 - This is the furniture Emily bought.
|- That woman does have taste.
 - I wish she'd talk to Mom.
|- Then we wouldn't have to.
 - Did Mom tell you about Christmas?|- Yes.
 Hawaii.
 Can't even imagine|what was going through her mind.
 Walt Disney can't imagine|what was going through her mind.
 You want the guy|that pumps your gas voting? That is what America is about.
 - What ignorance.
|- You're the ignorant one.
 I had a terrible dream the other night that everything they say|about sunscreen is true.
 - I have had that dream.
|- I don't think I'm having fun.
 - Party's not over yet.
|- What's with the Gabor sisters? - Friends with my grandmother.
|- Great.
 Everybody has a group but me.
 What are you talking about? Janet's a runner, so she'll automatically|be in the jock group.
 Tanna's a freak,|so she'll be in the John Nash group.
 You've got your grandmother's|obligation friends.
 I'm stuck over there listening to|a bad talk-radio session.
 This sucks.
 We could kick everyone out|and just go to bed.
 No.
 I'll just have to try a little harder.
|I'm determined.
 Things are going to be different this year.
 Pierce my ear.
 Okay, everybody out, now!|This room is closed.
 Take your gross beer and your inane conversations|somewhere else.
 Move! What's going on? Looks like my roommate's|kicking everybody out.
 Bim and bim, up.
 Let's move, now.
 Sorry.
 She's my roommate.
|What can I do? Call me.
 Lorelei, some of the kids are starting|to get hungry.
 I think we should have the food|ready to go - the minute the movie's over.
|- I agree.
 I'll get right on that.
 Helen wants us to put the food on.
 - One step ahead of you.
|- Good.
 So, what do we have here? A little lemon-garlic aioli|for the blanched veggies.
 You think I should put|the assorted charcuteries - on this table or this one?|- It depends.
 - Which one is the kids' table?|- There are no designated tables.
 - I'm mixing and matching here.
|- Okay.
 Perfect.
 Right here.
 - Hello, gorgeous.
 What's your name?|- Oh, boy.
 I'm hungry.
 - Would you like some gravlax?|- Some what? - Sookie, where's the kids' food?|- Okay, you need to relax.
 I haven't put the kids' food out yet.
 You wouldn't let me use|the chafing dishes and I didn't want the food to get cold.
 What did you just do? You just stuck that carrot in your mouth|and then put it back on the platter.
 - Why would you do that?|- It tastes like diapers.
 - It does not taste like diapers.
|- Honey, go sit down.
 - I'll call you when dinner's ready.
|- You take it back.
 Okay.
 Come on.
 What are you doing? - Where is it?|- Where is what? The food that doesn't taste like diapers? - You mean the kids' food?|- Yes.
 Did you make any? - I'm not stupid.
|- I never said you're stupid.
 I booked this gig.
|I'm the one who came to you and said: "You want to cater a kids' party with me?" Here's the children's food for|the children's birthday party, okay? - What is that?|- It's macaroni and cheese.
 It's green.
 Why is it green? Because I made it|with a jalapeño-chipotle cream sauce.
 - Kids aren't gonna eat this.
|- When they try it- - They won't try it.
|- Why not? - Because it's green.
|- You haven't even offered it to them yet.
 - They may surprise you.
|- Where is the rest of it? - The rest of what?|- The rest of the kid food.
 - This is it.
|- Sookie.
 - They're small.
 How much can they eat?|- We talked about this.
 I mentioned hot dogs|and pizza puffs and chips.
 I told you to make popcorn balls.
|Where the hell are the popcorn balls? You were serious about that? Oh, my God! Is that the cake? Of course it's the cake.
 You think I would go|to a birthday party without a cake? What kind of cake is it, Sookie? Chocolate with a rum-raisin,|tropical-fruit ganache.
 Okay.
 Cheech? Here.
 Go to Doose's and get five boxes of frozen mini pizzas|and five boxes of those pigs in a blanket and all the chips you can find.
 Go to Westin's, get dozens of cupcakes and have Mamie give you a couple|of big bags of jimmies.
 - Chocolate, rainbow, whatever.
|- What are you doing? We'll have them decorate|their own cupcakes.
 They'll love it.
 Okay, go.
 We're going to serve them cupcakes? Maybe they have something to|tide them over for a little while.
 - I'm talking here.
|- I know.
 Just relax.
 It's gonna be fine.
 I know it's gonna be fine,|I've been cooking all week long.
 I made four different cakes|before choosing that particular one.
 - So, yeah, I know it's gonna be fine.
|- But the kids won't eat that.
 I'm getting tired of you telling me|what the kids won't eat.
 You are supposed to plan the party,|and I'm to do the cooking.
 - That's the arrangement.
|- But you have to think about the client.
 I am thinking about the client.
|That cake is incredible.
 Not if you're an 8-year-old.
 - How do you know?|- I had an 8-year-old she hung out with other 8-year-olds my taste now is not that different|from an 8-year-old.
 You can't just walk in and take over.
 That's not the arrangement.
|You're not in charge here.
 - We're partners.
|- I know that.
 I'm a great chef.
 A great chef does not have|the client decorate his own cupcakes.
 - Can I have a juice box?|- We're talking! What's the matter with her? Is she sick? Why is her mouth open? - Lorelei, look at her face.
|- Hi, honey.
 There's your juice.
 It's grape.
 Do you like grape? Me, too.
 It makes your tongue all purple.
 Take your juice and go watch the rest|of the movie, all right? You look very nice in your costume.
 Okay, Sookie, I didn't mean|to just take over like that.
 I felt a crisis coming on,|so I snapped into problem-solving mode, and I didn't think.
 - I can't do this.
|- Yes, you can.
 We just need to be clearer|on the menu next time.
 No, not this.
 This.
 - Isn't it a little late?|- You saw me with that little girl.
 - And her face.
 I made that face.
|- You were upset.
 This is not right.
 This is all wrong.
 I don't want to be pregnant anymore.
 What are you gonna do? Walk it off? Sookie.
 Where are you going? A child is not a duvet cover.
 You can't just take it back|if it doesn't like you.
 Luckily, duvet covers notoriously|like whoever they go home with.
 They're like golden retrievers.
 You know what happens|if kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair.
|They brain you with a bat.
 They set fire to the house|and blame the neighbors.
 You can't have kids or live next to them.
 I don't know how to talk to them,|how to feed them I cover their party cloths,|and set their fingers on fire.
 Just this once.
 I make them eat|jalapeño-chipotle cream sauce.
 - I'm Mommy Dearest.
|- Back in the kitchen.
 No, I can't go back.
|I've got hummus in there.
 - Come on.
|- God knows what I'll do with it.
 Rawley, could you just go make sure|the kids have enough soda? Okay.
 You just have to calm down.
 - I can't have it.
|- Yes, you can.
 No, I can't.
 I'm gonna fail.
 Get it out.
 Stop.
 Breathe.
 Drink.
 Everything's gonna be fine.
 Kids don't like me,|and I'm not so sure I like them.
 You'll like your kid.
 At family gatherings,|when everyone goes to the living room gathers around, watches the kids? I read.
 Jackson's sister has a little girl,|6 years old.
 She likes to get up in front of the family|and sing Mariah Carey songs.
 I heckle.
 I have no desire to play with them.
|Easter egg hunts bore me.
 I have never borrowed the neighbor's kid|to look after for the afternoon.
 Good.
 That's called kidnapping.
 "Come on, Jackson, let's have a baby.
 "I want to be a mommy.
 " I'm pathetic.
 - You're not pathetic.
|- I'm gonna be a bad mother.
 I should not be a parent.
 Sookie, look at me.
 There are many people in this world|who should not have been parents.
 Mr.
 And Mrs.
 Hitler, for example.
 The Bin Ladens could have|just watched TV that night.
 Richard and Emily might have|taken a pass at procreating.
 You, no way.
 You're gonna be a great parent.
 - Yeah?|- Yeah.
 - How do you know?|- Because I know you and I watched you with Rory|when she was growing up.
 - Who could not like Rory?|- You're gonna be amazing.
 That little boy of yours is very lucky.
 Okay.
 It is gonna be okay.
 Yeah.
 Okay.
 - I'm really okay.
|- Yeah.
 - Someone threw up on the table.
|- Oh, God.
 I'm okay.
|I'm just gonna go over there and be - Okay.
|- Good idea.
 - Hi.
|- Hi.
 I'm on the floor.
 - You were sleeping.
|- I have no clothes on.
 No, you don't.
 I'm on the floor, I have no clothes on|and you're a girl.
 - So I must be|- On the wrong floor.
 Oh, boy.
 - Where's your room?|- I think up.
 Are we on the first floor? - Yes.
|- Then up.
 - Any idea how long I've been here?|- No.
 So you have no idea how many people|have walked by while I - Sorry.
|- Great.
 Now for the rest of my time at Yale,|I'm gonna be "the naked guy.
 " - I'm sorry.
|- And you know what's really great? Tomorrow, when|"the naked guy" nickname starts spreading around campus|like wildfire I'm gonna be in my third hour|of throwing up.
 It's been really quiet out here|for a while now so there's a chance that no one but me|has actually seen you yet.
 - Yeah?|- I promise I won't say anything.
 And if there's a chance|that you could refrain from being naked again|in the wrong hallway at the next party there's a chance you might get|a completely different nickname like "the never-naked guy.
 " - You're a very kind person.
|- Wait.
 Hold on.
 You can borrow this.
 Thanks.
 Weren't you in|my Japanese fiction class today? - Yeah, that's right.
|- I thought so.
 Hi, I'm Marty.
 Rory.
 - I won't remember that tomorrow.
|- That's perfectly understandable.
 I should probably try|and find my room and my pants.
 - That's where I kept my keys.
|- So pants first.
 Right.
 Pants first.
 Night.
 I'm officially stupider than my brother.
 I never thought that would happen.
 Hi.
 - I decided I'm going to do it.
|- To do what? I'm going to go in there and I'm going to tell Grandma|that she's going to butt out of my life.
 Can I? Just checking.
 So you have soberly decided|to confront my mother? Yes.
 - You sure you want to do this?|- Yes.
 - All right, then I support you 100%.
|- Thank you.
 - Wait for the right moment.
|- The right moment is now.
 The right moment arrived in a big pink hat|full of feathers screaming: "Notice me because I am here! " Well, if it was wearing a hat.
 - There they are.
|- Hi, Mom.
 Come in.
 I tell you, this day has been|an absolute circus.
 I misplaced every single thing I needed.
 My grocery list,|my ticket for the shoe repair.
 It was a nightmare.
|What will you girls have? Wait for the moment.
 Grandma, I have to talk to you|about something.
 Yes, Rory, what is it? I have an announcement.
 I am going into business with Jason Stiles.
 Who? - You've met him, the Stiles boy.
|- Digger.
 Nobody's called him Digger|in years, Lorelei.
 Yes, I just got off the phone.
 We're going to get together later|and hash out the details.
 Richard, that is wonderful.
 I didn't know you were looking|for a partner.
 He wasn't.
 Jason came to him.
 Right.
 He said he wanted to strike out|on his own he wanted to work with the best,|and he wanted to screw over his father.
 - What?|- Excuse me, Rory.
 You never told me about this.
 I was a bit surprised at the beginning but I have to admit that when he told me that part of his motive was revenge,|I was intrigued.
 No, I was tickled.
|I thought it was wonderful.
 What a wonderful world we live in|that the son of my enemy hates his father,|and that I benefit from it all.
 It's downright Elizabethan.
 I don't think this is very funny, Richard.
 No, I suppose not.
|However, I can't stop smiling.
 I don't think you should go|into business with this boy.
 - Now, Emily.
|- He's obviously very troubled.
 You don't need to hand over|your business to a troubled youth.
 He's 37 years old.
 Yes.
 And all he can think about is|how to get back at his father.
 - I don't understand that kind of thinking.
|- You know Floyd.
 He's horrible.
 He is the boy's father.
 He raised him.
 He clothed him.
 He fed him.
 He does not deserve to be paid back|for all of his love and devotion like this.
 - Why are you so upset?|- I don't want to talk about it anymore.
 - Emily, be reasonable.
|- I never liked that Digger in the first place.
 Emily, come back here.
 It wasn't the right moment.
 I was about to, and Grandpa came in,|he interrupted and now Grandma's mad,|so I'm sorry if it seems to you like I chickened out, but I didn't,|and now it's just gonna have to wait.
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