# GilmoreGirls-S04E04
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s04e04

- Crap!|- What's going on? Is it the smoke detector? Are we on fire? - Not the smoke detector, it's the alarm!|- What alarm? - Our alarm.
|- We don't have an alarm.
 Then we have really angry rats.
 - Did you cut your hair?|- I just trimmed it.
 You didn't tell me|you were cutting your hair.
 It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
 A spur-of-the-moment "Let's not tell|my mother I'm pulling a G.
I.
 Jane"? Are we seriously gonna have|this conversation now during the air raid? - You're right.
 Come on.
|- What are we doing? I figured out that there is|a motion detector and if you stand over here,|it can't see you and it calms down.
 - Great, so what now?|- We wait.
 Why didn't you tell me you|were getting your hair cut? - It's just a trim.
|- To the Braille Institute, it's just a trim.
 - Do you like it?|- Will you put it back if I don't? - Yes, I like it.
|- Thank you.
 Thank God.
 - Feels good when it's over.
|- This is crazy.
 When did we get an alarm? Apparently, Kirk has recently joined the|Stars Hollow Security Company.
 No.
 And now that I'm|the pretty spinster living all alone he's concerned for my safety.
 Did he tell you all this? You think I labeled myself|"the pretty spinster"? - What did you say?|- I haven't talked to him face-to-face.
 I come home to this and there was|a note and his card and his gun.
 And then when I called|the alarm-response center to complain about the alarm,|no one answered.
 I had to leave a message with Meg.
|She sweeps up.
 I can't even believe there's a|security company in Stars Hollow.
 - Nothing ever happens here.
|- That's not true.
 Plenty happens here.
 - Like what?|- Like, people now break into your houses - and install alarm systems.
|- I heard about that.
 - We have a new mail carrier.
|- We do? If you want your mail,|you have to go see Miss Patty.
 - Why?|- 'Cause that's where he brings it.
 He brings Babette's mail to Andrew,|Norma's mail to the deli and Taylor still hasn't found his,|which, I admit, is fun.
 I rescind my previous statement.
|This place is hopping.
 - So, did you eat yet?|- Nope.
 I thought I'd let you feed me.
 Sure.
 I can feed you but I can't know|if you're getting your hair cut.
 I'll never do anything again|without telling you.
 Happy? I don't know.
 I'm finding|this guilt thing rather satisfying.
 No, where are you going?|Why did you do that? - I was gonna get my laundry!|- You made it mad! - I didn't mean to!|- Back in the corner! Back in the corner! No place like home! Yeah.
 - Mom?|- Follow the Post-its.
 Does our life seem at all ridiculous to you? I spent all morning|carefully tracking that motion detector.
 What an excellent use of your time.
 We're good as long as|we stay on the path.
 - So I should follow the Yellow Stick Road?|- We'll be here all week.
 Try the veal.
 - Stop.
|- What? - Read.
|- Crouch down and hop.
 Come on.
 The motion-detector beam|at the top of the staircase dips very low over there.
 You seriously want me|to crouch down and hop? Like a little hunchbacked bunny.
 You know, I had decided|that if I ever went to therapy I was gonna leave you out of it, but now- Okay, you can stand up.
 Did you at least call|the stupid security company again? Yes.
 Meg sends her love.
 Don't worry,|I'll stop by on my way to the inn.
 What are your plans today,|Persis Khambatta? Today, I'm going to do nothing but hang out in town, read, veg drink coffee,|and have the perfect Stars Hollow day.
 Look out.
 I get to go over to the inn|and hear a contractor laugh at me every time I say,|"That won't cost too much more, right?" - Enjoy.
|- Late lunch at Luke's? You're on.
 So which way do I go? Just follow the Post-its.
 But they're going|in two different directions.
 - They are?|- Look.
 I must have kicked some|out of the way by accident.
 - Which one do I take?|- Which one looks more intentional? - No Post-it path looks intentional.
|- I'm drawing a complete blank.
 - You seriously don't remember?|- Sorry.
 How are we supposed|to get out of our house? I hate Kirk.
 - What's going on?|- I'm just setting things up for tomorrow.
 - Tomorrow-|- Heads up! - What's-|- I think you may need to move.
 Yeah, I kind of got that.
|Excuse me.
 What's tomorrow? Tons of tulle|so that everything looks like frosting.
 She's our only daughter.
 Frost the town.
 Now, where should we put the poster?|I want to make sure everybody sees it.
 - What about next to the cake?|- Yes, next to the cake.
 I'm so proud of her.
 - Lane?|- Rory.
 Have you heard of a phone?|As my friend it is your responsibility to use it to call me and tell me|my ex-boyfriend's wedding is on Sunday - so I'm not accidentally in it.
|- What? I was sitting out in the gazebo, reading and this guy almost brains me|with a stack of tablecloths.
 That's right.
 They're having the reception|in the town square.
 Yes, and Lindsay was out there,|holding a giant picture of her with Dean.
 - Did she see you?|- I don't think so.
 - I do a good idiot run when I need to.
|- I'm sorry.
 I meant to tell you.
 I didn't know|you were coming home this weekend.
 It totally slipped my mind.
|Things have been so crazy.
 I just figured I'd tell you when we talked,|then we didn't.
 I'm sorry.
 Can you hold on for a sec? - Not cool, Lane.
|- I'm sorry, guys.
 - Fourth time today.
|- I thought Rory was my mom.
 - The resemblance is uncanny.
|- You should get your mom a bell like a cat.
 What's going on? We're having a band meeting.
|We need to figure out a guitarist.
 I think I got a splinter.
 A splinter can get into your bloodstream - go straight to your heart, and kill you.
|- Why'd you tell me that? Whatever, dude.
 This is lame.
|I'm gonna bail.
 - Zack, come on.
|- We need to find a guitarist.
 Right.
 We have come too far|to let the band fall apart - just because Dave-|- Hey! - Do not say the "D" word, Lane.
|- But- Don't.
 Dave is dead to me.
 "Comprendo?" Dead.
 Cover the mirror, rip a shirt.
|That guy doesn't exist.
 - He just went to college, Zack.
|- He did not just go to college.
 He walked out on his art, man.
|He walked out on his sound.
 Do you think a sound is so easy to find?|Did you ever see that Glenn Miller movie? For two hours,|Jimmy Stewart's walking around "I got to find a sound.
|I got to find a sound.
 " We had a sound, and Dave|took that sound to freaking California.
 You don't come back from California, man.
|It changes you.
 What, did you expect him|not to go to college? No true rock 'n' roller goes to college! Mick Jagger went to the|London School of Economics.
 - What?|- Yeah.
 And Dexter Holland of The Offspring|got his PhD in molecular biology at USC.
 Greg Ginn of Black Flag|graduated from UCLA.
 The guy from Bad Religion|got his master's in geology from UCLA.
 And he's working on his PhD in evolutionary biology at Cornell.
 Lane, she's your friend.
 I'm sorry.
 I'm going.
 I'll call you later.
 - Are you mad?|- No, I'm not.
 I promise.
 I'm just I was just a little surprised.
|I mean, Dean's wedding - I know.
|- But it's okay.
 It just means I have to be more careful about where I go this weekend.
 That's all.
 I'll see you tomorrow.
|We're using the garage.
 Guitar auditions.
 I'll see you tomorrow.
 Shut up.
 Weezer did not go to Harvard.
 - Not the whole band, just the lead-|- Get away from me! I mean it.
 - Bye.
|- Bye.
 - Hi.
|- Hi.
 Were you- - I was at Lane's.
|- Right, Lane's.
 So, you're home this weekend? Yeah, I ran out of clean clothes|and quarters so How are things? - Good.
 You?|- Good.
 - You like Yale?|- I love Yale.
 And Connecticut State? - It's good.
|- Good.
 I'm glad it's good.
 Not that I would have had any recourse|if it wasn't but this makes my lack of recourse|a lot easier to deal with.
 - So, I see you've taken over the town.
|- Yeah, Lindsay thought - She likes the gazebo, and-|- It's her wedding.
 - It is her wedding.
|- And your wedding.
 It's your wedding, too.
 Yes, it is.
 It's my wedding, too.
 It's nice.
 It's pretty.
 It looks like heaven|or a Victoria's Secret commercial which, to some people,|is basically the same thing.
 - Didn't know you'd be home this weekend.
|- It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.
 Because if I had known,|I would have, you know, invited you.
 It's- I didn't want you to think|I was just not inviting you.
 - No, I didn't think that.
|- I just figured you'd be at school.
 - I just didn't know.
|- I know you didn't.
 - I didn't want you to think-|- No, I don't think.
 I go to Yale now.
 They think for you.
 But, since you are here, come.
 - Come?|- Come to my wedding.
 - Dean.
|- You and Lorelai, I want you to.
 - Chicken or beef?|- What? Wait, beef.
 Of course beef.
 I mean, the two of you are definitely beef.
 I mean,|not like you resemble beef or anything.
 - You know, you don't even have to-|- Okay, so, noon at the church.
 I'll be the one in the tux.
 Don't worry, we didn't write our own vows|and no one's singing opera.
 - I know you think that's lame.
|- No, it's a wedding.
 It's supposed to be operatic.
 Okay, so, I better get over there.
|Lindsay's expecting me.
 - So, I'll just see you two tomorrow.
|- But - Now?|- Nothing.
 - What about now?|- No, nothing.
 Okay.
 - Now?|- Nothing.
 - Kirk, what's supposed to happen?|- What? I don't know what I'm|supposed to be looking for.
 - Kirk?|- I'm not sure.
 Kirk, please come downstairs.
 Are you going to hurt me? I swear,|they told me it would be self-explanatory.
 I just had to get in the main box and, in seconds, this would be disabled.
 They didn't tell me I needed a key or that, if I didn't have a key,|I would be mildly electrocuted and then, after all that,|when I got in the box there's nothing self-explanatory about it.
 - I was trying to do a nice thing.
|- I know.
 Jimmy said he would install it for me,|because I do not have those skills yet.
 - The class was full when I got there.
|- That's okay.
 Damn my constant tardiness.
 Kirk, please, what can we do right now?|The alarm is just so loud.
 That's my fault, too.
|I asked Jimmy to crank it up.
 He did.
 If you have an alarm, you need it loud.
 You don't want|a knife-wielding gunman at your throat and the neighbors are going, like: "Is that a fan?|Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know,|hey, that's an alarm.
 Your imaginary attacker|has a knife and a gun? And a really dirty tank top.
 So, Jimmy's out of town,|but until he gets back we can- - Change the code.
|- Really? To something I know? - You can pick it.
|- You know how to do that? - Yes, I do.
|- That is perfect.
 Okay, here we go.
|Just punch in a seven-number sequence.
 - You got it.
|- Hey! Hi.
 Did you know your phone's not working?|I've been calling you for an hour.
 I had the operator check it.
|She said it's cut off.
 - It was working this morning.
|- I'll be right back.
 - Kirk?|- I have tape.
 - You look tired.
|- Yeah, Kirk.
 Right.
 Listen, I got a call today.
 - From?|- Michel.
 A very upset Michel.
 Why? Apparently, he called you,|and you never called him back.
 - When did he call me?|- He said he called you in July.
 - I was in Europe in July.
|- I think that he thinks we're trying to ace|him out of the Dragonfly.
 - Why would he think that?|- I don't know, but he was so hysterical.
 His voice got into|that high-pitched squeal he does and all I could make out was|"fire" and "abandon me.
 " And something about not|receiving a thank-you card - for the Statue of Liberty.
|- That is crazy.
 He knows we always intended|to take him with us.
 - I mean, we love Michel, right?|- Right.
 - He's the best concierge in the world.
|- Absolutely.
 A little abrasive.
 - Kind of impatient.
|- But charming.
 And great at what he does,|knows the community.
 - Willing to go that extra mile.
|- Tiny bit obnoxious.
 Makes you want to scream,|"Life's too short! " two, three times a day.
 - But-|- Picture life without him.
 - We do need him, right?|- Let's just go down there and talk to him.
 Right.
 We know where all those Calvin Klein ads|went to die.
 They look like|they all have the same mother.
 That must be one tired supermodel.
|Excuse me, we're- - I wouldn't talk to us, either.
|- Talk to a boy.
 A boy will be nice to you.
 Okay.
 Hi.
 Excuse me.
|We're looking for Michel Gerard.
 - The corner of Mercer and Broome.
|- Excuse me? Janet Jackson's on the phone.
 - No worries.
 Hi.
|- Us? - Yes.
|- We're looking for Michel Gerard.
 - Michel.
|- Yes, Michel- - Janet again.
|- She's very needy lately.
 You have some guests at the front desk.
 - No worries.
 He comes like the wind.
|- Thank- - He doesn't need our thanks.
|- He has Janet, so The tickets are under the hotel's name.
 You have reservations at Tamtam at 7:00.
 Don't order the duck.
 It will take forever and you will miss the curtain.
 If you have any problems at all,|you have my pager number.
 Just call me.
 Goodbye.
 - Look who the cat dragged in.
|- Hi, Michel.
 We've missed you.
 Yes? I have missed you, too.
 This place is wonderful.
 You look so important,|walking around, talking to yourself but you're not really talking to yourself.
 You're actually talking to someone else|in a headset with your headset.
 - How are you?|- Me? I am wonderful, and yourselves? We're great and we're breaking ground|on the inn on Monday.
 Yes.
 Is that still happening? - It is still happening.
|- That's lovely.
 There's a small charge|for the use of the Internet.
 All instructions are in the minibar.
|I'm so pleased.
 I know you're a little upset with me.
 - Upset? I don't think so.
|- I told her about the call.
 - What call?|- The call you made to me yesterday.
 The one where you told me|you called Lorelai and she didn't call back.
 - I make so many calls.
|- The one where you cried.
 Are you sure it wasn't another Michel? You called me.
 You kept me on the phone|for over an hour.
 I missed the beginning of|Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
 - When I got back, they were all gay.
|- It doesn't matter.
 If there was any misunderstanding about wanting you to come with us|to the Dragonfly, we're sorry.
 - I'm not.
|- Very sweet of you to say.
 Thank you.
 Unless you don't want to come with us.
|I mean, this place is very impressive and I would understand|if you didn't want to leave.
 Yes, this place is impressive, isn't it? I mean, the uniform alone,|it's like working in your jammies.
 And these headsets,|are they not fabulous? Especially when, for example,|you're in the bathroom a place one would|normally choose to be alone then suddenly, bang, someone is|yakking in your ear.
 - How delightful.
 You can never get lonely.
|- I suppose not.
 And the people who work here?|A joy: so young, so talented.
 Some of them are actors|in ambitious off-Broadway revues.
 They play cockroaches and derelicts and do Shakespeare|dressed like punk rockers.
 It gives me chills just thinking about it.
 Yes, extra towels are|complimentary, Matthew and stop asking me|who the hottie I'm talking to is.
 I tell you what.
 I'll think about it|and get back to you, okay? - Nice to have you aboard, Michel.
|- I'm busy.
 Go.
 Thank God.
 Matthew, what? So, he invited us to his wedding.
 - And we're having beef.
|- But what was his body language like? Tall.
 No, I mean, did he squirm|or back away when he invited you or was he all darty-eyed? Not much squirming, no backing away,|but there was a little bit of darty-eye.
 - So he was nervous?|- We were both nervous.
 We didn't expect to run into each other,|and I think he invited us 'cause he felt like he had to be nice.
 - That does sound like Dean.
|- So, do we go? I can't decide this.
 He's your ex-boyfriend.
 - It seems weird that we go.
|- Then we don't go.
 But if we don't go it may look like we're trying|to make a statement.
 - Then we go.
|- If I had just stayed at Lane's - for two more minutes|- Yeah, fate.
 Yes, it is fate.
 Do we ignore fate? Do you have any|important papers due soon? - Why?|- In case.
 - Fate's gonna flunk me?|- It's always a possibility.
 - Then we are going.
|- Going where? Dean's wedding.
 Fate's making us.
 I hope fate will cough up|$40 for a salad spinner for him.
 Please.
 There is no fate.
 What do you mean there is no fate?|Of course there is fate.
 There is no fate.
 There is no destiny.
|There is no luck.
 Astrology is ridiculous.
 Tarot cards tell you nothing.
|You cannot read a palm.
 Tea leaves make tea and nothing else.
 Jim Morrison is not hanging out with|Elvis.
 The Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
 - I knew you were gonna say that.
|- I came over here.
 My fault.
 I read your mind.
|It spoke to me.
 We're psychic.
 - Enjoy the fries.
|- Where does this leave us? I think that Dean's gonna expect us to go,|and it is his day.
 I don't want him|to feel like I don't care about him.
 - I know.
|- I just want him to be happy.
 Okay, we'll get him a salad spinner|first thing tomorrow morning.
 Thank you.
 There you are.
 Honey, I've got your mail.
 - Great.
|- I'm exhausted.
 I've been looking all over town for you.
 You could have left me a message.
|I would have picked it up.
 There was something marked "Urgent"|in there and I just wanted to make sure you got it.
 Thank you.
 All right, I'm leaving.
|I'm gonna kill that mail carrier.
 I don't care if he doesn't have a tongue.
 Our new mail carrier|doesn't have a tongue? - You've got to be kidding me.
|- That's what Patty said.
 No, Taylor has sent me|a cease-and-desist order on the inn.
 "Dear Lorelai Gilmore,|it has come to the attention "of the Historical Preservation Society "that you and Miss Sookie St.
 James "intend to begin construction|on the Dragonfly Inn.
 "Any proposed renovations|must be discussed and approved "by the Stars Hollow Historical|Preservation Society.
 "We must therefore ask|that all work halt "until this procedure has been followed.
 "Thank you, and have a historical day.
 " - Is he kidding?|- What are you gonna do? - I'm going to talk to him.
|- Cool.
 Don't say "cool.
 "|It's gonna be very pleasant.
 You said you were gonna talk to Taylor.
 I own my own business now.
 I'm gonna have to deal|with tiny men like Taylor all the time.
 You can't go yelling at people,|no matter how historical they might be.
 Bummer.
 You have to learn to separate|the personal from the business.
 Okay.
 Remember in "The Godfather,"|Michael telling Sonny how he was gonna kill Tattaglia|and Captain McCluskey in that Italian restaurant? He lays out the whole thing|very calmly, very unemotionally 'cause that's what you do in business.
 Yeah, but then he went|and shot two guys in the head.
 I wasn't describing that scene.
 But if you know you already like lime then you're not sampling, you're savoring,|and that's just gluttonous.
 Hi, Taylor.
 Hello there, Lorelai.
|Rory, what can I get for you? Gosh, look at all the choices.
|Really hard to pick.
 I think I'll try a scoop|of Butter Brickle Crunch.
 - Rory?|- I'll try the Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate.
 Coming right up.
 While I have you here,|I received this letter in the mail and I'm having a blonde day.
|I wonder if you could explain it to me.
 It says you have to get approval before you can start|construction on the inn.
 That's what I thought it said.
 I have to tell you I'm a little concerned because we have a construction crew|coming Monday, so, yikes.
 The Dragonfly is a historical building,|Lorelai.
 Yeah, but the whole town|is a historical building.
 George Washington ate, slept,|or blew his nose all over the damn place.
 He only blew his nose in the park.
|You've read the sign.
 That inn needs love.
 It's falling down.
 We have no intention|of ruining its historical aspect.
 - We'd just like some running water.
|- Running water was not always historical.
 You're telling me|I can't put in running water? My God, this is incredible.
 It's called|Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate but it's seriously|chocolate, chocolate, chocolatey.
 - Sorry.
|- I'm just telling you there are rules and they have to be followed.
 Fine.
 What do I have to do to get|the Historical Preservation Society's stamp of approval? - A formal presentation is necessary.
|- When? Any town function or gathering|is open to a presentation, Lorelai.
 - Okay, so, like, the town meeting tonight?|- If you like.
 - The town meeting it is.
|- Now, don't look sad.
 I went through this with my place, too.
 Of course, I knew the rules,|so I didn't get the embarrassing letter.
 Right, okay, great.
|We'll see you later, Taylor.
 - Yes?|- That'll be $3.
50 for the ice cream.
 And worth every penny, let me tell you.
|Sorry, but this is really good.
 So, any additional landscaping|to the town square will be paid for directly|from the town park funds and town park funds only.
 All righty.
 - Long one tonight.
|- Astonishingly long.
 - We've got to be next, right?|- We've got to be.
 Michel, are you okay over there? He says the guy next to him|has unforgivable B.
O.
 Michel, you're French.
|How can you even tell? - Could we have a little quiet, please?|- Sorry, we're just waiting here very patiently, as you can see,|all ready and everything.
 Yes, the next item, people is a wonderful feather|in Stars Hollow's cap.
 One of our very own,|fourth-grader Donny Pass was named a runner-up in the Connecticut state|story-writing contest for his work entitled|The Happiest Doughnut.
 I think I'm going to give birth|out of boredom.
 Donny's mom is here tonight.
|Let's give her a big hand.
 - I almost think he's doing this on purpose.
|- Almost? Bordering on "pretty damn sure.
 " I won't spoil the plot|of "The Happiest Doughnut" for you, folks.
 Except to say it's funny|and a little sad and truly inspiring.
 But a caveat for all you parents the dunking scene may be too intense|for preschool-aged children.
 How can a stupid doughnut be happy? See, he's got you curious.
|That's the genius of Donny Pass.
 I've got a bunch of your mail.
 Here.
 I've got some of yours,|too, and some of Al's.
 - Will you pass this back to him for me?|- Yeah.
 If you hand this up to Andrew.
 Can do.
 I can't smell anything.
 I'm breathing it all in|so it's not reaching you.
 - Thanks for taking that grenade for me.
|- People, could we have some order here? Gypsy,|the letter from my girlfriend's open.
 Yeah.
 Sorry, Andrew.
|It must have fallen open accidentally.
 You read my private letter.
 There's nothing private in that letter,|except for the medical stuff.
 Taylor, I got your "Pennysaver"|and your girlie magazines.
 Those are lifestyle magazines.
 People, this meeting has degenerated|into our usual weekly anarchy.
 - I say we adjourn.
 See you next week.
|- Taylor! Everyone pick up a free copy of|"The Happiest Doughnut" on your way out.
 We were supposed to make|our presentation about the Dragonfly.
 Yes, you're bringing this up kind of late.
 - We've been sitting here.
|- It won't take long.
 It was your idea.
 You suggested this.
 Okay.
 People, your children and elderly are going to have to wait a while|for you to get home because Lorelai Gilmore and her associate|want to discuss some proposed changes to a beloved town structure.
 Thank you.
|Let's go, Sookie, Augustus Gloop.
 Knock them dead.
 Guys, I know we've been here forever but I very quickly want to tell|you what we have in mind for this beautiful Dragonfly property.
 - Historic Dragonfly property.
|- That goes without saying.
 I don't think you should|try to hide the fact it's historic.
 - I'm not hiding anything.
|- Proceed, please.
 Okay, we're very excited- How many guest rooms|will this establishment have? Ten.
 Yeah, 10.
 Anyway,|the property's been unoccupied for- - Parking? How many parking spaces?|- Eighteen.
 Something wrong|with the parking, Taylor? Two people to a room,|each with their own car that's 20 cars.
|You don't have enough parking.
 Some people will be|driving there together, in one car.
 - So, you have a crystal ball, do you?|- That's just common sense.
 If you have a crystal ball|I would like to borrow it to take to the racetrack.
 No, I don't have a crystal ball but if the parking's not enough,|we can always add more.
 Easy.
 - "Pave paradise and put up a parking lot.
 "|- Not what we're saying.
 I heard you're planning to serve alcohol.
|Is this true? There will be a restaurant.
 Wine, cocktails,|give the people what they want.
 So it'll be a party spot?|Catering to that crowd hip-hoppers, the Manson family? It's a little country inn.
 A perfect secluded spot|for murderers to revel in impropriety.
 Have you noticed?|This is not going very well.
 Taylor, everyone,|there will be millions of questions some of them even legitimate,|but the bottom line is: You know me.
 I've been a part of this town for Look how big my daughter is.
|For that long.
 Opening this inn has been a dream of mine|and of Sookie's for most of that time.
 Along with Michel,|we plan to make this community as proud of the historic Dragonfly Inn as you were when this same team was running|the Independence Inn.
 You mean the place|that burned down on your watch? Can I slap him? Now, this will also help|our local economy because- Because we plan to employ|Sorry.
 We plan to employ - This call is coming from the house.
|- Our house? - It's flashing our number.
|- But we're here.
 I know.
 That's the weird part.
 Sookie, keep it going in here.
|I'll be just a quick second.
 Okay, if you have any questions Yes, about the Dragonfly or deodorant The places to buy it, how to apply it,|that sort of thing.
 Hello? I responded to activation of an alarm|at your residence and I apprehended a prowler in the garage.
 - You did?|- Yes, Ma'am.
 Female, approximately 18 years old,|Korean.
 - Kirk, that's Lane.
 You know Lane.
|- I thought I knew Lane but now I think she's in some kind of gang.
 - Lorelai, help.
|- Their front is some sort of musical group.
 They are a musical group, Kirk.
|Honey, go sort it out.
 Got it.
 Rory's on her way over.
|Brown hair, blue eyes about 5'6".
 Don't cuff her.
 - Ten-four.
|- Okay.
 - We failed you.
|- He is a very unpleasant man.
 What happened? The second you walked out the door Taylor adjourned the meeting|over our objections.
 - Where'd he go?|- He was the first one out the door.
 Unbelievable.
 You can run, but you can't hide.
 This is cute.
 "The Happy Doughnut.
 " Did we have a little|misunderstanding back there? Please don't sneak up on me like that.
 - I almost blew my emergency whistle.
|- We weren't done.
 - I thought we were.
|- No we weren't.
 What more was there to say? Nothing was decided.
|You said to explain what you're doing then we can start our work.
 You can't do that|until after the walk-through.
 I'm in heels.
 Do you mind?|What walk-through? I and other members of|the Historical Preservation Society need to examine the property in person.
 You didn't think we'd make a decision based on a little chat.
 - I mentioned a walk-through.
|- I don't think you did.
 - I'm mentioning it now.
|- When's the walk-through? I'd have to check|with the other society members set something up in the next month or so.
 I have workmen coming Monday,|Taylor, the day after tomorrow.
 - Dear.
 That's cutting it pretty close.
|- Let's do it tomorrow, please.
 - Tomorrow's Sunday.
|- Yes.
 It would have to be before church.
 - Okay, so midmorning?|-6:00? Or another day.
|I could take it up with the society.
 No, 6:00 is fine.
 6:00 sharp.
 - See you then.
|- Bright and early.
 - Good night.
|- Good night.
 Thanks.
 That is our Stars Hollow High fight song.
 Could have sworn it was Mozart.
 - What is this, guys?|- Pit stop! - Bachelor party phase one is over.
|- Our boy Dean here is tying the knot.
 Look, I was just closing up.
 - Luke!|- Dean! - That's funny.
|- I wasn't even trying.
 We need to refuel for phase two.
|It won't take long.
 You wouldn't turn away a man|on his wedding day, would you? It's not your wedding day yet.
 That's what I keep telling him.
|It's your last day of freedom.
 - We should get strippers, right?|- And cake.
 My name's Luke, too.
|We should start a club.
 That would be swell.
 Look, why don't you go|sit down over there? - I'll make some coffee.
|- Tomorrow is the big day, man, big day.
 - You're tipping there, Dean.
 Watch him.
|- I got him.
 We really appreciate this, sir.
 - Stop calling me that.
|- He's a good guy, really.
 So, what was phase one? A case of beer in the JC Penney parking lot|then batting cages and laser tag.
 I've decided that I really like beer.
 - I'm the designated driver.
|- Good man.
 - I'm in the Navy now, you know.
|- Uniform tipped me off.
 My older cousins did two-year stints.
 It paid for their college, so I joined up.
 Of course, we weren't|fighting international skirmishes on two or three dangerous fronts|like we are now.
 What are you doing? - Sugar football.
|- Don't.
 Come on, guys.
|Respect the establishment.
 - They're still kids.
|- I got a better idea, guys.
 How about I whip up|some pancakes real fast help soak up whatever it is you drank? Sounds good.
|We'll need energy for phase two.
 Strippers, right? We got to get strippers.
 How much do you give a stripper? - That depends on what she does.
|- Are they really prostitutes? 'Cause I'd feel bad if they were prostitutes.
 Guys, I got to go in the back|for a couple seconds.
 Don't drink any more.
 Don't play Jets.
 Don't jump on the furniture.
|Just sit still, okay? - And do what?|- I don't know.
 Make up a dirty version of the fight song.
 - Yeah!|- Great idea! Rory.
 - What did he say?|- He is so toasted.
 - Rory.
|- Did he say what I think he said? Guys, you know what I think?|I think it's real late and that maybe you ought|to cancel phase two.
 - No way.
|- Hear him out, fellas.
 Think about it, guys,|how you gonna beat laser tag? Is Dean sick? He just needs his rest.
 Why don't you|march your friends out of here? I'll take care of the groom,|and he'll see you all tomorrow.
 He's right, guys.
 Let's saddle up.
 - Aren't we getting pancakes?|- I'm not feeling good.
 Come on, big guy.
 Try to walk.
 Here we are.
 Okay.
 She's smart, man.
|You know, she's so smart.
 I know, I know.
 - She could probably fix the world.
|- Right.
 She could team up with Kyle.
|Her brains, his brawn.
 - No, not Kyle.
 Rory.
|- Almost there.
 She's the one, you know? Come on, Dean,|just slide down there, stop talking.
 And the hair, pretty hair.
|She has the prettiest hair, and the head.
 - What is that?|- Just your shoes.
 I miss her.
 Why didn't she love me? Scrubbing shower grout|with a toothbrush.
 Sure.
 Flossing with that really, really fine floss|that cuts between your teeth like a razor.
 - Staring into the sun.
|- Till you're blind.
 - I feel very ugly this morning.
|- Join the crowd.
 That unpleasant man|and his cohorts in there? And have been for about|30 freaking minutes.
 Getting brain freeze|from eating ice cream.
 What are you doing? We're listing all the things|we'd rather be doing than this.
 - What a mug.
 It's like he sucked a lemon.
|- I've really grown to hate him.
 Nice? So much potential.
 - Yeah.
|- It needs a lot of TLC.
 And we've got an abundance of it, Taylor.
|Patty, please, help.
 He's killing me here,|and you've got pull with him.
 Honey, I got my own|remodeling to do on my studio that Taylor has to approve.
 I'm saving my pull for me.
 Can I have just a little teeny,|tiny bit of your pull, please? He's gonna see us talking.
 - Lorelai, consultation, please.
|- Okay.
 - This porch is falling apart.
|- I know.
 - It's got live termites.
|- Big, fat ones.
 - It's a safety hazard.
|- It's the first thing to go.
 To go? This porch can't go.
 - You just said it's falling apart.
|- I didn't tell you to tear it down.
 It's historical.
 It has to stay.
 The porch is not historical.
|It was added in 1980.
 - So?|- It's a 23-year-old porch.
 Unless you think Kate Hudson|is historical, it's not historical.
 Not now, but how do you think we get|historical 200-year-old structures if we tear them down|when they're just 23? It's rotting away.
 Which means that your|guests can't walk on it.
 So they should hover over it? No, you could build a bridge over it,|using appropriate materials.
 Or you could build a transparent|Lucite porch over this porch so people could walk on the Lucite porch and see the old porch|underneath the new porch.
 Build a clear plastic porch|over the rotting wood porch? With the proper permits,|and those are hard to come by.
 - That's it.
|- Lorelai, watch it.
 I've got church later.
 What did I do to make you torture me? I don't know what you're talking about.
 The hoops, the jumping|and the fire and the hoops.
 It's just business, Lorelai.
 I pay to shop in your store.
|I eat your banana splits.
 I've never physically hurt you except for that one spit wad|in the one town meeting but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye,|and I apologize so put me out of my misery and tell me what I need to|make this happen! - I want an ice-cream truck.
|- What? I want to sell ice cream off a truck.
 I want to park it in front of the soda shop.
 I want to ring the bell on it every day but the only place I can park it - is the space that's in front of Luke's diner.
|- So? - You have pull with Luke.
|- I guess.
 Maybe.
 You're friends.
|You can get him to agree to this.
 - Use my pull?|- If you don't mind.
 If I get Luke to agree to this,|the madness stops? - If that's what you call it.
|- Work begins.
 The porch goes? All expedited, nice and neat.
 - An ice-cream truck?|- An ice-cream truck.
 You can go.
 This has been a very successful outing.
 - Back on the bus, everyone.
|- Unbelievable.
 Yep.
 When do you think you'll- Shortcut to Luke's.
 How is she going to get over|Potter's Creek? Jump it? - Give him his ice-cream truck.
|- What? I forged a stream,|and I almost got attacked by a beaver - and I'm not leaving here till you agree.
|- To what? You don't own the street.
|You own the building.
 It's a public street.
|Let him park his stupid truck.
 - I'm missing something.
|- Don't change the subject.
 I don't even know what the subject is.
 If you let Taylor park his ice-cream truck not even in front,|but in front of part of the diner then I can start work on the inn.
|But if you don't say yes then you may not have to see|his truck parked outside but you will have to see my body|swinging from that tree because I will hang myself.
 - I am waiting for your answer.
|- Sure.
 "Sure" what? - He can park it there.
 What do I care?|- Don't kid around.
 - Your life's at stake.
 I wouldn't kid around.
|- That easy? Why'd you say no|when Taylor asked you before? - He never asked me before.
|- He never asked? Not about a truck about a giant ice-cream cone|a few months back.
 I said no to that.
 Probably why he thought|I'd say no to the truck.
 - He never asked?|- No.
 But you're fine with this,|and he could have asked? It's a public street.
 - And you would have said yes?|- I'd have said yes.
 And I wouldn't have had|to go through all this? - Probably not.
|- You know what? I've learned something|very valuable here today.
 Come on in.
 Sit down there.
|Take a load off.
 - Very valuable.
|- Good.
 I've had a business epiphany.
 It's like I'm Bud Fox, saying,|"Thanks for the lesson, Mr.
 Gekko.
 " This will pass, folks.
 The Lorelai you knew is dead.
|Remember her? Eager to please, fresh of face? She thought that success in business|meant working hard applying yourself,|and respecting your coworkers.
 And she preached that to others.
|Little child! You should probably get some rest.
 It's about scratching backs,|my friend, and kissing things - I won't be graphic.
|- It is Sunday morning.
 It's dirty.
 That's what business is.
 It's smoke-filled back rooms|with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars|and twirling their dirty mustaches.
 And when you go into those rooms,|you can't be a milquetoast muppet.
 You have to have pointy teeth|and jaws that snap.
 The meek shall not inherit the earth! - Thanks for the perspective.
|- Do you have any coffee? - I'm not giving you coffee.
|- I don't have time for coffee.
 I got to go find Taylor and close this deal.
|You think he's back at the store? Or having his dirty mustache cleaned.
 - You're good with the truck?|- I'm good with the truck.
 Bless you.
 I'll be right with you, folks.
 So, you're up.
 Yeah.
 I'm up.
 It took me a minute or two|to figure out where I am, but That's all right.
 You've never been here.
 Yeah, it's not that I remember.
|I just kind of looked out the window,|and that's how I could tell.
 Good.
 Smart.
 Little concoction of mine.
|It'll help with the hangover.
 Guess I had a beer or two|too many last night.
 Yeah, it happens.
 Hope the guys didn't bug you too much.
 - No, they were fine.
|- Good.
 So, you're all dressed there? Yeah, you know, big day, getting married.
 Getting married.
 I'm due in the church in about an hour.
 Dean- - And I still got to pick up my tux.
|- Yeah, right.
 Thanks for everything, Luke.
 Yeah, sure.
 Good luck.
 So, a total strikeout? Total.
 And, you know, at first,|I felt bad for them so lacking in talent, yet so clueless.
|Then I just felt bad for their guitars.
 Where are all the good young musicians|these days? My ears wanted to fly off my head.
 I'm going to the music store|to look at things I can't afford.
 Coming? - I have to go get ready for this.
|- Right.
 Tell me how it goes.
 - I will.
 Hey, Luke.
|- Hey.
 - Rory, where's your mom?|- Around somewhere.
 Why? I thought I'd find her at Doose's.
 - Did she go back to the inn?|- She was going back to the inn then she was buying|a wedding present for Dean.
 She hates it when people send gifts later.
 Then, depending on the time I was either gonna meet her back at home|or at the church.
 - She have her cell on her?|- I think it's dead.
 What's going on? - Or a pager or something?|- Is something wrong? I just need to check something with her.
 We can stop by after the wedding.
 Don't go to the wedding.
|Don't go to Dean's wedding.
 - Why?|- I just Don't go.
 - Trust me.
|- Okay.
 - It'd just be better this way.
|- Okay.
 - So, you're not going?|- I guess not.
 Okay, good.
 I'll see you guys later.
 - Yeah, Luke, I'll see you later.
|- Okay.
 - Lorelai, do you have a minute?|- Sure, Kirk.
 - We've had a successful disconnection.
|- No more alarm? - No more alarm.
|- Fantastic.
 The roofer will be out tomorrow.
|The repair should take a day.
 - I'm not gonna inquire about that now.
|- It's all taken care of.
 I want to apologize for any inconvenience.
 It was no big deal.
 I have this strong sense of chivalry|when it comes to women living alone.
 That's very nice.
 My family tree dates back|to a 12th-century knight.
 As a kid I thought that meant|we were related to Ted Knight.
 I wrote him a lot of letters.
|He never responded.
 - That's cute, though.
|- I just want you to feel safe.
 You really do, don't you, Kirk? So, I hope you don't mind|my watching out for you.
 Not at all.
 Thank you.
 I'll see you around.
 See you.
 I think I found the perfect|wedding present for Dean.
 - Sweet, not personal, classy, yet cheap.
|- We're not going.
 What? Luke was looking for you and ran into me,|and he was all nervous and then he finally just said|we shouldn't go.
 - What does that mean?|- It means we shouldn't go.
 - Did he give a reason?|- Not really.
 - I'll go talk to him.
|- No, he seemed really serious.
 If you saw him, you'd feel the same way.
 - He was kind of upset.
|- About Dean's wedding? - Yeah.
|- So, we're not going? - I think it's better that we don't.
|- Okay.
 Mystery, though.
 Kind of.
 You've got your|"nothing to do" weekend back.
 Yeah, got that back.
 Mom, Kirk's following us|in a little clowny car.
 - He's watching out for us.
|- Okay.
 Ready? No, no, it's got to look|like we're actually demolishing the porch.
 We're gonna do pretend swings.
 Which would've been easier|if we had pretend sledgehammers.
 Why do they make these so heavy? Even without the swing,|this is a good picture of the two of you about to record|an important moment for the two of you.
 - Michel-|- I would love a copy of this for my mantel.
 - Such a nice moment.
|- You have to be in the picture, too, Michel.
 - Me? I don't know.
 All right.
|- That thing have a timer on it? It's set.
 I framed the shot.
 Grab your hammer and smile.
 - One more for safety?|- Okay.
 What? Just sometimes, it hits me.
|This place had a long history before us has a long future after us.
 I keep thinking it's a part of our lives,|but, really, it's the reverse.
 For a little while, I don't know it's like we're a part of its life.
 Yeah.
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