# GilmoreGirls-S04E05
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s04e05

- Hey.
|- Hi.
 What are you doing? Well, I'm gardening.
 - What are you doing?|- I'm gardening! What are you doing? Why don't you come over here and see,|honey, since you seem so confused? Oh, my God.
 You are gardening.
 - Yeah.
 Hello.
 I am gardening.
|- Why? Because Babette bought me|a bag of bulbs.
 Why would she do that? She thought that cultivating new life|would help distract me from my current emptiness|and sense of loss.
 - That's weirdly sweet of her.
|- Yes, it was.
 I forgot about the bulbs till Babette|brought them up this morning so I dug them out of the garage.
 They've developed some sort of mold.
 - This is the planet of the mold.
|- Come help me.
 I'm no botanist, but I don't think|anything's gonna grow from this piece of tar.
 - Just put it in the hole.
|- Why didn't you just throw them out? - There are eyes everywhere, my dear.
|- Hey, doll, how you doing? Great, Babette.
 Just tending my bulbs.
 - Makes you feel better, doesn't it?|- Absolutely.
 Much better.
 - You need any help?|- No, I got Rory helping me.
 - Hi, Babette.
|- Hi, sugar.
 Don't worry.
 I'm looking out for your mom.
 I'm glad to hear that.
 And just you wait till spring.
 You're gonna wake up|one morning, walk out, and Color coming out of your yin-yang.
 I'll see you girls tomorrow.
 I'm going to have color|coming out of my yin-yang.
 Then maybe you'll finally get a man.
 This has got to be the grossest thing ever.
 Forget it.
 Let's talk about something else.
|How's school? School's fine.
 It's hard, but good.
 Tanna's fine.
 Janet and Paris are fighting because Janet gets up at 5:30|to go jogging, wakes Paris up and then the resulting argument|wakes everybody up, and - You bulbed me.
|- I was aiming over there.
 It got my hand! - Shake it off.
|- It won't go! - You wiped it on my shirt.
|- It was a reflex.
 - To ruin my shirt?|- I'm sorry.
 - You never liked this shirt.
|- It's not that.
 It's just that- - There's something crawling up my leg.
|- I got it! It's big.
 Okay, so the next time that Babette gives you a bag of bulbs to plant|because you're lonely - you say|- No, thank you.
 Class dismissed.
 - You can at least open a window.
|- Why? Because it smells|like a locker room in here.
 - Tough luck.
|- Fine.
 - Did the alarm go off?|- I shut it off.
 Who needs an alarm when you've|got workout Barbie around? Never mind that some of us|were up finishing a chem lab till 2:30 in the morning! I love waking up at 5:00 a.
 m.
|to the sound of someone grunting out crunches|in the common room.
 I told you, earplugs.
 You know, she talks to herself|when she stretches.
 "Come on, Janet.
 Push it, Janet.
 "Love the pain, Janet.
 " It's pornographic.
 - What time is it?|- I know what she's doing.
 Psychological warfare.
 Don't let your enemy sleep.
|Push him till he cracks.
 Charlie tried those tricks|on our boys at Khe Sanh and if she keeps this up I am not gonna be responsible|for what happens.
 Oh, my God! Paris,|breakfast is over in five minutes.
 I know.
 It's Tuesday, too.
|That's waffle bar day.
 - Why didn't you wake me?|- Sure, blame me.
 I'm the victim here, remember? Excuse me.
 Can I Thank you.
 Okay.
 - Rory.
|- Marty.
 You remembered.
 I wasn't the one passed out in the hallway,|so I had a better shot.
 True, very true.
|So, I see you're a little late for breakfast.
 Yeah, my alarm was turned off.
 You want some eggs or something? I always take enough for 10.
|I blame my brother.
 He always took|the biggest piece of chicken.
 And left you none? No, there was more.
|I just wanted that big piece.
 - Well-|- I want you to meet the breakfast crew.
 I'm kind of- We all just started eating breakfast|together every morning so someone came up with the name|"The Breakfast Crew.
 " It's not like an official club or anything.
|There's no hats.
 At least not until|we can all agree on a color.
 Excuse me, guys.
|I want you all to meet Rory.
 - Who?|- The robe.
 The robe.
 Nice to meet you.
 - I told them about your act of kindness.
|- It was nothing, really.
 I wouldn't say that.
|That was one nice robe.
 We all took turns trying it on.
 No, not true.
 Ignore him.
 I'm sorry I haven't gotten it|back to you yet.
 - It's okay.
|- Nice bunny shoes.
 Thank you.
 It was nice meeting you all.
|I actually have to go, so - I embarrassed you.
|- It's fine.
 I'm sorry.
 I was just so relieved|that I could finally approach you.
 - Why couldn't you approach me?|- That night was really humiliating so every time I saw you|after that, I just hid.
 But when I saw you show up like that I thought, "Here's my chance|to even the playing field.
 " Marty, this is not as embarrassing|as being totally naked.
 No, it's not.
 But it's close.
 Well, consider the playing field leveled.
 - Good.
 See you, Rory.
|- See you, Marty.
 Exactly.
 Yes, that's just the kind of thing|we're looking for.
 I'm so glad to hear that because the last two designers|we met with had very different philosophies.
 No, I didn't know you did|the Silver Thatch Inn.
 That's so beautiful.
 Okay.
 Well, why don't we meet Friday, say, around 2:00? Okay.
 Luke's Diner.
 It's right in the middle of the town square.
 You can't miss it.
 Just follow the love.
 Okay.
 Thank you.
 Bye-bye.
 - What was that?|- I was taking it outside.
 Three people came in|while you held the door open.
 You're exaggerating.
 Why can't you respect|the rules of my diner? I do respect the rules of your diner.
|It's that baseball cap I have issues with.
 - Hi.
|- Hey.
 All right, I've done extensive|research, checked references and pre-screened|three other designers for you.
 - Here are their names.
|- Hopefully I won't need these because I think I found|a new designer for the inn.
 Very good.
 I love doing research|just for the sake of doing research.
 I live to grow.
|Are you still buying me lunch? I'd be happy to, I should probably|take you somewhere else.
 Why should you take him|somewhere else? Because, Kook Danes,|Michel eats a very specific diet.
 Normally, yes, that's true.
 However, every six months|I give myself a crazy day where I can eat anything I want,|and today's crazy day.
 - Talk to me about your chocolate cake.
|- What do you want to know? Is it Mexican? - Is what Mexican?|- The chocolate.
 How would I know? It would say so on the wrapper.
|You could go look.
 I'll wait.
 Take him somewhere else.
 Just bring me a doughnut,|but put some sprinkles on it, okay? Do you know what one of|life's great mysteries is? Mom.
 Whether or not you're joining us|for Friday night dinner.
 And since you pretend to be ignorant|of the concept of the RSVP even though it was taught to you|as a child I am reduced to calling and asking you, are you coming? Is that, "Yes, I'm coming" or "I was reading while you were talking"? Tell you what, Mom.
|Plan on me coming, and if I don't then it'll just be a little more|for everyone else.
 Lorelai, you know very well|our dinners do not work like that.
 There is careful planning|and shopping and preparation that goes into every meal no matter how boring and simple|it may seem to you.
 Get off that phone! Shoot, Mom.
|There's no cell phones in here.
 I'll call you back later.
 Bye.
 And when I need you.
 Nowhere.
 It's obvious Hemingway is just|using Jake's impotence to indict a society|which exploited its underclass to fight in the trenches of the WW I.
 Interesting theory, Heather.
|What does everyone else think? I don't know.
 Isn't Jake's impotence more about that generation's|loss of faith in love? Please.
 That grossly ignores|the social context.
 Rory's right.
 It's about a guy|who can't sleep with the woman he loves.
 - It's not a Woody Guthrie song.
|- But- Hold that thought.
 We're out of time.
 Okay, everyone, we'll continue this,|Thursday.
 I'll see you then.
 - Thanks for the save.
|- No problem.
 Heather can get a little|"workers of the world, unite" sometimes.
 I've never actually met someone|who likes the word "bourgeois" so much.
 So, what are you up to this weekend? Studying.
 Sleep, hopefully.
|A rarity in my dorm room.
 - Yeah? Do you eat?|- Habitually.
 Ever been to Pancia Di Lucca?|I hear it's good.
 No, I haven't.
 I was thinking of going there|this weekend.
 - Cool.
 Tell me how it is.
|- Okay, I will.
 - Or you could come with me.
|- I can't this Saturday.
 But if it's good,|maybe another time, okay? Sure, okay.
 So, see you next week.
 Bye, Trevor.
 What are you doing home? It seems that if you leave|your laundry in the machine for even two minutes after it stops,|some incredibly impatient person will take your nice, clean|clothes out and dump them.
 - Where?|- Anywhere.
 The floor, the top of another|dirty washing machine.
 My Belle and Sebastian T-shirt|was in the garbage.
 So now, on top of a massive|amount of reading and studying I get to rewash my formerly|perfect clean clothes.
 That's just wrong.
 I think you|should quit school in protest.
 - Okay, if you say so.
|- No, wait.
 That's not ours.
 What do you mean? Who's it for? I've got five minutes.
 Where's the pizza? - There.
|- Thanks.
 Hi, Rory.
 Hey, Lane.
 My mom ordered all the okra|in the Western hemisphere.
 - She got a great deal, and I'm starving.
|- Swallow.
 Between Seventh-day Adventist college and mom's fascination|with ordering on the Internet my future looks very grim.
 - You want a Coke?|- No time for liquids.
 I have to be home for dinner|in four minutes.
 Another piece, please? Okay, this is good.
 You all look good.
|Things are good? - Things are-|- Okay.
 Gotta go.
 Thanks for the grub.
 She is so throwing up on the way home.
 I'm gonna go put this in the washer.
 Wait, have some pizza|and tell mama all about your day.
 Okay.
 Yesterday,|Janet woke up to find that Paris had chaired her in her room.
 Nice.
 And then, later, when Janet had|climbed out the window she retaliated by gluing shut|the opening of Paris' glue gun.
 - She went for the crafts.
|- This war is getting totally out of hand.
 This morning, Paris turned off my alarm|because Janet woke her up.
 I almost missed breakfast.
 I ran down to the dining hall|in my pajamas and bunny slippers and I ran into Marty.
 - Naked guy.
|- It was totally humiliating.
 Humiliating 'cause naked guy's hot? It was humiliating because|I had terry-cloth rabbits on my feet.
 So naked guy's not hot? Naked guy is Marty, and it's not like that.
 He's sweet.
 "Sweet" means "bad butt.
 " "Sweet" does not mean "bad butt.
 "|"Sweet" means "sweet.
 " Poor naked guy.
|Should've left his clothes on.
 You have got to stop talking about him.
|I just met Marty.
 If not him, are there any other guys|on the horizon? - Nope.
|- No? How about a professor? Someone older, wiser,|with brown cords and whiskey breath? - Yeah.
 There's one of those.
|- Come on, Rory.
 This guy asked me to try this restaurant,|but it was a totally casual thing.
 - So what'd you tell him?|- That I was busy.
 - You don't like him?|- No, I like him fine.
 I mean he's smart, and he takes my side|in the debates and he's decent to look at.
 - So why'd you say no? Too many clothes?|- I don't know.
 He He carries a bottle of water|around with him all the time.
 - That's just weird.
|- Right.
 Hydration.
 Very creepy.
 He's preppy and I don't really like preppy.
 Plus he's gonna go study|in Barcelona next year.
 - So?|- It's a waste of time.
 I can't go anywhere.
 You could go to dinner, maybe a movie.
 Look, I know you've never really dated.
 What are you talking about? I've dated.
 - Who did you date?|- Dean.
 You did not date.
 You had a relationship.
 - Well, Jess.
|- Was relationship number two.
 So maybe I've never dated,|but you haven't either.
 I have dated at least once.
 - You had me with dad.
 Relationship.
|- Yes, but- Max.
 Relationship.
|Dad again.
 Relationship.
 Okay, fine, I may not be|the world's best dater, but I do it.
 You should give it a shot.
|You're in college now.
 What else is there to do|in college but date? I'm gonna go wash my clothes now.
 Wait.
 Was that it? Is this conversation over? Sorry.
 Did I win? Okay, here.
 I want to show you this.
 "Castles of Ireland?" There is a room in here|that I've always wanted to do.
 - Here it is.
|- I love that.
 What is that wall treatment? - That's anaglyptic wallpaper.
|- What are you doing? I'm looking at anaglyptic wallpaper.
 The other three tables|are here for support? We just had a lot of books to go through.
 Luke, this is Natalie Zimmerman.
 She's gonna help us design the Dragonfly.
 - Nice to meet you.
|- Did I tell you we're having horses? The property has stables, so why not? I love horses.
 I've always loved horses|ever since I was a little girl.
 Now I finally have a grown-up excuse|to buy a pony.
 Great, listen, National Velvet,|you have to move this stuff out of here.
 - Why?|- Because this is a diner.
 - People wanna sit.
|- This is business.
 No, this is business,|and it's open, and it's decorated and it wants its seats back.
 Fine.
 Sorry about that.
 He's wants "The World's Grumpiest|Diner Guy" title from Mel.
 No problem.
 So you were telling me about|anaglyptic wallpaper? Yes.
 It's a textured paper|that we can paint or treat.
 We can distress it if you want|to give it a more vintagey look.
 That sounds interesting.
 You know, Emily actually has some|in the smaller upstairs guest bath.
 You should take a look|next time you're there.
 Emily? You mean my mother Emily? - Yes.
|- I didn't know you knew Emily.
 Yeah.
 I did her second-floor remodel|about a year ago.
 - I thought that's how you got my name.
|- No, I got your name from a magazine.
 - So you know Emily?|- It's a small world, isn't it? Yes.
 Yes, really small.
 About the same square footage|as that box they threw McCain in.
 - So, are you ready to see bedrooms?|- Yes, sure.
 Why not? Next week we finish up|with "Snows of Kilimanjaro.
 " Then, it is Hemingway's pal,|Scott Fitzgerald.
 So do yourselves a favor,|get a jump on "Tender is the Night.
 " - Good session today, huh?|- It was fine.
 I can't believe we get to sit around|and talk about books and get graded.
 I mean, there's almost nothing|I like more than talking about|a good book or a bad book or a really thick magazine.
 Hey, Trevor.
 You know what else I like to do|besides talk about a really good book? Eat.
 Isn't that weird? And, actually, for me, they're linked.
 It's true.
 When I talk about a book,|I get really hungry.
 Starving.
 - You ever experience that?|- Not really.
 Well, it happens to me all the time.
 Like right now, for example.
|Starving.
 Really.
 And I enjoyed "The Snows of Kilimanjaro"|so much that I will probably be|hungry for quite some time.
 All weekend, probably.
|Especially Saturday night.
 - Saturday night?|- Saturday night.
 Are you saying you want to go|to dinner on Saturday night? Okay.
 Yeah, I will be hungry.
 That fact has been pretty well-established.
 Okay.
 Sure.
|Let's go to dinner, Saturday night.
 - So, you're at-|- Durfee, Suite 5.
 - I'll pick you up at 7:30.
|- Sounds good.
 I gotta hand it to you there, Trevor.
|You sure are persistent.
 - Davey? You're naming him Davey?|- Yes.
 I love Davey.
 Me, too.
 I can't believe you finally|picked a name.
 It makes it real.
 Yes, because the stomach and|the massive ankles were too ambiguous.
 Does Jackson like it? He's okay with the stomach,|but the massive ankles freak him out.
 The name.
 Davey.
 - It was actually his suggestion.
|- Really? He wanted Davey if it was a boy|and Colgate if it was a girl.
 - Colgate?|- His great-grandmother's name.
 Great-grandmother Colgate.
 - Yep.
|- That's horrible.
 What's worse is she looked like a Colgate.
 At least you know it's a boy.
 Yes, but he doesn't know|it's going to be a boy.
 I realize he has to know that I thought Colgate was an insane name,|but if I didn't fight him on it it must be because I knew|we weren't having a girl.
 Then he'd know we were|gonna have a boy and that would spoil everything|for him, so I told him: "We're not naming our daughter|after a toothpaste.
 " We got in a big fight|and now we're not talking.
 - Cool!|- Yeah, I know.
 Everything's perfect.
 My baby has a name and|my husband's sleeping on the couch and I figured out that I'll go|with the Avery stove for the inn.
 - Is that okay? I know it's more expensive.
|- It's your kitchen, Sookie.
 Okay, good.
 I'm going to call Natalie|the minute I get home.
 - What's wrong?|- Nothing.
 It's the Avery.
 It's too extravagant.
 No, the Avery's fine.
 Everything's fine.
 - You're sure?|- I'm sure.
 Natalie knows my mother.
 - Emily? How?|- Yes.
 Because she did her second-floor remodel|like a year ago.
 So she really knows your mother.
 They've been shopping together.
|It's a bond.
 - Sookie, I don't know if I can-|- Lorelai, no.
 - She knows my mother.
|- So what? Sookie, my whole life,|my whole existence my essence, my being,|my ability to be this sparkling creature standing before you, all this depends on the complete, total separation of my life|from my mother's.
 That's how it works.
 - But we like Natalie.
|- We do like Natalie.
 Remember all the other designers|we met that we didn't like? Remember the one who wanted|to put the tiny mannequin in every room so lonely people would have|someone to talk to? - Yes, I do.
|- Or the purple guy.
 - Purple!|- They were horrible.
 And then we met Natalie,|and she was perfect.
 Look, just try.
|At least give Natalie a chance, okay? - Please?|- I'll try.
 Good.
 I'm gonna go home|and get going on the Avery.
 All right.
 I have to stop by Luke's.
|I'll call you later.
 - It's going to be fine.
|- Yes, it is.
 Hey, Luke.
 What's going on? Tom called.
 The banister on the stairs|has to be replaced.
 It'll be $4,000.
 Tamsin Corbally called.
 He needs a deposit|on the quarter sawn oak.
 It'll be $4,000.
 Julio the landscaper called.
 I have no idea what he said,|but it's going to be $4,000.
 Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called.
 She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke|would suit your needs but Gunsmoke snores so the stables can't be too close|to the guests' bedrooms.
 Rory's looking for her black Converse,|and one last thing: - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!|- I'm sorry.
 What'd you do,|have business cards printed? - People just know I'm here a lot.
|- I missed a call from my meat guy because I was discussing|Gunsmoke's deviated septum.
 I'm gonna call all of them|and tell them never to call me here again.
 - You bet you will.
|- Consider it done.
 - Good.
|- Just - What?|- Just one more thing.
 - Did a package arrive for me here today?|- What? - I'm sorry.
 Never mind.
|- Luke.
 Sorry.
 I'm cutting it kind of close here.
 Sorry, Ed.
 I didn't realize you were|cutting it kind of close.
 Everybody, drop everything.
|Ed's cutting it kind of close.
 - Here's your tickets.
|- You seem mad.
 Look, Ed, just go to the game|and enjoy it, okay? And choke on a hot dog while you're at it.
 I have to tell you, I am never|accepting anything free from you again.
 What a threat! Boy, you're a real master of fear, there, Ed.
 Look out, Jason and Freddy.
 Ed may never mooch off|of either one of you ever again! - What is wrong with you?|- Nothing.
 - You're yelling at Ed.
|- Ed bugs me.
 - Ed cries.
|- I'm just having a bad day.
 - Excuse me?|- Days.
 You've been stomping around,|barking at people for days.
 - I have not.
|- Yes, Cujo, you have.
 I always talk to people like that.
 - No, Benji, you don't.
|- I'll be fine tomorrow.
 Really, Lassie? Why is that? I bought tickets for Nicole|because she's a Yankees fan.
 I thought it'd be nice|if we went to a game together.
 Oh, man.
 It's no big deal.
|The closer it got to the game the more I felt like a loser.
 I'm sitting on the tickets, which means|I thought I'd be in a relationship.
 I don't know.
 Stupid.
 I broke my own rule.
 I asked for it.
 What are you talking about? Never plan for anything|more than two days in advance.
 - That's your rule?|- Yes.
 'Cause when you make plans,|you have expectations when you have expectations,|you will get disappointed.
 Having expectations gives you|something to look forward to.
 Then you're looking forward|to being constantly disappointed.
 - You're not that cynical.
|- I am today.
 I have an idea.
 - Tomorrow night is usually movie night.
|- What? Rory and I would always rent a bunch|of movies, order food.
 It was our thing.
 Now she's at school and busy,|so why don't you come over? It might be fun.
 - Okay.
|- Yeah? - Sure.
 What else have I got to do?|- I love when men say that to me.
 - What time?|-8:00.
 -8:00 it is.
|- I'll pick us up a couple movies.
 - What do you want to see?|- I don't know.
 Come on, tell me.
 I don't want to get|something you've seen.
 Don't worry.
 I haven't seen anything.
 - People always say that.
|- With me, it's true.
 - Casablanca?|- No.
 You have never seen "Casablanca?"|Are you kidding? Just get anything, please.
 - Chinatown?|- Anything at all.
 - Bonnie and Clyde?|- A video game would be nice.
 It Happened One Night? His GirI Friday? Treasure of the Sierra Madre? Diner? I saw "Mr.
 and Mrs.
 Bridge.
 " My house, 8:00.
 We have such work to do.
 I'll see you there.
 By the way, if my package arrives today,|just bring it with you, okay? Thanks.
 Hey.
 Just hold on.
 That could have been very ugly, huh? The great cappuccino disaster of 2003.
|Very sad.
 Shelley Winters drowns.
 Think the coffee was stronger|than I thought.
 - Can I take your coat?|- Thank you.
 Your daughter called|and said she was going to be late.
 - So Rory's not here yet?|- No, it's just you and your mother.
 You know what? I just remembered|I left something in the car so I'll be right back.
 Could I It's new.
|I can't be away from it just yet.
 Thanks.
 Okay.
 Back in a flash.
 Bye.
 - Our next guest will be-|- Remember that night- What are you doing? I was looking for my lip-gloss.
 You need the radio on|to look for your lip-gloss? Well, I came out here,|and I couldn't find it, and so I thought if I tried to retrace|my steps it would turn up.
 - Very clever idea.
|- Yeah, I thought so.
 So I put my purse on the seat|and I put the keys in the car naturally the radio came on,|'cause that's what it does.
 "Shadow Dancing" was playing which was one of my favorite songs|in junior high.
 - You forgot to look for your lip-gloss.
|- Just for a second.
 Which makes sense|since it's in the ashtray next to you.
 - It is.
 Look at that.
|- Yes, it's a miracle.
 Come inside, Lorelai.
 Can't I just wait till the song|I'm coming.
 You can't sit here|for three seconds without Rory.
 Not true! Stop it and sit down.
|I want to talk to you about something.
 I just found out that Sookie is pregnant.
 Don't look at me.
|I had nothing to do with it.
 May I ask|why you didn't bother to tell me? Your not telling me about Sookie|is unforgivable.
 Why? It's not like|you're such good friends.
 - I went to her wedding.
|- So did Kirk.
 I haven't sent her a gift.
|How does that make me look? Like you hate her|and all childbearing women.
 You are so intent|on keeping me out of your life.
 It's not my life.
 It's Sookie's life.
 A simple phone call to tell me|that Sookie is pregnant.
 How did you find out, anyway? Why? Are you going to track down|the informant and have him shot? - Maybe.
|- It doesn't matter how I found out.
 - I found out, no thanks to you.
|- Mom, please, tell me how you found out.
 - Why? Does it bother you not knowing?|- Yes.
 - Me, too.
|- Hey.
 - Rory, you're here.
|- I'm so sorry I'm late, Grandma.
 Hi, Mom.
 - You'll pay.
|- Sit down and tell me all about Yale.
 If you don't, she'll find out anyway.
 Yale's interesting.
|It's more free-form than I thought.
 You're an adult.
|They treat you like an adult in college.
 In college, yes.
 In the Gilmore house- We've switched subjects,|in case you were wondering.
 What are your plans for the weekend?|Any parties going on? There are always parties going on,|but I'm not going to a party.
 - I'm actually going on a date.
|- You are? - Your first college date.
|- Who's the lucky guy? - Just a guy from my English class.
|- No.
 Your English class? What happened?|I thought you turned him down.
 - You turned him down?|- I thought about it, and I reconsidered.
 - What did you do? Ask him out?|- You asked him out? - Tell me you didn't ask him out.
|- I didn't ask him out.
 I just made sure he knew I was available.
 - Better, Mom?|- No, that's not better.
 Rory, you're in Yale, not Amsterdam.
 How you conduct yourself socially|is as important as how you conduct yourself academically.
 I promise, it was very proper.
 Yes, Mom, she had a nice|Tiffany lampshade over her red light.
 Do you know where the boy's from,|who his parents are? No, I plan to find that out on the date.
 - What are you gonna wear?|- I don't know.
 - Want to borrow something?|- No, she does not.
 What's that mean? It's bad enough you haven't taught her|how to interact with the opposite sex.
 You will not dress her up in|one of your "Sex and the City" ensembles and send her out to tell the entire campus: "Don't worry.
 I'll ask you.
 " How do you know about "Sex and the City?" Something like this|outside against a wall very "Little House on the Prairie"|with a twist.
 I love "Little House on the Prairie.
 "|Jack the dog.
 Where is Lindsay Sidney Greenbush? When she came tumbling down the hill,|I would just laugh.
 - Lorelai?|- Yeah? - What do you think?|- I don't know.
 I'm not really sure.
 Just keep in mind that anything|you see here I can have duplicated.
 I've got this guy in Delaware who can|knock off anything for half the price.
 - Maybe we should go.
|- What? We just got started.
 Then maybe we should think|some more before we shop.
 What are you talking about?|We've been thinking for months.
 Let's start buying.
|Holy mother of God.
 This bench is $15,000.
 - We can find something else.
|- We don't have to find something else.
 - What are you talking about?|- We have no problem paying full price.
 - What?|- Yeah.
 No money problems|or problems of any kind.
 Our lives are perfect.
 We have|no complaints and plenty of money.
 - What're you talking about?|- You know what? I see a lawn jockey out there|that looks very interesting.
 I'll be back.
 We cannot afford that bench.
 I know that.
 I don't want her to know that.
 - Her Natalie, her?|- Yes.
 - Why?|- Because it could get back to my mother.
 - What could?|- That we have money problems.
 - We do have money problems.
|- But I don't want my mother knowing that.
 I don't want any personal information|leaked out.
 - In Emily's hands, that could be a weapon.
|- Natalie's not gonna say anything.
 How do you know she's not filling her in|on our every move on a daily basis? - You're being paranoid.
|- Oh, yeah? My mother found out|about you being pregnant.
 - Not from Natalie.
|- How do you know? Because Natalie herself didn't know|until about a half an hour ago.
 - That's her story.
|- Okay.
 This is getting crazy now.
 You've got to go out there|and talk to her about this.
 - I don't know.
|- It's the only fair thing.
 Come on.
 Go.
 Look, Natalie,|I have to say something to you.
 I feel a tad silly even mentioning it,|but I think I have to.
 Did I do something that- No.
 You did nothing.
|You've been great, really.
 Just great ideas, great attitude.
|It's just that you know my mother.
 - Yes?|- That's it.
 You know my mother.
 And my mother and I don't exactly have|the smoothest of relationships.
 Right.
 I mean,|we're not warring or anything.
 But it's just that we're very different and I feel kind of weird|sharing things with her.
 I promise you, I haven't been in contact|with your mother for a long time.
 Maybe twice she called|to get a couple of names.
 But that was it.
 I hadn't even met you yet.
 So trust me.
 She knows nothing|that you haven't told her yourself.
 - Okay.
 I feel really stupid right now.
|- No, don't.
 I enjoyed working with your mother.
 But this inn is the kind of thing|that I love to do.
 The place has incredible potential.
 Somebody's gonna get a chance|to make it a wonderful inn.
 I would be heartsick|if I lost this opportunity.
 I haven't spoken to Emily in months.
|I doubt I'll be speaking to her in the future.
 - I promise.
|- Okay.
 - Really?|- Absolutely.
 - I'm so glad.
|- So am I.
 So now that I talked myself|back into a job what do you think the outlook|for this lawn jockey is? Not good.
 - Emily would hate it.
|- Wrap it up.
 Okay.
 So this is option number four.
 - Tanna.
|- Yes? We're doing the whole bonding thing now.
 Okay.
 Sorry.
 Start again.
 What do you think? Men respond subconsciously|to a woman's pheromones.
 You should run in place till he gets here.
 - It'll give you a nice musk.
|- Go back to your leg.
 Roommates meeting starts|in two minutes.
 I told you to stop with the math|and the Sharpies on my good sheets.
 Okay.
 Sorry.
 How come the puppy doesn't pee|on your bed? - I'll be right out, Paris.
|- Hurry up.
 All right, everyone.
 Take a seat, please.
 Rory, one last curtsy, and let's move.
 My date will be here in 10 minutes,|so talk fast.
 Thank you all for coming.
 I'd like to start this meeting by saying|that no one here is on trial.
 This meeting is about healing,|it is about redemption about accepting responsibility|and making amends.
 I don't believe this.
 This is a forum for us|to air our grievances so we can resolve them|and go on with our lives.
 Since I'm already standing,|why don't I start? This is thrilling.
 Setting your alarm|for 5:30 in the morning when no one else here|shares the desire to put on nylon shorts and run in circles for an hour|like a greyhound is selfish.
 I have a partial athletic scholarship, Paris.
 The grunting and sweating,|there're plastic balls everywhere.
 - One balance ball.
|- No one can sleep.
 No one can breathe.
 Rory missed breakfast the other day.
 You've seen Rory eat.
|She cannot miss breakfast.
 - Paris has a point there.
|- Excuse me, if I remember correctly Rory missed breakfast|because you turned her alarm off.
 Janet does have a point there.
 While we're airing grievances,|what about your stupid craft area? Everywhere you turn,|there's glitter or seashells or macaroni.
 And the smell of the glue.
 I make things we can all enjoy.
|I am contributing.
 The coasters I make are for everyone.
|Those push-ups are for only you.
 - I vote we get rid of craft corner.
|- No.
 That's my emotional homework! - Okay, let's just all calm down for a sec.
|- No.
 I cannot calm down.
 I've tried to be reasonable.
 I've told myself over and over: "Imagine what she's been through|to turn out like that.
 " - A lot!|- But you're impossible! - I'm sick of your constant negativity!|- You're on steroids, aren't you? That's what's behind|this obsessive behavior.
 You're calling me obsessive? Excuse me.
 I'm not intimidated or afraid of you.
 Hi.
 You ready to go? Just one sec.
 We're finishing up|a roommates meeting.
 - I'll race you.
|- What? To Hewitt's quad and back.
|I win, no alarm before 7:00 a.
 m.
 You win, I move my crafts area|into Rory's and my room.
 - Forget it.
 I am not gonna race-|- On your marks, get set, go.
 Now they're gonna have a nice musk.
 - Shall we?|- After you.
 Man bearing bags of food.
 Come in.
 - I went a little overboard here.
|- No such thing.
 I got tons of fries, half a pumpkin pie.
 - You got whipped cream?|- Always.
 I wasn't sure what to do with the burgers.
 Sometimes you order double cheese,|sometimes you don't.
 So I brought one with|normal cheese and one with - What did you do?|- I ordered food.
 - I said I'd bring food.
|- So I can't contribute? Like I'm a piker? No.
 Just that I didn't need to bring food.
 Well, I'm leftover girl.
 I'll have burgers tonight|and the Chinese food during the week.
 You just should have ordered|the Chinese fresh tomorrow.
 I don't like fresh Chinese food.
|I like stale Chinese food.
 I give up.
 - I got you a nice, cold beer.
|- Appreciate it.
 Okay.
 You are one click away from "Casablanca.
 " - Start it up.
|- No.
 - You need to get situated.
 You situated?|- I'm situated.
 You need to squish around a little.
|Come on.
 Squish around a little bit.
 I'm fine how I am.
 Okay, but you can't squish|during the movie because it's distracting.
|That's rule number one.
 - There's rules?|- Yeah.
 Especially for a true classic|like "Casablanca.
 " It's not like we're watching|a there's-nothing-else-on movie or a guilty pleasure like "Hardbodies.
 " - Have you seen "Hardbodies?"|- I don't think so.
 Three middle-aged guys rent a beach|house and they hire a young local stud to introduce them to cute girls,|a.
 k.
a.
 hardbodies.
 - Let's see that.
|- No, Luke.
 We're seeing "Casablanca.
 " - Then let's see that.
|- Rest of the rules: No talking during the movie.
|No exceptions during a true classic.
 And minimize distraction.
 No shifting around a lot,|no phone calls, nothing.
 No going to the bathroom.
 If you go, you miss the movie,|because we're not pausing.
 It's the only way to get|the flow of the thing.
 - Fair enough.
|- Okay.
 Here we go.
 What's that? No talking during the movie and B: Don't tell me you've never seen|the FBl warning before.
 - It's new to me.
|- Oh, my God.
 You're beyond Monk.
 You're uber Monk.
 - Just start it up.
 I won't talk again.
|- Just one more warning.
 When they showed the first motion picture|over a 100 years ago it featured a train|rushing toward the camera and people were so sure the train was going to burst|off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror.
 Now, Luke, the train is not|going to leave the screen.
 - Hit the button.
|- Okay.
 Hang on to this.
|We'll page you when the table's ready.
 Thank you.
 A riot of color.
 Geeky but cool.
 - Ever been to Italy?|- No.
 Yes.
 What am I saying?|Yes.
 I was just there.
 - Hard thing to forget.
|- Yeah.
 I'm just so used to not having been anywhere.
 - But yeah, I have.
|- What's it like? Terrific.
 Boy, they have these places all over.
 Two in Miami, Detroit.
|Hey, two in my hometown.
 - Now, that's a great town.
|- Definitely.
 - So you've been there?|- Where? - Chicago.
|- Is that where you're from? - I thought you saw where I was pointing.
|- Oh, no.
 I miss things about home|that I didn't think I'd miss.
 My little brother Brian.
|He drove me crazy my whole life and now I can't wait for his e-mails.
 - You have any siblings?|- No.
 I read this article once|about restaurants like this where they have an open bowl of mints|you grab on your way out.
 When people come out of the bathroom|a lot of them don't wash hands.
 They'll grab a mint and walk out and people have studied the mints|and found traces of urine in them.
 So they're urine mints.
 - We're being paged.
|- Good.
 Right this way.
 - Thank you.
|- Enjoy.
 Sam, I thought I told you never to play - Stop doing that.
|- No talking.
 - Then stop doing that.
|- Doing what? Looking at me.
 Vain party, table for one.
 You know what I mean.
 You're watching|me watch the movie.
 It's creepy.
 I enjoy watching people watch|certain parts of certain movies.
 But you look over|before something big happens - so I always know something's coming.
|- I do? You did it just before Humphrey Bogart|saw Ingrid Bergman for the first time.
 She's the co-star.
|You knew something was coming.
 - There goes our flow.
|- We missed stuff while we were talking.
 - You're back too far.
 We've seen this.
|- I didn't know.
 I was looking at you.
 - We'll never get through this.
|- Mom, are you there? - Wait.
|- Come on.
 Mom, if you're there, pick up.
 - Honey, are you okay?|- There goes the phone rule.
 This whole night is sucking.
 What? How? You're right.
 I've never dated before.
 I know that now|because of this feeling I have.
 I've never had this feeling before.
 Sort of frozen, sort of unsure sort of wishing you'd read|a lot of dating articles? I have no idea what I'm doing here.
 Everyone is staring because they know|we're on a bad first date.
 - So the guy's a dud?|- Trevor's fine.
 I'm moronic.
 I bring the conversation to a crashing halt|every time I speak.
 - Where is he now?|- In the bathroom.
 Probably pondering my anecdote|about urine mints.
 About what? People go to the bathroom and don't|wash their hands and take a mint.
 Oh, my God, I've been eating|those mints for years.
 - Hey, did you know about urine mints?|- What? I've forgotten everything he said to me.
 The name of his brother|and sister and best friend.
 We're sitting on the same side|of the table.
 We keep bumping menus and my neck already hurts from trying to turn|and look at him when he talks.
 Can I tell him to sit on the other side? Honey, you have to relax.
 It's just a date, and sometimes|dates don't go well.
 I'm sorry I can't be of more help|but if he's back and you're on the phone - it might make things awkward.
|- Bite the bullet, huh? Yeah.
 Sorry, but yeah.
 Okay.
 I'll talk to you later.
 Bye.
 - Poor thing.
|- Dating's the worst.
 Yeah, but they're sitting|on the same side of the table and that's awkward,|and she can't think of what to say next and she's just got to go through it|and figure it out on her own.
 You just have to throw them out there and let them learn|what those wings are for.
 She could say there's a draft.
 - What?|- Where's she sitting.
 She could say the air conditioning|is hitting her and switch - and blame it on that.
|- That's perfect.
 - Hey, is he back yet?|- No.
 Say there's a draft|and move to the other side of the table.
 It's very ladylike to feel drafts.
 - And he'll totally understand.
|- Okay.
 Good.
 Then ask what his brother|and sister's names are.
 He'II like that you cared enough|to confirm.
 - That feels right.
|- Don't worry about conversation.
 Just talk, and if the talk|doesn't flow, it doesn't.
 Stay away from urine-related topics,|and you're good to go.
 Thanks, Mom.
 The draft thing was Luke's.
 - Thank him for me, too.
 I'd better go.
|- Go.
 Oh, good.
 I feel so much better.
|She says thanks.
 I wouldn't trade places with her|for the world.
 You wouldn't want to go out|with a boy named Trevor? You might want to wait|and see his picture.
 I mean dating.
 It's a horror.
 It's the only cure for the singleness thing,|barring ordering a spouse off the net.
 - I missed nothing by not dating.
|- Not true.
 If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single.
 I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights|at Tony Roma's.
 But dating is how you get to know|your potential partner.
 There's the gut.
 I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone|within seconds of meeting them.
 I feel it here.
|I felt it with Rachel, I felt it with Nicole.
 - I was immediately relaxed.
|- You've got the gut thing.
 It's just knowing|that someone will let you be.
 - That's a gut thing.
|- You're fast-forwarding.
 - I just want to get to the good parts.
|- There are no bad parts of "Casablanca.
 " Just go back.
 Back.
 I'm gonna go grab dessert.
 Phone again.
 - Who is this?|- Who's this? This is Emily Gilmore.
 Who's this? Luke Danes, Mrs.
 Gilmore.
|Your daughter's friend from the diner.
 I'm not really supposed to be talking here.
|Hang on.
 - Why did you answer the phone?|- You answered it before.
 But that was Rory.
|You should have told her I'm not here.
 - Then what would I be doing here?|- Light maintenance.
 - You broke a rule.
|- You've broken every rule.
 Dodging my mother's phone calls|isn't a movie-night rule.
 It's an always-rule.
 Hi, Mom.
 What's up? You're telling people|they can't speak to me? No, Mom.
 It's just a little movie-night rule.
 If you and Luke wanna talk,|you guys can talk.
 - I'm talking about Natalie Zimmerman.
|- Natalie? I called her today about sprucing up|a room for me she did a year ago and, as you would say, she blew me off.
 What did she say? She said she couldn't help me out|but she wouldn't say why so I leaned on her a bit.
 She cracked and said|she'd made you certain promises.
 Mom, I never told her|she couldn't work for you.
 - She said you did.
|- No.
 Our agreement was- So there was an agreement.
 - Yes, but-|- To exclude me? No.
 Not exactly.
 Perhaps it would be easier|if you just gave me a list of the people I'm not allowed|to have contact with.
 So far, I know there's Natalie, and Sookie,|and Luke on movie night.
 What about Richard?|Am I allowed to talk to my husband? Mom, this is just a big misunderstanding.
|Go ahead and hire Natalie.
 But you'll still have a problem|with us using her.
 I will cease working with her.
|She's all yours.
 I'll tell her tomorrow.
 Wonderful.
 So it'll be my fault|she loses the job.
 No, Lorelai, you keep her and I promise I'll never speak to her ever.
 If she's bleeding on the side of the road,|I'll drive by, pretend I didn't see.
 - Mom.
|- I have to go.
 - I'm firing Natalie.
|- That's up to you.
 - Consider it done.
|- I'll see you Friday.
 Yep.
 All right, I'll make it easier for you.
 Go ahead and shoot.
|You'll be doing me a favor.
 I know just how you feel, Rick.
 Mom? Tell me he didn't fall asleep|during "Casablanca.
 " No, we made it through that.
 He fell asleep during "Hardbodies.
 " How do you fall asleep|during a classic like "Hardbodies?" There's no accounting for taste.
 - He looks comfy there, doesn't he?|- Yeah, he does.
 So, you want to talk about it|or forget about it? There's nothing much to talk about.
|It was just bad.
 I got better as the night went on.
|Talked a little more.
 He was very nice, just not my type.
|And the whole draft thing backfired.
 How so? I switched over|to the other side of the table.
 Then he started to feel the same draft|and came over to my side.
 - But we made up the draft.
|- The power of suggestion.
 - Boys are so malleable.
|- It just all seemed so forced.
 I felt like I was locked in|to this pointless societal ritual.
 - There has to be another way.
|- Luke and I were debating that.
 He thinks it's about gut instinct.
 You know instantly|if a person is right for you.
 I think you have to go through|a lot to find a contender.
 You've been very lucky with boys before.
|They were just always sort of there.
 But, I think, for the most part,|a girl's got to hunt a little.
 - Go through a lot of non-contenders.
|- Yes.
 Then the non-contenders|become your fun bad-date anecdotes.
 In fact, on your next date,|tell him about your bad date.
 - What if that date is bad?|- Then you have an anecdote - for your next date.
|- How long does this go on? You've seen "Grey Gardens.
 "|It could go on forever.
 - Just shoot me now.
|- Hang in there.
 - Go with Luke's gut thing if all else fails.
|- Maybe.
 - Yeah?|- I think my clothes were in there.
 Yeah, somebody had already|dumped them out so I put them in my basket|to keep them clean.
 - Hope you don't mind.
|- No.
 Thanks.
 That's the coolest laundry basket|I've ever seen.
 I love The Smiths.
 I had an older brother|that got me into them.
 My friends were listening|to Hootie and the Blowfish I was memorizing "Meat is Murder.
 " I've a mom who's cooler|than anyone you'd meet.
 - She did the same thing.
|- Mine's a plain old soccer mom but she's great.
 Being away like this makes you think|about stuff like that, doesn't it? Home? Totally.
 Would you maybe want to get|a cup of coffee sometime? In between classes or something? I don't think so, but thanks.
 You're welcome.
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