# GilmoreGirls-S04E08
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s04e08

- More broccoli, Grandpa?|- Absolutely.
 Staves off the cancer.
 Staves off my appetite.
 You really should eat|more green things, Lorelai.
 - I plan to eat a $5 bill later tonight.
|- Have you seen the new $20s? - They have a peach color in them.
|- Peach? Perfect.
 I'll eat a new $20,|I'll have my fruits and vegetables.
 I think we saw some of the new $20s|in Atlantic City, didn't we, Emily? - I think.
|- How was Atlantic City? Successful? Very.
 Siskel's chimed in.
 What about you? - I'm refraining.
|- It's a bit of a sore subject.
 - We'll talk about something else.
|- The garishness.
 Thus spake Ebert.
 Why have a simple sign|if it can be in bright, flashing neon? And the new slot machines they don't just make|obnoxious bell sounds anymore.
 They yell at you.
 The slot machines were talking to you?|Sure it wasn't you? They talk.
 I can verify that.
 One of them kept yelling,|"Wheel of fortune! " The parking lot of the hotel|we stayed at, had an area for RVs.
 - Perish the thought.
|- And the boardwalk I've always wanted to see|the Atlantic City Boardwalk.
 I'll save you a trip.
 Tip an overflowing trashcan|on your front porch and walk up and down on it.
 It was actually quite a successful outing.
 Maybe not to our taste,|but the clients loved it.
 The clients were too plastered|to know better.
 Kind of the point.
 Two of them stayed up all night,|and smelled like it.
 - That was a tad gross.
|- One of them, a married man had a long conversation with how shall I put this delicately,|a woman of less than reputable nature.
 Do hookers charge to let you talk to them? Depends on what they're doing|when they're talking to you.
 - Rory.
|- Sorry.
 I expect that from your mother,|but not you.
 - It's just a joke.
|- Yale is broadening her world-view.
 - Digger was in his element.
|- You mean Jason was in his element.
 - He caroused along with the best of them.
|- You carouse any, Dad? I played a little craps.
|The tables were ice-cold.
 What's the next outing|Jason has planned for your clients? Spring break in Cancùn,|so you can do shots off people's bellies? - I'm uncomfortable hearing you say that.
|- Me, too.
 I can assure you, Emily,|that there are no belly shots in our future.
 Although doing one off Dad's belly is okay.
|You're married.
 And those heinous gifts he gave out.
 We had little roulette wheels printed up|with our company name on it.
 They were a big hit.
|Perfect for an executive's table.
 - I got one for each of you.
|- Don't.
 It's embarrassing.
 They're cute.
 They're the antithesis of class,|so like Digger.
 That was his nickname as a boy,|and he's sensitive about it.
 I've never called him that to his face.
 You did at that craps table,|and then he sevened-out.
 Let's discuss something|other than New Jersey.
 I am more than willing.
 Have you guys read any of Rory's articles|in the Yale newspaper? - Of course, we've read them all.
|- Fine work, Rory.
 - The "Yale Daily News" is lucky to have you.
|- It's really not a big deal.
 - They're right.
 Take your props.
|- You'll be running that paper before long.
 - I'm not even on staff yet.
|- You're not? These are just tryout articles to qualify.
 You have to write something|for every department.
 If those pass muster, then you're on staff.
 Your coverage of that lacrosse match|was very exciting.
 For two seconds, I almost|gave a flying you-know-what about lacrosse.
 I liked your coverage|on the new funds approved for upkeep on the Divinity Quadrangle.
 - You made it sing.
|- We're having all your articles laminated.
 - That's very nice.
|- Yes! Got my number.
 It just seems like a quaint archaism.
 If you're a good journalist,|why make you jump through hoops and write all these tryout articles?|Stale bagel.
 It's a time-honored tradition.
|All our forebears had to do it.
 If they had fought it,|we wouldn't be dealing with it now.
 - What are you looking for?|- My article.
 I did a review|of the chamber music recital.
 Must be in there somewhere.
 And that's the other thing.
|They print everything.
 That's weird.
 They'd print my mattress tag|if it fits the margins.
 - It's not here.
|- Impossible.
 - No, I've looked pretty thoroughly.
|- Must be a mistake.
 It's really not here.
 Parakeets will be crapping|on something else in the morning.
 They're all stale.
 Morning.
 - Hi, Doyle.
|- Hi, Rory.
 Coffee mint? No, thanks.
 I'm addicted to these things.
|So is Bob Woodward.
 So I hear.
 Not that I'm copying him.
|What's up? I was wondering if there was|a problem with my review.
 - Which was yours, the quartet?|- Chamber music at Sprague Hall.
 Right.
 - Did I get it in late?|- No, right on time.
 You're good about that.
 - But you didn't print it.
|- No, we didn't.
 - So, space issue?|- No, we always have the space.
 It was just a bit of a yawn.
 - A yawn?|- Yeah.
 Chamber music recitals are very low-key,|kind of yawny affairs.
 - Pretty music, but no stage diving.
|- I meant the writing.
 - The writing was kind of a yawn?|- Don't sweat it.
 You'll do better next time.
 - Right, sure.
|- My mother liked it.
 - Liked what?|- The recital.
 She's old.
 Excuse me.
 Sure.
 - Your article didn't get in?|- No, it didn't.
 Mine did.
 Good.
 I'm going to get a bagel.
 He actually used the word "yawn"?|What a jerk.
 - You should punch him where it counts.
|- He's just doing his job.
 - He could've been more diplomatic.
|- The word "yawn" is insulting.
 I was actually tired when I wrote it,|so it probably wasn't my best work.
 I should write my articles|at night first, then study.
 I still say yawn guy needs a little learning.
 Yeah.
 Kick him where the sun don't shine.
 You really are not good at threats.
 - I know, and I hate that.
|- I'll just chalk it in to experience.
 - What time do you have?|-3:55.
 Five minutes to my call with Dave.
|I should get home.
 - Are we still mad at him?|- We never were.
 That's right.
 Must be Jackson.
 We're mad at Jackson|for something he said to Sookie.
 - No, we're not.
|- You sure? Must be Gypsy.
|We're mad at her husband? - She's not married.
|- This is gonna bug me.
 So, how is Dave? He's great.
|I just wish he weren't 3,000 miles away.
 How did he take the news you found|a replacement for him in the band? - He was a little weird about it.
|- That's why we're mad at him.
 - We're not mad at Dave.
|- Must be Jackson.
 I miss that boy.
 - He'll be home for Christmas, right?|- He'd better be.
 - This is my stop.
|- Say hi to the baby for me.
 - Find out who we're mad at.
|- We're not mad at anybody.
 We're always mad at somebody.
 Hi.
 Door is open.
 Aren't they home? - They are home.
 I'm not welcome in it.
|- What? - Lorelai, come on in.
|- I'm being discriminated against.
 Go, enjoy.
 - Michel can't come in?|- No.
 - I'm Rosa Parks.
|- Why can't Rosa Parks come in? - He sneezed.
|- Five days ago.
 I can't take a chance with the baby.
 It's a business meeting.
|The baby should not attend.
 He's a week old.
|Should he take in a movie? I got dust up my nose.
|It made me sneeze.
 I am not sick.
 - Come on in.
|- Sorry.
 Not funny.
 There he is.
 Little Davey, peekaboo.
 You have a widdle nose.
 No, Aunt Lorelai's got your nose.
|Do you want it back? Do you? - He's not indicating that he wants it back.
|- Then I'm going to keep it.
 This is painful.
 - He said his first word this morning.
|- Who? Michel? - What did he say?|- He said, "A-oopah.
 " Did you say "a-oopah"? Did you? You're very talented.
 Did you know that? If I throw up, do you want it|on the bushes or the grass? - Michel, don't you like babies?|- I don't know.
 I've never been near one.
 I thought today was my chance.
 - I brought pastries.
|- Excellent.
 Do you want one, Michel? So I can look even sadder,|sitting and eating pastry by myself? - No, thank you.
 Can we start?|- Okay.
 I'm here to report|that the Dragonfly is officially demoed and stripped to its studs to the point where|it looks worse than ever and you can't imagine it|ever looking good again.
 - Excellent.
|- There are big flying things out here.
 But we're on schedule.
 When I left,|the plumbing contractor was unloading all sorts of impressive-looking copper|pipes, so that's something, I guess, and Bruce.
 - Hello.
|- I thought you'd gone.
 - I came back.
|- There you go.
 Bruce is not only a midwife,|she's also a lactation specialist.
 - Is that the sneezer?|- It was dust.
 What are these big green things|with wings? Bruce, I didn't get a chance|to tell you how impressed I was by the home birth.
 It was just amazing to watch|and very special.
 - Did you talk baby talk to Davey?|- Yes.
 Every second|Davey's brain is hard-wiring for life.
 Baby talk can retard|his language acquisition rate.
 - Is that what you want?|- Definitely not.
 I want him fully tarded.
 This flying green thing is toying with me.
 - In five minutes we'll feed.
|- Five minutes.
 Did I tell you she donates her services|to indigent inner-city mothers? - It's okay.
|- This thing is getting ready to dive-bomb.
 So, Davey, beautiful day,|what would you like to discuss? Middle-East peace, the space program?|I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God.
 He said, "The answer|to the problems in the Mideast is: "I have to poop.
 " - He got distracted.
|- And now there's no peace? Davey, come on, man,|hard-wire those adult thoughts and try to remember what we're talking And he said that|Thursday's impossible to start work.
 - I reminded him about our contract.
|- Good, because he needed to be reminded.
 - So that's all taken care of.
|- I'm being attacked by green things.
 It's time to feed.
 - This has been a very productive meeting.
|- Very.
 Hi, Doyle.
 Got something for you.
 - Your new review?|- My new review.
 Remember the "New Zoo Revue?" - Henrietta Hippo?|- Freddie The Frog.
 Who was the third one? I'm drawing a blank.
 When there's three of something,|you forget the third one.
 It's a statistical thing.
 - Do you want me to come back?|- No, let's look at it now.
 I drank a lot of coffee before writing this,|so hopefully it won't be a yawn.
 Good.
 - Doyle?|- Just a sec.
 - You're crossing everything out.
|- Not everything.
 The only thing you haven't crossed out|is what you haven't read.
 Hold on, okay? It's better than your last one.
|You're showing progress.
 Really.
 - Is this some kind of hazing?|- Hazing? I put a lot of time into this.
 I know.
 It's definitely not for lack of trying.
 Is it something personal?|Did I do something to offend you? This is how it works.
|It's not personal.
 It's just not very good.
 I rewrote it four times,|and I researched it so thoroughly.
 Don't worry about facts.
 You've gotten|those right.
 Stan, file this for me.
 - So, it's not good?|- I couldn't tell what you really thought.
 - But I tried so hard.
|- I know.
 So, I should try less hard? Just write what you think.
|You have opinions, don't you? - Sure I do.
|- That's what'll work.
 - Sounds simple.
|- It can be.
 Charlie the Owl.
 That's the third one.
 Right, Charlie.
 Guess I'll go.
 Don't worry.
 Either you'll get the hang of things,|or you won't.
 - Just make sure this one's good.
|- Got it.
 - Pretty.
 Yale's got the big bucks.
|- I guess.
 - This is gonna be fun.
|- It's work for me.
 Are those our seats,|all saved and everything? One of the advantages|of being with the press.
 Are you okay? I'm the happiest unpublished writer|in the newspaper biz.
 - You are not unpublished.
|- I am recently unpublished.
 Don't forget your lacrosse story triumph.
 Maybe lacrosse is the only thing|I'm good at writing about.
 And I'd never heard of it|before I was assigned it.
 Hopefully, there'll be|plenty of well-paid, full-time lacrosse-writing positions for me|at the major news organizations.
 - You need chocolate.
|- Chocolate and talent.
 Stop that.
 Maybe I'm just not cut out|for college journalism.
 Maybe I peaked in high school.
|Man, that's a depressing thought.
 You didn't peak.
 This is just a different environment|and a bigger league - and that's half the fun, isn't it?|- Kind of.
 Here we go.
 I love these seats.
 They're so important.
 She recovered quickly.
 The floor must be slippery.
 I don't think the guy is supposed to wince|when he lifts the ballerina.
 Maybe it was involuntary? She wasn't supposed|to kick him like that, was she? I don't think so.
 It gives new meaning|to the word "nutcracker.
 " That was terrible.
 - From the opening kerplunk.
|- It just kept getting worse.
 - I'm in physical discomfort.
|- That lead ballerina has no friends.
 How can you tell? No one gave her the heads-up|on the roll of fat around the bra strap.
 Maybe she just has|no friends in the ballet.
 All ballet people do is ballet.
 If she has no friends in the ballet,|she has no friends.
 Holy moly.
 I wonder how many times|I can use the word "blows" in an article - before it becomes redundant.
|- What are you gonna write? - I don't know.
 What I think, I guess.
|- Really? Apparently, that's what was missing|from my other pieces: my opinion.
 If you want my opinion that end curtain came down|way too slowly.
 - I'll try to work that in.
|- If Vincent Gallo could just see this he'd feel a whole lot better|about "Brown Bunny.
 " - Nice.
|- Nice? - Really great job.
|- Really? - Really.
|- Wow.
 - Thanks.
|- Thank you.
 Stan, get this to layout.
 - I love doing that.
|- And you look good doing it.
 - Coffee mint?|- Thanks.
 This piece is beautiful.
|My wife's gonna flip.
 Good.
 It's very fragile,|so keep it away from young children.
 We don't have children.
 You should.
|Everyone should have children.
 - Okay.
 Thank you.
|- You're welcome.
 - Lane?|- Yes, Mama? - I have something for Dave.
|- For my Dave? Something for you to send to him|in California.
 Special gift from me to him.
 - Really?|- Wrap it and take it to the post office.
 Definitely.
 This is sweet, Mama.
 He's a good boy.
|He's going to make a good man.
 - I agree.
|- I'm going to make some tea.
 So, I looked up what Bruce said|about baby talk and she was right.
 - You should never talk baby talk to a baby.
|- That's sad.
 I've been calling all my friends|and relatives with babies to tell them to|immediately stop talking to them.
 You mean, stop talking baby talk? No, it's better|that they just stop altogether.
 - Ittle-bitty Michel.
|- Now, stop that.
 I like talking baby talk and I can't do it to babies,|so I need an outlet.
 And you're my outwet,|wittle Michel with the happy hair.
 - Goodbye.
|- You no wanna eat? Look at him walking.
 Big boy walkies.
 I'm good, thank you.
 - Nicole.
|- Hi, Lorelai.
 I'll be Look at you there.
 - Nice to see you.
|- Yeah.
 Does Luke know you're here? - He's just in the back.
 Do you want him?|- No, I don't want him.
 I was just coming in for a bite|with a friend Not my imaginary friend.
 My friend Michel was with me,|but he doesn't eat normal food so he's not coming in.
 So, you good? - Very good.
 And you?|- Very good, too.
 I'm just still living here in Stars Hollow,|and Rory's going to Yale.
 - I knew that.
|- Of course.
 Naturally, you would be all filled in|because Luke's talking to you regularly.
 I met a bunch of lawyers from your firm.
 - Really?|- I did, yes, because, I'm They were coming in to see Luke,|and I'm in here a lot, so- - Yeah, they're good guys.
|- Really good guys.
 They like you a lot.
 They're the partners at my firm.
 So they have to like you.
|So, is Luke coming out? He should be.
 - You know, I'm not hungry.
|- No? I just remembered, I just ate.
 - But it's really good to see you.
|- Same here.
 Really good.
 Okay.
 So - Hello?|- Thank God.
 Lane? I just had the biggest fight with Dave|that we've ever had - and it's all my mother's fault.
|- Your mother? Why? Get this.
 Earlier today, my mom|asked me to wrap something she wants to send to Dave.
 - Is it his birthday?|- No, this was something else altogether.
 You holding on to your hat? I'm not wearing one,|but I can pretend to be.
 - It's the jug.
|- What jug? - The jug.
 The big jug, the monumental jug.
|- What jug? Remember when I was a kid,|my mother showed me this special jug that's been passed down|in my family for years in a long-standing Kim tradition|that she'll personally present to the boy I'm going to wed? - Oh, my God, the marriage jug?|- The marriage jug.
 She's sending Dave the marriage jug?|What does that mean? I'm guessing it means|she's reserving a hall and ordering that|"Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.
 - This is serious.
|- No kidding.
 - I had forgotten all about it.
|- I didn't.
 It's been on that shelf all my life.
|I liked that it was there.
 It was a nice tradition.
|I had pleasant associations with it.
 Now I want to break it|into a million pieces.
 - What inspired her?|- Who knows? Have you been sending out|a vibe or something? - No.
 What kind of vibe?|- A marriage vibe.
 I don't know what that is.
|Maybe.
 I love Dave.
 If you love a boy,|do you automatically send out a vibe? - I don't think so.
|- I feel weird just saying that.
 Why did you and Dave get into a big fight? I didn't send him the jug,|but I had to give him a heads-up in case he called here innocently and my mom said something like,|"You rent that tux yet?" So, I did, and he was very against|getting the jug.
 - You thought he'd be all for it?|- No, but he was way too down on the idea.
 - Lane, he's 18.
 He just started college.
|- I know.
 Jug or no jug,|he's not ready to get married.
 - I know.
|- And neither are you.
 - I know.
 Someday, maybe.
|- Yes, someday.
 But not now.
 Now we're about to get into a fight? No, there have just been enough|young people marrying in my life.
 - I don't want any more.
|- Okay.
 - What are you gonna do?|- I don't know.
 She's going to expect a call|or a note from him thanking his soon-to-be mother-in-law,|or she'll be offended.
 - Probably.
|- I guess I've got to talk to her about it.
 I don't see any other way.
 - Whoa.
|- What? Someone wrote something on our door.
|"Die jerk.
 " - It says "Die jerk"?|- It's not coming off.
 CooI things like that|never happen at Adventist SchooI.
 - Rory.
|- Someone wrote "Die jerk" on our door.
 I thought the person who did it|was back to make to keep the promise.
 - Who did this?|- We'll find out and strike back hard.
 - We're assembling inside.
|- Lane, I gotta go.
 We're assembling.
 - Sorry about the jug.
|- It's okay.
 Keep me posted.
 You, too.
 Bye.
 What's your business here? - Fun stuff, huh, guys?|- Yeah, it's ridiculous.
 I may have been here when it happened.
 - And you heard nothing?|- No.
 Way to have that radar up.
 Let's not make each other feel bad.
 Hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships|and retaliate.
 We gotta go full-out Sharon.
 - There's gonna be another strike?|- You wanna wait to find out? First, we should each make a list|of our enemies starting with most recent,|and working our way back.
 - Can't we let this go?|- It may just be a joke.
 - I'm not laughing.
 Anyone here laughing?|- I guess it is vandalism.
 More than that.
 This is an assault|that should be met head-on using extreme prejudice.
 Now, let's face it.
|I'm the most likely target.
 So I've already made up a list of enemies,|which I've narrowed down from 26 to five.
 - Just at Yale?|- Just in this building.
 - Maybe we should move.
|- Retreat? I think not.
 There's a girl in my volleyball team|who's livid at me.
 - I kissed her boyfriend.
|- I'm exceedingly dull.
 Keep her close.
 What about you? - Me?|- Made anyone mad lately? Please, that would be like|Dorothy pissing off The Tin Man.
 - It's impossible.
|- I'm not leaving my room.
 I'll keep you posted.
 - My five are already taken care of.
|- They're taken care of? I got my East Side 860 partners on it.
|Now, let's move.
 - Want to watch TV?|- Something light.
 I'm with you.
 - Hi, Luke.
|- Take a seat anywhere.
 - Very hungry.
|- Yeah? You're in the right place.
 - Twice.
|- What? This is my second trip today.
 - Right.
 You didn't eat?|- You knew I was here? - Why didn't you stay?|- I wasn't that hungry.
 So, what's new? Got some new coffee pots.
 - Anything else?|- New filters.
 - Anything else?|- No.
 - Anything else?|- Other than "no"? No.
 Nicole, Luke.
 Nicole was here.
 She's the one who told you|that I was here and didn't stay.
 She's new.
 Nothing new? You saw her, so it's not new.
 It's so new.
 What's going on there? We're kind of seeing each other again.
 - Thank you.
 And, boy!|- It's not heavy-duty.
 - So, you're not getting divorced?|- We put it on hold.
 - The divorce? Can you do that?|- I don't know.
 It's all new to me.
 - So, is she moving in with you?|- No.
 You're husband and wife.
|It's not a crazy question.
 We're man and woman.
 We're seeing each other|as if we're not husband and wife.
 The state of Connecticut|sees it differently.
 To the state,|you're sharing a toothbrush holder and deciding together whether|there's enough in the dishwasher to justify running it.
 Hopefully, the state|will stay out of my way.
 - What about taxes?|- What about them? - You file single, jointly? What do you do?|- That's not for months.
 - You can't put it off.
|- I'm not doing my taxes right now.
 - Capone?|- What? - They got him for tax evasion.
|- I don't plan on evading my taxes.
 - Look, why are you pressing this?|- Because it's weird.
 You think it's weird? Yes.
 I am a cross section|of the community.
 If I think it's weird,|then Rory thinks it's weird.
 - Then Miss Patty thinks that, and so on.
|- We're not dealing with it right now.
 We're just letting things happen|as they happen.
 - We're going with the flow.
|- You're going with the flow? We're going with the flow.
 That's so|strum your sitar, dig the maharishi pass the Owsley, Summer of Love,|flower power, hippie-dippie.
 Can't stand it.
 You don't have to.
 I hope you're not expecting|a wedding present 'cause I'm putting it on hold|till this whole thing clears up.
 - Fine.
|- It's a good present.
 - You haven't gotten it yet.
|- It would have been a good present.
 What is it? You don't like Nicole? I like Nicole.
 She's very nice.
|I don't think she likes me.
 She likes you fine.
|And, yes, she is very nice.
 And I missed her and she missed me.
|So we're dating again putting off the hassle|of getting a stupid divorce.
 Avoiding that hassle|is the nice fringe benefit of getting back together again.
 The hassle.
 Now we're getting down to it.
 If the divorce wasn't a hassle,|would you have gotten together with her? - I don't wanna talk about it.
|- Is that why we're friends 'cause it'll be a hassle to tell me|you don't want to be friends? - What do you wanna eat?|- Eating's a hassle.
 I'll just starve.
 And I'll starve right here because it would be too much hassle|to get up and leave.
 I'll work around you.
 And if it's too big a hassle|to get rid of my body after I die of starvation,|just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet.
 No hassle.
 - Good.
|- See you.
 Wow, she's moving.
 I was kidding about the decomposing here.
 - But you still haven't eaten.
|- I'm not hungry, again.
 Fine.
 See you.
 And I liked the old coffee pots.
|The new ones look stupid.
 - Someone was looking for you.
|- Who? It's probably better|that they don't find you.
 - You are very brave.
|- What? If you hear the rustle of tulle|coming up behind you, run.
 Yeah.
 She's over there.
 Rory Gilmore? Remember me? - I don't think so.
|- That's very flattering.
 - Can I help you?|- Let's see if this jogs your memory.
 I have the grace|of a drunken dock worker? - Remember me now?|- The ballerina from the ballet.
 That's right.
 Your outfits are made of tulle, aren't they? - You're a jerk!|- I know.
 You wrote that on my door.
 - You're lucky that's all I did.
|- Should we go elsewhere? Your review was mean,|petty, and despicable.
 Look, Sandra.
 That's your name, right?|Sandra, this was all in the line of duty.
 It was an assignment from my editor,|so there was nothing personal.
 You called me a hippo.
 No, I compared you to a hippo.
|That's not calling you a hippo.
 It was a humorous comparison.
|I was trying to- To destroy me and my company.
 No.
 Think about it,|I bet that, more than likely very few people will even read the review.
 And most people aren't even interested|in ballet in the first place.
 It's unfortunate and awful, and I hate it.
|But what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world.
|We're just living in it.
 Plus, most people left before the end,|and I stuck it out.
 - That's something.
|- I'm curious.
 How much ballet experience do you have? You must have a lot, since you write|about it with such authority.
 None to speak of.
 I had a few years|of beginners' class, and I stunk.
 - Anybody write about it in the paper?|- No.
 Good point.
 I've been dancing three hours a day,|seven days a week, for 14 years.
 I've done two summer sessions|with the Miami Ballet and I'm on the waiting list at Juilliard.
 And now your review is out there|for everyone to see! You're a jerk! I just wanted|to come tell you that to your face.
 You're a jerk, and I hope you die.
|Bye, jerk.
 Die, jerk! - The door thing was about you?|- Apparently.
 The strike is off.
|Stand down.
 I repeat, stand down.
 - Hi, Mom.
|- Come in.
 You look tenser than usual.
 What's wrong? It's your father.
|I wanted him to go upstairs and clean up but I can't pry him away|from that partner of his.
 Digger's here? They're in the study|doing something computery.
 When did we suddenly become|so dependent on computers? - Finally.
|- How far can I go, Jason? As far as you want.
|It should work anywhere.
 - Fantastic.
|- Richard, our company's here.
 - We have company?|- Actually, it's just me.
 I suppose you're company.
|Say, are you and Rory wireless? No, we're pretty wired most of the time.
 - Why are you carrying that?|- We're testing it.
 Jason has just helped me hook up|a wireless network for the house.
 Wi-Fi, it's called.
 - Neat.
|- Is that necessary? - Lorelai, this is Jason Stiles.
|- We've met.
 - Really?|- Emily, they knew each other as kids.
 - You knew that.
|- That's right.
 - Great to see you again.
|- Same here.
 Look at this! I'm walking around,|and I'm still on the Internet.
 - Emily, I'm going to google you.
|- You are certainly not going to google me.
 It's a search engine.
|He's just gonna find you out in cyberspace.
 - This sounds absurd.
|- No.
 Can't use a laptop here.
|The signal doesn't reach.
 When do you plan to use it|in the dark corner by the staircase? - You never know.
|- I don't like the idea of your using it - anywhere but your study.
|- I'm just testing it.
 They're always fighting over toys,|these two.
 It's crystal clear out here.
 Richard, it's freezing outside.
 - I won't be a minute.
|- Ridiculous.
 I have to go check on dinner.
 Excuse me.
 So, how have you been|these past 25 years? - Good.
 Moved out of my parents' house.
|- Rad.
 Love the freedom.
 - You don't have to hide the bong anymore.
|- Did you get any flowers lately? Several times.
|Apparently I have a secret admirer.
 - I signed all the cards "Jason.
 "|- I thought it was Jason Priestley.
 You're disappointed.
 No, I just wish I hadn't slept|with Jason Priestley.
 - How's the new inn?|- Coming along.
 We're gonna have horses.
 - Talking horses?|- Just the regular ones.
 - We could get married there.
|- Where? The inn, on horseback.
 - So, you unwired my father.
|- Per Richard's request.
 He wanted it.
 - Emily doesn't.
|- I cannot win with her.
 You're getting the triple freeze from her.
|Takes the onus off her daughter.
 The more she hates me,|the more likely it is that you'll date me.
 That's not necessarily the case.
 - I gotta make serious progress with her.
|- Good luck with that.
 Maybe I should get her|to invite me to dinner.
 - I'm sorry.
 As if you control these things.
|- I'm not God, but I have influence.
 No way is she inviting you to dinner.
 Would you have a problem|with me staying for dinner? No.
 You won't stay|because you won't be invited.
 - I will.
|- Let's see it.
 - Hey.
|- Hi, hon.
 Jason, this is my daughter Rory.
|Rory, Jason.
 - Right.
 Scooper.
|- Digger.
 Sorry.
 Digger.
 It's nice to meet you.
|And I don't really go by "Digger" anymore.
 - What is it, "P.
 Digger" now?|- I'll just call you Jason.
 - You're a very kind young lady.
|- Oh, dear.
 Jason, I just hit F12,|and everything's going to hell.
 Easily fixed.
 How are things? - Surreal.
 On a whole new level of surreal.
|- What happened? - I was harangued by an incensed ballerina.
|- That is Salvador Dali surreal.
 What ballerina? From the ballet we went to,|the one I wrote about.
 This girl marched up to me|in the dining hall and busted me|on the bad review I gave her.
 Wait a second.
|Are people allowed to yell at the reviewer? I frown on it.
 It's upsetting and ridiculous.
 I'll probably laugh at it someday,|but not today.
 - What did you write?|- I brought it for you to read.
 Tell me what you think,|because my picky editor loved it.
 - I mean, loved it.
|- Sure.
 This is very weird.
 Very weird.
 - What?|- You really hated this ballet.
 - We both really hated it.
 Remember?|- Yeah, I do.
 Jeez! - Now, come on.
|- This is so harsh.
 Again, you were there.
 I know.
 But there's something|about seeing it in print.
 People don't write as mean as they talk,|except you.
 I wrote what I felt.
 "The roll around the bra strap"? - That was your line!|- It was? I'm awful.
 It's not even critical|of the ballerina's skills.
 It's critical of the costumer's skills.
 But it sounds like|she couldn't fit into a standard leotard.
 She couldn't! But again, the costumer|should have put her in a larger leotard.
 Do I see the word "hippo" coming up? - Give me the paper.
|- It's just so specific.
 It's what I saw, so I wrote it.
|That's what the editor told me to do.
 - Then you did the right thing.
|- I was too harsh.
 You said yourself,|you were supposed to be.
 - Rory, you're here.
 Good.
|- Hi, Grandma.
 Don't tell me Richard is|still traipsing around with that thing.
 Richard,|please come inside and close the door.
 Coming.
 Jason, you're still here.
 I wouldn't leave|without saying goodbye to you.
 - What you got there?|- A laptop.
 - The Gilmore house is now wireless.
|- Cool.
 And the laptop is now going back|in its case because dinner is ready.
 I'll be taking off.
|I've got a cheeseburger waiting for me.
 Goodbye, Jason.
 A cheeseburger? That's not a proper meal.
 Please, it's my favorite meal.
 - I've had one three times this week.
|- You're joking.
 With the right bread and meat,|a cheeseburger can make a fine meal.
 - Thank you.
|- You're defending cheeseburgers? - When was the last time you had one?|- This isn't just any cheeseburger.
 There's this stand|that makes them special for me.
 - A stand?|- I hear those can be very good.
 Are we going to send this young bachelor|out for fast food? No, I couldn't stay.
 I'd be putting you out.
 - Nonsense.
|- I'm not sure we have enough.
 - We always have enough.
|- No, I wouldn't hear of it.
 Emily, my business partner is going|to be standing outside eating a cheeseburger.
 Jason,|would you like to join us for dinner? The cheeseburger will just have to wait.
 I'll tell the cook.
 Cheeseburger.
 - This food is incredible, Emily.
|- Yeah.
 It's my first lobster thermidor.
 - Your recipe?|- No.
 Can you thermidor other foods fish thermidor, Spam thermidor,|enchiladas thermidor? I don't think so.
 Cora, since we're five instead of four,|Richard and I will ration if we have to.
 - I don't think rationing will be necessary.
|- Yeah.
 You can just pick off my plate.
 You've forgotten all about that burger,|I hope.
 - After the first mouthful.
|- Good.
 Having a computer|with a high-speed Internet access is gonna free up your time enormously.
 - I should say so.
|- How? - How is it gonna free up his time?|- Yes.
 He'll be using e-mail more, which means|fewer phone calls with chit-chat that you have to do|before you get down to business.
 - That's what eats up most of the time.
|- E-mail seems very cold to me.
 - But fast.
|- Fast isn't always better.
 A good point, and very true.
 Jason was saying|you'll get use out of this system, too.
 Me? How? - The Internet.
 Have you checked it out?|- I'd have no use for it.
 I wouldn't dismiss it so fast.
|The Internet is more than just good porn.
 - I'm on it constantly.
|- What do you use it for? Research,|like for when I can't get to the library.
 - And for shopping.
|- Yeah, shopping.
 - A lot of shopping.
|- Shopping? The stores you normally have to go to,|they're on the Internet now.
 But going to a nice store|is half the fun of shopping.
 I like being greeted at the door,|and the bustle of people and the shoes and clothes|all lined up nice and pretty.
 - That's true.
|- Yeah, we like that, too.
 Having someone help you|pick out the right thing or help you exchange it if it's not right.
 With the Internet, what do you do,|mail it back? - We usually just forget.
|- Yeah.
 - So you're just out the money?|- Pretty much.
 - I don't get it.
|- I don't get it anymore, either.
 We should go to real stores more often.
 But the Internet is really good.
 So, which camp was it|where you two met? - It had a funny name and canoes.
|- They all have funny names and canoes.
 Was it Camp Waziyatah? Doesn't sound familiar.
|Which one asked me to leave? - You got kicked out of camp?|- I tried to liberate the horses.
 - Camp Chataguay.
 That's where we met.
|- That's the one.
 I enjoyed camp.
 Made some good friends.
|I met your father there.
 - Dad? Really?|- We bunked together for a summer.
 Incredible athlete and a good guy.
|A really good guy.
 - He hated you.
 With a passion.
|- What? - No, I don't remember that.
|- I'm pretty sure.
 Didn't he try to dunk your head|in a toilet bowl after you heckled him|during some campfire talent show? No, I don't|My God! I've been repressing that.
 That doesn't sound like Christopher.
 No, it's okay, Richard.
|I'm positive I deserved it.
 Rory,|I've been meaning to mention to you we read that wonderful review|you wrote on the ballet.
 - It was excellent.
|- You eviscerated that girl.
 I actually didn't mean to eviscerate her.
|I was just trying to be honest.
 You honestly sliced her open|and ripped out her guts.
 - Your pen was your knife.
|- Right.
 I especially liked|the reference to the hippo.
 That seems to be|the most memorable for people.
 And the bra strap.
 I'll give you a copy of it to read.
|It's terrific.
 - It sounds interesting.
|- I just wrote what I thought.
 The line about regretting how evolution|had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night.
 - Sorry.
 I hadn't read that far.
|- Why are you apologizing? It's funny.
 The ballerina had kind of|a negative reaction to the whole thing.
 - So what?|- Don't feel badly about this, Rory.
 Sometimes people don't know|at a young age that they're not good at doing something.
 Now that poor girl|can go to business school.
 - She's actually not as bad as she sounds.
|- It's rare to read a truthful review.
 I was going to go see that ballet.
|Now I don't have to.
 Thank you.
 You're welcome, I guess.
 We were just burned|by a dishonest review in the "Courant.
 " That French restaurant.
 They must have had the reviewer|in their pocket.
 The man raved about this place,|and it was abominable.
 The food was inedible.
 And the service? I had to snap my fingers|to get our waiter's attention.
 As a woman of taste I could use your recommendation|of restaurants in the area.
 I've been away so long,|I'm just woefully out of touch.
 I'm no more an expert|than the next person.
 You're being humble.
 - Cough it up.
 You've been everywhere.
|- Multiple times.
 If you're looking for a place|for a business lunch you can't do better than Portofino's.
 They give you attentive service|without rushing you - and it's wonderful Italian food.
|- You can't beat Italian.
 Is there anyone here|who doesn't love Italian? - Not me.
|- Or me.
 Good to know.
 Anything else, Emily? - You need more?|- Please.
 I'm a desperate man.
 Don't be shy, Emily.
|You're a walking Zagat guide.
 - There's always Lil's for steak.
|- Steak's always good.
 - I'm good with that anytime.
|- I love steak.
 Really? So steak is good.
 How about ethnic food? Indian? Thai? I personally detest Thai food.
 Me, too.
 Chinese is good.
 - As long as it's authentic.
|- So cross Thai off the list.
 - I would.
|- Same here.
 How about something|with a more romantic atmosphere? Why would you need|a romantic atmosphere for business? - Yeah, why?|- I'd like to know myself.
 A client might want a recommendation|for him and his wife.
 - I would like to be prepared.
|- My partner.
 That would be Mill on the River.
 Oh, yes.
 Very dark, very atmospheric.
 - Sounds nice.
|- Very.
 Good.
 We've made progress here.
|But I'm monopolizing the conversation.
 - That's okay.
|- Can I call you later to continue this? - Absolutely.
 Call me sometime next week.
|- I'll be sure to do that.
 - You want to re-review the ballet?|- Yes, I do, Doyle.
 I have a brand-new perspective on it,|and on dance.
 I was ignorant before.
|This would be a whole new piece.
 - We don't re-review things.
|- There's a first time for everything.
 I could buy my own ticket|if that's a problem.
 But it closed early because of your review.
 I did not know that.
 But it's not a problem.
|I'll just redo the one I already did.
 That ballet is seared in there,|so I could just replay it in my head.
 Your review was great.
|People are still talking about it.
 That's pretty rare.
 Okay, what about just|a general-interest article - on the lead ballerina?|- Is she the hippo? No.
 She is an accomplished dancer and her life is quite fascinating.
 Did you know|that she studied dance for 14 years and has performed in Miami? Miami.
 That's pretty big.
 - Miami.
|- It's boring.
 - She almost got into Juilliard.
|- That's not interesting, either.
 No.
 But these are simply background facts|of a fascinating personal journey.
 A personal journey of an artist struggling against the indifference|of an indifferent society just dancing as fast as she can.
 It's "8 mile" meets "Fame.
 " - I know what's going on here.
|- What? You're feeling bad about the effect|the article had on the people in the ballet.
 No, that's not it.
 - I heard of the dining hall confrontation.
|- That was not really a confrontation.
 - We were just chatting.
|- It goes with the territory.
 When I was your age,|I reviewed a clog-dancing team that was really bad,|even compared to other clog dancers.
 I was merciless.
 But if I can't re-review it then can I print what I meant to put in,|and didn't have time to? Hurting people's feelings is what we do.
 But when I become a real journalist the people in my reviews|aren't gonna live in my building.
 Doesn't matter.
 When you write for the "Yale Daily News,"|you are a real journalist.
 - I didn't mean-|- If you can't handle it, you should leave.
 - I don't want to leave the paper.
|- Good.
 Here.
 Your next assignment.
 - Thanks.
|- Knock them dead.
 Dinner is going to be a little late tonight.
|My gluten patties caught fire.
 So we're switching|to spaghetti and wheat balls.
 Mama, can we talk about something? - What's that?|- It's the jug for Dave.
 I gave that to you days ago.
|Why haven't you sent it? I can't send it, Mama.
 What do you mean? Of course you can.
 I showed you|how to tape the bubble wrap.
 - I mean I can't!|- What is wrong with you? - Mama, please listen.
|- All right.
 This is important, and I want to be clear.
|I want to say it right, but it's hard.
 I'm listening.
 Dave is my first boyfriend,|and he's important to me.
 - Very important.
|- I know that.
 And his being in California like this,|it's been hard and it's even caused some problems.
 But in other ways,|I think it's brought us closer.
 Yes? But I'm still in school,|and he's still in school.
 And while I respect you,|and I respect the jug and all that the jug represents all the bright hopes and all the tradition I cannot give Dave the jug.
 Not now.
 Maybe one day, but not now.
 Okay.
 - What are you doing?|- What do you mean? You're putting it|with all the clearance items? - You're selling my marriage jug?|- Your what? - My marriage jug.
|- What's that? The jug you kept to give|to the boy I'm going to marry.
 What are you talking about? You told me when I was 6|that this was my special marriage jug that you'd keep on a special high shelf|for the boy I'm going to marry.
 - This thing?|- Yes.
 - It's just a jug.
|- What? I probably told you that|to make you stop crying.
 You always cried when you were little.
|Gave me a headache.
 It's just a jug? I've got tons of them.
|They're hard to move.
 We could make it a marriage jug,|whatever that is.
 No, never mind.
 It doesn't matter.
 - I'll send something else to Dave.
|- Good.
 My wheat balls! So, why can't you|show your face at Luke's? It's just for a while.
 Where are you? The theater.
 That's why I'm talking softly.
|I'm reviewing some music thing.
 So, why can't you go to Luke's? I got into an argument with Luke|about Nicole.
 - Nicole?|- They're back together.
 I didn't know that.
 I walk into Luke's, and there she is.
 And he hadn't told you? No.
 I was the very picture|of awkwardness.
 And, basically, I just fled.
 And when I saw Luke later,|we got into a fight about it.
 And I told him his coffee pots were stupid.
 So it was very sophisticated.
 He is so guarded, so uncooperative.
 You should probably get over your|problem with Luke being uncooperative.
 I don't want there to be weirdness|between me and Nicole if she's back in our lives.
 Luke has gotta get it|through his thick skull that whoever is in his life is in my life, too.
 Really? That's not a little stalkery? No.
 We are a small, close-knit community.
 - So, you're gonna tell Luke about Jason?|- What about him? There's something happening there.
 - Not really.
|- There was a palpable vibe.
 - Palpable to everyone?|- Just me.
 Grandma and Grandpa were oblivious.
 - Would that be crazy?|- What? - For us to go out together?|- All three of us? - Jason and I.
|- A little.
 Well, I haven't decided.
 I'm happy to report that there have been|no more run-ins with the ballerina.
 - Good.
|- We're not destined to be buddies but sometimes|you have to make an enemy.
 - When you have a job to do.
|- Then you have a job to do.
 It's starting.
 I gotta go.
 - Okay.
 Have fun.
|- I will.
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