# GilmoreGirls-S04E10
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s04e10

It's culs-de-sac.
 - No way!|- It is.
 - The plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac?|- Yes.
 - Doesn't sound like English.
|- That's because it's French.
 You know what I mean.
 - I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
|- Words should sound right to be right.
 That's not how it works.
 So, what? The plural of yo-yo is yos-yo? Yeah, 'cause that sounds so natural.
 As natural as culs-de-sac.
 - Thanks.
|- You're welcome.
 - When did Lane start working here?|- A couple of days ago.
 She filled out an application|and Luke called her for an interview.
 An interview? So official.
 They sat in complete silence|for a full five minutes.
 Then Luke said, "How you doing?" And she said, "Good.
 "|Then he gave her the job.
 - What do we get out of this?|- What do you mean? We got someone on the inside,|a friend of ours.
 And out of it, we could get - Secret things he keeps there.
|- His showgirl costume.
 Extra jelly packets, butter,|discarded day-old bread.
 But we get that|when we go dumpster diving.
 This will be easier on our shoes.
 - Hey, Luke.
|- Look at this.
 Who? Lane? She's Super Waitress.
 Able to leap tall pancakes|in a single bound.
 - Or is that panscake?|- Very funny.
 - It's not going to work out.
|- Oh, why not? She's so good.
 She's too good.
 - Calm down.
|- I'm not even sure why she took the job.
 - I mean, I totally blew the interview.
|- You were nervous.
 Hey, guys.
 You got this, Luke? Yeah, I got it.
 I need that English muffin.
 When there was a lull she cleaned the menus|without being asked.
 - Do you mean mensu?|- Stop it.
 This isn't challenging enough.
|She'll get bored.
 - Buy her a chemistry set.
|- Or a foosball table.
 - I should find something to do.
|- Having help is stressing him.
 Why do you have|to get back to campus so early? - Classes don't start for a couple of days.
|- I have a lot of stuff to do.
 It'll be nice and quiet without roommates.
 Where are the roomsmate? Janet's mountain-climbing, Tanna's home,|and Paris went skiing with her boyfriend.
 - You're just ignoring the plural thing now?|- Yeah.
 You haven't mentioned Paris' boyfriend|in a while.
 Everything good there? - Yeah.
|- What? Something's not right? There's the weirdness of both of them|being really busy with school and he's miles away at Princeton,|but they're good.
 She called me from the slopes and they sounded|like they were having a blast.
 Eggs scrambled, Ceaser.
 - Luke, coffee in the corner.
|- Right, sorry.
 Boy, maybe this Lane-Luke team|isn't going to work out.
 - Yeah.
|- Where do you think Luke will go? I don't know.
|Maybe a big chain will take him on.
 Wonder if he has a forklift license.
 - He could redeem recyclables.
|- You mean recycsable? You promise? Yes, this is in and out,|pick a molding for the public areas - meeting adjourned.
|- No food sampling.
 - It's not on the agenda.
|- I have not seen Sookie once this month when she has not greeted me|by shoving something in my mouth.
 You sure it was food every time? You can joke,|but so long as super-low-rise jeans are the fashion for men,|I must stay trim or die.
 Come on in! - How low are we talking here?|- I've had to wax.
 Subject over.
 This is nice.
 That's my favorite, too.
 Little pricey.
 It's amazing|how we always pick the pricey.
 - So, you guys want something to drink?|- No.
 - I made hot water for tea.
|- Tea? - You like Earl Gray, right?|- If you have some.
 - I have it all ready.
 Earl Gray.
|- Thank you.
 - And try this pizzelle.
|- I knew it! - This is a tasting.
|- I just need your opinion.
 My opinion is you're trying|to fatten me out of a love life.
 - I thought you were celibate.
|- Not by choice.
 - You woke up Davey, big mouth.
|- You want to go check on him? - He'll be here in a second.
|- He's two months and walking? I'm missing the big moments.
 Tobin! Tobin? Hi.
 And I'm high around this little thing.
 - He's such an angel.
|- Hello, little booby.
 Did that mean old Michel wake you up? I'm being punked.
|I know I'm being punked.
 Isn't this great,|with the whole team back together? I'm ecstatic.
 Did you know about this? I heard that Tobin was back,|but I didn't hear you were the- Baby's nanny? Just till something more permanent|comes along.
 Davey fell for this guy|lock, stock and barrel.
 It was love at first sight.
 Well, my whole life is kids.
|I have 11 nieces and nephews.
 - Wow!|- How joyous for you.
 - Tobin, we heard you'd moved.
|- Yes.
 Right after the old Inn burned down.
 I moved to Utah because I heard|there's lots of job opportunities for industrious Mormons.
 I didn't know you were a Mormon.
 I wasn't, so I became one.
|The paperwork took weeks.
 And I didn't know about the alcohol thing.
 - They famously abstain.
|- No coffee either.
 The choir's fabulous,|but then there's the funny underwear.
 It didn't last.
 Then he called me from the road|and suggested this.
 - How wonderful.
|- I see you're trying the pizzelles.
 Are they not pieces of heaven|shaped like cookies? Wonderful.
 They'd be perfect for breakfast, too,|with cappuccino.
 I've never thought of them for breakfast.
|Great idea.
 It occurred to me.
 You could serve them|on that green platter we bought.
 - The colors would juxtapose nicely.
|- You went shopping together? Yes, I turned Sookie on to a place|that sells hard-to-find kitchenware.
 Oh, and I found some websites|I'd like to recommend to you, Lorelai.
 I spent a lot of time online|when I was a Mormon.
 There wasn't much else to do.
 Excuse me, is this not an Inn meeting|for Inn employees only? It's okay, little baby.
 I think your voice hits a pitch|that hurts his ears.
 My voice has the same pitch|as anyone else's.
 - Michel hates babies.
|- I do not hate babies.
 - Well, babies hate you.
|- They do not hate me.
 All I'm saying is|we have limited time together the three of us,|and we cannot afford to waste it the three of us, and he's cutting in.
 Michel, I'm not cutting in.
 But the fact is,|wherever Sookie goes, the baby goes and wherever the baby goes, I go.
|It's my job.
 We even made a little joke earlier.
|"The baby has a meeting today.
 " - I love this.
|- We do, too.
 - Would you like a cup of tea, Tobin?|- Just a little Lapsang Oolong, please.
 - You knew that?|- Yes, I did.
 - Come on!|- Everyone does.
 - Did you?|- Of course I did.
 So everyone in the entire world knew - the plural of cul-de-sac was culs-de-sac?|- Yes.
 Okay.
 So Mariah Carey's out|with some friends she's had a couple of cocktails.
 She glances down from the roof and says: "Oh, look at all those culs-de-sac"? - Why are they on the roof?|- It's a rooftop bar.
 - How have you been saying it?|- Cul-de-sacs.
 And no one ever corrected you? No, because that's the way it should be.
 Even if it isn't technically correct,|it should be pronounced that way.
 - Mom, just let it go.
|- I will never let this go.
 Is there a dessert? Yes, we have a special surprise|for you for dessert.
 - We brought it back from Switzerland.
|- A mountain goat? - Better than a goat.
|- Let's go to the living room.
 - Dessert from Switzerland.
|- The land of chocolate.
 - You two are going to love this.
|- Is it as good as Toblerone? It's better than Toblerone.
 What is that? - It's marzipan.
|- Marzipan? The finest marzipan in all of Europe,|made by cloistered nuns.
 We toured their cloister.
|It was right out of "The Sound of Music.
 " - What about the chocolate?|- What chocolate? You compared it to Toblerone.
|That's chocolate.
 You brought up Toblerone.
 I said it was better than that|because I think it is.
 - Marzipan is candy.
 You like candy.
|- Marzipan is not candy.
 It is a unique substance unto itself,|like Velveeta or plutonium.
 - You're not even going to try it?|- I'll pass.
 - I'll try some.
|- Take the one with the little pig on it.
 Thank you.
 We got the pigs for you|and the bunny for your mother.
 - You got me bunnies?|- They're for whomever now.
 No.
 I'll try a bunny.
 - Don't force yourself.
|- I am not.
 I want a bunny.
 Give me one.
 Delicious.
 Those nuns kick you-know-what.
 - Now, who can that be?|- It's probably Jason.
 He said he might drop something by|on his way back from the airport.
 - In the middle of dinner?|- He won't be here long.
 He's probably exhausted.
|The flight from Australia is draining.
 Jason, welcome back.
 - I didn't mean to interrupt your evening.
|- No.
 You look fit.
 - Look how fit he looks, Emily.
|- He looks very fit.
 Hello, Jason.
 - Emily.
|- You've met Lorelai and Rory.
 - Yes, it's nice to see you again.
|- Same here.
 Richard, here are the papers,|and they do not need to be notarized.
 Oh, that's a huge help.
 Terrific.
 - So, Mom, maybe our guest would|- Jason, would you like some marzipan? Would I? I love marzipan.
 Take as much as you like|and put some extra into a napkin just not the one|Lorelai spat her piece into.
 Delicious.
 I'll be going.
|It was good to see you all again.
 No, Richard,|you don't have to see me out.
 All right, see you tomorrow.
 He must have been hiking the whole time.
|He looks wonderful.
 Excuse me.
|I just have to freshen up my hair.
 Be right back.
 Have you swallowed your marzipan yet? - Hello?|- So, you're back.
 I am no hologram.
 - Australia was good?|- Very good.
 Hot.
 You tie your wallaby down, sport? No, I just drank a lot of beer|and thought about you a lot.
 That's very sweet.
 - When are we getting together again?|- When do you want? - How about now?|- Too spontaneous.
 - How about Monday night?|- For what? - Dinner, et cetera.
|- Sounds good, et cetera.
 - I'll call you.
|- Okay.
 What are you going to do|with your marzipan? I don't know.
|I thought I'd dump them on the road but is that environmentally sound? I don't think marzipan biodegrades.
 I'll just serve it to the clients I don't like.
 - Bye.
|- I'll see you Monday.
 Almost done with your radiator,|young lady.
 Take your time.
 You were smart.
|You come back early, you beat the rush.
 I just wanted to get a jump on things.
 I like the campus when it's|kind of empty like this, you know.
 All quiet.
 - Snow's pretty, too.
|- Yeah, very pretty.
 There's something very magical|about this campus.
 I've been here 23 years come August|and I've never been bored.
 You know, we've had presidents|graduate from this school.
 - You okay?|- What? - You feeling okay?|- Yes.
 I Yes, thanks.
 - Rory.
|- Paris, hi.
 You're back early.
 - You're back early.
|- Just thought I'd get a jump on things.
 - How was your trip?|- Great.
 Thought I'd come back early.
 Same here.
 Where's your stuff? - Well, I got back early.
|- I know.
 Early this morning, so I unpacked|and went to visit my mom.
 - She good?|- She wasn't there.
 - Jamie says hello.
|- Oh, good.
 Hello back at him.
 So, you guys have fun? - I told you that on the phone.
|- You have fun after that? Sure, the resort was beautiful,|a little too star-studded.
 Harrison Ford|and Calista Flockhart were there.
 - They tongue-kiss in public.
|- They're in love.
 Then she'd tickle his tummy,|and he'd giggle.
 It was foul.
 To each his own.
 - I'll get out of your way.
|- You're not in my way.
 - I'll get out of your way.
|- You're not in my way.
 - I'll just stay here then.
|- Good.
 And scene.
 Shoot.
 - What are you doing?|- God! Rory! Announce yourself! - Were you brushing dirt under the sink?|- No, I'm brushing crumbs under the sink.
 You're a pig.
 You're just learning that?|Why are you here, anyway? Crabby and dirty.
 I thought you were going to hang|at school for some alone time.
 Alone time suddenly included Paris.
 I thought Paris was skiing with Jamie.
 Paris is not skiing,|and Paris is definitely not with Jamie.
 Meaning? There are little marshmallow|Easter Bunnies under here.
 No, what did you mean|when you said Paris was not with Jamie? Paris is seeing somebody else.
 - Really? A psychiatrist?|- A professor.
 - At Yale?|- Yes.
 Lorelai Gilmore,|you've been holding out on me.
 It's so weird.
 One minute, she's totally in love|with Jamie, and then the next she's making out with a professor|in dark corners.
 You saw them making out? Apparently the big game|was big for everyone.
 I can't believe Paris is doing an older man.
 Who said doing? I didn't say doing.
|I said kissing, that's it.
 Rory, come on.
 When you're dating an older man,|you're probably doing older-man things.
 So what age are we talking here,|like 35, 40? -60!|- What? Shut up! - He went to school with Grandpa.
|-60? That's how they met.
|We were having lunch.
 He came by.
 Grandpa introduced them.
 She wanted to get an interview,|and apparently, she got one.
 -60? Like 60, 60?|- Mom.
 I'm sorry.
 It's just Now I know who Woody Allen's|next leading lady's going to be.
 And it's so annoying.
 She's hiding it from me,|I'm not supposed to know.
 I'm supposed to think|she's with Jamie, which she's not.
 - Are you sure?|- No.
 - Intrigue.
|- I don't like intrigue.
 I don't want intrigue.
 I like Jamie.
 He's a nice guy.
|He's a patient guy.
 Paris should not be treating him like this.
 Honey, if she likes another guy,|there's nothing you can do about it.
 - Let us all remember Dean.
|- This is not the same as Dean.
 - I did not cheat on Dean with an old guy.
|- Is the old guy married? He was.
 He has kids, grown kids.
|He's a writer.
 What would the school say|if they knew this? Yes, what about that? This guy's risking everything,|his job, his reputation.
 Well, he'll always have Paris.
 How long have you been waiting|with that one? I had a feeling|the opportunity would present itself.
 Maybe it's a phase.
 It'll pass.
 Yeah, or he will.
 Hello? What? Michel? Calm down.
 I can't understand you|when you're not screaming hysterically.
 Okay, what are you Okay, I'll be right there.
 Goodbye.
 - I got to go.
|- Why? What's up? - Michel's spazzing.
|- Why? I don't know.
|Will you be here when I get back? If you don't mind.
 Paris was getting out her potter's wheel|when I left.
 - I'll go pick up Chinese.
|- Or we can just eat what's under the sink.
 - Ah, the wit.
|- Get egg rolls.
 All right, just watch out.
|Old guys don't like them bossy.
 You took so long! Why?|You need to charter an airplane? - I came as quickly as I-|- Get in here.
 - What is going on?|- Move quicker, please.
 - Is Sookie here?|- She and the farmer went to see a movie.
 - Do they know you're here?|- Yes, they do.
 - And they're okay with that?|- We'll see.
 Stop.
 What's going on?|Why are we in the bedroom? - I offered to baby-sit.
|- I'm sorry, you did what? I heard Sookie talking to the potato man|about wanting to go out and there was no one to watch the baby.
|So I offered to watch it.
 - It?|- Him.
 Watch him for her.
 - And she let you?|- Yes, she let me.
 I came over, and the minute she left,|it started to cry.
 - It?|- He started to cry.
 He wouldn't stop.
 I did everything.
 I did the jiggle, the bouncy|and the airplane.
 - And then I even picked it up.
|- It? Him, damn it, him.
|I picked him up, but it didn't matter.
 He wouldn't stop crying.
|So finally I invented a game.
 - What kind of game?|- I called it baby crepe.
 - I don't think I know that one.
|- It's quite ingenious.
 You get down here on the floor|and then you roll him up in a blanket and then you pull it back|and forth and back and forth.
 He loved it.
 He did not cry.
 He smiled, he giggled.
|He was having the time of his life.
 And then, I pulled back|the blanket a little too hard and he rolled under the bed,|and he got stuck.
 My God! I tried to get him out,|but he wouldn't grab the string.
 Then he fell asleep.
|I worried if I woke him up the screaming would start again.
 I can't believe you rolled|little Davey under the bed.
 - Davey?|- Yes, Davey, Sookie's baby.
 - I've been calling him Truman.
|- Why? - I thought that was his name.
|- Where'd you get that from? I heard wrong.
 You think he's going|to hold it against me? The man that rolled him under the bed?|No, I think you're good.
 Man, he really is sleeping.
|He looks so peaceful.
 - See? I made him happy.
|- We need to lift this bed and get him up.
 - What are you doing?|- Taking off my shirt.
 What part of|"lift the bed and get him out" translates to you taking off your shirt? - This is an expensive shirt.
|- I'm not lifting the bed with a naked you.
 - I'm not taking off my pants.
|- Leave the shirt on.
 It will wrinkle.
 Not as much as|when Sookie comes home and finds Truman under the bed.
 Now, lift up here, and I'll get him out.
 I can't hold this by myself.
 Are you crazy? - Here, you hold it.
 Ready?|- No! Hey, Davey.
 I got you.
 You're snoozy.
 - How is he?|- He's just fine.
 There you go.
 Just kick back.
|Wait till mommy gets home.
 Now please tell me what is going on here.
 - Nothing.
|- Why are you baby-sitting? - You hate babies.
|- Not really.
 You do not baby-sit, ever.
 And yet here you are|wearing your super-low-cut jeans making up baby games,|and I want to know why.
 I hate Tobin! He's a sniveling little|sycophantic tushie kisser, and I hate him! He weasels his way|into every area of my life.
 The good thing about|the Independence Inn burning down was that Tobin was gone,|but yet, here he is, back.
 - He's like the cat.
|- What cat? The one that came back the very next day.
 You thought he was a goner,|but the cat came back.
 He just wouldn't stay away.
 Michel, you do not have|to be jealous of Tobin.
 He wants to replace me.
 - As what?|- As everything.
 He wants to replace me in my entire life.
|He's going to keep worming his way in until you no longer find|any reason to have me around.
 - You're being silly.
|- He's going to succeed.
 It doesn't matter|that I have all the experience and the credentials|and the history to run this inn.
 He likes the baby.
 He holds the baby.
 He doesn't roll the baby under the bed.
|He wins! He does not win.
|Michel, this rivalry is in your head.
 - It is?|- Yes.
 So you do not like Tobin better than me? No.
 We like Tobin.
 We're addicted to you.
 You are? Yes, we asked you to come|with us to the Dragonfly, didn't we? We love you, Michel and as long as you stay|far, far away from little Davey we will continue loving you.
 - I can do that.
|- Okay.
 Okay.
 Hold on, and What do you think? It stinks.
 It's a newspaper hat.
|It's not supposed to spark a trend.
 There.
 - How'd you do that?|- Martha Stewart.
 Martha Stewart actually did a segment|on how to make a hat out of newspaper? - Yes.
|- Well, it looks nice.
 What is this?|Academically approved torture? Make your own hat?|That's how you get on the paper? Because that has|what to do with anything? - Relax, Glenn.
|- It's tradition.
 It's not tradition.
 It's hazing.
 Why don't they just handcuff us|naked to a streetlamp wearing a sign that says: "Honk if you like unbiased journalism.
 " I'm not doing it.
 They can't make me.
 You don't wear the hat,|you're not getting on the paper.
 I need another sheet.
 Ladies and gentlemen tonight represents a melding|of the old and the new.
 For one night, identifying|the two groups will be easy.
 The old will be the ones|running around frantically trying to get out|the latest issue of the "Daily News " and the new will be|the ones in the stupid hats.
 It's a much-beloved tradition|that for one night, all night you don a hat of your own making wait on members of the paper|while observing the inner working of the "Yale Daily News.
 " There's a lot of new, fresh talent|sitting in this room tonight.
 Rory Gilmore an unflinchingly honest reviewer|who shows no mercy but a great deal of dark wit in her pieces.
 Paris Geller, whose interview|with Prof.
 Asher Flemming was the most intimate,|revealing portrait of a complex man that I have ever read.
 Glenn Babble whose cartoon commentaries|on the American family prove that he was never hugged|a day in his life.
 It's hard work being here,|but it's an honor.
 You're working with the best of the best.
 From here, you can go to|The New York Times the "Washington Post.
 " You can even sell out|your ideals completely like the cofounders of the "Daily News" did|when they started "Time" magazine which has basically become|an over-hyped, illustrated bird-cage liner.
 News for the "Reader's Digest" bunch,|I call it.
 The "just give us the gist of it" magazine|masquerading as a real news outlet.
 I mean, let's face it.
 If it weren't for waiting rooms|all over the world there'd be absolutely no need|for "Time" magazine at all.
 I hate "Time" magazine! Cheryl, I need tea! You never told me|what you thought of my article.
 What article? My interview with Asher Flemming.
 - Did you read it?|- I skimmed it.
 I have a copy in our room.
 - I can give it to you.
|- You're a good writer.
 I'm sure it's good.
 But still, I'd like you to read it.
 I trust your opinion, and I'd like to be able|to discuss it with you.
 Look, we're supposed|to be taking dinner orders, so Hello? Hi.
 No phone calls|while you're wearing the hat! Hold on.
 I will be right back.
 Where are you going? You're not supposed to leave|while you're wearing the hat.
 I will be right back.
 It's a good thing|high school had already beaten all the self-esteem out of me.
 How could you talk|through an entire movie? - Nothing else was happening.
|- An entire movie was happening.
 There were people in costumes|and horses.
 - Did you see the horses?|- I did.
 I thought you liked horses.
 I do like horses,|but they never let them talk.
 That's because this wasn't|a talking-horse movie.
 - You want some wine?|- I don't know.
 - You're vibing my movie-watching habits.
|- I am not vibing your habits.
 I'm merely saying|that the large man in a wife-beater sitting in front of us invited me to the lobby|to discuss your habits and had I accepted|his charming invitation I might be in traction right now.
 Please, you could totally have outrun him.
|You're spry.
 Thank you.
 So, this is your place.
 - This is it.
|- Interesting.
 Very, very interesting.
 So, what's the verdict? You're not a tchotchke guy.
 I don't like too many objects around|that have no obvious purpose.
 The purpose of tchotchkes|is to make you happy.
 They make you smile.
 They make a room seem|fun and whimsical.
 I invite a clown over once a week|to make the room feel fun and whimsical so I feel all set in that department.
 - I thought you said you had a dog.
|- I do.
 - Where is he?|- Over there.
 He's cute and very still.
 Yeah, he's the best.
 - What is his name?|- Cyrus.
 Cyrus.
 Sure, perfect name for a dog.
 Hi, Cyrus.
 - Is he breathing?|- Yes.
 Cyrus was actually trained|by the monks of New Skete.
 He's incredibly well-behaved.
|He was housebroken in an hour.
 He has a two-bark minimum|for delivery guys three for everybody else,|but the best thing is he doesn't do any of the standard|"sit" and "lie down" commands.
 I taught him very special commands|that only my dog could know.
 Like what? Like "a little to the left.
 " - Shut up.
|- Cyrus, a little to the left.
 What the hell's that good for? - What the hell is "sit" good for?|- When you sit, you get a cookie.
 When you move a little to the left you get the satisfaction of knowing|you're doing something but you are not pandering for a dog bone.
 - Can he move a little to the right?|- No, not yet.
 We just do "a little to the left"|until he hits the wall and then I turn him around.
 - You and your dog are extremely weird.
|- Thank you.
 Thank you.
 I'm not sure we're setting such|a good example for Cyrus over there.
 You might be right.
 Cyrus.
 - Okay.
|- That one, I get.
 - Every week, you argue with me.
|- Doyle, it's a perfectly good article.
 We don't do "perfectly good" here.
 You want to do "perfectly good,"|go to Harvard.
 Jackass.
|Can you beat him to death with that? I don't think so.
 It's soft serve.
 I got your ice cream.
 What is this? - Strawberry ice cream.
|- It has strawberries in it.
 I don't even know how to respond to that.
 I wanted plain strawberry ice cream|without chunks of strawberries in it.
 - This has chunks.
|- I see one.
 I can't eat this.
 Take it away.
 Would you like something else? No, just forget it.
 Fine.
 Bring it back.
 - Are you okay, Doyle?|- Yes.
 Why wouldn't I be? You just seem a little bit annoyed tonight.
 I have an issue to put out|with a big hole on the back page because my editorial writers|chose to be un-opinionated today! And that's it? And I got rejected for a job|as Yale's stringer to "Time" magazine.
 - So that explains it.
|- This is a major blow to my career.
 - You're 20.
|- These things can follow you, Rory.
 One day you feel good,|you're the fair-haired boy and the next day you're schleprock.
 - You're not schleprock.
|- Tell that to my dad.
 Okay, I just have to say|how amazingly unfair it is that I have a rubber band|working its way into my brain and Paris gets to bail.
 - Paris isn't here?|- No, she isn't.
 You didn't know she left? I knew that there was this thing|with her family that she was really concerned about.
 She got that call, and her aunt is sick and I heard her say something|about going to the hospital so I think that's where she went.
 All right, come get me|the minute she gets back.
 I will.
 Do you have a "Cosmo" lying around? I want to see|how many calories I just burned off.
 I've looked.
 It's 55.
 Oh, no, it's way more than 55.
 I know what 55 is,|and that, my friend, was not 55.
 Thanks.
 - Are you cold? I could turn up the heat.
|- Please, enough with the bragging.
 - So, you're good?|- I'm good.
 I'm going to fall asleep|extremely happy tonight.
 - Hi.
|- Hi back.
 Are you thinking about joining me|back here anytime soon? - Joining you? Well-|- Jason? Okay, just remember,|you like that I have little quirks.
 Okay.
 They're what make me, me.
 You're not going to ask to wear|my dress, right? No.
 I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind|sleeping in the guest room tonight.
 - Didn't see that one coming.
|- I am the world's lightest sleeper.
 I have chronic insomnia,|so I toss and I turn like a crazy person and I can't sleep in the same bed|with another person.
 - You're serious?|- Yeah.
 You want me to go in the guest room? It's a really nice room.
 You know, why don't I just go? No, please, I swear I want you to stay.
|I want to see you in the morning.
 I want to make breakfast.
|I want you to be here when I get up.
 Well, not here.
 In there.
 Jason, you don't have to go|to all this trouble just to get me to leave.
 - I don't want you to leave.
|- I'm a big girl.
 I can handle truth.
 - This is the truth.
|- I have things I need to do tomorrow.
 I should probably go home anyhow.
 Please, just look at the room.
 Just one look.
 A peek.
 You don't have to use both eyes|if you don't want to.
 - One look.
|- That's all I ask.
 That, and you get out|of the bed very slowly.
 Don't flirt with me.
|I'm finding you weird right now.
 - Fair enough.
 Here you go.
|- Thank you.
 Here it is.
 It's okay.
 There are hundreds of great books in here,|ranging from the classics "Wuthering Heights," to the real classics,|Valley of the Dolls.
 Nice taste.
 Fully loaded mini-bar, soda,|candy, little bottles of hooch a really great CD player,|CDs down below and a DVD library above.
 DVDs but no TV? Oh, come on, that is cool.
 Okay, fine, it's cool.
 The room is good.
 It's better than "good.
 "|I would love this room.
 You do know you can have it, don't you? I can't have any distractions in my room,|or I won't sleep.
 - Really?|- That's right.
 TV, reading material,|unbelievably gorgeous woman I should at least get billing over the TV.
 - It's plasma.
|- Right.
 So, what do you think? There's Kiehl's products in the bathroom.
 Jason, I promise, if I leave,|it won't be that big a deal.
 It'll be a very big deal to me.
 Please stay.
 - Okay.
|- Yes? - Yes.
 Freak.
|- Thank you.
 Even for the "freak," thank you.
 There's a loofah in the top drawer.
 - Good night.
|- Good night.
 Walking against the wind|of Western aggression It's late.
 Late, late.
 Don't you want to know where I was? No, I don't.
 I completely lost track of time.
 I should remember|to take a watch with me from now on.
 When I got that call tonight,|I had no idea it was going to go this late.
 Yes, it was quite a night.
 Tonight.
 You're sure you don't want|to know where I was? No, I don't want|to know where you were and I don't want to know|what you were doing or who you were doing it with.
 I had to cover for you|when Doyle noticed you were gone so I told him you were at a family thing.
 And as far as I'm concerned,|that's where you were at your family thing.
 And in the future, I want nothing to do|with anything to do with what you were doing tonight or who|you were doing it with, especially who.
 Now, go to sleep.
 - I smell like pipe tobacco.
|- Oh, jeez.
 Here's how the major averages|are moving at this hour.
 The Dow Jones is down to 86 points S&P down as well, seven points.
 Hi, Cyrus.
 Good.
 Listen, would you still find me attractive|if I were poor? - No.
|- That's what I figured.
 Sleep good? I watched "The Daily Show,"|fell into the best sleep I ever had woke up, watched|Fast Times at Ridgemont High and had a vanilla-scented Jacuzzi bath.
 That's what the look on your face is.
|I thought it was from sex with me.
 No, it's from the Jacuzzi bath.
 - Good morning.
|- Good morning.
 - Coffee's over here.
|- Thank you.
 The coffee smells good.
 Can we not sleep together again tonight? Absolutely.
 You want cheese in your eggs? Why not? Good.
 I think we're ready to go.
 - Look what you've done here.
|- I am trying to impress you.
 Trust me,|once you're completely mad about me it is back to cornflakes and beer.
 - This is lovely.
|- You are lovely.
 - Very good.
|- Tomorrow I'll make blintzes.
 Listen, we should talk about|what we're going to do.
 - About what?|- I mean, you know what we're going to say|to people about us.
 How about "yahoo"? I'm talking about what we're going to say|to my parents about us.
 We'll say that we're having|repeated sexual encounters out of wedlock, continuously - as Catholic schoolchildren are walking by.
|- Perfect.
 No, you know, we like each other,|we're dating.
 Pretty simple.
 Nothing is simple|when it comes to my parents.
 - What do you want to say?|- I'd like to say nothing.
 Nothing? It isn't really|any of their business anyhow, is it? No, but we can't just say nothing.
 It'll cause too many problems|if they know.
 In my experience,|these things have a way of coming out.
 - How?|- I don't know.
 Somebody slips up.
 I never slip up.
 I'm completely non-slip.
 Like one of those rubber mats|in the bottom of the tub.
 - Why can't we tell your parents?|- I just think it's weird.
 You're in business with my father,|and he won't like this.
 - He'll get used to it.
|- My father never gets used to anything.
 He still misses diesel fuel.
 You don't find it exhausting,|keeping secrets? You have to watch everything you say.
 I always have to watch everything that|I say around my parents anyway.
 How about we just tell one of them,|to see how that goes? Please, Jason,|we will tell them eventually, I promise.
 Just not now.
 Okay, they're your parents and if you feel that strongly,|then we'll wait.
 Thank you.
 - Can I feed this to Cyrus?|- Sure.
 Cyrus, you want the bacon? - That is one strange dog, Jason.
|- Yes.
 Excuse me,|you know how much longer it's going on? No.
 - Hello.
|- Are we too late? No, of course not.
 - Good.
|- May I have your ticket, please? I don't have a ticket.
 - You can't take the tour without a ticket.
|- Excuse me, this is my daughter.
 - Hello there.
|- Hi.
 - Come in, Lorelai.
|- Okay.
 Bye.
 Mom, what is going on? We let the historical society|use our house for a walking tour.
 It's for a good cause,|and I am never doing it again.
 - It was supposed to end at 5:00, Emily.
|- I know that, Richard.
 What do you want me to do,|throw them out? This is not how it's done.
|This is not how proper charities work.
 You do not infringe on people's lives.
|You make a plan and stick to it.
 Look, they hired actors to be the family.
|How clever.
 - We are not actors!|- Richard, please.
 This is not part of the tour.
 Sorry, Emily.
 - That's quite all right, Dorrie.
|- It is not all right, Dorrie.
 Richard,|just ignore it and pass the carrots.
 This is lunacy.
 I feel as if I was in a zoo.
 You know what monkeys do|when people stare at them in the zoo? - No, I don't.
|- And you don't want to.
 - How do you know?|- I can just tell.
 Don't play that piano!|Don't you see the sign? - There was supposed to be a sign.
|- There is a sign.
 It's not a very good sign.
 The house was built|in 1906 by Stanford White.
 That's it.
 The house was built in 1907,|and he was a protégé of Stanford White.
 I'm getting a migraine.
 So, you're a full-fledged|newspaperwoman now.
 Yes, I am.
 - Congratulations.
|- Thank you.
 You got to get yourself|a nickname like Smitty and start talking really fast.
 - Faster than I already do?|- Whatever it takes.
 What were you going to do, hit the man? - He went into my desk!|- He was 85 years old! It's never too late to learn a lesson.
 - This is it, Emily.
 I mean it.
|- I know you do, Richard.
 The next time you plan a function,|we will rent a hall and do it properly like the fibromyalgia function last night.
 That is the proper way to raise money.
 You went to a function last night.
|You have one tonight.
 We didn't host the one last night.
 - We were just guests.
|- Was it fun? - It was fine.
|- It wasn't here.
 It was perfect.
 The food was terrible.
 The fact that people still insist|on serving paella is simply beyond me.
 - However, the room looked lovely.
|- And the music was excellent.
 The guest list was very good - a lovely group of people, except for-|- Emily! Would it have hurt the woman|to buy an undergarment? - Who?|- She was a very nice girl.
 I wouldn't request|to see her thesis on anything but she was charming and a good dancer.
 Who's the dumb girl|without the underwear? Jason's date.
 Jason brought a date? And I had to sit next to her all night.
 The fascinating time we had.
 "I know all the best places|to get my acrylics filled.
 " Your mother is a snob.
|She was quite beautiful.
 - She was?|- She's perfect for Jason, I will say that.
 So, how beautiful was she? Like Catherine Zeta-Jones|or the weird-looking Hilton sister? She looks like|exactly the kind of gold digger who would latch onto|an immature little con artist like Jason.
 My goodness, Emily,|tell us how you really feel about the boy.
 But when you say "gold digger,"|do you mean she was cheap-looking? - Yes.
|- No.
 - Is he serious about this girl?|- Who can tell? She looks like|a perfectly fine first wife for him.
 Now the old man is just baiting me.
 What did I tell you about the piano? We don't have to put|the reception area over there.
 I just want to know|where my office is going to be.
 Fonzie used the bathroom as his office.
 Yeah, what's good enough for the Fonz - isn't good enough for you?|- Yeah.
 Fonzie used that bathroom office|only rarely and not for any business|for which he was paid.
 He had use of a private office|at the auto shop he worked at then access to the teachers' lounge|where he taught night school part-time.
 You're taking this Fonzie thing|way too seriously.
 Lorelai, am I interrupting? What are you doing here? I was on my way to New York but I wanted to see this inn|you're always talking about.
 - Sure.
|- Hello, I'm Sookie.
 Sookie is my partner here.
 - Hi, Sookie, I'm Jason Stiles.
|- Yes, you are.
 - Michel Gerard.
|- Michel is the manager of the Dragonfly.
 - It's nice to meet you.
|- I'm just gonna show Jason around.
 - Take your time.
|- Follow me.
 Your friends seem really nice.
 - They're the best.
|- So, who do they think I am? What do you mean? Did you tell them we're dating|or do they think I make your hats? - They know who you are.
|- This place is really great.
 - You think?|- I do.
 That's good.
 You seem a little distracted.
 - Did I come at a bad time?|- No, you came at a perfect time.
 Perfect time for - I heard you went to a function one night.
|- Fibromyalgia, a very dull disease.
 - I also heard you didn't go alone.
|- No, I didn't.
 - So, you brought a date?|- Yes, I did.
 Okay, good.
 I'm glad.
 My mother said|she didn't wear any underwear.
 - Emily didn't wear any underwear?|- Your date didn't wear any underwear.
 I don't know that for a fact,|but if Emily said so far be it from me to call her a liar.
 - Okay, you want to see the stables?|- Sure.
 There they are.
 Tour's over.
 Bathroom's to the left.
 You want to tell me|what you're bothered about? We're sleeping together and you're taking bare-butted women|to functions? - Crystal is just a friend-|- A friend named "Crystal"? - Who are you? Hugh Hefner?|- Wait a sec.
 I would've rather taken you|to that function.
 Crystal is very sweet,|but the mocking of the sick is completely beyond her capabilities.
 You told me that your parents|were not supposed to know about us.
 And since this is a function|your parents would attend I thought taking you'd be|out of the question.
 - You could have gone alone.
|- You don't go to these things alone.
 There are two seats,|you've got to fill them.
 You could have told me,|so I wasn't blind-sided by my parents.
 This is what I mean about keeping secrets.
 It never works.
|Let's just tell your parents.
 Then we never have to have|this conversation again.
 I am in a business|where there are lots of functions.
 I have to go to them,|and I don't want to take other people but I'll have to if you won't let me|say something to your father.
 I have no interest|in spending a second of my time with any other woman but you,|and Eartha Kitt.
 - Sure.
|- So, what do you say? Can we end the madness|and tell your parents? - No.
|- No? I know it's tricky to keep this a secret but I just don't think|it's time to tell them yet.
 If that means I have to adjust,|then I have to adjust.
 Now that you've told me how you feel I think it's fine|if you take Crystal to these functions.
 Fine for you.
|You don't have to talk to the woman.
 - Sorry.
|- Maybe you don't understand.
 It's like beating your head|against a wall with spikes.
 - Want to see the apple trees?|- She thinks that Babe can really talk.
 Contemporary political fiction? - Yes.
 Good.
|- I swore this semester would be different.
 I would get to class on time.
|Finish my assignments on time.
 I would do everything on time.
|I left my purse on the bench.
 I haven't started speaking yet.
 - Asher Flemming is teaching this course?|- I know.
 Isn't it cool? Rory Gilmore.
 We meet again.
 Hello, Prof.
 Flemming.
 - You're taking this class?|- Yes, I am.
 Wonderful.
 I look forward to it.
 After all, it seems very natural, doesn't it? Especially since you and I|have someone very important in common.
 Your grandfather.
 - Good man.
|- Yes, sir, very good.
 All right, let's get settled.
 The class is contemporary political fiction.
 I am Prof.
 Flemming.
|All those in the wrong class, please leave.
 How do you know|you're in the wrong class? If you do not enjoy a good argument if you find it difficult|to voice a differing opinion and if you cannot appreciate|an intelligently cloaked insult then you're in the wrong class.
 If all of these things appeal to you then you are in for|an interesting semester.
 I'll be handing out the reading lists.
 English