# GilmoreGirls-S04E12
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s04e12

Unbelievable.
 - Hello?|- There are no empty tables at Luke's.
 And I can do what about that? I was hoping you'd developed|mind-control powers since I last saw you,|and you'd will people to leave.
 No.
 If I could do that, I'd be using it|to play the ponies or something.
 - Your table would be low on the list.
|- Selfish.
 Hold on a sec.
 - Kirk, may I?|- May you what? - Sit with you.
|- Here? - Yes.
|- I have a girlfriend.
 - I'm not flirting with you, Kirk.
|- Then have a seat.
 Thanks.
 - I love that shirt.
|- It's an Arnold Palmer.
 - That was flirting.
|- Oh, man.
 I'm back.
 - So what's going on with Lane?|- She's here.
 She's fine.
 She's still a little bit in denial.
 She hasn't talked to her mom|since the kick-out.
 - Poor Mrs.
 Kim.
|- Poor Mrs.
 Kim? She kicked Lane out.
 I'm mad at her.
 Why? She must be very lonely|without Lane.
 Lane's getting along pretty well here.
|She's kind of fallen into a rhythm.
 - Hey.
|- Hey.
 Take.
 Thank you.
 Hey, you're out of breath.
 There were incredibly slow people|in the coffee line and I promised to wake Paris.
 - Up and at 'em.
|- Die.
 I got you a triple espresso|that I'm going to put here right out of reach,|so sleepyhead has to get up to get it.
 Die twice.
 She at the Professor's again last night? Yes, but she claims|she was up all night cramming.
 - Well, she was.
|- Oh, ick.
 Ick what? Are you talking about me?|Who is that? It's my mom.
 We're not talking about you.
|You're so paranoid.
 Hold on a sec.
 Luke's here.
 I swear, it feels like these stupid|firelight festivals happen every week.
 - And a happy happy to you, too.
|- Order, please.
 - Coffee and whatever muffin you have.
|- Coming up.
 - You two an item now?|- I have a girlfriend.
 Double dipping, you dog.
 You never told me why you're up so early.
 I got a quick meeting at the Dragonfly,|and then Jason's coming here for the day.
 - Jason?|- He's taking the morning off so I'm taking him shopping|for new furniture for his office.
 - Sounds fun.
|- He's never really seen Stars Hollow, so You get to show him around, right? - I interrupt something?|- No.
 Would my reminding you|of the cell phone policy affect your behavior in any way? - It's Rory.
|- Hello, Rory.
 - How does it feel to be a stepdad?|- Knock it off.
 - Good thinking.
|- What? Clamming up.
|He's always had a problem with your guys.
 - Best to ease into it.
|- No, that's not why I stopped talking.
 Good morning, Vietnam! - What was that?|- Paris.
 She likes to do this thing in the morning|with the triple espresso.
 It's like Jack Nicholson in "Easy Rider.
 " Jumping cattle hockey! Paris, could you take it somewhere else,|please? - Wait.
 We got something going on here.
|- What's going on? Come on.
 A kind of rock 'n' roll hippie chick came in.
 She's deep in conversation with Luke,|who is not looking too happy.
 - What are they saying?|- They are rudely out of range.
 Hey, hon, try to move in|so you can hear them.
 Go.
 She's joking.
 We're just friends.
 A mystery woman.
 Maybe she has something to do with|his apartment.
 He might be leasing out|whichever one he's not using.
 Or it's about the divorce with Nicole or the lack of one,|if the divorce is definitely off.
 Or maybe she's a friend of Nicole's,|or another attorney if it's not definitely off.
 Boy, Luke is the most complicated guy|I know who also owns a Doobie Brothers record.
 - Sweet Mama Jama.
|- I got to wake Tanna.
 Wait.
 Denouement.
 - I'll be up when I can.
|- Whatever.
 I'll entertain myself.
 - He sent her upstairs.
|- Weird.
 What do you think? An early morning tryst|with the county dominatrix? - Does she have a bag?|- No.
 Then where would all her|dominatrix stuff be? Maybe they're using the stuff|he keeps on hand? - Fishing pole?|- Nolan Ryan's rookie card? - Mystery.
|- Mystery.
 - Go ask him.
|- Who's your daddy? - He's in back.
|- Go there and ask him.
 - I have to know what's going on.
|- Okay.
 Crap! Maybe later,|I don't think now's such a good time.
 - I'll talk to you later.
|- Later.
 I have a girlfriend.
 Okay.
 Open your eyes.
 - Wow.
 I'm stunning.
|- Your stylist concurs.
 Wow, so organized out here.
 I tidied up a bit,|excess stuff went in the cabinet.
 - Impressive.
|- I'll get it.
 - How good do I look?|- Would a comedic reply crush you? - Probably.
|- Terrif.
 - Where's the phone?|- Buried somewhere.
 - Tanna's gonna knock boys out today.
|- With sheer peculiarity? I am hoping that one boy notices.
 - Chester Fleet.
|- Chester Fleet? His father was instrumental|in conducting research showing that neurons in the brain|fire actively during REM sleep except for nerve cells involved|with the transmitter chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine.
 I forgot the first part of that sentence by the time you finished.
|But I say jump him.
 - Thanks, Lane.
 See you later.
|- Finally.
 - Hello?|- Hi, Rory.
 It's Jamie.
 How you doing? Good, Jamie.
 It's been a while.
 How's|the second-best school in the country? Princeton's fine.
 Hard, not as easy|as slacker schools like Yale.
 - I assume you're looking for Paris.
|- Yeah.
 I'm in town for a couple days,|so I'll probably see you.
 Great, here she is.
 I was just stepping out the door.
|What's up? Fine.
 Your hotel room's good? Good.
 Probably not tonight, unfortunately.
|Things are really bad on my end.
 I know.
 I'm so sorry,|but tonight was tentative, remember? Tonight wasn't set in stone.
 Well, I'm dead tired,|I have tons of studying to do and we have a little drama going on here|in the suite.
 Rory's small-town friend, Lane,|is crashing with us.
 She got kicked out of her house,|and she's in pretty bad shape.
 She's pretty heavy into the drugs,|totally Nancy Spungening it chasing the dragon.
 I kind of have to be here for support.
|The chick's bouncing off the walls.
 Yeah.
 Tomorrow.
 Sure, absolutely.
 Tonight was tentative, Jamie.
|I'm sure I told you to pencil it in.
 Pencil.
 Okay.
 Bye.
 - What?|- Nothing.
 I had to say something like that.
|He doesn't respond to the fact that I have to study, which I do.
|I'm seeing him tomorrow, anyway.
 - What's "chasing the dragon"?|- I've got to go.
 I don't think you should be saying that,|'cause it might get around Take it easy! Jerk.
 Gentlemen, there is no way|to 100% avoid liability for on-site accidents at any of your plants.
 It is unfortunate,|but international accords preclude it.
 - Can you please translate, Mr.
 Watanabe?|- Okay.
 - I'm sorry.
|- What happened to taking the morning off? I have the morning off.
|Japan does not have the morning off.
 Here.
 Care to join me? With all these Japanese businessmen|in the car? Kinky.
 "Kinky.
 "I'm sorry, what is "kinky"? You don't have to translate that,|Mr.
 Watanabe.
 - Where are we?|- They must confer on this.
 They really dig conferring.
 Please tell them|that I will call them again tomorrow.
 Here, come on, get in.
 It's cold outside.
 I thought we'd take my Jeep,|holds more stuff.
 That's good thinking.
 - Hello.
|- Hello.
 - Where are we off to today?|- I've got a fabulous little list here.
 Lots of places in Woodbury,|and we'll have to get a newspaper.
 - For|- Finding dead people.
 Estate sales, got it.
 Then we can hit a few places here,|then grab some lunch.
 Do we have time for coffee now?|I haven't had any for hours.
 - For hours? When did you get up?|-5:00.
 They have one of those|in the morning, too? You know how Asia is not taking|the morning off? Neither is Europe.
 - Coffee it is, then.
|- Take me to that place you talk about.
 - What is it? Duke's?|- Duke's.
 Sure.
 - Or we could go someplace else.
|- Why? Why not Duke's? - It's not so special.
|- You go there daily.
 Yeah, but I think Duke's is closed.
|And it's Luke's.
 - Closed at 8:00 in the morning on a Friday?|- Yeah, Sabbath.
 - Duke's a Jew.
|- No, Luke's a Jew.
 Sabbath's not till sundown.
 He likes to get an early jump|on his Sabbathing.
 I bet he's open.
 Okay, but you run the risk of going|and discovering it's closed.
 - I say live dangerously or not at all.
|- Yeah, you're right.
 All the other coffee in town sucks.
|Let's just go to Duke's, which is Luke's.
 - Which is Luke's?|- Duke's.
 What? No, Rietgaard, those documents|were FedExed to you on Wednesday.
 Shoot.
 Monday's "Maandag " - Tuesday's "Dinsdag.
 " How's your Dutch?|- Great.
 I just don't like to share it.
 I'll just have the office fax it all over|to you today.
 It's okay.
 Is he ice skating under a windmill?|That's the picture in my head.
 Okay, Rietgaard, goodbye.
 I'm exhausted.
 - And on your morning off.
|- Yeah, I stink at taking the mornings off.
 - Well, here we are.
|- Wait.
 No more calls.
 - Whose truck is that, Duke's?|- Yeah, Luke's.
 - Are they different people?|- Same person.
 - And that's his truck?|- Yes, it's practically an appendage.
 So, that would be Luke.
 You like to do a lot of research|before getting a cup of coffee.
 That's the doorknob.
 It twists to the right.
|Come on.
 - What is with you?|- I'm not in the mood for coffee anymore.
 - You were jonesing not five minutes ago.
|- It's passed.
 - My 5:00 a.
 m.
 coffee's kicked in again.
|- You drink time-release coffee? It's all the rage.
 - I want coffee.
|- I'll wait for you here.
 What is with you? I was kind of tailgating Duke|on the drive in.
 - You were tailgating Luke?|- Pretty rudely.
 There was honking.
 I didn't know it was Duke.
 - How fast was he going?|- Snail's speed.
 Like, 20.
 The speed limit here is 12.
 This is one of the problems I have|with small towns.
 You tailgate a guy in Manhattan,|you're not gonna see him again.
 You tailgate a guy in a small town,|he is the keeper of the coffee.
 - And he is looking at us.
|- Who? Luke? - Is that his name?|- Yes! - Don't look at him.
|- This is ridiculous! - Okay, go.
|- Where? - Anywhere else for coffee, please.
|- Okay.
 - Why are we stopping?|- The next best coffee is at this place.
 Okay, please find us coffee|at least 50 yards away from Duke's.
 Okay, finding it 50 yards|from Luke's is another matter.
 - Hey, Rory.
|- Jamie, hi.
 - Sorry to pounce on you like this.
|- It's okay, you're not pouncing.
 Wanna sit? Thanks.
 Listen, do you Do I what? Look, I need to find out what's up|with Paris and I don't know who else to ask.
 I had to rearrange a million things|to come here and I could only manage two days,|and now she won't see me.
 You're gonna see her tomorrow,|aren't you? - If she doesn't cancel.
|- She's not gonna cancel.
 - She wouldn't.
|- She's been canceling plans for weeks.
 She's not calling me as much.
 - I know.
 I sound pathetic.
|- No, you don't.
 And Paris has been so busy.
|You've been a college freshman.
 - You know what that entails.
|- Yeah.
 Plus, I heard her telling you|about my friend Lane.
 She's been living in our suite and it's been really unfair|to all my roommates.
 What is "chasing the dragon"? I don't know, but that's what|Lane said she's been doing.
 She's a cold turkey now.
 Going it I mean, cold turkey.
 And Paris has been|really great helping out.
 - Has she been seeing someone else?|- Not that I know of.
 I'll let you go.
 Thanks.
|This actually helped.
 Good.
 It will get better, Jamie.
|I really think that.
 Good.
 It's my birthday.
 Oh, wow.
 Happy birthday.
 Thanks.
 Thanks.
 - Hey.
|- Yeah.
 - You forget about me?|- No, I'm just real, real busy, that's all.
 - Looks like a lull to me.
|- It can be deceptive.
 - Kirk, you want another piece of pie?|- No, I'm fine and this is the commencement|of your classic mid-morning lull.
 People off to work, kids off to school.
 You may not have another soul|in here for half an hour.
 It gets peaceful, quiet,|kind of like a sweet death.
 He's trippy.
 - Sure you don't want anything?|- A spider monkey but there's probably nothing|you can do about it.
 - Cool.
 Come on.
|- Coming, sis.
 - Liz?|- I'm in the closet.
 - Oh, my God.
 It's still here.
|- What's still there? - My pot.
|- Your what? I used to stash it in the hall|back behind Daddy's files 'cause it's the one place he wouldn't look.
 - Isn't that wild? It's still here.
|- Will you give me that? Relax, will you? I don't do that anymore.
 - What are you doing?|- I'm putting it away.
 - Throw it in the trash.
|- So the garbage man can see it? Isn't Haywood Donnelly|still the garbage man? - Well, hell.
 He sold it to me.
|- I'll get rid of it, okay, Liz? Okay, Luke.
 Boy, you look good.
 What about me? Don't I look good? - You look fine.
|- I do not look fine.
 I look good.
 - I am good.
 I'm really good, Luke.
|- Well, I'm glad.
 - I made us some coffee.
|- I don't drink coffee.
 Sit down and watch me drink it, then.
|Just for a minute.
 Look at us, catching up and all.
 - I haven't seen you in two years.
|- Three years.
 - Liz, I gotta know why you're here.
|- To see you.
 I missed you.
 I did.
 Plus, it's my 20th high school|reunion this Saturday.
 I thought maybe I'd come back|and check out what the rest of the Class of '84 is up to.
 - You're going to the reunion?|- I even sent in a picture for the program.
 Wrote a little thing about myself,|about how things are going good I have a great job I just moved into a really cool apartment|with a big patio so I can finally get a dog.
 Plus, I have got- - Wait, let me guess.
 A new boyfriend.
|- Yes.
 And this one, let me guess,|is different from the others.
 - I dare say, he might even be the one.
|- Yeah.
 - Come on, Liz.
|- You should meet him.
 As long as, unlike the others,|he leaves your TV when he takes off I'll love him.
 Okay, fine.
|You have good reason to think- Good reasons?|Liz, every time you find "the one" you wind up|with your bank account cleaned out your stuff missing and crying on the phone|to me to bail you out which I do, happily.
 But you'll understand if I hold off|on planning for the bachelor party.
 Sure.
 Anyway, let's talk about something else.
 Yes, let's talk about something else.
|You said you had a new job.
 Yes, I do.
 I'm making my own jewelry beaded necklaces and earrings,|some crystal.
 Getting into feathers now.
 I'm really good.
 - Very big on the Renaissance Faire circuit.
|- What's that? Where I sell them,|the Renaissance Faire circuit.
 It's a total trip.
|I wear the long skirt, I have a hat one of those corsets|that squish my boobs all up high.
 And I yell, "Huzzah for the tipper! " That's your great new job? - Selling earrings at the Renaissance Faire?|- I know it sounds flaky- What? "Huzzah for the tipper" with|your squished-up boobs.
 Not flaky at all.
 - Look, I have to go back to work.
|- Luke, come on.
 Liz, you're selling earrings in a booth,|and you hooked up with another winner.
 You don't even know him.
 What about your son?|What about Jess? You talk to him lately? - You notice he's not even here?|- He sent me a letter.
 He's with his father.
 - That's the extent of the contact?|- He's 19.
 You can't tell him anything.
 - You definitely can't if you don't try.
|- I tried.
 No, I tried.
 You gave up.
 I thought you'd be better|for him than I was.
 Oh, yeah.
 I was great for him.
|I gave him a place to crash while he lied to me about everything,|about going to school, Wal-Mart.
 - You know I stole his car?|- You what? At night, I break into his car stealing it and hiding it|in Dad's old garage.
 - Why?|- Why? 'Cause I'm crazy.
 'Cause I think,|now he'll have to go to school.
 Now he'll have to graduate.
 Oh, well, we saw how that turned out.
 He ran off to live with the bum|who abandoned him.
 That's how great a job I did.
 - You tried.
|- I'm great at trying, aren't I? I know you have a lot of work to do,|so I'm gonna go.
 - Where are you staying?|- With Carrie Duncan.
 - Crazy Carrie Duncan?|- She's not crazy.
 She just likes the boys.
 - I'll say.
|- You should talk.
 You made out with her|at the homecoming game.
 I did not.
 I did not make out|with Crazy Carrie Duncan at the homecoming game.
 It was really good to see you,|and you do look good.
 I will make sure Carrie knows that.
 Wait.
 The tracking says it's in Atlanta.
|What is it doing in Atlanta? - Who's this country that speaks English?|- America.
 Every day she learns something new.
 Okay, Dennis, it is time|to get proactive on this.
 Mild-mannered Jason Stiles|suddenly darted into a phone booth ripped off his shirt,|and became Proactive Man.
 I'm sorry.
 I didn't get that last part.
 Proactive wherever|there's activity of a pro nature.
 Dennis, just do this.
 A messenger is coming in an hour|to pick up the box with the checks.
 The box with the checks|is in the drawer by the floor.
 The vessel with the pestle|holds the brew that is true.
 - I'm sorry.
 I'm kind of distracted.
|- Get off the phone.
 It's the last one, I promise.
|Two minutes, tops.
 Two minutes and I'll throw it in the lake.
 - There's a lake?|- We just drove by the lake.
 I missed the lake.
|Can we drive by it again later? Two minutes.
 My deliveryman is very good,|very dependable.
 He will call you with a two-hour window.
|Let me check his availability.
 - Hi, Mrs.
 Kim.
|- Lorelai.
 Wow, you've got a lot of new stuff in here.
 She's fine.
 She's at Yale with Rory.
 Here it is.
 Let's see, we have Monday|between 1:00 and 3:00 open.
 Great.
 No.
 I don't see any reason|that can't work out.
 Okay, I'm sorry, but Europe, Asia, Africa,|and wherever Bjork's from have to do without you today.
|I'm putting the kibosh on the phone.
 I'm sorry, mister,|but I am clicking that thing off myself.
 No, I'm still here, Emily.
 There's just a lot|of commotion around me.
 No, I'm not in the office.
|I took the morning off.
 Yes, Richard deserves a morning off, too.
 Okay.
 I'll see you at the hotel.
 Okay.
 Bye.
 I pulled a muscle waving at you.
 How was I supposed to know|you were talking to my mother? It was a very personal wave.
 It was a big, broad,|over-the-top personal wave.
 She called you? Are you doing a Mrs.
 Robinson thing|with my mother? Yes.
 I was visiting Richard one day,|and he stepped out and Emily lit a cigarette|and did the triangle thing with her thigh- Well, you said hotel.
 She wants me to come to some charity|thing at a hotel tomorrow.
 Wait.
 If I cannot be on the phone,|then you cannot be on the phone.
 - Hello.
|- Lorelai, it's me.
 Lorelai Gilmore is a hypocrite.
 - Hello, Emily.
|- Why are you calling me Emily? 'Cause that's your name.
|Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.
 - Who was that yelling?|- No one you'd know.
 What's up? I'm having trouble filling|these eight seats your father bought for the rare manuscript acquisition|charity dinner tomorrow night.
 This is Jason.
 That's the same man I heard before.
|Is he harassing you? Yes, I'm on the street.
 Get away, you.
|It's just insanity out here today.
 That's not good.
|Walk down a different street.
 Turning the corner now.
|So there's a manuscript thing? Yes, it's a fundraiser, and we're stuck.
 - And I'm desperate for attendees.
|- I'll go.
 Sure.
 Yes.
 - Really?|- I'll be there.
 How much do I give? Nothing.
 We've already paid.
 Okay, leave the details on where|to meet up and all on the home machine.
 I will.
 Thank you.
|And please get out of the street.
 I will.
 Bye.
 Okay, bye.
 Did she hear me? Yes, but she thinks|you're a raving street loon.
 This is exactly the reason why|I hate hiding relationships.
 - We're gonna get caught.
|- We can't tell them.
 - This was just a freak occurrence.
|- This is destined to be repeated.
 - They'll be mad that I hid it.
|- They'll be madder the longer you hide it.
 They'll screw things up.
|I don't want that.
 I like us.
 But it's inevitable.
|They're gonna see us together someplace.
 Or a traffic report'll take pictures of cars|on the expressway, we'll be in the car and Richard will be watching the news,|and he will see us.
 So, barring some sort of|"Star Trek"- like cloaking device which was problematic|in every incarnation of "Star Trek " I remember Kirk complaining about it,|Picard complaining about it - they will see us, and we'll get caught.
|- I'm very uncomfortable dating a Trekkie.
 I just, I don't feel good about this.
|It makes me very nervous.
 I had a difficult phone call this morning|with our Japanese partners and I didn't break a sweat.
 I had that testy call from the client|in California, not a drop.
 But your mother calls,|and I am soaked through.
 - On your morning off, too.
 I'm sorry.
|- That's okay.
 Do you want me|to wring your shirt out for you? No, it's old.
 And I like us, too, by the way,|which is why I feel so strongly about this.
 I know.
 - I'm not mad.
|- I know that, too.
 And I'll do whatever you want.
|You know them better than I.
 I'll tell them.
 - Really?|- Yes.
 Tonight's our Friday night dinner.
 Dad's gone, but starting|with Emily might be for the best.
 - I could talk to Richard, if you want.
|- No, it's my thing.
 I'll do it.
 - Good.
 Look, phone is off.
|- Good.
 Let's go buy some furniture.
 So, you're just sitting here watching TV.
 I'm studying.
 Look at Ted Kennedy.
|I've always admired him as a senator but you see him and think it's just|so unfair that fat men look good in suits.
 Girls gain a couple of pounds|and every piece of fashion betrays it.
 Off.
 I want to talk to you|about your boyfriend situation.
 - Jamie?|- I'm sorry, I should have said "boyfriends.
 " You mean a certain other fellow.
 I want to talk about you having an affair|with Prof.
 Asher Fleming and at the same time,|stringing along poor Jamie - with no concern for his feelings.
|- It's not an affair.
 Affair, relationship, fling, tête-à-tête,|whatever you want to call it.
 - I'm very surprised by this.
|- How so? You've never wanted|to discuss Asher before.
 Well, I don't particularly want|to discuss him now, but I'm forced to.
 I just ran into Jamie,|and he's wandering around, lonely missing you, scared of losing you,|and you're sitting here watching C-SPAN.
 Nobody watches C-SPAN.
|It's just on in the background.
 You've got to choose, Paris.
|It's become pretty clear that the whatever-you-call-it with|the Professor is not a short-lived thing.
 I'd say that's accurate.
|You can just call him Asher.
 He's my teacher,|so I think I'll stick with Professor.
 - Professor just makes him sound old.
|- He is old.
 He's 60.
|Today's 60 is what 50 was 20 years ago.
 - He's got the body of a 40-year-old.
|- I don't want to talk about his body.
 I know we've got|a May-December romance going on here.
 This is not May-December.
|This is May-Ming Dynasty.
 An age difference like this|is very common.
 People dating people|the same age are passé now.
 My grandfather introduced you to him.
|Do you see how awkward this is for me? - Hot men tend to run in packs.
|- Do not ever say anything like that again.
 Mary, you are such a prude.
 Well, at least I'm not mean|to people who love me.
 - Where is your heart?|- I've mishandled the Jamie situation.
 He just can't take a hint.
 You've got to do something.
|One of us here does care about Jamie - and I think it's me.
|- I know.
 - He's my first real boyfriend.
|- You got lucky with him.
 And he's crazy about me,|never quite figured out why.
 Don't get self-deprecating, it's obnoxious.
 He's been so forgiving.
|I've been pretty mean.
 Just talk to him and see how it goes.
 Hey, it's me.
 We've got to end this.
 Now.
 There's just no reason to prolong it.
|I'm sorry you came all the way out here.
 Rory showed me the light.
 She made me see|that there's just no point in going on.
 She came home and we talked.
|She's here if you want to ask her yourself.
 Do not give me that phone.
 Anyhow, I'm really sorry, Jamie.
|Really.
 Bye.
 That had all the tact|of a Nazi storm trooper.
 - It was your idea.
|- Breaking up was not my idea.
 He'd be stupid if he thought|that's why I'd do it.
 This was good.
 It was right.
|I'm glad I did it.
 You can have the TV, if you want.
 Hello, Luke.
 Getting cold again, isn't it? It's that unpredictable time of year,|Mrs.
 Cassini.
 - Stay warm.
|- Yeah, you, too.
 It's a Rambler Ambassador.
|Four-door, rusty brown pretty much a beat-up clunker.
 No.
 I don't know|how long it's been missing.
 I mean, I saw it for sure last week.
 No, I don't drive it much.
|It's a second car, okay? Just call me when you find it.
 Thanks.
 Bye.
 - Hey.
|- Hey.
 Tanna told me that that Chester guy|liked her hair and asked her out.
 - She's throwing up now.
|- Good for her.
 - Going somewhere?|- Home for the weekend.
 Just to get away from me? I've got dinner at my grandma's tonight,|obligatory thing then our town's having|its firelight festival tomorrow which I haven't missed since I was one.
 So not seeing you,|quite frankly, is just a fringe benefit.
 Would it make you feel any better|if I told you how awful I feel? - I don't understand why you're so upset.
|- I know you don't.
 I tried to call Jamie again.
|He won't pick up.
 - Can you blame him?|- No, I know I let it go too long.
 I just wasn't sure|what Asher was thinking at first.
 I wasn't sure if it was just a fling for him.
 But over the past few weeks, he's been|mentioning stuff about the future.
 He's spending a month teaching a couple|courses at Oxford over the summer and then he asked me|what I planned to do over the summer.
 There was a definite implication|that he was wondering if I was available during the summer.
 I think he might ask me to go|with him to Oxford.
 - Why else would he ask?|- Beats me.
 - I'm not counting my chickens.
|- Good thinking.
 - But it is the first indication.
|- Look, I've got to hit the road.
 It was his accent that did it.
|I'm such the total anglophile.
 When I was a kid,|I was in love with Neil Kinnock former head of the Labour Party?|Teeth like a horse, but that voice.
 - Then it was Roger Moore.
|- English accents are nice.
 He TiVo's "FRONTLINE.
" - Who does?|- Asher.
 - So we can watch it together.
|- Terrific.
 You don't think he meant|we would be together? - I wasn't there.
|- I'm not counting my chickens.
 - I think that's smart.
|- I never wanted to hurt Jamie.
 I just don't know how to do these things.
|I'm not very nice sometimes.
 I hope Asher doesn't see that in me.
 I didn't mean to hold you up.
|Have a good weekend.
 I just want you to be happy.
|You know that, right? Thanks.
 I'm happy.
 Mom? Hello? Rory.
 Good.
|I did not suddenly go half-deaf.
 Were you supposed to meet me here? - No.
 I'm a surprise.
|- As was your conception.
 - I'll just be two minutes.
|- As was your conception.
 - How was your day with Jason?|- Fun.
 He makes me laugh.
 - I like that.
|- He's very off-center.
 It's been awhile|since I've been with someone off-center.
 - Cool.
|- I'm telling Mom tonight about us.
 I think Grandma knows you're my mother.
 - About me and Jason.
|- Very brave.
 Yeah.
 Jason's wanted to|from the beginning.
 It's the mature thing to do and that's why|I didn't want to do it, but it's time.
 - That's weird.
|- What's weird? - This.
|- Bread is weird? It's weird when it's here.
|It does not make a good snack.
 It does when you add stuff to it,|like cheese.
 - You have cheese?|- Yeah.
 It's not Donner Pass, Rory.
|We have cheese.
 - It's like a freaking cornucopia.
|- It's just stuff.
 - There's the cheese.
|- Why are you making this such a big deal? Because we never had real food|the whole time I was growing up.
 We always had food.
|This fridge was never empty.
 Yeah, we had leftovers from takeout.
|Cold pizza, Luke's fries but never stuff you had to assemble.
 - Chill out on the inquiries.
|- Is that a cucumber? You would make|a terrible private investigator.
 You get hung up on all sorts|of dumb stuff that does not matter.
 - Come on.
 We're late.
 I'll drive.
|- Sounds good.
 - Oh, my God.
 Is that a tomato?|- Enough already, let's go.
 My girls are arriving together.
 - Hi, Mom.
|- Hi, Grandma.
 - You smell like coffee.
|- We haven't had any.
 It's so strong.
 Okay, Mom,|I really don't like you sniffing me.
 Hey, where's Grandpa tonight? He's in Manhattan,|having dinner with clients.
 He just called.
 They're at some restaurant|near Times Square.
 He said Times Square|just keeps getting cleaner and cleaner.
 They didn't stumble upon one prostitute|the whole night.
 Yeah, I heard the Disney Company|had them all killed.
 What I don't understand is why|Jason wouldn't make this trip instead.
 - He's maybe busy with his own thing.
|- I know for a fact he wasn't.
 Richard said|he took the whole morning off.
 Everyone deserves|an occasional morning off.
 Richard never takes a morning off.
|He's up every day at 5:30 on the phone,|then it's out the door to the office.
 I bet Jason|doesn't roll out of bed until 8:00.
 On the contrary,|he probably gets up earlier than 8:00.
 I would think that he would have to,|to keep up with Dad.
 - Makes sense.
|- Just a guess.
 I just find that boy so irritating.
 He's always trying to get in good with me,|complimenting me, agreeing with me.
 He's absolutely prostrating himself|at my feet.
 It's so weak.
 You're a formidable opponent, Mom.
 They don't call you|the Idi Amin of the DAR for nothing.
 He's so grating about it.
 - I'm never fully comfortable around him.
|- You should maybe try harder.
 I try, but every time I see him,|a new facet of his Jasonness comes out.
 It's good to have facets.
 There's probably|a lot you don't know about him.
 I'm sure about that.
|You two would be perfect for each other.
 - What? Who? Me and Jason?|- A match made in heaven.
 - Thanks a lot.
|- Don't get upset.
 Mother, you just spent|the last five minutes listing every off-putting quality Jason has,|real or imagined and then you put me on his level|and say we're perfect together.
 What's so funny? I'm sorry.
 Did I miss something? Did a clown come in|behind me and start doing funny pratfalls? Just the idea of you|and Jason together is funny.
 - It's funny.
|- It's very funny.
 I just said it as a joke.
 - You said it as a joke.
|- You took it so seriously.
 - But why is it so funny?|- Well, think about it.
 I am.
 I'm just trying|to figure out what you're thinking.
 - It's obvious.
|- It's not obvious to me or to Rory.
 - Rory's wondering, aren't you?|- Yeah.
 Why is that so funny, Grandma? It would just be so ludicrous.
 Why? Because he's a hardworking guy,|from what I know.
 I'm sorry.
 You're making me laugh|even harder about this.
 I just said it offhand.
 - I know.
|- Martini? You didn't have to shake it much|with all that laughing.
 You know, the laughing just shook it|on up for you.
 - It's good to laugh like that once a while.
|- Yeah.
 I know.
 You okay? You didn't tell her.
 Next time? How are your motor skills?|I'll drive.
 - Luke.
|- Hey, Coop.
 Good news, found the car.
 Good.
 Who would steal that thing?|It's just a hunk of junk.
 It broke down on the expressway|a few hours ago.
 The guy was in it.
 - You got the guy?|- Yeah.
 But there's not a lot we can do.
|He's the owner.
 - I'm the owner.
|- Not according to the registration.
 - It's registered to a-|- Jess Mariano.
 Yep, says you're his uncle.
 Registration's long expired, too,|needs seeing to.
 But I just figured,|since this seems like a family matter I'd bring the car and the kid back to you.
 Yeah, a family matter.
 - Where do you want it?|- Right there's fine.
 - This wasn't my idea.
|- You'll take care of the registration? - Yeah, thanks, Coop.
|- Yeah, thanks, Coop.
 Let's go, Frank.
 - Look who's back.
|- I'm just here to retrieve my property.
 - You got a lot of nerve.
|- How so? You stole my car.
|Coop should've arrested you.
 - Why didn't he arrest you?|- Free doughnuts.
 Beautiful.
 - So you got anything you want to say?|- You could've washed it once in a while.
 Okay, fine.
 The car is yours.
|Our business here is done.
 "- Hasta la vista.
 " Have a nice life.
|- Our business here is not done.
 My car is wrecked because of you.
 Three of the tires are leaking.
|It's got no oil.
 The floats in the carburetor are probably|cracked.
 It's backfiring like mad.
 People were ducking|when I was driving by.
 Then it stalled and wouldn't start.
 You can find Mr.
 Goodwrench|in the Yellow Pages.
 I think it's under "M" or is it "G"?|I can never tell with those kinds of things.
 - You're paying for the repairs.
|- Don't make me laugh.
 It's broken because of you.
 The thing was a piece of junk|to begin with.
 The paint's holding it together.
 And the expired registration?|I'm gonna have to pay a fine.
 - I guess it didn't work out with your dad?|- It worked out fine.
 What are you doing back East, buddy? - Still searching?|- Been traveling.
 Thanks for all the swell cards and letters|you sent while you were away.
 You kicked me out.
|What were you expecting, a candygram? I didn't kick you out.
|You got yourself kicked out.
 Nice spin, you should work for Bush.
 What did you get|out of this Kerouac trip of yours? You write the great American novel?|Learned the harmonica? What do you care?|You're not my guardian anymore.
 And I bless every day that I'm not.
 When you're not good at something,|it's best to cut and run.
 Sorry I tried to give you a decent life, Jess.
 Sorry I didn't think driving a forklift|for the rest of your life - was good enough for you.
|- That is condescending, isn't it? I thought you were a friend|of the workingman.
 That sister of mine, what a prize.
 What does she have to do|with any of this? I tell her about the car,|she runs and tells you.
 That's what happened, right?|And her claiming she had no contact.
 Again, the car is mine.
|Liz was doing the right thing.
 - That's what family does.
|- Family? What a joke coming from you.
 - Go clean your counters.
 I'm tired.
|- You staying in town? I don't know of any 24-hour auto shops|around here, do you? You're not staying with me.
 - It didn't cross my mind.
|- Get it fixed, quick.
 Believe me, no one wants it fixed|faster than me.
 You stay away from her while you're here.
 - Stay away from who?|- You know who I mean.
 You're so cryptic.
 You've done all the damage there|you're gonna, okay? I'm here to get my car, and then I'm gone.
 - Where are you staying?|- The backseat's as comfy as anywhere.
 Fine.
 - Please do not say that word again.
|- It's a free country.
 Just say "hot chocolate"|or say nothing at all.
 - Terrific.
 Hocho.
|- I hate that.
 It's so cutesy-mutesy.
 Do you hate it as much|as my favorite summer treat? - Don't.
|- Nice cold froyo.
 Stop.
 Who are you calling? I'm calling Jason.
|I promised I would check in.
 - Hello.
|- I'm dying here.
 How'd it go? Well, it didn't.
 Sorry.
 - You chicken out?|- It's a long story.
 The timing was very bad.
 - You chickened out.
|- No.
 Yeah, kind of.
 - Lorelai, we've got to do it.
|- The timing has to be right.
 It's gonna be awkward|no matter when you do it.
 Not if they're both unconscious.
 Then you'll be dealing|with why your parents are unconscious and doctors' consultations,|and phoning friends and relatives.
 Timing is bad there, too.
 Listen, trust me, this was not good timing.
 And I swear to you, there will be|much better timing in the near future.
 Near is near.
|I can't define it more than that.
 It's closer than far.
 How's that? I don't believe this.
 Honey, I got to call you back, okay? Bye.
 - Is that|- Yes.
 I don't believe this.
 - What is he doing here?|- What is he doing there? - Asleep in his car.
 Is he living in it?|- I don't see stuff.
 - Does Luke know he's here?|- Well, I know what you know.
 He may not know.
 It's in front of his place.
|How can he not know? It's freezing out here.
 He could die.
 - He must not know.
|- Or doesn't care.
 - Think David Blaine put him up to this?|- Why is he here? Why did he come back? Light's still on in there.
 - Luke's in there.
 Should we go talk to him?|- No.
 It's too weird.
 - And it's It's weird.
|- It's definitely weird.
 I'll just see you at home,|'cause I don't want to deal with this.
 Hey, come on in.
 - Are you aware of who's out there?|- Yeah, I'm aware.
 That he's sleeping in his car?|And it's about 35 degrees? - He's a tough guy.
 He can take it.
|- Luke, why is he back here? - Because I'm stupid.
|- Meaning? His mom showed up.
|For what reason, I don't know.
 I'm still waiting for that shoe to drop.
 I mentioned Jess' car,|then, boom, there's Jess.
 So, the mystery woman|from this morning, that's Liz? In all her glory.
 - Quite a day you've had.
|- It's been delightful.
 I think Bobby McFerrin's gonna write one of those happy boo-boop-dee-doo|songs of his about this.
 She lied to me|about having contact with Jess so she's lying about everything else.
 - But why is he sleeping in his car?|- Because he's gonna wait to have it fixed.
 It's a point of pride with the little punk.
 Please, don't tell Rory.
 He'll be gone|tomorrow.
 No reason to upset her.
 - She's already seen him.
|- Oh, man.
 She's fine, Luke.
 She's over it.
 He won't go near her,|I'll make sure of that.
 Again, I don't think it's necessary.
 - She can fend for herself.
|- What a lie it all is! - All what is?|- Families.
 They're just messes.
 It's like a spilled drink that keeps spilling|and you got to keep cleaning it up.
 You scrub and you scrub,|and you just can't get the stain up.
 Show me a happy family, just one.
 Didn't that Tolstoy guy|say something about families? It's a famous thing he said.
|It's like, "All families are unhappy" or "Happy on the surface,"|"Unhappy in the same way.
 " Sounds a little incomplete.
 Maybe he couldn't complete it 'cause|he was dealing with his stinking family.
 The Hallmark people know about you?|You're a natural.
 God, I'm tired of cleaning up messes.
 I'm tired of helping people|who do nothing to help themselves.
 I'm sorry you're so upset.
 I don't want you to have to deal|with a frozen carcass in the morning.
 - He'll be fine.
|- Okay.
 Try to get some rest, okay? Relax.
 Watch a little TV.
 No family shows.
 Yeah, I'm going up now.
 Bye.
 - Hey.
|- Hey.
 - So you want an update?|- I guess.
 It's a whole thing.
 Mystery woman from this morning,|Jess' mom.
 It's still a mystery, though.
|Luke's not quite sure what she's up to.
 She came with Jess? She called him or something.
|It's very confusing.
 Luke was not|in an expansive storytelling mood.
 All he knows is that Jess said|he came for his car and he's not leaving without it.
 - Okay.
|- Yeah.
 Which means he might be here|part of the day tomorrow.
 - So, danger, Will Robinson.
|- I can live with it, really.
 - That's what I told Luke.
|- Good.
 Okay.
 So I'm gonna go upstairs,|get warm.
 Good night.
 Before you go,|what happened to our movie channels? What do you mean? I was flipping through the cable,|and a bunch of our channels are gone.
 - That's not right.
|- And you have bread.
 - There's a connection?|- You skimping? Cutting back on things? Cable, eating out, the bread,|the cheese, the tomato? Okay.
 If you're gonna try me|in a court of law the bread, the tomato,|and I need to hire a lawyer.
 There's no takeout in the fridge,|no takeout containers in the trash.
 Are you going through the trash? And I'm not seeing|the stacks of magazines lying around.
 - We always subscribe to everything.
|- Yes, we do.
 I read them all.
|They're in the recycle bin.
 Go check.
 It even seems a little darker in here like you're using a lower-watt bulb|or something.
 Oh, my God,|you're reading into everything.
 - You're not having money problems?|- No.
 I'm not gonna be on the "Fortune" 500 list|anytime soon, but I'm fine.
 - With the Inn and everything.
|- Yes.
 We're getting a horse.
 - Cool.
 And food for the horse?|- He'll be well-fed.
 Just as long as you're well-fed, too.
 I'll call the cable company in the morning.
|We should get those channels.
 - You'd tell me, right?|- Yes.
 - Good night.
|- Good night, angel.
 Go away.
 - What?|- I'm spending the night with Nicole.
 - Thanks for the update.
|- The hidden key's still there.
 You can stay here and freeze to death|if you want, or you can go inside.
 I don't really give a damn,|makes no difference to me.
 I'm fine.
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