# GilmoreGirls-S05E07
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s05e07

- I'm late.
|- I know.
 Blame the insane people|driving in front of me.
 They had a "Honk, if you|love to scuba dive" bumper sticker - on the back of their car, so I honked.
|- You don't scuba dive.
 Yes, but I've been testing people|who have "honk" bumper stickers lately to see if they really want people to honk.
 Guess what? They don't.
|I lay on my horn and this alleged scuba diver|slows to a crawl in front of me just out of revenge, and I'm screwed.
 - You need a hobby.
|- Yes, actually.
 Come on.
 Rory's waiting.
 - What happened?|- She honked.
 Another bumper-sticker test.
 I just thought of a great idea|for a reality show.
 You pull people over who have those "honk, if you love to whatever"|bumper stickers you kidnap them and you make them do whatever the bumper sticker|says they like to do whether they do it or not,|and then you make them eat bugs.
 - So, I hear you have a new boyfriend.
|- How did you- - Not from me.
|- Don't jump on Rory.
 - How, Mom?|- Kirk told me.
 - Kirk?|- Kirk who? - How many Kirks do you know?|- My Kirk! Stars Hollow Kirk?|Kirk, who hasn't started shaving yet, Kirk? How did you find out from him? I called the Inn looking for you,|and Michel answered but he was in the middle|of some argument with your horse veterinarian.
 Then there was a cracking sound,|and the phone went dead.
 Then there was another man's|voice saying "hello.
 " - Kirk?|- Bob.
 - The gardener?|- More twists than O.
 Henry.
 He told me something|in a heavy Spanish accent all while Michel was yelling|at the vet in French.
 I leave and the UN erupts.
 Then Kirk came on.
|He was there delivering something.
 And when I told him I was looking|for you he told me you were probably|at your boyfriend Luke Danes' house.
 - Why were you hiding it from me?|- I wasn't hiding it.
 You jumped on Rory when you thought|she told me.
 You were hiding it.
 - She did not jump on me, Grandma.
|- Yeah, and I wasn't hiding it.
 The only reason I reacted to Kirk|the way I did is that he's not in this world,|he's in my other world.
 It's as if I, out of the blue, told you|I was having tea with Mrs.
 Van-uppity.
 - Who?|- Hortense Van-uppity tight bun, lace collar,|tiny poodle, fictional friend? You keep so much from me|with these separate worlds of yours.
 It's not right.
 I will try harder to merge the worlds.
|I promise.
 Start now.
 I want to meet this Luke Danes.
 You've met him.
 Not in this capacity.
 I need to re-meet him.
 Well, I'm sure that day will come.
 - Next week.
|- What? You have a gentleman friend|of significance.
 Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes.
 So, it's only proper that you introduce him|to your mother.
 Unless he's insignificant.
 I don't want to meet a passing ship.
|That's a waste of my time.
 - Is Luke a passing ship? Is he insignificant?|- No, he's not.
 I'll get my book,|and we will pick a date next week.
 - Mom.
|- Next week.
 - But I-|- Next week! Honk, if Emily Gilmore views your mind|as her personal playground.
 Honk.
 We eat it, we breathe it.
|It's our heart and lungs.
 What is it? The three basics: Accuracy, accuracy, and accuracy.
 It's my head that'll end up|on a platter, okay? Let's go the extra yard.
 Protect my head.
 Headache, Doyle? Charles Kuralt used to eat aspirin|like candy.
 Ate candy like candy, too.
|Hence the belly like Jell-O.
 That was mean.
 The man's dead.
 So, how's the story coming|on that secret society? The Life and Death Brigade.
|Get this, I've got a contact.
 - Inside?|- Deep inside.
 - Who?|- Anonymous.
 Don't ask again.
 - Your call.
|- I'm gonna tell this story from the inside.
 - You'll be careful?|- Careful enough.
 - Well, stay on it.
|- You bet.
 I love this.
 We just had|a very "All the President's Men "moment.
 Very! Moving around the newsroom like that.
|Felt good.
 Let's do it again sometime.
 - Now?|- Might look silly.
 - Carry on.
|- Right, chief.
 There you are.
 Club sandwich.
 Burger, well done, fries.
|Let me know if you need anything.
 Hey, What's up?|You're acting all squirrelly.
 - I'm ready now.
|- For what? To date.
 - Well!|- That offer's still good, right? - Yeah, still good.
|- Okay.
 So, we should pick a time.
 - Sure.
|- How about now? - I'm kind of working.
|- Right.
 How about tonight? - I've got band practice.
|- Right.
 - And so do you.
|- Because we're in the same band.
 Okay, so, we'll figure it out.
 - We'll figure it out.
|- Cool.
 - See you at home.
|- Yeah, see you.
 Okay.
 Hey, Lane.
 How's it going? - Good, very good.
|- Lucky you.
 Hey! - How dark is it?|- How dark is what? The cumulus nimbus|hovering over my head.
 - The black cloud.
 Was that a drop?|- What are you talking about? - I have some very bad news.
|- What? My mother is insisting|on having dinner with us.
 - That's it?|- Did you hear what I said mother, dinner, us? That's on a par with car test,|crash test dummy.
 Don't worry.
 I am going to do|whatever it takes to get us out of this.
 I promise.
 - Why?|- What do you mean, why? Let's just do it, get it over with.
 Meeting the parents|comes with the territory.
 - We can't put it off forever.
|- Oh, yeah? My fourth-grade teacher|wanted a meeting with my parents she was hit by a bus, six years ago.
|Never got the meeting.
 - Book it.
|- Luke! - Book it.
|- Okay.
 But I'm warning you,|if I call and tell her it's on and then you change your mind|and want to back out we're gonna have to leave the country|and have extensive facial surgery and sex changes.
 Both of us,|so that we can kiss and not look funny.
 - I'm not gonna change my mind.
|- Okay, fine.
 I'll just call and tell her now.
 What is happening?|Something dark is happening here.
 It is heavy like iron! Did you feel that ice-cold wind|that just passed through? - Make the call.
|- "I see dead people.
 " Make the call.
 - This is a house?|- This is a house.
 What a waste.
 See, this is what causes peasants|to revolt.
 - This is how heads end up on pikes.
|- Open with that.
 That's a great icebreaker.
 Hey, listen, I want you to be careful|about your consumption of booze.
 I'm not gonna drink too much.
 No! You got it backwards there, Pablo,|ride the pink elephant, baby because it's your only defense|against Emily Gilmore - unless you're packing a Kalashnikov.
|- Yeah.
 Shouldn't you ring the bell or something? A little strategy.
|Here's the front door.
 We're here.
 Drink cart's here.
|It's knock, knock, open the door.
 "Hi.
 " Turn left, veer right, pass the couch,|we're at the booze.
 Any questions? Yeah, shouldn't you get|a massage or something? - Take off your coat.
|- It's cold.
 No, it's time-consuming.
 Roll it in a ball and have it ready|to hand off to the maid.
 Yeah.
 - Hi.
 Hello.
|- Hi.
 Come in, please.
 Okay.
 Thank you.
 I am sorry.
 - May I take your coats?|- Yeah, got mine all ready.
 There you go.
 - I'm Luke.
|- I'm the maid.
 Nice to meet you.
 - That was so sweet and innocent.
|- Well! Our honored guest.
 - Welcome.
|- Mom, Luke.
 Luke, Mom.
 We've met, Lorelai.
 Several times.
 I was just re-introducing you,|as per your instructions.
 - Good to see you again, Mrs.
 Gilmore.
|- No, it's Emily.
 I insist.
 Nice to see you, Emily.
 - Drinks?|- We're in the foyer.
 - Let's change that.
|- Not if Luke wants a tour.
 Okay.
 Foyer, staircase, upstairs.
 Dining room, kitchen, weird piano area|that we never really named.
 And right through here is the living room.
 Yeah, I don't need a tour, thanks.
 Then, let's go in the living room.
 Your house is beautiful.
 - They don't make them like this anymore.
|- I'll say.
 They make everything|out of cardboard now - white boxes with heating vents.
|- The art of craftsmanship is dead.
 - Gin.
|- Do you have Tourette's or something? I am sorry.
 I thought I heard you say: "What would you like to drink?" - I was getting there.
|- Gin martini, please.
 I already made a pitcher of martinis,|but they're vodka.
 - Vodka's perfect.
 Double with a twist.
|- So, two cold martinis with a twist.
 - And, Luke, how would you like a beer?|- Great.
 Or maybe Luke would like to choose|his own drink.
 That's a thought.
 Yes, I'm sorry, Luke.
 You can have whatever you like.
|I've got it all.
 - Beer is perfect.
|- Beer it is.
 Oh, no, she's got everything.
 She's got Scotch, rum,|whiskey, red wine She's not kidding, she's got it all.
 - Beer is perfect.
|- Okay, bring him a beer.
 - Here we are.
|- Thank you.
 Thank you, Emily.
 The beer is nice and cold.
|I almost want one myself.
 You can have some of mine if you want.
 So, how's that diner of yours? It's doing great.
 No matter what the economic climate,|people gotta eat.
 That is so true.
 And I thought your place|was very charming.
 Nice and rustic.
 - Do you need a cough drop?|- She's fine.
 - Where'd your martini go?|- To a happy place.
 - Do you want another?|- Does Pavarotti want another doughnut? - That's a "yes"?|- I'll pour it, Emily.
 Thank you, Luke.
|I should go check on dinner.
 - Will you excuse me?|- Absolutely.
 - Unbelievable.
|- I know.
 She didn't make nearly enough.
 - I meant you.
 You're acting crazy.
|- She's insulting you.
 - No, she's not.
 Your mom's being great.
|- What? Were you in the room? - Did you not hear the awful thing she said?|- What did she say? - Rustic diner, "rustic"?|- So? Backhand slang for "crap pile.
 " Or she was admiring its vintage feel.
 - What was the other word she used?|- Charming? Slang for "doggy poopy.
 " Unbelievable.
 Wait, what was the beer thing?|Oh, my God- That was nice.
 I wanted beer.
 She was considerate enough to anticipate|that that might be the case.
 The word "beer":|backhand slang for "nitwit juice.
 " You're reading way too much into this.
 Excuse me, but I would defer|to the Gilmore expert here.
 I am the Oracle.
 I carry all the knowledge.
 Well, I would like you to calm down,|because you're making me nervous.
 - I'm trying to protect you.
|- I'm a grown man and this isn't my first foray|into the big city.
 I've dealt with all types|of people in my life.
 - Rich, poor, snobby, proud.
 I can handle it.
|- But- And by you jumping in after|everything your mother says makes me look weak,|and I don't want to look weak.
 - I don't want you to, either.
|- Then, give me my space, okay? Please.
 Okay, I'll give you your space.
 Dinner is going to be as good as it smells,|I guarantee it.
 - It smells wonderful, Emily.
|- Thank you, Luke.
 It's nice to have a kind gentleman|in the house.
 - Thank you.
|- So, you're recently divorced? Yeah, I guess.
 Although it depends on|what you'd call "recently.
 " You've been divorced in the last year.
|That would be recent.
 - Yeah, yes.
|- Terrible, the divorce rate, isn't it? Yes, it's terrible.
 - I'm sure it was inevitable in your case.
|- Turned out that way.
 I hope there weren't children.
 - No.
|- Divorce destroys children.
 But without children,|you're only harming yourself.
 Of course, nowadays|people get married for fun.
 Apparently there's nothing good on TV.
 Hey, it's Dean.
 So, we were supposed to get together|the day after tomorrow but I have to canceI.
 Again.
 One day, I'm gonna have one job,|not three which will simplify everything.
 I hope.
 Anyway, I was hoping we could|somehow hook up tomorrow night.
 I forget if you have something going on.
 But I've got a three-hour window,|and I was thinking dinner or something.
 Maybe we can meet halfway|between Yale and Stars Hollow.
 That probably puts us on the interstate meaning the $6.
99 surf-and-turf speciaI|but, hell, I'm a cheap date.
 Not the most romantic get-together for us,|but something's better than nothing.
 Let me know.
 Bye.
 End of messages.
 Diners are generally so filthy.
|I'm sure yours isn't.
 But the horror stories you hear.
 I read that one in Vermont got caught|serving roadkill.
 - Do you know what that is?|- Yeah, it's dead animals from the street.
 From the street, from backyards,|fished out of pools.
 These diners find it and serve it.
|Again, probably not yours.
 But the fact that this place|got away with it at all is astounding.
 I guess people who frequent diners don't|look too closely at what they're eating - out of self-defense.
|- We don't serve roadkill at my place.
 Good for you.
 I had a friend who ate at a diner once,|and the next day she dropped dead.
 Her family considered suing the place but there's nothing to get|from these people.
 A couple of stools and a toaster.
 But they were sure|it was a matter of hygiene and they eventually drove them|out of the state.
 I don't want to tell you what they found|when they moved the stove.
 Would you like another beer, Luke? An opiate for the masses.
|Well, so what? We all have our opiates.
 For some, it's ballet.
|For Luke, it's baseball.
 Whoever I heard say it just happened|to say it about what Luke likes.
 Oh, no! Some workman has left|his filthy truck in our clean driveway.
 - Richard must have sent for him.
|- That's mine, actually.
 Well, it's nice, rustic.
 - I like the color.
|- Thank you.
 And I like this coat of yours.
 There's something nice|about simple cloth.
 - Thanks.
|- This was wonderful.
 Don't be a stranger, all right.
 - I won't.
 Thank you, Emily.
|- Goodbye.
 Bye, Lorelai.
 - Bye, Mom.
|- Thanks again.
 You know what's amazing? - I mean, truly amazing?|- What? She never said anything|directly bad about me or the diner or anything else concerning me.
 - She's good.
|- And all I did was thank her, over and over.
 - She'd hammer me, and I'd thank her.
|- It's a talent.
 "Rustic" really did sound like|"crap pile" that time.
 Come on, babe, you'll feel better|about halfway home.
 - Good.
|- Then the eye-popping nausea will hit you.
 The rich food mixes|with the bitter memories - and it all gets worse, then it gets better.
|- Good! Until you get to Route 44,|and then you hit bottom.
 - Good grief!|- I'll be ready with a tongue depressor to prevent you from swallowing|your tongue.
 I keep them in my purse.
 Step up.
 - Hey, Ace, you ready?|- Well - Hit it!|- Not so loud.
 - You're very auditorially sensitive today.
|- And your voice helps.
 - Is the blindfold secure?|- Secure and in place.
 - Our anonymity is crucial, Logan.
 Crucial.
|- What's wrong with Finn? - Great job with the blindfold, Logan.
|- I recognize your voices, Colin.
 - Could everyone keep it down, please?|- Can we remove the blindfold now? - We're also hiding our destination.
|- We had to leave at this ungodly hour.
 It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
 - He's got a thing about the sun.
|- It's too bright.
 So, how come you're not wearing|your gorilla masks? - She can see.
|- I can tell because your voices aren't muffled.
 - She's sharp.
|- Who's the girl? I've been told we've met.
|I have no memory of it.
 - Gorilla girl.
|- Isn't that a pretty nickname.
 - By the way, this thing's overnight.
|- Overnight? - Didn't I mention that before?|- Must have slipped your mind.
 It doesn't screw up anything for you,|does it? - No.
|- No? - Nope.
|- New schedule.
 Good.
 We like our schedules loose,|like our women.
 - Clever.
|- My God, it's early.
 - Luke's.
|- Good afternoon.
 - I'm calling for Mr.
 Luke Danes.
|- This is Luke Danes.
 Please hold for Mr.
 Gilmore.
 What? For who? Hello? Luke? Richard Gilmore here.
 Hi, Richard Mr.
 Gilmore, sir.
|How are you? I'm fine, thank you.
 Listen, I thought we could meet|for a round of golf, you and I.
 - Golf?|- Tomorrow afternoon is good for me.
 Is that good for you? - Well|- Good.
 I'll have Margie call you back|with the details.
 - Okay.
|- Wonderful! I look forward to it.
 See you at the club.
 Yeah.
 See you at the club.
 This mountain air has revivified me! - Make sure he doesn't run off a cliff.
|- Stephanie, it's your turn.
 Danny, slow down! - You're okay?|- I smell trees.
 Nothing gets past you.
 - So, the firing squad is just up ahead?|- Yeah, and there's a line.
 Damn.
 Seriously, Logan,|is the blindfold coming off or am I Patty Hearst-ing it the whole trip? It's coming off.
 It's coming off, right now.
 Oh, my! - You cannot go golfing with my father.
|- It's a done deaI.
 What is that man up to? What is he doing? What are you doing? I'm looking for a book|my dad had somewhere around here Learn Golf the Arnold Palmer Way.
|I can't find it.
 I beseech you,|do not go golfing with my father.
 - It's too late.
 I said "yes.
 "|- Why did you say "yes"? - I had no choice.
|- Saying "no" was a choice.
 Did you learn nothing|from the dinner with my mother? - Apparently not.
|- Call him and cancel.
 Right.
 And how would he take that? Badly.
 That's why you hang up real quick.
 This is a good way to start|a relationship with your father? No, this is the way to end it.
|God, you're slow.
 Listen, call him and tell him that when he called,|you had just dropped some peyote and you were tripping|and you were seeing vapors and that that's why you agreed,|but then you've landed and you realized that you can't go.
|Wait, do you smoke peyote? We should get that straight|before you call him.
 Backing out will make it worse.
 But do you even know how to play golf? I took a course in summer schooI,|but I accidentally hit Kent Coleda in the head with a driver|and got asked to leave.
 But I think I remember the basics.
|You grab the club, whack the ball.
 I'll fake it.
 - Luke-|- Don't worry.
 I'll be fine.
 Okay.
 Fine, then.
 Bye.
 - Hello?|- Hi, Dad.
 I need a favor the biggest favor|I may ever ask you for, ever.
 - I don't like the sound of this.
|- Please cancel this golf game with Luke.
 - What? No.
|- But why? I mean, why are you doing this? - What is the point?|- How is this even your business? - He's my boyfriend.
|- And this is my right.
 Your mother already met him|at a secret dinner I only found out about because her blabbermouth maid|told my valet.
 - So, now I want to meet him.
|- But you've already met him.
 I need to re-meet him.
 Why can't you and Mom|meet someone once and make it stick? I insist upon this golf game.
 - He doesn't even golf.
|- He said he did.
 Yeah, well, he whacked Kent Coleda|in the head with a club okay, so you're taking your life|in your own hands.
 You want to reconsider now?|You like your head, huh? Lorelai, the tee time is set,|Luke has said "yes" to my proposal - and tomorrow Luke and I are golfing.
|- Have fun.
 This is not about having fun.
|This is protocol.
 Have a good protocol, Dad.
 Bye.
 - Is this what you expected?|- No, not at all what I expected.
 Let me guess what you were thinking:|sleeping bag, flashlights, keg three boxes of stale Triscuits,|half-eaten bag of Oreos some Doritos, and a bong.
 - That may be exactly what I pictured.
|- You can apologize later.
 This is yours.
 Mine? Not much closet space,|but the view is decent.
 It's cozy.
 Festivities start in a half-hour.
 Dean, hi.
 It's me.
 I got your call.
 I would love to have dinner|with you tonight but something unbelievably unexpected|came up and it's gonna keep me busy|for a couple of days.
 I'd give you more info,|but it's all a little Daliesque and hard to explain.
 I'll fill you in when I get home,|if I get home.
 Just kidding.
 I hope.
 Bye.
 - Am I early?|- Right on time.
 You look good.
 Thanks.
 So do you.
|Have I seen those pants? I got them from the bottom of my drawer.
 - I forgot I had them.
|- Cool.
 So, what do you feel like doing? We could drive somewhere.
 We just have to stop for gas|and add some oil and put air in the tires,|and we'd have to stop by an ATM.
 Or we could hang out here.
 - You sure?|- Yeah.
 Okay.
 Cool.
 Let's get a pizza and watch something|and just hang out.
 Great.
 What do you want to watch? Want to finish watching|what we started last night? Yeah.
 Great.
 Hey, guys.
 "Stop Making Sense.
 " Great! This is where we left off last night.
 - What are you doing?|- Watching TV.
 Brian, this is a date.
 What? - Lane and I are kind of on a date right now.
|- You are? - But this is what we did last night.
|- I know.
 - So, last night was a date, too?|- That was not a date.
 I was in my underwear.
 But we did exactly the same thing.
|You just had no pants.
 We're kind of starting to date,|and this is what we're gonna do.
 - So, where do I go?|- Well, how about my room? Really? You never let me in your room.
 - Well, now is your chance.
|- Great! Wait, hold on.
 - Shouldn't we leave your room empty?|- Why? You know, in case the date goes good.
 - Brian, go in my room.
|- Thanks.
 Man, it smells good in here.
 Come, come, milady.
 Hey, Rory Gilmore.
 This is quite a soiree.
 Are all the Life and Death Brigade|gatherings this elaborate? How about bland balking|at political or social stands? Ridiculous.
 Total standstill for all|in this vicinity.
 - What do you say?|- I concur.
 Crazy construct if you think for a bit.
 Dubious logic,|if you ask this thoughtful guy.
 Hello, everybody.
 - My God.
|- Shocking.
 Silly girl.
 Not adjusting|to this proud point of ours.
 - Sad, this diminishing vision.
|- Excuse me? - Faux pas count is six, I say?|- Six, no doubt.
 I again concur.
 Point of fact, daft lady to catch on would prompt|our congratulations.
 - It's a game?|- At which you totally fail.
 - You want for instruction?|- Apparently.
 Said gap twixt "d" and "f"|shall not slip from lips in any word this group allows.
 Said gap twixt "d" and "f.
 "|You're not using the letter "e"? Says this thing, our group did banish.
 - Loud for all to drink in.
|- Daft girl.
 So, no one is supposed|to say the letter "e"? My God.
 This woman hounds us|with this thing I banish.
 - Dumbfounding.
|- I'll catch up with you guys later.
 Have fun.
 If that's what you're doing.
 - Bloody horror, that woman.
|- Ostracism should occur, I think.
 Hi, Stephanie.
 Good.
 You're using "E's.
 " No champagne? No, I'll have a little later.
 - So, is Logan the head of the group?|- There's no head of the group, Rory.
 We're an anarchic collective.
|We don't recognize leaders, per se.
 Plus, it's a secret.
|I shouldn't be talking to you.
 Warning sign.
 Because the way that people act|around him, Logan kind of seems- - Cute?|- No.
 - No?|- Yes, but- There's a line to get to him.
 No, I'm not looking to get in a line.
|I'm a reporter.
 I bet you're a good reporter|and a very good girl.
 Oh dear, I'm talking to you.
|I shouldn't be talking to you.
 I have to kill myself now.
 Excuse me.
 Hi.
 I was wondering is the safari theme|something you always do or do you choose different themes? - May I quote Max Ernst?|- Sure.
 - How goes it, pariah?|- Logan? - Word was a bear dragged you off.
|- No bear.
 I just wanted a quiet place|to collect my thoughts.
 - You found it.
|- Thanks.
 I have eaten.
 Good.
 This is for me.
 Sorry you're not getting much|from the group.
 Took a little arm-twisting|to get them to agree to let you come in the first place.
 I don't need their cooperation.
 I've already filled two notebooks|without their cooperation half of one without using the letter "e,"|but I could use yours.
 - Way too much salt on this.
|- This is pretty incredible but it's just a preamble|to the big stunt tomorrow, right? - It's Finn.
 He's Australian.
 They like salt.
|- How do you pay for this? Are there dues, or do you chip in?|Is there alumni sponsoring it? How is it organized?|And what is happening tomorrow? Is it just as big? Or bigger?|And do people know that you're here? Park rangers or the landowner? Where are we?|Are we still in Connecticut? And your answer cannot|include the word "salt.
 " Okay.
 I think it's time to fill you in|on the conditions of you being here.
 - Okay.
|- First, no pictures.
 - Hey!|- You'll get it back at the end of the trip.
 - Second, no names.
|- I'm not exactly being introduced to anyone as it is.
 Third, no physical descriptions|of any of us.
 There are authority figures|up and down Connecticut trying to nab us for things we may|have done in the past, naughty things.
 I'll keep you anonymous.
 - What number am I on?|- You just did "third.
 " - Fourth, no identification of our location.
|- I don't know where we are.
 - Fifth-|- You're going to run out of "iths.
 " The most important condition of all.
 You must agree not to interfere|with the integrity of the event.
 What is the event?|And how could I interfere? - So you agree?|- Yes, I agree.
 - That's pretty.
|- They're drunk.
 - It sounds pretty.
 I like it.
|- I didn't say I didn't like it.
 - Logan?|- Yeah? - You coming?|- I'll be right there.
 Excellent.
 I'll leave the light for you, Ace.
|I won't need it.
 Here I am.
 David Byrne is a freak.
 - I love him.
|- He's totally cool.
 - So.
|- So.
 - This was nice.
|- Yeah.
 - I like your place.
|- Right! - I have to get up early for work tomorrow.
|- No problem.
 - So, I should probably|- Right.
 - Good night, Zach.
|- Good night.
 Oh, no.
 This is bad news.
 Once he hits his REM state,|Motörhead wouldn't wake him.
 What do I do? - He really is asleep.
|- He's gained a couple pounds, too.
 - Okay, well, I had a really good time.
|- Me, too.
 - Good night, Zach.
|- Good night, Lane.
 - Another day, another sartorial surprise.
|- You should start getting ready yourself.
 - I am ready.
|- You can't go dressed like that.
 I didn't have|the "it's an overnight thing" warning.
 So, unless you want me to fashion|something out of pine cones, this is it.
 That clothing is gonna interfere|with the integrity of our event.
 You agreed not to interfere|with the integrity of our event.
 All I've got is a washbowl, a towel,|and a toothbrush.
 Is that all you got? Look again, Ace.
 - Excuse me.
 Mr.
 Gilmore?|- Luke? Yeah, hi.
 - Don't remember you being this tall.
|- Yeah, sorry.
 It's nothing to apologize about.
|Where are your clubs? - I just figured I'd rent some.
|- Waste of money.
 Owning is the thing.
 - Right.
|- There is no better place - than our pro shop.
|- Great.
 - Let's go get you some clubs.
|- Excellent.
 I've got your event integrity|right here, mister.
 Yeah, I got an eye for dress sizes.
|We go this way.
 And by changing nothing,|do we not change everything? - Come on! Hurry!|- You try running in a crinoline.
 - We're late.
|- For what? The ritual sacrifice? Come on! One hundred and eighth grand assembly of the honorable Life and Death Brigade.
 - He's using "E's.
 "|- Please raise your glasses.
 - In omnia paratus.
|- In omnia paratus.
 - Now you might want to cover your ears.
|- Why? To think some groups just go bowling.
 Pull! Pull! - Good shot!|- Pure skill.
 - Is this safe?|- No.
 Pull! Damn.
 - Blame the gun.
|- I would.
 Pull! - All right, I'm bored.
 I want to be a target.
|- You're always a target, Finn.
 In omnia paratus.
 If you want to interview Finn, Ace,|you better do it quick.
 Pull! - Not bad.
|- Thank you.
 - So, is this your big stunt?|- Big stunt? According to my research,|you guys always do one big thing at your gatherings.
 - Pull!|- Is this it? - Does it look like it?|- I'm guessing no.
 You answered your own question.
 Pull! You'll know it when you see it.
 - Good.
|- I missed the mat.
 - Again?|- I'll be fine.
 Don't worry about me.
 In omnia! - You're on your game today, Mr.
 Gilmore.
|- Indeed, I am.
 - Indeed.
|- Indeed.
 I'm going to speak to the board|about these grounds.
 There are dry spots,|the length and breadth of this fairway.
 I'm up.
 Okay, let's see I think this one is not the one I want at all, but this one here.
 - Good choice.
 Let's take the tag off there.
|- Good idea.
 Okay, ball goes down here Damn! - No problem.
|- It's heading toward the wrong hole.
 - Just a mulligan, son.
 Try it again.
|- Golf isn't my thing, you know.
 It's definitely a thing,|but not my main thing.
 - What is your main hobby?|- Give me a hobby, quick.
 - Reading.
|- Reading.
 I read like crazy.
 Wonderful.
|What have you been reading lately? Books.
 You know, this, that.
 - Dick.
|- Pardon me? Dick guy, science fiction guy.
|Dick something.
 Something Dick, I just read one of his.
 I'll bring Dick up on the Internet,|see what comes up.
 Wish I could remember that name.
 You better hit your ball, son.
|We're stacking up.
 Right, yeah, okay.
 Just a second, guys.
 He's new.
 Not to worry.
|The cart's been dinged 1,000 times.
 - The guy driving it looked mad.
|- Not to worry.
 Let's go.
 So, have you put much thought|into franchising? - Franchising?|- That diner of yours.
 Now's the time to jump.
 There are opportunities|abounding in real estate right now.
 No, I haven't.
 I'd concentrate|on the eastern seaboard first Connecticut, New York, Massachusetts.
 - I'd start with five to seven.
|- Diners? Something manageable.
|You'll need an investment banker.
 Just ran into Herb Smith in the clubhouse.
 Best banker in the business.
|I'll give him your number.
 Good.
 So, once the first seven are a go,|shoot for the moon.
 National expansion, set up|a public corporation, issue an IPO.
 Sure, an IPO.
 I got to set up one of those.
 Have you ever gotten|a straight-razor shave? - No.
|- Shaves you close, lasts for days.
 I'll give you my barber's card.
 Hope you're thinking up superlatives.
 What are they going to do? What do you think they're gonna do? - They're not going to jump.
|- They're going to jump.
 - That's, like, seven stories.
 They'll die.
|- We're all going to die one day.
 - But those four are today.
|- Six.
 - I see four.
|- I'm heading up.
 - Of course you are.
|- Finn was supposed to do it but few of us figured he'd make it this far,|so there's an extra space.
 - No.
|- And we're not going to die.
 No one in the Life and Death Brigade|has ever died.
 Old ones have.
 - I am not going to jump.
|- We're all set.
 This is Seth.
|He's the genius behind all this.
 It's very safe.
|We did a dozen successful test drops.
 Every potato came through|without a scratch.
 Potato? You can't test using people.
|That'd be dangerous.
 Look, thanks for the offer,|but I'm here as a journalist, an observer.
 - Journalists do not participate.
|- Since when? - Since forever.
|- George Plimpton never participated? - What?|- His best stuff put him in the thick of it fighting Sugar Ray Robinson,|quarterbacking for the Lions - skating for the Bruins.
|- So he participated.
 Bill Buford lived with soccer hooligans|in "Amongst the Thugs.
 " Ernie Pyle was so deep in the action|in World War ll he was killed by a Japanese sniper.
 - Not that you're gotta go that far.
|- Buford, Pyle, I know.
 Richard Hottelet was four months|in a Nazi prison working for the UP.
 Hunter Thompson lived|with the Hell's Angels.
 Got in the muck, didn't just orbit|around it, and it drove his writing.
 He put you in those bikers' parties|and those bikers' heads.
 All right, so those guys participated.
|I got it.
 - But I-|- Jumpers to their places, please.
 - You're scared.
|- Yeah! - And that stops the greats?|- It's stopping this great.
 Come on.
 You look like you need|a little adventure.
 - What does that mean?|- You're just a little sheltered.
 Why? Because I haven't spent time|in a Nazi prison been stomped on by hooligans,|and beat up by Hell's Angels? - Plimpton got banged up pretty good, too.
|- It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill.
 Something stupid, something bad for you.
|Just something different.
 Isn't this the point of being young?|It's your choice, Ace.
 People can live a 100 years|without really living for a minute.
 You climb up here with me,|it's one less minute you haven't lived.
 - Let's go.
|- Let's go.
 - I am not a fan of ladders.
|- They scare the crap out of me, too.
 High.
 We are very high.
 - I've been higher.
|- I meant distance from the ground.
 That, too.
 This is totally safe,|and it goes with your outfit.
 Nice.
 - Why do they look so worried?|- We're low on champagne.
 You can back out, you know.
|No one's forcing you.
 I know.
 - You trust me?|- In omnia paratus! You jump, I jump, Jack.
 In omnia paratus! I really should have confirmed|that those potatoes were okay.
 Thank God! You did good, Ace! - Once-in-a-lifetime experience!|- Only if you want it to be.
 - Bye.
|- Thanks.
 Good afternoon, Dragonfly Inn.
 I franchised my place.
 - What?|- The diner.
 There's gonna be seven of them,|and that's just on the eastern seaboard.
 Then, I'm going national.
 What are you talking about? Your father wants to open up|a chain of Luke's diners - and I think I agreed to it.
|- No! I've already got a marketing guy,|Herb's my banker your father's taking care|of all my insurance needs and apparently everyone|is going to be able to buy stock.
 My parents! My stupid parents! - And he wants to shave me.
|- Shave what? I don't know, he just kept talking|about shaving me, and I'm tipsy.
 We hit the club bar,|and I didn't want to sound dumb and just order a beer,|because it's nitwit juice so I had what your dad was having,|which was whiskey something more whiskey than something,|let me tell you 'cause I can't even see straight.
 - You poor thing.
|- And I've got an art dealer now.
 No.
 I'm driving to Manhattan next week|to look at some Diebenkorns.
 - What's a Diebenkorn?|- I don't know.
 And I bought some golf clubs.
|They cost the same as a car.
 - Where are you now?|- I'm at the driving range.
 Your dad's making me practice|for next time.
 No.
 Leave.
 You do not need to practice.
 And I sort of implied|that I'm fond of the Greeks so I have to read|"The lliad" and "The Odyssey " so we can chat about it.
 And can we not hang out|with your parents for a very long time? - For a very long time.
|- I mean, I don't hate them.
 - Leave the driving range at once.
|- I don't think I can drive.
 Honey, have some coffee,|and then come home.
 - The Diebenkorn guy is still in there.
|- You stay away from the Diebenkorn guy.
 He's chatting with my rare-coin guy.
 Just do not go back in the clubhouse.
|Go straight to your car.
 Okay.
 I like the valet guys.
 - Good.
 Now go.
|- I'm going.
 Why would you go golfing with that man?|Why on earth? Who, Luke? You are encouraging|this ridiculous relationship.
 - Emily, please.
|- He is not good enough for Lorelai - or to be Rory's stepfather, God forbid.
|- Can we be a little more of a snob, Emily? The fact that you paraded him|around the club.
 Our club! It happened to be a fruitful outing.
 I am going to assist him|in franchising his diner.
 Richard! That hirsute lout is not capable|of running a complex business.
 That's obvious, Emily.
|That's why he will have no significant role.
 He'll be the front man.
 We'll shave him,|stick his picture on the menus.
 The whole thing will hopefully|bestow some credibility on him.
 At least then, if this insane relationship|between him and Lorelai continues we can legitimately take him|to places like the club.
 At least on holidays.
 This is absurd.
 You're absurd.
|The whole thing's absurd.
 And you're not thinking ahead.
 Excuse me.
 Hi.
 - Are you typing?|- No.
 Yes, you are.
 I thought we agreed|you wouldn't type while we talk.
 Got to break the rule just this once.
 I'm in a rush.
|It's been a crazy couple of days.
 - School?|- Paper.
 Long story.
 I'll fill you in, in person.
 Where are you off to? Luke's.
 I have to de-stress him|after his unhappy Gilmore outing.
 Dad tried to take over his whole life.
 - He wants to franchise Luke's.
|- You're kidding.
 Hey, do men shave anywhere|except their faces? - I don't know.
 I've never lived with a man.
|- Same here.
 If he does franchise the diner,|get him to put one near Yale.
 - I miss those burgers.
|- He's not franchising.
 - Can I ask you a question?|- Sure.
 - Do you think I'm too scared?|- What? Too scared, too timid.
 - Do I take enough chances?|- What kind of chances? - I don't know.
 Life chances.
|- I think you do.
 - I'm not a mouse?|- Where is this coming from? I don't know.
 Just something I've been|thinking about lately.
 Someone's at the door.
|Say "hi" to Luke for me.
 - If he's not comatose.
 Bye, honey.
|- Bye.
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