# GilmoreGirls-S05E10
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s05e10

- Whoa, honey.
|- I'm sorry.
 I didn't see you there.
 Oh, goodness.
|What's left to wear on your feet? I know.
 It's a sickness.
 Everyone thinks|it started with Bradshaw.
 But, actually,|it came over on the "Mayflower.
 " - What a wonderful history lesson.
|- Any time.
 Pasqualie's feeling unappreciated again.
 We had "Stars Hollow|Loves Pasqualie Day" last week.
 Didn't stick.
 Listen, I want to invite you|to my anniversary party.
 - Absolutely.
 Which husband?|- No husband.
 I'm talking about a lover that's been much more loyal|and seductive than a husband.
 I'm talking about that|business we call show.
 - Forty years.
|- No.
 Forty years ago today,|I did my first play, off-Broadway.
 - Off-Broadway?|- Cleveland.
 - That is off-Broadway.
|- Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party food, booze, a little song, a little dance,|a little salsa down your pants.
 - Well, count me and my pants in.
|- Wonderful.
 I will even drag Luke there.
 So if there's any audience participation,|please pick on him.
 - Luke won't come.
|- Sure he will.
 I have very effective|methods of persuasion.
 They include extremely high heels and|all of Jessica Simpson's bath products.
 No, honey.
|The party's on Tuesday.
 The thirtieth.
 - So?|- So the thirtieth is the dark day.
 What dark day? Luke's dark day.
|The day that he disappears.
 - Disappears? Where?|- Nobody knows.
 Nobody knows|where he goes or what he does.
 All we know is not to try and find him.
 - Why didn't I know about this?|- I don't know, honey.
 Everyone else does.
 Anyhow, you come yourself, okay? 8:00.
 I'll be there.
 See you Tuesday, Patty.
 Oh, Pasqualie, the maestro.
|My God, you look virile today.
 - Are you sure your wife won't share you?|- She's good.
 - I don't agree.
|- You're living in a fantasy world.
 - I have classes all day long.
|- I hear you protesting.
 I've got a double major|of poli-sci and bio-chem, Terrence.
 - I see you over-scheduling.
|- Sorry, I'm just getting water here.
 Paris, you're not yelling at me.
|You're yelling at the world.
 I'm not yelling at all.
|This is the natural register of my voice.
 It's the register of a timid little girl|who is not putting herself out there.
 - I am putting myself out there.
|- Why are you arguing with Terrence? Why? Look, I know I haven't dated lately,|but Asher was very important to me.
 Hey, Paris, I can't find my notebook.
 The|black one with all my yellow notes in it.
 You have not put yourself out there.
 He just died.
 Oh, for God's sake.
|He was halfway dead when you met him.
 Rory, has she been|putting herself out there or not? - Out where?|- Out in the world.
 Has she tried to meet men|since Asher died? You don't just meet people.
|It doesn't happen.
 I'll just go in my room now.
 Look at your Dream Log.
|You are months behind.
 And your Pretty-Thoughts Journal.
 Okay, fine.
|I have neglected thinking pretty.
 But I hardly think I should be penalized|for time lost - while you were in court-ordered rehab.
|- Hey, Paris, what's this? I had a back problem.
 The prescription was at home|in my Filofax.
 This is a message|from Headmaster Charleston.
 - When did Headmaster Charleston call?|- Earlier.
 - And you didn't tell me?|- I'm in session.
 Hello, Headmaster Charleston,|this is Rory Gilmore.
 I'm sorry it took so long to call you back.
|I just got your message.
 Sweetie, that was|a little passive-aggressive.
 - We should talk later.
|- So, how are you? - I'm very well.
 How are you enjoying Yale?|- I love it.
 Is it everything you thought it would be? It's nothing like I thought it would be.
|It's better, actually.
 I have no doubt.
 Now, I'm calling because we often ask|a former Chilton student to host a prospective Yale student|for a couple of days.
 Show them around, let them observe|classes, campus life.
 That sort of thing.
 - I was wondering if you'd be interested.
|- Me? Yes, this is a very speciaI young lady.
|Bright, focused, quietly determined.
 - She reminds me a great deal of you.
|- Thank you.
 I assume you haven't changed.
 I've upgraded the wardrobe a little bit,|but I'm basically still me.
 Excellent.
 Then I hope|you'll consider accepting.
 I know your workload must be substantial.
 - That's okay.
 I can handle it.
|- So, I can take that as a "Yes"? Yes, take it as a "Yes," and thank you.
 - I'm honored.
|- Her name is Anna Fairchild.
 She's 16 years old, and she'll be arriving Monday morning at 9:00.
|Does that work for you? - That works perfectly.
|- Very well.
 It's a date.
 I'm very glad to talk to you again,|Ms.
 Gilmore.
 Yale certainly sounds like|it's agreeing with you.
 I hope it will also agree|with Miss Fairchild.
 - Like Sabrina.
|- I beg your pardon? - Sabrina Fairchild.
 That was her name.
|- Did we segue into discussing a movie? - And we can segue right out again.
|- I'm very gratefuI for that.
 All right, then.
 My office will be contacting|you with the particulars.
 I hope you have a wonderful time.
|I'm sure Miss Fairchild will.
 Thank you, Headmaster Charleston.
|I won't let you down.
 What a nice thing to hear.
|I'm sure we'll be talking soon.
 - Goodbye.
|- Goodbye.
 - This is a very big honor, you know.
|- Oh, I know.
 Of all the Chilton alumni at Yale,|they're asking you? I know.
 I know.
 Well, have you thought about what kinds of things|you'd like to show her? Well, she'll go to all of my classes|with me, of course.
 And I thought maybe she'd go|to the paper with me and then I thought, maybe a trip to the Beinecke|Rare Book and Manuscript Library.
 Oh, you're going to show her|the Gutenberg.
 - Steve?|- Bible.
 - Right.
|- Then I was torn between taking her|to the Hewitt Memorial Quadrangle or the science center and gymnasium.
 That is a conundrum.
 Yeah, especially since|she'll be snoring by then.
 You'll just be dragging|her dead body weight around the campus.
 Lorelai, these things are of great interest to any young person|considering attending Yale.
 Oh, I am sure.
 I personally would enjoy|every single thing on my list.
 Yes, I know, but it wouldn't hurt|to maybe throw a little something fun in.
 I'm not talking a kegger but just walk her by the crazy|drama students yelling "Give me a location.
 "|or something like that.
 - You know, your mother may be right.
|- Who heard that? Well, a good college experience|is a well-rounded college experience.
 It's important for you to show her|that Yale students have fun, too.
 - Have her touch the toe.
|- Yeah.
 - Touch the toe?|- The toe.
 The statue of Theodore Woolsey.
 It brings good luck to everyone|who touches his feet.
 And for that reason, he has one left toe|that's been rubbed completely shiny.
 Wow, that is fun.
 Make sure you get a parent-consent form|for that one.
 Oh, it is so exciting watching you at Yale.
|It was such a wonderful time for me.
 The people that you meet there will stay with you for the rest of your life.
|Mark my words.
 - Tell me, are you making good friends?|- Yeah, I have some good friends.
 - And what about Mr.
 Huntzberger?|- Who is Mr.
 Huntzberger? Logan Huntzberger's a boy|I go to school with.
 - A fine boy, from a fine family.
|- You know him? His parents are very good friends of ours.
 - You know Mitchum Huntzberger, Lorelai.
|- No.
 He's been coming to our Christmas parties|for years.
 No.
 His mother's on the pediatric hospital|committee with your mother.
 - No.
|- Well, Logan is their son.
 And I noticed that you two|seemed to be hitting it off the other night.
 - The other night?|- He's very nice, Grandpa.
 Now, I don't want to be too forward,|but you made a handsome couple.
 Was this Logan at the male Yale party|you guys threw? He's the one|who gave me a ride home, Mom.
 Oh, Limo-boy.
 Swell.
 He's also on the paper with me.
 His father owns some of the finest|newspapers in the country.
 - I know.
|- Not a bad connection, huh? Nope, not a bad connection at all.
 - Hey, so tell me about this Logan.
|- It's 3 degrees out here.
 As of tonight, my father knows way more|personal dish about you than I do.
 That's not right or fair.
 He doesn't get as|much enjoyment out of the dish as I do.
 For him, the dish is always half-empty.
 You're just talking to keep yourself warm,|aren't you? What is the deal with this guy?|Are you dating? No, we're not dating.
 He's just a friend.
 How close? For example,|if we freeze to death will he come to the funeral|or just send a nice fruit basket? I know him from school.
|He's just a casual friend.
 That's it.
 - Do you think he's cute?|- It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.
 It matters to me.
|I don't want ugly grandchildren.
 Mom, I'm not dating Logan or anyone.
 Since Dean, I'm taking a boy break, okay?|I'm just concentrating on school.
 - Fine, but if that changes|- You'll be the first to know.
 Okay, thank you.
 'Cause there are not|many ways I can outdo my father.
 Info on you, and looking better in chiffon,|that's about it.
 Oh, and my pole dance is way hotter.
 - I'm frozen now.
|- Okay, let's go.
 In my hand, ladies and gentlemen sits the true advantage|of dating a diner owner.
 I am never more|than 10 feet away from pie.
 See, I thought it was the way|we always smell faintly of meat.
 Oh, it's heaven.
 One quick trip downstairs,|and I have all the treats I want.
 - You're like Willy Wonka but hotter.
|- I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.
 Slap on a purple top hat, and you're close.
 This is nice.
 I think it's going very well, you and me.
|You think it's going very well? I have very few complaints.
 I'm going right past|the "very few complaints" comment 'cause I know you're just trying to bait me.
|What complaints? Hey, so, Luke Miss Patty is celebrating|her 40-year anniversary.
 - Which husband?|- With the business we call show.
 Oh, him.
 And she's having a big party,|and I told her we'd go.
 Oh, man.
 - It'll be fun.
|- It will not be fun.
 She'll be wearing tap shoes,|and there'll be songs and punch and at least one story|about Milton Berle's penis.
 - Only one?|- Come on, I have to have you there.
 Otherwise, people will think|I made you up.
 - Fine, I'll go.
|- Thank you.
 Okay, so, it's Tuesday at 8:00.
 I can't go Tuesday.
 - Why not?|- I have to go out of town.
 - Why?|- Business.
 Business? Now you're Willy Loman? Banking business in Woodbury.
|Standing appointment.
 Sorry.
 Hit the light, will you?|I have to get up early.
 Night.
 Okay, night.
 Wait till you see all the stuff|I got for Anna.
 Yale T-shirt, Bulldog sweatshirt,|Yale baseball cap, visor, coffee mug.
 I told you to open a window|when you're hot-gluing in here.
 It's freezing outside.
 Oh, wait.
 This is new.
|They just came out with these.
 - The Yale soda cozy.
 How cute is that?|- I can't believe you.
 You don't even have|your loser card-swiping job anymore and you're buying all this crap|for some kid you don't even know? I'm trying to make her feel welcome.
 Oh, she'll feel welcome.
|They all feel welcome.
 - Who's they?|- The enemy.
 - What enemy?|- Any girl under the age of 17 is the enemy.
 - Okay, I'm opening a window now.
|- They're coming for everything.
 They're going to take our jobs,|our thunder, our starter husbands.
 - Don't you have a class to get to?|- They're coming, Rory.
 They're coming,|and they're going to keep on coming like the locusts descending on Mankato.
 We'll be beating them off|for the rest of our lives.
 Please, don't be here when she arrives.
|I don't want you to scare her off.
 Me? Scare her off? Please.
 She's the one with the alabaster skin|and the perky breasts.
 Do not say "perky breasts" to her.
 - Do you understand me?|- Eve Harrington has arrived.
 - Hi, I'm looking for Rory Gilmore.
|- I'm Rory.
 You must be Anna.
 - Yes.
|- Great, come in.
 - Did you find it okay?|- I got lost a couple of times but people were really nice|and got me here.
 Yeah, it's a friendly world out there,|isn't it? Anna, this is my roommate,|Paris, and I'm sorry.
 - For what?|- Trust me.
 Okay.
 Okay, let me show you around the place.
 - That is Paris' room.
|- Don't go in.
 That is my room.
 And this is the common room,|which is also your bedroom.
 - The bathroom is literally outside the door.
|- Okay.
 And there's a fridge with water|or soda or whatever you want.
 Oh, and I got you|some welcome-to-Yale gifts.
 Oh, really? Thank you.
 I'm really glad you're here.
|You are going to love Yale.
 It's an amazing place.
 I mean, I was excited|when I first started here but every day is different and better.
 You have no idea|how much there is to learn.
 It's - Well, you'll see.
|- Okay, I actually snagged us some caviar.
 They were all out of toast points,|but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result.
 Hey.
 - This is Anna.
|- Did Paris move? - I'm right here, Marty.
|- I know, Paris.
 Anna is from Chilton, my alma mater.
 I'm|showing her around Yale for a few days.
 Oh, cool.
 I'll put this in the fridge.
 In my room.
 - Thanks.
 Okay, you ready?|- I'm ready.
 - You have boys bringing you food.
|- Yale is a magical place, Anna.
 A magical, magical place.
 The oldest part of the campus is,|of course, the Old Campus and it houses|most of the undergraduate freshman class.
 It was begun|by Theodore Dwight Woolsey President of Yale from 1846 to 1871.
 Over here is the Elihu Yale bench.
 Now, Eli Yale was an officer|in the British East India Company.
 He gave what was then called|the Collegiate School £562 and 417 books|and a portrait of King George I.
 And so it was renamed in his honor.
 He actually gave an additional|£500 to the school but Yale College never received it|because he mistakenly sent it to the nonexistent Collegiate School apparently forgetting that|Yale was named after him.
 Wait, this is the wrong bench.
 So keep the story,|but cross out the diagram.
 Moving on|There's actually an ongoing rumor that you can automatically graduate|and earn your degree if you become sufficiently fluent|in Latin, Greek, and Hebrew.
 Imagine all the tables|you could wait with those skills, huh? Okay, you are about to get|a firsthand feel of what it's like to work|on a real newspaper.
 Now be prepared.
 It is an extremely hectic,|fast-paced environment.
 Don't get intimidated,|and don't get in the way.
 Ready? Here it is.
 Everyone must be out|getting a scoop or something but you just wait.
 It can heat up in a second.
|And when it does, man, watch out.
 - My desk is over here.
|- I do not care.
 Hey, I am your editor, Paris,|and I demand that you tell me.
 I won't tell you where I got it, Doyle.
 You will if you want|to stay on this newspaper.
 Okay, you are now privy to one|of the classic journalistic dilemmas between reporter and editor: the right to withhold and protect sources.
 Damn it, Paris, you tell me|where you got that pen right now.
 - The pen fairy.
|- That is one of my personal fine-point gel-tip pens|from my bottom right-hand drawer and you went into that drawer,|and you took that pen, and it's mine.
 Okay, for "fine-point gel-tip" substitute "confidential source|deep within the administration.
 " You get a little thrill, don't you? Hang on a sec.
 Hey.
 Question: have you ever heard anything|about Luke's dark day? His what? Well, one day a year,|he apparently has a dark day.
 No one knows where he goes|or what he does.
 He just disappears.
 I've heard nothing about this.
 Okay, well, did we see him|on November 30th last year? How am I supposed to know? Because you keep all those|crazy, anal Bob Graham kind of notebooks.
 "8:00 a.
 m.
: got up.
 8:15: brushed teeth.
 "8:25: had impure thoughts.
|8:36: sent dwarves off to work.
 " I do not have my diaries|from last November on me at the moment.
 - But you do have them.
|- Yes.
 And they will contain|where we ate breakfast that morning.
 Yes.
 - I love my little circus freak.
|- I'll call you later.
 - Did your Mini-Me show up?|- Yeah, her name's Anna.
 She's right here.
 - How's the tour going?|- It's going great.
 How many boring bench lectures|did you give? Two, but they were about the same bench.
 You know what? I have someone standing|abnormally close to me, right now.
 - I'll call you later?|- Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
 Okay, bye.
 Kirk, what can I do for you? - I have a business proposition for you.
|- Okay.
 - How often do you slip in your tub?|- Never.
 Okay, it doesn't work|if you answer like that.
 Constantly.
 I never stop slipping,|even when I get out.
 I thought so.
 Then my new line of bath-and-shower adhesive decals|are for you.
 "Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
 " Yesterday's retro designs|in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
 Well, Kirk, this looks very impressive|and, wow, very expensive.
 Well, it's yesterday's retro designs|in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.
 Well, why don't you leave|the catalog with me and I'll look it over? Could you look at it now? It's my only one.
 Okay.
 I like that one.
 If you put the fishes' faces together,|it looks like they're kissing.
 Hey, Kirk, do you know anything|about Luke's dark day? - Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.
|- Do you know what it is? Not the details,|just that he has it once a year.
 - I think it goes back a long, long time.
|- Yeah? Sure, I mean, Luke's always had|a touch of darkness in him.
 I guess we all do, but Luke's a little more touched than some.
 He's kind of grabbed, actually.
 What do you think it's about? When I was in seventh grade,|Luke knocked the books out of my hands.
 Because of his dark day? No, everyone knocked my books|out of my hands.
 I was kind of a target.
|I used to wear a cape to school.
 Now, outside,|we just passed the women's table which was designed by Maya Lin.
 She's also the one who designed|the Vietnam War Memorial which, by the way,|originally was a class project for which she received a B.
 The teacher who gave her the B also submitted a design|for the war memorial but hers was chosen.
 His was not.
 That's a life lesson to remember.
 This is Sterling Memorial Library.
 One of my favorite places on campus.
 It was built in 1930,|and it houses over one-third of the university's 10 million volumes.
 I love libraries.
 I just spend|I can't tell you how many hours just - You're not writing.
|- Oh, sorry.
 - So I come here sometimes, late at night-|- I just love how everybody's dressed.
 - What?|- No uniforms.
 I love that there's no uniforms.
 - College to me means no more uniforms.
|- Oh, right.
 However, wait till you're late for class and it takes you 20 minutes|to put together an outfit.
 Suddenly you'll miss those uniforms.
 How many guys have you dated|since you've been here? Oh, well, none from Yale.
 Anyhow, the books.
|Are you seeing the books? Everything you'd want to read|is right here.
 Feel it.
 Feels good, right? Now smell it.
 Nothing, nothing, smells like that.
 I'm sorry.
 Excuse me.
|Did I just see you smell that book? - Hey, Logan.
|- Hey, Ace.
 Who's your friend? Oh, Anna, this is Logan.
 Logan,|this is Anna.
 She's from my high school.
 - I'm showing her around campus.
|- Hi.
 Well, high school? Nah,|I would've sworn you're a college girl.
 - So, is she showing you a good time?|- I'm showing her everything important.
 Good.
 Make sure she takes you|by the pub.
 Local place.
 Everyone goes there.
 - I'm not taking her to the pub.
|- Oh, please? The pub sounds fun.
 You don't have to drink.
|They do have coffee.
 It's a cool scene.
 Make her take you.
|Bring a book to sniff.
 What are you doing in a library anyhow? Got lost.
 Don't tell anyone I was here.
|Ruin my rep.
 Anna, it's been a pleasure.
 See you, Ace.
 - He's cute.
|- Yes, he is, but not as cute as Pushkin.
 Right this way, missy.
 - Fine.
 Do whatever you want.
|- Well, I'm sorry you're so upset.
 You're giving me a week's notice.
 What am I supposed to do|with a week's notice? Well, my son just called me from Florida|to tell me the condo moved.
 Okay, fine, go.
 Enjoy Florida.
 I hear they have great weather there.
|Terrific hurricanes.
 Make sure you bring plenty of plywood|and bottled water.
 - Hey, hi, hello.
|- What are you doing here? I was just driving down the street,|and I saw you.
 I thought I'd stop by|and say "hey, hi, hello.
 " - Hello, Mrs.
 Thompson.
|- Hello, dear.
 - So what's going on?|- Nothing.
 Nothing's going on.
 Luke, please understand.
|There's nothing I can do.
 I've already found someone|to rent the house.
 And they have cars.
 - And you just agreed to that?|- Well, it seemed rather reasonable to me.
 Oh, come on.
 - Luke's very upset with me.
|- Why? Well, his father rented the garage.
 He was building a boat,|and he didn't have room at his place so he paid me to do it here.
 And then when he died,|Luke continued to pay for the garage.
 And now I'm moving to a nursing home,|and I need him to move his boat.
 You're mad because this little old lady|is moving to a nursing home and you have to move your boat? Is this really the story|you want to stick to? She called me out of the blue,|and I paid for an entire month.
 I can give you a partial refund if you like.
 Where am I supposed to find a space|to store a boat on a moment's notice? Did you think about that|for even a second? Could we sit down? The doctor says|the screw in my hip is loose.
 Yes, yes, let's sit.
|Let's sit and calmly try to figure this out.
 No, no.
 I've got it figured out.
|Just haul it off.
 Trash it.
 - Haul what off?|- The boat? Yes, the boat.
 Scrap it.
 Find somebody to drag it away - and cut it up for firewood.
|- Oh, now, Luke.
 Who's gonna haul it off? Anyone.
 Just find a guy|with a truck and a hook.
 And strap it on and drive it away|and send me the bill.
 - I'm done.
|- Luke.
 We'll be right back.
 Luke, stop.
 What, what, and what? I have been paying that woman|every month for 15 years.
 Luke, she's moving to a nursing home.
 And my dad was paying her every month|20 years before that.
 - Nursing home, Luke.
|- I know where she's going.
 - She's not trying to hurt you.
|- Whatever.
 - Where are you going?|- Back to the diner.
 - Let me drive you.
|- No.
 I can drive you back to the diner.
 I promise if we pass any senior citizens,|I'll let you jump out and pants them.
 Fine.
 And over here we have|the world-famous Luke's Diner home of the best coffee|on the East Coast and the most delightful|and chatty proprietor since Mel kissed Flo's grits.
 Okay, well, I should get back to the inn.
 I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself|a souvenir plastic monkey on the way out.
 Tomorrow's the anniversary|of my dad's death.
 Oh, hon And every year on that anniversary I disappear.
|I don't work.
 I don't talk to anyone.
 I get into kind of a funk.
 It's like You have a dark day.
 Yeah, I have a dark day.
 I thought I should tell you this|because we're in a relationship.
 I thought you might wonder why I suddenly don't answer the phone|or I'm not around.
 Why you can't flip your hair and con me into going|to Miss Patty's crazy anniversary party.
 - The hair flip is that effective?|- You combine that with your black dress you could probably get me|to be your backup dancer.
 I'll remember that.
 I've never told anyone this before.
|I don't really like to talk about it.
 I guess that explains|the thing with Mrs.
 Thompson.
 Yeah.
 Some timing,|her springing this boat thing on me now.
 I'll apologize to her.
 You know, he never finished that boat.
 It's been sitting there|half-done for 15 years.
 Hey, Luke,|don't you think you might have been a little too hasty about the boat decision? I mean, you're upset and I bet|someday you're gonna be really sorry you don't have that boat anymore.
 No, it's better|she gets rid of the thing now.
 - But-|- I haven't even looked at that boat since my dad got sick.
 It's - Not a glance, nothing.
|- Even more reason.
 If it's gone,|then I don't have to deal with it.
 It's time to move on, you know? - But-|- I'm fine, really.
 - Thanks for the ride.
|- Anytime.
 - I love it here.
|- You love it here? We just walked in.
 I know, but it feels so collegiate.
 Actually, you know what is great|about this place? - Eli Yale drank here?|- No, they make amazing cappuccinos.
 - You want one?|- Yeah.
 - Okay, you go sit, and I'll get the coffees.
|- Okay.
 - Two cappuccinos, please.
|- Sure thing.
 Hey.
 - Hi, you just get here?|- Yeah.
 - You want a|- Yes, please.
 I'm sorry.
|Could you make that three cappuccinos? So, how's it going? I think I may have overwhelmed Anna.
|Her hand cramped up about an hour ago.
 And it's been spasming ever since.
 - Where is she?|- She's right - Really?|- You wanna go to a party tonight? I turn around for one minute.
 Excuse me.
 Oh, Rory, Mark and Matthew|were just telling me about a great party tonight.
 Really? That was very nice of them.
|Thank you, Matthew and Mark, was it? - That's right.
|- Well, how biblical.
 Okay, well, our schedule|is completely full at the moment but if that changes, if things lighten up or if she suddenly ages two years|in the next three hours then we'll know where to find you, okay?|Bye-bye, now.
 Bye-bye.
 We'll be over here, just in case.
 - Rory.
|- Anna.
 Oh, this is so not fair.
|You get to talk to boys.
 What? Well, you were over there|talking to Marty.
 That's different.
 Marty's just a friend,|which is another great thing about college.
 You learn to have guy friends.
|Nothing romantic, just a good pal.
 Those boys|are not interested in your friendship unless the word "friendship"|is tattooed on your butt.
 Now, drink your coffee.
 It's good, huh? Can I sleep with the TV on? Yeah, as long as you don't wake Paris up.
|And that advice is for your own good.
 - And if I can't go to sleep?|- Then you don't go to sleep.
 I love that.
 I love not having|someone tell me when to go to sleep.
 - Yes, it's great.
|- I love sleeping with the TV on and I love having no parents around,|and I love cappuccino and I love apple muffins,|and I love college.
 What's she on? Four cappuccinos|and the three Red Bulls from the fridge.
 - Enjoy your night.
 How do I look?|- Where are you going? I'm putting myself out there, Rory.
 - Now?|- Yes, now.
 It's 11:00 at night.
 Who are you hoping to hook up with now,|Spike and Drusilla? - Just tell me if my lipstick is too whorish.
|- No, just whorish enough.
 Going out at 11:00 at night? I love college.
 I may suffocate her when I get back.
 - Hey, if you can catch her.
|- Bye.
 Good luck.
 - Good night, Anna.
|- Night.
 Which brings us to this question: Does Campbell's work successfully resolve|the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes|to the collective unconscious? Hey, pay attention.
 Professor Bell is one of the foremost|philosophy professors in the country.
 - Sorry.
|- bordered on being metaphysical? All right, let's call that close enough.
 But now, Campbell can point|to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say: "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not "here are the same basic characters|over and over"- Excuse me.
 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
 I'm right in the middle of a class,|young man.
 I know.
 I'm sorry, I just|Rory, you can't just walk out like that.
 Not after everything we've been through.
|You just left.
 I was still in bed.
 I mean, what is that all about? Okay, you need to do this later.
 I can't do this later.
|Rory, I love you.
 I love you, damn it.
 How many times do I have to tell you?|God, just talk to me.
 - Okay, out.
 Right now.
 Just get-|- Colin.
 What are you doing, man?|Get the hell out of here.
 She's with me now.
 I told you.
 Let it go.
 - I will not let it go.
|- She doesn't love you.
 Rory, tell him you don't love him.
 Everything was fine until you came along.
 Don't blame me|'cause you couldn't keep her.
 - I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you.
|- Oh, I'd love to see you try.
 Stop it.
 Stop it right now.
|Anthony, get security.
 Break it up.
 What are you Gentlemen, you are losing control.
|You're in a classroom with students All right, that's enough.
|Break it up, you two.
 Rory Gilmore,|you should be ashamed of yourself.
 Toying with these boys like this.
 They used to have pride.
|They used to have dignity.
 They used to have balls.
 Damn it, Gilmore,|give them back their balls.
 - God, this is a lot of junk.
|- I know.
 Who has three Thighmasters|besides Suzanne Somers? Well, Mrs.
 Thompson, apparently.
 You'd think if you had three Thighmasters,|you'd wear some slacks once in a while.
 I'm sorry, but why exactly|did you have to take all this crap? It was the only way|I could get her to give me the boat.
 Some guy wanted it,|and she got him to buy all her other crap.
 So if I wanted the boat,|I had to take everything and that's what I did.
 I just have to hide it for a few days,|then I'll move it.
 - Where?|- I don't know.
 Somewhere.
 The inn.
|I'll put it in the old stable out back.
 - Are you ever gonna tell Luke?|- Yes.
 - When?|- A week, a year.
 I haven't thought that far in advance.
 I just couldn't let her|get rid of his dad's boat.
 What if we hang the Thighmasters on it? - Or get more trees.
|- Yeah, or get more trees.
 - Jackson's got some trees at home.
|- Think I could borrow them? Sure, we'll just wait till he lies down|for his nap and sneak them out.
 Great, then I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark|to sign my grapefruit.
 I'd like to welcome you all|to today's speed-dating session.
 Many of you have been with us before.
|Many of you are first-timers.
 For the latter group, here are the rules.
|Each couple will have one minute to talk and get a sense of the person|across from them.
 When the bell rings, the women|will get up and switch tables.
 Men, stay where you are.
 This will continue until every|woman has met every man and after that, it's up to you.
 Are we all ready?|Then let the dating begin.
 - I'm Jack.
|- Paris.
 Did your parents travel a lot? - Why?|- Your name is Paris.
 No.
 Did your parents|change flat tires a lot? What? - Or plug the phone into the wall a lot?|- No.
 Great, so we've cleared up that mystery.
 What's next on your fascinating|list of talking points? - What's your major?|- Seriously? You've got one minute|to make an impression and that's all you can come up with? You want to know my sign, too, Jack?|Or how about my favorite color? Or if I'm a Britney or a Christina?|Here, I'll ask you a question.
 Was the last time you had|an interesting thought when you considered flinging|yourself off a building? Bye, Jack.
 I'll write Mother immediately.
 Paris, and no, my parents didn't travel.
 Billy, and I have no idea what that means.
 - Never mind.
 So, what's your story, Billy?|- Well, I'm a drama major.
 - Doyle.
|- Paris.
 - I'm surprised to see you here.
|- I could say the same for you.
 So, you find any good prospects? - Yes, one girl wants to have 11 children.
|- Good God.
 The second one was cut off quickly.
|Thank you, by the way.
 The words "Latter-Day Saints"|were about to come out of her mouth.
 - I can't believe I came here.
|- It's my third time.
 You ever meet anyone|you actually wanted to date? My bar is so not that high.
 I don't see one person in this room|that shouldn't be sterilized immediately.
 Right there with you.
 So, you've been reading|about those skeletons they've been finding|on the island of Flores, right? Oh, yeah.
 They're only 13,000 years old.
|That's nothing in geological time.
 They made tools and probably|had a language and- Keep moving, sister.
 Hey, you know|they were supposed to be master hunters.
 Even though they were diminutive in size.
 And then, when that other guy came in|in that outfit how great was that? We also studied Dylan Thomas today.
|Why don't we talk about that for a while? Yeah, that was cool.
 But when Logan and Colin started to fight,|that was so amazing.
 The teacher had nothing to say, nothing.
|He just stood there.
 - Think they'll get in trouble for that?|- Oh, probably not.
 God, that's great.
 The freedom.
 I mean, you can do anything in college.
|No rules, no consequences.
 Anna, there are always consequences.
|You're getting the wrong idea.
 College is not just a crazy, wild,|sleep-deprived hedonistic society.
 - Oh.
 It wasn't the TV.
|- No, it wasn't the TV.
 - This isn't what it looks like.
|- I hope not.
 - I told you it wasn't the TV.
|- Hi, Paris.
 - All right, fine.
 Doyle and I had sex.
|- Okay, Anna, get your coat.
 We met at speed-dating,|and we considered having dinner first but we both knew where it was|going to end up, so we figured we'd just cut to the chase|and save the calories.
 - Hurry up, Anna.
|- Where are we going? - Dinner.
|- It's only 5:00.
 You've no right to be repulsed|by my sex life.
 This is an exceptionally comfortable robe.
 Dinner whenever you want,|random sex whenever you want.
 I can't wait to go to college.
 - Ice cream and cereal for dinner.
|- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 College rocks.
 - Ladies.
|- Hi, Logan.
 - How are we doing this fine evening?|- We're doing great.
 You want to join us? Sure.
 - So, dull day, huh?|- Not for me.
 - Someone's quiet.
|- Got nothing to say.
 Do you get the sense|that she's mad at me? Yup.
 Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over|to the fro-yo social? You remember where it is, right? Yeah, but I just had|three scoops of ice cream.
 Kid, you're in college now, okay?|Now, go get yourself some yogurt.
 Are you going to come, Logan? I'm not sure how well I'll be walking, here,|in a minute, Anna.
 Oh, okay.
 Bye.
 That's not a good look.
 - I have no words.
|- It was just a joke.
 Oh, no, wait.
 I thought of some:|jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate mindless, frat-boy, lowlife,|butt-faced miscreant.
 "Butt-faced miscreant"? - Why would you do something like that?|- I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"? Here I am, trying to show Anna|what college life is really like- - That is what college life is really like.
|- Maybe your college life, not mine.
 That was my class, Logan.
 That was my professor|who decides my grades and you made me look ridiculous to him.
 No, I made me look ridiculous to him.
 Oh, you don't think|he thinks I was a part of it? I'll talk to him.
 I'll tell him you were|an innocent bystander.
 The whole class was in a frenzy|the entire time.
 We never got back|to what we were talking about.
 There's another class next week.
 I know that classes|and the paper and Yale in general mean nothing to you,|but it means something to me.
 Professor Bell's course|is only six weeks long and you blew one of those weeks for me.
 I won't get that week back.
 Look, you want a close and personal time|with Bell, my dad knows him.
 - He'll arrange-|- Please stop talking.
 I'm sorry you're so bent out of shape.
|I didn't mean to upset you.
 Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke.
 If Anna thinks Yale is just a big joke|after spending five minutes with you then she was always gonna think|Yale was just a big joke.
 Relax.
 You and me, very different people.
 I have to go.
 To the fro-yo social? Yes, I have to go to the fro-yo social.
 And yes, I do realize|how incredibly stupid that just sounded.
 Excuse me.
 All I'm saying is|I just want a little information.
 Is this a relationship? A one-night stand? The beginning of a series|of late-night booty calls? I think I have the right to know.
 I hear you.
 Doyle, do you hear her? I do hear her.
 I just don't understand why we can't decide this|amongst ourselves.
 Because you can't, Doyle.
|Now, please tell Paris how you feeI.
 Well, I feel that- Speak into the phone, Doyle.
|I can't hear you.
 - Is Anna here?|- No, why? She didn't show up at the fro-yo social.
 - Jeez, do you blame her.
|- I have to find her.
 Why? Did you loan her money|or something? Just go back|to what you were doing, please.
 Hey, Marty, I lost Anna.
|I don't know where.
 Just Thanks.
 If she comes back here, call me.
 Go ahead, Doyle.
 Tell him.
 - Any idea where she'd go?|- No, she was supposed to meet me.
 - I can't believe I let her go off by herself.
|- Well, we'll find her.
 - Mom.
|- Hi.
 Where would a 16-year-old girI go|for a good time? Oh, how sad that you had to come to me|for this conversation.
 - Mom.
|- You were 16 a lot more recently than me.
 - I lost Anna.
|- How did you lose Anna? She never showed at the fro-yo social.
 Okay, relax.
 16-year-old girl at college.
|You have to check parties.
 Bars and Chinese restaurants rarely card.
 - No Chinese restaurants around.
|- The pub.
 Did you check the pub? No.
 The pub.
 We have to check the pub.
|Parties and the pub.
 Okay, call me when you I have to go, hon.
|Call me when you find her.
 - Okay, bye.
|- Bye.
 - Oh, my God.
 Are you okay?|- I smashed my leg on a Thighmaster.
 I'm so sorry.
 Yeah, and then I tripped|and smashed my other leg - on another Thighmaster.
|- I'm sorry.
 Why the hell do you have|so many Thighmasters? I have a really bad thigh complex.
|Are you bleeding? You want to come in? No, I'm fine.
 I just You left your glasses at my house.
 - I thought you might need them.
|- Thank you.
 I didn't think you'd be here.
 - I thought you were going to Patty's thing.
|- I was just leaving.
 - I don't have to go if you want to come in.
|- No, it's okay.
 I'm still going through my dark day.
|I'm gonna go.
 Okay.
 Sorry about your foot.
 - What's going on with your garage?|- What? - Your garage door looks all weird.
|- Oh, no, it's fine.
 It's jammed.
 Just leave it.
 You can't leave it open like that.
|You could ruin all your stuff.
 That's okay.
 Too much stuff anyhow.
|If a little bit gets ruined serves me right for being|so darn materialistic.
 - What are all these trees doing here?|- No, just stop.
 Go back to your dark day.
|No, no, don't, don't.
 There's clowns in there|and puppies wearing costumes and they'll cheer you up,|and then your dark day will be ruined.
 What is this? - It's your boat.
|- I thought I told her to get rid of this boat.
 She did.
 She sold it to me with all of her|other crap.
 She made a killing, actually.
 I just couldn't stand the idea that you might regret someday|giving this boat away.
 - Even though I said I wanted it gone?|- Yes, I know, but you were upset.
 - No, I was cranky.
 Now I'm upset.
|- I'm sorry.
 I just thought- You thought about you.
|You thought about you and how you'd feel.
 You didn't think about me|or the fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this damn boat.
 - I said it, you heard it, and you ignored it.
|- Because I didn't want you- You have no respect for what I wanted.
|This was my dad.
 This was his boat,|and this decision was mine.
 - This was not yours.
|- I know.
 This is who I am.
 I don't want to hang on to things|or stare at things.
 Except my horoscope which is absolutely the wrong|thing to bring up right now.
 I'm sorry.
 - I'm getting out of here.
|- No, I'm sorry.
 Please, just stay and yell at me.
 Why? What's the point?|You don't listen to anything I say, anyhow.
 - She's nowhere.
|- She's not nowhere.
 This is all my fault.
 - There's more bars.
 We'll find her.
|- God, I'm so stupid.
 If I didn't have to confront Logan|like that I wouldn't have had to send her off on her|own and we wouldn't be looking for her.
 We'll find her.
 He's so frustrating, that guy.
 I mean, I don't know what I did|to get on his bad side or why he just has to come after me like- - Oh, stop it.
|- What? He's not coming after you.
 He likes you.
 - He does not.
|- Oh, please, Rory.
 Marty, he does not like me.
|I mean, look at what he did.
 Look at that stunt that he pulled.
|He totally humiliated me.
 Attention like that from people like Logan|is like being tapped.
 - You've been anointed.
 You're in.
|- In what? In with him, with his group.
 He likes you.
 - Stop being so naive.
 It's annoying.
|- Marty- Hello? Ms.
 Gilmore, Headmaster Charleston here.
 Oh, hi, Headmaster Charleston.
|What's going on? Well, not much.
 Thank you for asking.
 I was just wondering how things|are going with Miss Fairchild.
 - Oh, fine.
|- Yes? Everything's great.
 Wonderful.
|Then I can inform Anna's parents that the underage girl|the Yale campus police found when they broke up a rather raucous party|is, in fact, not their daughter.
 - I'm sorry, Headmaster Charleston.
|- And what a help that is.
 I tried.
 I just|I turned around for a moment.
 Did she tell you about the bench?|'Cause I spent a lot of time- I'm sorry, Ms.
 Gilmore.
 I have to go.
 Some angry parents will be here|in a moment to talk to me.
 I appreciate the attempt.
|Good luck at Yale.
 Bye, Headmaster Charleston.
 The campus police got her.
 She came, she spent one day with me,|and she got sent home by the police.
 And I think I'm going|to retroactively flunk high school.
 - At least she's safe, right?|- Right.
 Crappy, crappy day.
 You want to take a cab? My treat.
 Thanks.
 I think I'm gonna walk.
 - Marty|- I'll see you tomorrow.
 - What are you doing?|- I smell like trees.
 You do? Hey, me, too.
 Now we're the crazy pine-scented ladies.
 - How's your punch?|- It's good.
 You okay? Yeah, fine, just fine.
 Thank you.
 Thank you, everyone.
 I'm honored that you came here to help me celebrate|40 wonderful years on the stage.
 It feels so good to be here|in front of an audience and so close to a piano.
 So close to a piano.
 Kirk.
 Sorry.
 Hey, Patty, why don't you do|a little something for us? Well, if you insist.
 Hit it.
 I'll be right back.
 Hey.
 See, there's a reason I stay away from people on this|particular day.
 It's 'cause I kind of suck.
 Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry.
|I should have listened to you.
 I should have stayed out of it.
|You were right.
 I didn't think.
 I mean, I didn't think like you would think.
|I thought like I would think and my thinking is sometimes|very, very wrong if you're not me.
 And, occasionally, if you are me.
 You just keep thinking like you'd think.
 I can do that.
 Do you want to come in?|You can get drunk just standing next to the punch bowl.
 - Nah, I'm still kind of|- I get it.
 - I just didn't want us to-|- We're not.
 - Yeah.
 You go have a good time.
|- See you tomorrow.
 - Yeah, you'll see me tomorrow.
|- Okay.
 Logan.
 Richard? Wow, this is a pleasant surprise.
 - Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?|- Well, hello, boys.
 Nice to see you.
 Logan, I wanted to talk to you.
|I just heard about the incident.
 - The|- I heard that you professed your feelings - for Rory.
|- What? Mr.
 Bell is a very dear friend of mine.
|As is the Dean of Admissions.
 - You know this place.
 News travels fast.
|- Yeah, look- I have to tell you that, while I understand|what could have driven you to such a public display of affection there is a proper time and place|for that sort of thing.
 And a classroom in the middle of class|is not one of them.
 - No, I know.
 I-|- However, what's done is done.
 It's out.
 So I dropped by to tell you|that I've spoken to your father.
 - My father.
|- We pounded out a few things property agreements, prenups,|that sort of thing.
 - Okay, I think there's been-|- We came to a very fair agreement.
 I'm sure you'll be pleased.
 Now, we're setting up a dinner|for next week to finalize the engagement|and start talking about the ceremony.
 Emily is handling|all the newspaper announcements.
 - So not to worry.
 That's all taken care of.
|- But- She's a fine young lady, Logan.
|I want her to be happy.
 You'll take care of that, I assume.
 All right, I'll let you get|back to your coffee break.
 Nice seeing all of you again.
|And, Logan, welcome to the family, son.
 I do hope one of his dopey-looking friends|knows CPR or he just might not make it.
 You're the best, Grandpa.
 All right, who's next?|Paris giving you any trouble? Not any more than usual.
 However, there is a girl|in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
 - I do love this place.
|- Right back at you, Grandpa.
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