# GilmoreGirls-S05E11
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s05e11

Hey, wake up.
 - Wake up.
|- No.
 - Come on, you're missing it.
|- Is it sleep? Because you'd be right.
 - Smell the air, smell it.
|- It smells cold.
 - Come on.
|- What? No, it's freezing! Come on! - The floor's cold.
|- You're so obsessed with the cold.
 - Because it's cold!|- I know.
 Come on.
 Grumble.
 - I'm turning numb.
|- Keep moving.
 Are my feet still attached to my body|or did they snap off coming down the stairs? - They're still there.
|- Why are we out here? - Take a deep breath.
|- What? - Do it.
|- Yeah.
 - I smell snow.
|- What? It's coming.
 I always know,|I can smell it, and I'm never wrong.
 It wasn't in the forecast.
 It's just my favorite time of the year.
|The whole world changes color.
 I think I'm blacking out.
 Flakes, flurries, swirls, crystals,|whatever form it comes in, I'll take it.
 We go back, snow and me.
|We have a beautiful history.
 I saw two forecasts.
|Neither of them mentioned snow.
 - Cold, but no snow.
|- Sleigh rides, ice skating, snowball fights I'll even take curling.
 God, I love curling.
 Vance Cranston on Channel Six|said it would be dry.
 Kimmy Liston, Live at 5:00,|same thing.
 No snow, nothing.
 Hot cocoa, hot toddies,|best time of the year.
 Jimmy Mountain in Accuchopper One|said it would be weeks before- Vance and Kimmy are idiots.
 Welcome, friends.
 - Going inside now.
|- But- - One more whiff, and then so are you.
|- Luke.
 - Streetwalker?|- Too urban.
 - Concubine.
|- Seems highfalutin.
 Anyone see "Farewell My Concubine?"|Beautiful film.
 Gorgeous cinematography.
 I'm surprised you see|such adult fare, Reverend.
 What, you picture me watching|"Sound of Music" every night, Taylor? - Gag me.
|- Scarlet Woman.
 I like it.
 - Too Nathaniel Hawthorne.
|- Who? - Read a book.
|- Harlot.
 - No.
|- Woman of Accommodating Morals.
 - Too long.
|- Hot Mutton.
 - I wouldn't know where to begin.
|- What are you guys doing? The first snow has arrived, Luke,|and with the first snow comes the town's|revolutionary war re-enactment.
 Always a heel-clicking good time.
 We've got a big surprise|for everybody this year.
 - Great.
 I'll pretend I'm interested.
|- It's a big deal, Luke.
 It's the same thing every year, Reverend.
|You guys re-enact the time a bunch of pigheaded morons|stood outside all night in the freezing snow,|waiting for a battle that never happened.
 - This year is different, crank.
|- A local historian uncovered new evidence of Stars Hollow's|participation in the revolution.
 Apparently, an English battalion|was awaiting the return of their commanding general|with plans for a big battle.
 Our soldiers caught wind of this|and blocked the highroad so that the general had to travel|by the lower road through town to reach his troops.
 So they kidnapped him? No, they were much slyer than that.
 They had a brave lady|of the town use her wiles to draw the general to her rooms|and keep him occupied there.
 That delayed the general's arrival,|which allowed Lafayette the opportunity to ambush the waiting British troops.
 - A hooker stopped a battle.
|- We're not calling her a hooker.
 - It's too "Baretta.
 "|- That's what we're doing now trying to - figure out what the hell to call her.
|- A Bit of Stuff? Too "Monty Python.
 " This new re-enactment is going to be|a huge boost to tourism, Luke.
 - The local press is all excited to cover it.
|- Then they're very easily amused.
 Got a big casting session soon,|to pick the lucky townswoman to play our special lady.
 - She should be thin.
|- But not too thin.
 - Know anybody who fits the bill?|- Not offhand, but if I run into any moderately weighted whores|in my travels, I'll let you know.
 Well, Patty is - Morning.
|- Morning, again.
 How cool, the re-enactors are meeting.
 Just another wonderful byproduct|of snow.
 Yes, they're cooking up|something very special.
 - You want coffee?|- No.
 I'm late.
 I'll just grab it at the Inn.
 I'm actually looking forward|to my first cup of hot Joe at my new snow-covered inn.
 - Why are the re-enactors staring at me?|- You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
 The reverend is blushing.
|Why is he blushing? I'd walk out of here if I was you,|and try not to walk too sexy.
 - Okay, you'll explain that to me later?|- I'd enjoy that.
 - Hi, guys.
|- Pretty lady.
 Too thin.
 This is not about your taste, Andrew.
|I'm going for historical accuracy, Sy.
 Women were heavier back then.
 - How about your wife?|- You want a sock in the nose? No, Jean, that works|perfectly with my schedule.
 And it's been forever|since we've seen each other.
 I'd love that.
|Mirabelle is still one of my favorite.
 Oh, my God! No.
 Jean, hang on a second, will you? - Hello?|- There's a dog on the patio! - What? Emily?|- Of course it's Emily.
 I am sorry.
 You sound agitated.
 - Did you get a dog?|- Certainly not.
 There's a dog on the patio.
 - Where are you?|- Inside.
 Richard, do something.
 I can't see it from here.
 He's here nonetheless,|and he's looking at me.
 - Richard, the dog is looking at me.
|- Hold on.
 I'm holding, but what are we going to-|Richard? Now do you believe me? I wasn't doubting you, Emily.
|I just couldn't see it.
 What is that? You made it sound like it was|a rabid beast, so I came prepared.
 - Don't get too close.
|- I don't see any froth on its mouth.
 That's something.
 I see a collar but no tag.
|That isn't very smart.
 - You're getting too close.
|- What should I do? It's freezing out here.
 - We can't let it roam around.
|- It can't come into the house.
 Why someone would fail|to put a tag on a dog - Take it to the pool house.
|- What? Why? That's why we have it.
 We have a pool house for stray dogs?|Love the innuendo, Emily.
 - Fine.
 I will take him into the pool house.
|- Thank you, Richard.
 - I came out, and he was just sitting there.
|- It's a he? I don't know.
 - I can't get a visual from this angle.
|- It's not important.
 Dog, I want you to come with me.
 - Come along, dog.
|- He's following you.
 - Seems to be working.
|- Good job, Richard! Hey, you know who just nipped|at my nose? Jack Frost.
 You know who just nipped|at my ear? Jack I-don't-care.
 Look outside, Michel.
|It's the first time we've seen the inn blanketed by snow.
 - It's like a postcard.
|- I know, I haven't been this excited since Madonna just dropped by|TotaI Request Live.
 The floor's a little wet.
|Are we getting the mats out? - We are without mats.
|- That's impossible.
 We ordered them eight months ago.
|We got confirmation.
 That they were back-ordered|and due within two weeks.
 Two weeks turned into eight months,|and all we have to show for it is our special yellow back-order receipt.
 It's such cheap paper|they use at the mat place - that should have been a clue.
|- What else can we put down? Plenty.
 I saw two movies over|the weekend.
 They were both awful.
 I meant put down on the floor|so our guests don't slip and fall.
 We've to find something.
 The good news is that|there will be less people here who could possibly slip.
 What do you mean less people? We've had four cancellations|in the last hour.
 - Why? What happened?|- All due to snow.
 Snow? Our beautiful snow? People say it is cold|and the streets are bad.
 The streets are fine.
|They're plowing away out there.
 A graceful, gorgeous plow was pushing the snowy white|out of the street, right behind me.
 - It was beautiful.
|- They wanted nice weather.
 This is nice weather.
|It's classic Connecticut inn weather.
 It's all the more reason to come.
 I would advise that you change|our cancellation policy.
 These people cancel|and have to pay nothing.
 I hate charging people for cancelling.
|It's too corporate.
 We're doing things differently here.
 Yes.
 Bankruptcy will be fun and different.
 Be sure to file for it|while it's snowing, won't you? We'll go down to bankruptcy court|in a horse-drawn sleigh.
 - Try to find mats.
|- I'll do what I can.
 - Hey, Sookie.
|- Good morning.
 How are you loving|our winter wonderland? - My car wouldn't start this morning.
|- Drag.
 And we're almost completely|out of coffee.
 So make some more.
 I mean out out.
|There's no more on the premises.
 - You're kidding.
|- I wish I was.
 There's mountains of it|stacked in the walk-in.
 Heroin-sniffing dogs get all excited|and confused when they go in there.
 - Why do they get all excited and confused?|- Because you smuggle heroin in coffee.
 - No, I don't.
|- It was in "Beverly Hills Cop," remember? The heroin in the coffee.
|Why are you taking everything so literally? My car wouldn't start.
 Since when does that make you|take things literally? Wait, I am sorry.
|When were there dogs in the walk-in? I'm just saying we had a lot of coffee,|until now, apparently.
 Because we're switching suppliers.
|I found that new blend.
 You remember?|You tasted it, you said it tasted great.
 I liked it.
 I remember.
 So I'm letting the old stuff run out|because the new stuff's coming in.
 But the new stuff is back-ordered,|so it never came in.
 - Let's send out for more immediately.
|- Not possible.
 - Why?|- Remember those wonderful snowplows you were writing a sonnet to|not five minutes ago? Well, one of them dumped|a 10-foot mountain of snow in our driveway.
 - There is no getting in or out.
|- Unbelievable.
 It's not so bad|because with the cancellations no one's coming today anyway.
 Yes, but we have to get out|to go home, eventually and to get coffee now.
|So, start the guys digging.
 You mean, I should get the one guy|who did not call in sick because of the snow and the cold|to get digging? Yes, get him digging.
 It's okay.
 It's all good.
 Snow will be dug,|and mats will be found coffee will be bought.
 Everything's good.
 By the way, there are still people out there|eating breakfast and - And?|- And drinking coffee.
 Customers.
 - Morning.
|- Stupid C-SPAN.
 - What?|- Stupid C-SPAN's had me on hold forever and I've got to get going.
 You're not the only one|who calls C-SPAN, Paris.
 Right, there are a lot of us like the guy|who asked a question about Iran's long-range|missile production and nuclear capacity then shouted "ba-ba-booey.
 "|Him, they put on me, they've got twiddling my thumbs.
 - Dad.
|- Hey, kiddo.
 - What are you doing here?|- I was just in the neighborhood.
 I thought I'll look you up.
 - Did you bring the baby?|- The baby's getting spoiled - by her grandma.
 So, where you headed?|- I have class.
 Right, college, classes.
|I've seen "Oxford Blues.
 " I should have put that together.
|So, this is your place, huh? Yeah.
 It's a little messy right now.
 - That's Paris.
|- We've met.
 Hi, Paris.
 Hello.
 Yeah, I've got a suggestion for getting you guys out|of the ratings basement and putting me on hold|is not one of them.
 So, you were just passing through? Yeah, I was in the area,|or the area near the area.
 - So, how about breakfast?|- I don't have time.
 It's the most important meal of the day.
 And the most skipped around here.
|Mornings are busy.
 Forget busy, forget class.
 Play hooky,|have breakfast with me.
 Come on.
 - Dad.
|- We can all go together if you want.
 Paris.
 I am kind of hungry,|and C-SPAN can kiss my ass.
 - Okay, then, we're on.
|- Dad.
 - We can walk, we can drive-|- Dad, no! I have to go.
 - I can't be any clearer, okay?|- Rory.
 We can certainly rebook you because we'd|love to have you come anytime, really.
 But if you reconsidered your|cancellation and came in now you would find nothing less|than a magical wonderland.
 A snowy Xanadu of goodness.
 Really, Bing Crosby is warming up his|pipes over by the fireplace.
 Magical.
 Yes, driving in the snow is tricky.
 No, I don't think I could get|Bing Crosby to come pick you up.
 Okay, just check|your calendar and call back and I'll be here to rearrange it.
 Thank you.
 Bye-bye.
 - That was very graceful.
|- God, I'm desperate for those mats.
 I had been working on those mats,|but you asked me to shovel the snow.
 And now I have a blister, a muscle spasm,|and a neck crick and I have a date tonight,|and a crick will cramp my kissing move.
 Well, I appreciate your effort.
 - Are you being sarcastic?|- Just a tiny bit.
 You know that I am light-boned|and cannot take physical exertion.
 - I work with my mind.
|- You're excused from shoveling duty.
 Just focus on the mats.
 We have another problem.
|The Goldfarbs are missing.
 Goldfarbs? Our Goldfarbs? The ones you recommended|to go cross-country skiing this morning.
 Right, so they're out skiing.
 They said they would be|back by noon promptly.
 It's past noon, and their|friends are here to meet them for lunch but the Goldfarbs are AWOL.
 - They're what?|- AWOL! Oh, A-WOL.
 What do I care? I'm French.
|The point is, we strapped wooden sticks to the feet|of a fat orthodontist and a woman with ugly, chunky jewelry|and we lost them.
 - Oh my God, it's only noon.
|- Should I call the authorities? - You think we're there already?|- What are you doing? Cleaning up.
 No, let's wait another 20 minutes.
|Just keep calling their cell phone.
 Joy.
 Please tell me you're not doing|what I think you're doing.
 I'm just cleaning up.
 We're shorthanded|today.
 Go about your business.
 You were pouring leftover coffee|from other people's cups into your own cup,|and now you're gonna drink it! - No!|- Give me that cup.
 Don't you understand?|If I don't get coffee in me things are going to get ugly around here.
 - "Going to get?"|- Be very careful.
 She's near the knife.
 - Give me that.
 I'm ashamed of you.
|- I'm ashamed of me, too.
 - If that wasn't a cry for help|- I'm going out.
 - The driveway's still blocked.
|- On foot.
 - The snow is soft and 4 feet deep.
|- I'm going cross-country skiing for coffee.
 The Goldfarbs have the skis.
 I'm going out,|and I'm bringing back coffee.
 Be careful of the floor.
 I'm sorry.
 We're getting mats, I swear.
 - Have a nice day.
|- Thanks.
 - Emily, hello.
|- I saw your car in the driveway and was just wondering|if everything was okay.
 Everything's fine.
 Thank you.
 I've put off my morning appointments|to sort of stabilize the canine situation.
 - She's been fairly calm.
|- It's a she? - That has been ascertained.
|- And there's no ID tag? A gross oversight of its owners.
 I found its exact breed, though,|which may come in handy.
 - Wonderful.
|- Let me bring up the website.
 Dogbreed411.
com.
 Isn't that clever? It's amazing, the information available|on the computer these days.
 It's wonderful.
 There are websites|you'd be interested in, too.
 - I wouldn't know how.
|- It's easy.
 Whatever you're interested in,|you just type it in.
 The DAR or Louis Vuitton or|Franz Schubert and you're off and running.
 - That easy?|- That easy.
 There she is.
 The long-haired Jack Russell Terrier.
 I'll start calling the neighbors|and tell them we have a long-haired|Jack Russell Terrier.
 A female.
 - What's all that luggage?|- That is a Louis Vuitton website.
 - I thought you might like to peruse it.
|- Isn't that something? Use that mouse there to move around.
 A mouse? How fun.
 That was David Hume,|a personal favorite.
 And I'm not saying that|because Hume was Scottish and my mother's maiden name|is McCammon.
 Okay, more on the "Principles of Morals " and, perhaps, why Scots rule|the next time we're together.
 Have a good day.
 And read.
 Read.
 - Still here?|- Still here.
 This is for you.
 Coffee.
 It might be a little cold.
 Teachers sure talk a lot here at Yale.
|There's no bells.
 Don't they have bells? - Nope.
 Thanks for this.
|- You're welcome.
 Look, Rory, that manic, desperate guy|who came down to your dorm room this morning, he left.
 He's gone, and I'm not gonna|bug you anymore, okay? - Okay.
|- I didn't think it through and I feel pretty dumb|coming down here like this.
 I just have to say, though, that|I hate our relationship, okay? I hate it.
 This wall, this stupid wall.
 It sucks.
 And I put it there, but I wanted|to try to do something about it and I got a little desperate, and I'm sorry.
 - It's okay.
|- I've been in Hartford a lot.
 My dad's sick, my mom's with the baby|and I've had time to think and maybe that's not good.
 But my dad and I, we always had that wall,|you know, and God, for us to be that way,|like my dad and me? I don't want you visiting|when I'm old and cranky and you feel like you have to.
|I want you to visit now and I want you to want to.
 Look, I'm not gonna bother you anymore.
 This wasn't fair for me to do this,|surprising you like this.
 It wasn't fair.
 Here, I didn't know how you take|your coffee, so I got you everything.
 I'll see you, kid.
 Bye.
 This is not just an|historic re-enactment, ladies.
 This is an historic moment unto itself.
|This will be the first time that a member of the fairer sex|has participated in Stars Hollow's|revolutionary war re-enactment.
 Lulu is fully aware of the|historical significance of this, Taylor.
 - She's bright and sexy.
 I'll tell you that.
|- All right.
 My point is that this will be|the first vital role a woman has played in our re-enactment.
 And you should know that|it is of a sensitive nature.
 So if you're overly sensitive,|you may want to back out now.
 - Lulu's as insensitive as they come.
|- Fine, Kirk.
 Thank you.
 Now, we've little time and we have to choose|the right girl quickly.
 Stand up, please, all of you.
 All right, based on the visual|that we're looking for I must now eliminate numbers two|five, seven, and nine.
 Thank you for coming.
|Now, for the rest of you I need to see a demonstration|of your acting abilities.
 Please give me your best|"come hither" look.
 Your "come hither" looks, ladies.
 - That was my "come hither" look.
|- Girls! You're supposed to be seducing a man.
 Now, picture on horseback a dashing, finely accoutered gentleman firm of jaw and solid of build.
 - I thought you were doing it, Taylor.
|- I am.
 - You with your funny jokes!|- Yes, me and my jokes.
 - Four and eight, you may go.
|- Yes! - Taylor, isn't eight your sister's kid?|- That's little Debbie.
 And you were coaching her to|I mean, you had her Never mind.
 Let's try the look again, girls.
|You're being seductive.
 Kirk, don't be a pageant mom.
 I can't tell in these outfits.
 - You're all so heavily dressed.
|- It's cold outside.
 The young heroine of our story|didn't think of the cold when she gave up her greatest|treasure for her country.
 Lulu's got a bunch of hot outfits, Taylor.
|I can put her in something.
 Not necessary.
 Number one, thank you for coming.
 Rats.
 - Lorelai!|- Hey, Taylor.
 How would you like to play|our woman of easy virtue? What? This is a straight offer.
|No audition necessary.
 That's the best offer I've gotten all day,|Taylor, but unfortunately I'd have to say- - Is that a yes or a no?|- It's a no, thank you.
 The level of commitment|in this town is stunningly low.
 All right, girls, let's see your sexy walk.
 Warmth! What are you doing? The icicle foot.
 It's the latest dance craze.
|All the hep kids are doing it.
 Your shoe's all wet.
 This evil puddle was lying in wait.
 Evil! - Let me get you a towel.
|- Forget the foot.
 I need caffeine.
 Whatever form you've got,|I haven't had any all day.
 I'll drink it, shoot it, eat it, snort it.
|Whatever form it's in, give me.
 Should I bother to ask|how your day's going? Terrif.
 My shoe's an icicle,|the Inn's driveway's snowed in - and we lost the Goldfarbs.
|- Who are the Goldfarbs? The two guests who bothered|to show up.
 I sent them skiing - and I killed them.
|- You killed your guests? - Yeah, you know, it happens.
|- Here.
 The only bright side of my day|is being asked to be a prostitute.
 That's something to cling to.
 Hot! Warn me.
 That coffee's hot? Sorry, coffee's hot.
 My girlfriend's the whore! Great.
 Now I'm not even the town whore.
 If you like, I'll leave a little something|on the dresser for you tonight.
 - Couldn't hurt.
|- Here, ice cube.
 It would help to just put the word|out there that we have a dog in case anyone hears|of anyone looking for one.
 That's right.
|A white long-haired Jack Russell Terrier.
 Thank you, Margaret.
|I'll be here all day.
 Bye.
 Margaret Witsome? I figured a call|to the neighborhood busybody was the first order of business.
 - How's it doing?|- It seems to be asleep now but I am lacking a proper bowl for its food.
 I think I can help you with that.
 Follow me.
 What are you feeding it? I've got some leftover stew.
|I'm going to pick chunks of meat out of it.
 Stew? Richard, tell me that that man|of yours isn't feeding you stew.
 He proudly offered.
 He said it was a recipe|passed down by some dead relative.
 Stew? That may be|what killed his relative.
 I didn't think of that.
 Promise me you'll make him|prepare proper food for you.
 - Please, that's what he's paid for.
|- I promise, Emily.
 - Here we go.
|- Looks perfect.
 And it's chipped,|so just toss it when you're done.
 - Thank you, Emily.
|- You're welcome.
 - And the stew is history.
|- Good.
 From what I can gather this woman made eyes|at the British general.
 And the British general|was feeling a little randy.
 Such a salacious history our town has.
 And she led him into her house|and kept the fellow occupied.
 - Occupied his brains out?|- Don't work blue.
 Sorry.
 But why do you think|they didn't just kill him? I don't no.
 Maybe they knew|that we would ultimately make peace with England,|and they wouldn't want to kill a potential great-great-grandfather|of a Winston Churchill or a Benny Hill.
 That was very forward-thinking of them.
 Boy, do I know how to dress|a slut or what? I'm very proud.
 So you haven't said anything|about our first snow.
 - That's right, I haven't.
|- You don't sound so excited.
 Snow and I had|a bit of a bumpy ride today.
 Bummer.
 I blame myself.
 I may have been|too needy with snow.
 Too clingy.
 So it had no choice but to|push me away, create a boundary.
 Snow and men have a lot in common.
 What about you?|Anything exciting happen today? You get in a snowball fight|with a Nobel prize winner or something? No, nothing out of the ordinary.
 But I'm sorry that snow|was so mean to you today.
 It's okay.
 It wasn't snow's fault.
|We had one bad day.
 Every relationship has its bad days.
|Doesn't mean you drop and run.
 You keep going, right? Peaks and valleys|keep a relationship fresh.
 - I agree.
|- Tomorrow is another day.
 No.
 - Don't do that.
|- I want it gone! Gone! I'm getting it gone.
 But this is personal.
 I'm physically|hurting the snow as I dig at it.
 I'm chopping into its stupid white face|with my razor-sharp fingernail claws and I'm delighting in it.
 I want it to suffer.
 - You look deranged.
|- Take that! And that! Why did you park it under a tree? I have been parking this stupid car|under this stupid tree forever! But it's snowing.
 Yes, but snow has always|protected me before.
 It's been a white blanket of love.
|We had a symbiotic thing going on.
 Snow cannot protect you.
 Snow is frozen water|falling out of the sky.
 And as for this car and this tree,|you can predict it.
 It's gravity.
 There's four tons of snow on this tree.
|You park under it gravity's gonna come into play|and take it out.
 It's basic physics.
 I do not need a physics lesson right now,|no matter how well it's intentioned.
 - Sorry.
|- It's over.
 Yes, it is over! - What is?|- Me and snow.
 We're through.
 - No, you're not.
|- It was years of bliss, you know.
 We had some good stuff and good times.
 I could show you pictures|of the snow angels I made.
 - But I am done!|- Let it down easy, okay? And I am changing my|cancellation policy at the Inn.
 - Because of snow?|- Yes! From now on, if anyone cancels|for any reason that I don't agree with within two years of the date|in question, no, make it three then I am not going to refund|their money.
 And I'm gonna kick them in the groin! But with my left foot|because my right foot is still throbbing from being frozen in icy hole water which has effectively ended|my foot-modeling career.
 - Foot modeling is a dying art, anyway.
|- I am with you now, buddy, 100%.
 - With me on what?|- Snow is nothing but annoying icy, frozen water stuff that falls out of the sky|at inconvenient times.
 It's mother nature's icy|"screw you, Lorelai Gilmore.
 " It's just stupid stuff|you have to shovel out of the way so customers can get into the Inn.
 It's the stuff that melts|and leaks through your roof.
 It's the stuff that stalls your car.
|It's the stuff that buries your car.
 No! Don't even try to make up|with me now! You and me are through! You, stupid.
 I hate you! - Hello, Robert.
|- Good evening, ladies.
 - Hello, girls.
|- Hi, Grandpa.
 - Hi, Dad.
|- You come together tonight? No, just a lucky coincidence.
 Hello, Mom.
 - Hello, girls.
|- Hi, Grandma.
 Just go about your drinks.
|I'm just here to sit with the dog.
 - The dog?|- He is cute.
 When did you get a dog? - She's not our dog.
|- I'm no less confused.
 - And it's a he.
|- The dog? - The dog is a boy.
|- I thought you said it was a girl.
 I got another peek.
 It was rolling around|on its back, and it was painfully obvious.
 - They're so hairy down there.
|- This one especially.
 It's going from weird to weirder.
 - The usual beverage for everybody?|- So he's not your dog? It just showed up in our yard|yesterday morning.
 We have no idea how it got here,|where it came from.
 It has not tags.
 It is a very big mystery, this dog.
 Now I'm monopolizing things,|and I'm not even here.
 Please, go about your drinks.
 No, I'm having Robert|make one up for you, as well.
 Are you sure,|because I'm not officially here? Absolutely.
 Thank you, Richard.
 - So, how long are you gonna keep him?|- As long as it takes to find the owners.
 Richard had to miss a half day|of work yesterday.
 But Emily has agreed to write|a note excusing my absence so it should be okay.
 Okay, now pretend I'm not here.
|You girls and I can chat later.
 Okay.
 Rory.
 Oh my God.
 Did I tell you about the|horrendous thing that Mom did? - She can be such a witch with a "B.
"|- Lorelai.
 Mom.
 I forgot you were there.
|My pretending is that good.
 We can't really pretend|you're not here, Grandma.
 That's true, Emily.
 You have a presence|that cannot be ignored.
 Fine.
 I can leave.
 No.
 The dog likes you there.
|Join in the conversation, if you wish.
 I am curious to know when you girls|got the bad news today.
 - What bad news?|- Christopher's news.
 - What about him?|- You haven't heard? - Nothing.
|- Lorelai? - Same here.
|- That's odd.
 I would have thought he would|have called them right away.
 One of them at least.
 Guys, what news?|You're making me nervous here.
 - Straub died.
|- Christopher's father died? - This morning.
|- Oh my God.
 How? - He'd been sick.
|- Very badly.
 He'd been diagnosed just a month ago,|but it had already spread.
 He was the picture of health|so it caught poor Francine completely off guard.
 That poor woman.
 I can't believe Chris didn't tell us.
 He may not have been in any shape|to think straight.
 - Did you check all your voice mails?|- Yeah, I did.
 It's terrible having|more than one answering service.
 That's the way you miss things.
 We should send something, right,|for the funeral? - Does he want us to go?|- He was very quiet on the phone.
 - He was only good for the headlines.
|- You can't blame him.
 He had a very tortured relationship|with that man but none of that matters at the end.
 - We should send him a card or flowers.
|- We should send flowers.
 - Everything sounds so lame.
|- Whatever it is, send it to Francine.
 Christopher and the baby are staying|with her until all of this is behind them.
 - I'll give you the address before you go.
|- We'll send something together, Emily? I've already signed your name|to some flowers.
 He moved.
 Is it supposed to do that? Emily, let me show you how he likes|his blanket arranged.
 He's a bit picky.
 I'd appreciate your help.
 - Poor Chris.
 I mean, it's so sudden.
|- Yeah.
 Did you even know his dad was sick? Kind of.
 - You knew?|- Dad told me.
 When did he tell you? He didn't make it sound|like it was a big thing.
 Like he was that sick.
 And with Sherry gone and the baby - Yikes.
|- Yeah, yikes.
 Like this.
 The bump acts|as a kind of pillow.
 - Very clever.
|- There's a dog hair in your drink.
 - I'll have Robert make you another one.
|- That's okay.
 No, I insist.
 Robert, we need dog hair removal|from a drink.
 - Hi.
|- Hi.
 I heard about your dad.
 Yeah, I figured you would|at your Friday night dinner.
 - God, is tonight Friday?|- I didn't realize how serious it was.
 - I wasn't listening.
|- Rory, I kind of veiled it.
 I'm sorry.
 I brought cookies.
 And milk.
 - Milk and cookies.
|- Is that okay? - Hello?|- It's me.
 - Where are you?|- I'm just leaving Dad's.
 What? I came to see Dad because|he came to school yesterday wanting to make amends|and have breakfast but I blew him off even after he told me|that his dad was sick.
 - Hon|- And, I don't know.
 Maybe he did say how sick he was|between the lines, at least, but I just held him off.
|And he didn't say that he was dying.
 I just felt so awful the whole time|at dinner tonight.
 - It's okay.
|- No, it's not because regardless of Dad's faults|he's human and he needs us.
 But he's so isolated from us|that he can't just call or reach out to me|or to you, especially.
 But he really needed to call you,|and you guys go so far back.
 - You knew his dad.
|- I know, but- And now he's in the middle|of dealing with all this sad and practical stuff of his dad's death and he could really use|more visitors, especially you.
 So, go.
 Please, I want you to.
 I'm glad to hear you say this, babe because I'm sort of pulling up|behind you here.
 Go.
 I'm taking off,|so give him another hug for me.
 - I will.
|- And I told him to call if he needs a babysitter.
|Remind him of that.
 I will.
 Drive safe.
 You just missed Rory.
 - We're relaying it tonight.
|- You guys are something else.
 - We try.
|- Milk and cookies? - Grown-up milk and cookies.
|- Come on in, friend.
 - Must you do that?|- Do what? - Sip?|- Sip? You object to sipping? If it's done at a decibel level rivaling Louis Armstrong|blowing a high "C," then yes, I object.
 - I'll put my mute on.
|- Thanks, Satchmo.
 We're just minutes away|from the big re-enactment.
 And oh my God, do not talk in|that high-pitched girly voice of yours.
 - Now, come on.
|- You come on.
 I'm a girl.
 My voice is my voice.
 I should have had a boy|in anticipation of times like this.
 - So it's your fault.
|- Or Christopher's.
 Whoever supplies that girl|or boy part of the chromosomes.
 It's the guy.
 - I'm sorry I'm not vivacious.
|- It was for a good cause.
 I never remember to drink water.
|That is the key.
 Lots of water.
 - Pancakes.
|- What about them? Surefire thing to make my head feel less awkward|for being attached to my neck.
 - Then you are getting pancakes.
|- Have you ever been this hung-over? I don't want to know|because I don't want to hear about it.
 But if you have, I am sorry.
|And if you haven't maybe your life has been|a little too sheltered.
 Good night.
 Has anyone seen Taylor? I need to talk to Taylor!|Come on, people.
 Time is of the essence! Throw something sharp at him.
 - Haven't seen him, Kirk.
|- Oh, no.
 - What's wrong?|- Nothing.
 Everything's fine.
 Lulu's dress okay, Kirk?|And answer quietly.
 It's perfect.
 Fits like a glove.
 See you.
 I think his mother's|overstarching his laundry again.
 Where is Luke?|I need to order before I puke.
 - Was Dad drinking like this last night?|- He was the pusher.
 He just did not want to stop talking,|and the talking led to more drinking and the drinking led to more talking,|but it was good.
 Yeah.
 I wasn't gonna stay that long,|but, you know I don't know if he even|has many friends anymore.
 All of his old buddies|are scattered all around.
 His support group is two|and heavily into "Sesame Street.
 " What time did you finally get home? Sun high, birds sing, head hurts.
 - But it was good that you went.
|- Yeah, I know.
 He needed to vent.
 He alternated between|feeling bad about his dad and not liking him so much|for pretty much being a jerk his whole life.
 The one time I met Straub,|he did seem a little bitter.
 The venting took a very weird turn when he started coming up|with all of his dad's negative traits - corresponding to letters of the alphabet.
|- What? "A," he was absent.
 "B," he was a bully.
 "C," he was cold.
 "D," he was dreary.
 - What was "K"?|- He was Kuwaiti.
 - Kuwaiti, like the country?|- Yes.
 As it got later, it got sillier.
 Sounds like you're just what he needed.
|You might be his oldest buddy.
 True.
 But he talked on and on about you|and how good it was that you visited.
 I am glad.
 We had some stuff to figure out,|and we pretty much figured it out.
 Good.
 Hi.
 I didn't know you guys were here.
 - Hi, Luke.
|- Hello, there.
 I had to run to the store.
|Look at this.
 This re-enactment lunacy.
 We are so front row for that.
 - Your eyes are red.
|- Got a bad night's sleep last night.
 - What happened?|- Well- I kept her up pretty late.
 Girl talk.
 Okay.
 So, what do you guys want to eat? - She would like-|- More coffee.
 That's all I want.
 - Okay.
 How about you, Rory?|- I guess I'm fine with just coffee, too.
 - You two are easy.
|- Spread that around, will you? Will do.
 What about your pancakes? Pancakes are hangover food.
|It would get him suspicious.
 I could have ordered them for you.
 - I wasn't stopping you.
|- I just wasn't fast enough.
 I shouldn't have lied|about where I was last night.
 I'm over 19 and lying to my boyfriend|about stuff, that's wrong.
 Okay.
 I could just say his father died,|and I went over to comfort him with tequila,|which we drank all night long, alone.
 He didn't need to know.
|It's better that he doesn't know.
 - He didn't need to know.
|- The re-enactment.
 It's starting! - Voice.
|- The re-enactment is starting.
 Much better.
 Let's go.
 Welcome to Stars Hollow's|new historically accurate revolutionary war re-enactment.
 To the members of the press,|I'd like to point out that my best side is my right side.
 Left side's fine, too.
 I was just kidding.
 People forget that men of the cloth|can crack jokes, too.
 Anyway, I'd like to introduce|three special participants.
 Bobby, Tara, and Craig,|who were chosen from our own Stars Hollow Elementary School|to narrate what you see today.
 - "The year "|- "1779.
" - "The location "|- "Stars Hollow.
 " Children should shoot us|for what we make them do.
 " an important turning point|when our brave town militia "learned that a powerful British general|was riding through the area "to rejoin his troops|and wage a decisive battle.
 "It inspired an idea.
 " "First, the militia went off|to block the highroad.
 " Come on, men.
 Let's block the highroad.
 No horses?|Wouldn't they have had horses? Or at least some coconuts|to bang together for a nice sound effect.
 "Brave, our soldiers are.
 " "The British general had no choice "but to take the only passable road|on this snowy day.
 "The road through Stars Hollow.
 " "Soon, a scout arrived to warn|of the general's coming.
 " The British general is coming! So expositional.
|I guess Tony Kushner wasn't available.
 "And then the general arrived.
 " It's certainly unfortunate that|the highroad was blocked this day forcing me to ride through town.
 Seriously, this dialogue is worse|than "From Justin to Kelly.
 " "Then, a brave woman|put herself in harm's way "and emerged to distract the general.
 " - Is that your dress?|- Yeah.
 I made it to Lulu's specifications.
 - Did she get bonier all of a sudden?|- And taller? Good day, fair lady.
 You intrigue me.
 What have you to say? - Kirk!|- Kirk? No wonder her breasts|weren't holding it up.
 - What are you doing? Where's Lulu?|- She's sick.
 I tried to find you, but you weren't around|and I didn't know what to do.
 Everyone's looking.
 I didn't want to let the town down|with the press here and all so I just did it myself.
 That's the ugliest lady I've ever seen.
 This is far and away|the worst thing you have ever done.
 - I am livid with you.
|- We're not supposed to be arguing, Taylor.
 We're supposed to be making love.
 Dear, God.
 "This simple, common woman|whose livelihood defied laws of morality "but acting in a fashion|in which God would forgive her "led the British general|to the warmth of her boudoir.
 "She saved Stars Hollow.
 " - Reverend.
|- Sorry.
 "The British general|was kept occupied long enough "for Lafayette's troops to ambush his men.
|A decisive victory for the colonists.
 " "Thanks to the Stars Hollow militia,|and the woman " - Now what? Is it over?|- No idea.
 How far are Kirk and Taylor|gonna take this thing? I'm not leaving till I find out.
 I have to get back to the Inn.
|Keep me posted.
 I'm riveted.
 - Hello.
|- Hello, Richard.
 How are you? - Very good.
 And you?|- Excellent.
 I was going to check on the dog.
 I'm thinking of putting up|some fliers around the neighborhood.
 Fliers are tacky, but they work.
 And I thought you could|look up on your computer where the best place to print them is.
 - The dog is gone.
|- Gone? He's gone? She's gone.
 - I thought you said it was a boy.
|- Apparently, I misread what I saw.
 She was very hairy down there.
 Your calls paid off.
|Someone you called called someone else and somehow found the owner|and she came and picked the dog up late last night.
 I didn't even hear anyone come by.
 I would have called you, but I didn't see|a light on.
 I didn't want to disturb you.
 - It wouldn't have disturbed me.
|- I'll know that for next time.
 Not that we'll ever find|a dog in the yard again.
 Yes.
 Well I hope you told them|to get an ID tag for it.
 - It's irresponsible not to have one.
|- I told them how much they put us out.
 I missed a half day's work,|and you were inconvenienced even more.
 Yes, I was.
 - Her name was Princess by the way.
|- Was it? Princess? I should get back to the house.
|I've got a million things to do.
 I have to go to work.
 Believe me, I know the futility|of fighting mother nature.
 She's been a real mother lately,|almost rivals my mother.
 Yeah, but you and your plow do control mother nature's droppings,|a.
 k.
a.
 the snow and all I'm saying is|could you try to keep it from blocking the Dragonfly's|one and only driveway? It kind of locks us in,|and we get all cranky and claustrophobic especially when we're out of coffee which I'm not anticipating,|but I didn't anticipate it before and it happened,|and I suffered withdrawal pains.
 Right.
 I really appreciate it.
|I actually like plows.
 They look like fun.
 Right.
 I'm sure plowing doesn't|pay enough.
 No, that part's not fun.
 I used to be a maid.
 I know low wages.
 I'm really not comfortable telling you|what I made then or what I make now.
 Just anything you can do will help.
|Okay, thank you.
 - What is this?|- It's an ice rink.
 - An ice rink? How did this happen?|- Jack Frost brought it.
 - Does he look like Luke Danes?|- A little.
 Not as handsome.
 You made me an ice rink? It's just a rink in a box.
 You set it up,|you fill it with water.
 It's not a big deal.
 It is a big deal.
 It's a very big deal.
 Here, try it out.
 My dad did this for me once.
|I was in a hockey phase.
 That's how I broke my nose the first time.
|Skated right into a tree.
 What in the world inspired you to do this? I felt kind of bad about you and snow|and the rough time you were having.
 And I really wasn't helping any|by saying all that stuff about snow being a pain and impractical|and it's just icy water falling from the sky.
 I thought maybe|I'd get you two back together - make you feel better about snow again.
|- Yeah? I'm grumpy about stuff,|but I don't want you to be.
 Careful.
 I'm being careful.
 - Thanks for reconciling us.
|- Anytime.
 - You were lying this morning.
|- What? You said you were fine,|but you didn't look it.
 You get sick or something last night? No.
 I just had a headache.
 Still do.
 - Just one of those things.
|- Yeah, I get headaches.
 I just feel bad.
 That's all it was, a headache.
 - I love this ice rink.
|- Try it out.
 - It's great!|- Keep away from trees.
 - I look like a dork, but I love it.
|- You look fine.
 - You want to be Randy to my Tai?|- I'll just watch.
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