# GilmoreGirls-S05E15
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s05e15

Sure.
 Thanks.
 Come in.
 Hi.
 Hello.
 I'm sorry.
|Do I have the wrong room? I wouldn't know.
 How delightful|to have all of my towels used and then deposited in my hamper|with my dry clothes to create a pungent, musty combo.
 - Hey, Lorelai.
|- Paris, good.
 I have the right room.
 - This is Rory's mother.
|- Lorelai.
 - I'm Doyle, Rory's editor.
|- And my lover.
 Okay, well, super.
 I don't think "lover"|is exactly the correct term, Paris.
 - Really? What is the correct term, Doyle?|- At a later time, Paris.
 Doyle and I haven't defined|the social aspects of our relationship yet.
 Although we're having sex|three or four times a week so, apparently,|the sexual aspects of the relationship are crystal freaking clear.
 Paris, I beg you.
 Is Rory here?|'Cause I could wait outside or - I'm making you uncomfortable?|- Yes.
 - Her, not you.
|- No, I'm fine.
 You two should be alone.
 I'm so sorry.
 I shouldn't be talking|about love, or sex, especially since you - Since I|- Don't have any.
 - Rory, are you here?|- Yeah, I'm just getting my coat.
 - Can I watch?|- Is Paris out there? - She sure is.
|- Come on in.
 - Nice meeting you, Doyle.
|- Nice to meet you, too.
 Yes? You look so hot|when you find me annoying.
 Then I must be Gisele Bündchen|to you 24/7.
 Sorry, I thought she and Doyle|were indisposed.
 No, no, plenty of disposal going on.
 So, I notice you told Paris|about my breakup.
 I'm sorry, I didn't tell her on purpose.
 It's very difficult to keep|anything from Paris.
 She's in very close proximity,|and I swear she has dog ears.
 That's fine.
 I didn't mean to blab.
 I know.
 But hey, don't worry about me,|things are starting to look up.
 - They think I'm a student.
|- And they also think you're Polynesian and potentially sexually undecided.
 - Yeah.
 Well, still an improvement.
|- Okay, ready? This was a good idea, having dinner.
 Well, it is Friday night.
 Yeah, but Friday night dinner|without Eva and Adolf.
 Lovely.
 It's really not fair calling Grandpa "Adolf.
 " - No, no, that was Grandma.
|- Oh.
 We're going.
 - Rory, are these your chips?|- Yes, Doyle.
 - Can I have some?|- Knock yourself out, Doyle.
 Listen, Lorelai, if you decide|that your breakup is something that you want to talk about,|please let me know.
 - Okay, Paris.
|- And let me know before Tuesday 'cause I'm doing a paper|for my emotional mental health class about how women of a certain age|cope with loneliness and I think you'd be|a great lead-off anecdote.
 You can't take her.
|She's trained in Krav Maga.
 Damn it.
 Okay, so where do the cool kids sit? - This is Yale.
 There are no cool-kid tables.
|- Come on, point out the cliques.
 The geeks, the stoners, the plastics.
|Give me the scoop.
 The scoop is that this is Yale.
 There are no cliques.
|We are beyond cliques.
 So you get to college|and everybody just loves each other? - Yes.
|- It's Haight-Ashbury all over again? - Except the tie-dye's done by Prada.
|- Okay.
 - Not that one.
|- See? That was the clique table.
 - No, it's under an air vent.
|- Seriously, Grandma, buy a shawl.
 Hey, one good cold|can set you back a month in studying.
 See, in my mind I heard "partying,"|but okay.
 Here's to our very own special|Friday night dinner.
 - Hear, hear.
 This stuff looks pretty good.
|- It is.
 So, what's going on at home? Big grapefruit shortage.
|The hurricanes wiped them out - and Taylor is completely freaking out.
|- I'm sure.
 And Patty and Babette are organizing|Stars Hollow's first botox party.
 - Are you invited?|- Are you insinuating I should be? So, the Hollow's low on grapefruits? And I'm doing costumes|for the Stars Hollow Elementary School production|of "Fiddler on the Roof.
 " - So, how are you doing?|- I'm doing fine.
 - How are you doing?|- I am doing fine.
 I swear, I'm getting better.
 - No word from Luke?|- Not waiting on word from Luke.
 - Okay.
|- Anyhow, I'm fine.
 I mean, not that I'm over it,|but, little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier which means easier|must be right around the corner.
 I'm sure it is.
 And I'm working on getting|down a new routine.
 - I've settled on Weston's in the morning.
|- Decent coffee, excellent strudel.
 Yeah.
 So, that's me.
 How are you? Well, I study, then study,|then after a little study break, I study.
 How's Logan? He's been out of town for a while,|so I haven't seen him.
 And what else? - What?|- I got an e-mail from Dad.
 Oh, you did? When? Monday.
 Only two weeks after the fact.
|Very speedy.
 - I'm sure he was just nervous.
|- You don't need to hide that from me.
 Well, I wasn't sure if you wanted|to hear about it, or hear Dad's name.
 Hey, it's part of the whole moving-on|thing, right? So, what did he say? He wanted to give me his side of the story.
 Well, unless his side of the story includes|having his long-lost evil twin lock him in the closet|and come to the wedding in his place his side of the story doesn't exist.
 - He said it was all a misunderstanding.
|- What? He said the only reason he came was to celebrate Grandma and Grandpa's|vow renewal.
 And 'cause Adolf told him to.
 - He says he likes Luke.
|- Yeah, he's proven that.
 - He just wants you to be happy.
|- So he got me dumped.
 And basically that the whole thing|was just a misunderstanding.
 You know, the more he defends himself,|the more he needs to defend himself.
 - Do you think Grandpa knew about it?|- About Christopher coming? Do you think he planned it with Grandma? Look how panicked you are.
 No, honey,|honestly, the whole thing reeks of Emily.
 I mean, not that I think|he would have discouraged it but I'm pretty sure|she's the one who poisoned the apple and gave it to Dopey to bring to the party.
 Yeah.
 - Oh, my God.
|- Never again.
 Never, never again.
 See, we are at the cool table.
 I'm telling you,|if she throws up, you're golden.
 - You are so not starving here at Yale.
|- My lips are frozen.
 Look, while it might seem a little eccentric|to eat ice cream in 40-degree weather- You think? There are several advantages|to the concept.
 For example, since it's cold out,|the ice cream won't melt.
 Therefore, it'll last longer.
 So then my lips will stay frozen|for double the amount of time.
 - Okay, I lost the feeling in my tongue.
|- I'm throwing the ice cream out now.
 Oh, my God, it's frozen.
 It's like an ice cube, it's like a tongue-|shaped ice cube, and it'll never thaw.
 Then why don't you shut your mouth?|Let the heat stay inside.
 That was hostile.
 And useful.
 Thank you.
 - Hey, isn't that your naked guy?|- Yeah.
 Marty, hey.
 He's not my naked guy.
 Well, you don't really want|a communal naked guy nowadays you know, it's too sketchy.
 Well, I guess he didn't hear about|you sitting at the cool table.
 Yeah.
 - You guys rumbling?|- No, we're just not as close lately.
 - That's too bad.
 He seems like a nice guy.
|- Yeah, he is.
 All right, honey, thank you for dinner.
 - You're leaving?|- Yeah, I should get back.
 Okay, you can come in|and watch TV for a while, if you want.
 No, it's okay.
 You can even stay over|if you don't feel like driving back.
 - Are there monsters under your bed again?|- I'm just saying.
 Look, Miss Nightingale,|I appreciate your concern and the offer to spend the night|is much nicer than the suggestion|that I shut my mouth, but I'm fine.
 - You sure?|- Big girl.
 Yeah, it's still new.
 Angel, I have been dumped before.
 Not by Luke.
 No, not by Luke, but a dump is a dump.
|The process is still the same.
 - Don't worry, Mom's cool.
|- I know Mom's cool.
 - 'Cause you heard about the table?|- Exactly.
 - All right, kid, I'll see you later.
|- Okay, bye.
 Wow, looks good.
 Hey, I'm Lorelai.
|I'll be here every morning.
 Okay, see you guys tomorrow.
 Here we go, three coffees.
 - Oh, no.
 I'm sorry, I only ordered one.
|- You said, "coffee, coffee, coffee.
 " No, see.
 I said, "coffee-coffee-coffee.
 " - Right.
|- As in, I really need coffee-coffee-coffee.
 - You know?|- No.
 "Coffee-coffee-coffee" is a saying.
|Like an exaggeration.
 It's a funny, desperate cry for caffeine.
 It's just my thing, because|everybody knows I drink a lot of coffee so the day can't start|until I've had my jolt.
 It's a bit.
 It's my bit.
 It's not a particularly funny bit|unless you know me.
 Then You know what? Three coffees|would be great.
 What do I owe you? I don't know what other words|I should use.
 Perhaps I should talk slower or have a woman sit in a circle|above my head signing my words to you.
 That would be fresher|than you yelling at us.
 Glenn.
 Sorry, but every time I hear you,|I hear my mother.
 - See, my mother-|- Stop comparing me to your mother.
 - Stop acting like her.
|- Anyhow, as I was saying- Pick up your socks! Hey, our editor's talking.
 - He's your boyfriend, not mine.
|- That has yet to be determined.
 - You're feeling particularly sassy today.
|- It must be my new glasses prescription.
 I need all of you to hand in|a hard copy of your stories in addition to filing them electronically.
 Last week, our mail server was down,|and we very nearly missed our deadline.
 - Now how would that have looked?|- Blank.
 - Glenn!|- Sorry, Mom.
 New system starts today.
 I want all articles in hard copy|on my desk - Where are you going?|- I'll be right back.
 - I'm talking.
|- And very well, might I add.
 - Gilmore?|- Doyle, I could be back by now.
 Now that's a manly-sized cup of coffee.
 Yeah, I worked late and I had a paper and I didn't get a lot of sleep.
 Marty, you never have to apologize|for a huge cup of coffee to me.
 Right.
 I know.
 - So, you've been pretty busy lately, huh?|- Yes.
 - Working a lot?|- Yes.
 - Studying a lot?|- Yes.
 That's probably why|I haven't seen you very much.
 - Yes, probably.
|- I miss you.
 A lot.
 - I'm sure you've been a little busy yourself.
|- I guess.
 - Listen, are you working this weekend?|- No.
 Great, because I was thinking it's been ages since|we've had a good hangout night.
 We could watch DVDs, order food|I just got the new Marx Brothers box set.
 You love the Marx Brothers, "Duck Soup.
 " - I don't know if I can-|- Did you hear me? I just said "Duck Soup.
 " - Rory-|- We could watch them all you know, start early,|make a major marathon thing out of it.
 Just us, we haven't done this|in a long time.
 Please? - Okay.
 Sounds good.
|- Really? Great.
 Okay, so, on Saturday? Three-ish? - Three-ish it is.
|- Excellent.
 Really.
 I have to get back,|and you have a lot of coffee to drink - so, I'll see you Saturday.
|- See you Saturday.
 - Hey, Luke, great boat you got out there.
|- Yeah, thanks, Andrew.
 Are you selling it,|or is it some kind of seafood promotion? I don't want to talk about it! Good thing you parked it|right outside the diner, then.
 - What?|- Nothing.
 Go on.
 He's right over there.
 Geez, kid, don't just stand there you'll give me a heart attack.
 Mr.
 Danes? Speak up, there, kid.
|We've got a bit of a height difference here.
 I need to ask you something.
 Bathrooms are in the back.
|They're for customers only.
 So you'll have to order something,|you want to order something? You want to use the bathroom?|Well, what do you want? What are you doing? What's he doing? Don't worry.
|This always happens when he's terrified.
 What the hell's he terrified of? Bradley, would you like me|to tell him for you? - Okay, Luke.
|- Why is he doing that? - He's fine.
|- He doesn't look fine.
 Luke.
 Eyes on me.
 Thank you.
 Now, as you know I teach third grade over|at the elementary school and our production of "Fiddler on the Roof"|is on Saturday.
 And Bradley here is in charge|of set design.
 Right, Bradley? So, he just wanted to come here|and tell you that he will need you|at the school tomorrow at 3:00.
 And please bring your own tools, okay?|You did that very well, Bradley.
 - What are you talking about?|- I thought Bradley was very clear.
 What do you mean,|he needs me at the school tomorrow? - He needs me at the school to do what?|- To help build the sets.
 - I'm not gonna help build any sets.
|- But I have a diner to run.
|I don't have time to build any sets.
 - But Lorelai signed you up weeks ago.
|- She did? Yes, she did.
|She signed you up to build the sets and she signed herself up|to make the costumes.
 I must have forgot about that.
 Yeah, I know you two are having|a little trouble.
 I mean, I saw the boat.
 But I figured, since it was for the kids,|you'd still be willing to help.
 - Lorelai still making the costumes?|- Of course she is.
 A lot of the parents are helping out with costumes, make-up,|lighting, programs- You've spoken to her recently, and she's|going to be there making the costumes? Look, Luke, if it's gonna be|too hard for you to be in the same space as Lorelai,|I totally- No, it's fine.
 I'll be there.
 - You sure?|- Yeah.
 If other people are gonna be helping out,|I might as well.
 You know, it's for the kids.
|So, see you tomorrow at 3:00, right? - With your tools.
|- With my tools.
 That's great.
 Thank you, Luke.
|The kids will be thrilled.
 - Well, that's what matters, right?|- Let's go, Bradley.
 - I hope he's not late.
|- I hope so, too.
 No more pork! Finally, something to put|on our business cards.
 I'm tired of it, I am out of interesting ways|to serve it, and I'm not buying it anymore.
 I want another "other white meat.
 " - Mugsy raised the price on you again, huh?|- That pig-hoarding bastard.
 Well, cut it out for a month.
|I bet he comes around.
 I guess.
 What's in the bag? And that is? A bag of Santa beards.
 Naturally.
 I need 25 dark beards|for "Fiddler on the Roof.
 " I drove to four different towns|and six different costume shops and this was all I could find.
 Apparently, Lieberman's|the only Jew in Connecticut.
 - Hey, can I borrow some tea?|- Why? I thought I'd use it to dye them.
 - Very clever.
 Up on the shelf.
|- Thanks.
 So, other than the great beard search,|how was your morning? - Fine.
|- Yeah? Good.
 So, what route did you take|to work today? The usual: Main Street to Oak and then a sharp starboard turn|at the Marina and four nautical miles to the inn.
 - You saw it?|- Oh, yeah.
 Rats.
 I saw the back of the boat|driving from Weston's.
 I saw the front of the boat from the bank.
 And then I went upstairs|to the post office and I got a nice aerial shot of the boat.
 Basically, I took the White House tour|of the boat.
 I can't believe Luke did this.
|I mean, what was he thinking? - I don't know.
|- When did he come get it? Beats me.
 I didn't notice it gone|when I left this morning.
 So - Did he tell you he was gonna take it?|- Nope.
 Well, I think that stinks.
 He's a jerk|for pulling something like that.
 It's his boat, he can do|what he wants with it.
 Not if it's something mean, he can't.
 I caused the situation in the first place.
|I bought the boat.
 I put it in my garage.
 I know, but he broke your heart,|and now he's rubbing your face in it.
 - Jesus, I'm pathetic.
|- I know.
 Look, Sookie, please,|you don't have to be mad at Luke.
 - Okay? You don't have to hate him.
|- I don't mind hating him.
 I appreciate that, but I don't really|want to talk about it anymore.
 Where are you going? Did I drive you out?|I'm sorry.
 I'll stop talking about it.
 No, it's fine, I'm fine.
 I just|I have stuff to do.
 I have costumes to make|and beards to convert.
 So I'll see you later.
 Okay.
 Hey, Luke.
 - We are so glad to see you.
|- You're 10 minutes late.
 Yeah, sorry about that.
|But hey, I brought my tools.
 Great.
 This is Damon.
 - Hey there, Damon.
|- My mother's a lesbian.
 I brought my tools.
 And you remember your supervisor,|Bradley.
 Yeah, Bradley.
|Nice to see you again, Bradley.
 Well, you boys should get started.
|I'll be right over here if you need my help.
 Have fun.
 So, where do we get started, men? First, we have to build Tevye's house.
 - Okay, we can do that.
|- There's plans for the house over here.
 Yeah, show me the plans.
 Do you know any lesbians? I'm sure I do.
 - How many?|- Three, maybe four.
 "Maybe" four? I'm waiting on confirmation.
 - I like lesbians.
|- Yeah, they're swell.
 - Here are the plans.
|- Okay, let's see what we got.
 All right.
 Looks pretty simple.
|Looks like the boards are already cut.
 Okay, let's get started.
|Everyone grab a Phillips head screwdriver.
 Okay, once you have your screwdriver What are you holding?|Bradley, that's a hammer.
 It is? - Damon, that's tape.
|- Oh.
 I can't believe this,|no one ever taught you what a Phillips head screwdriver is? - My mother's a lesbian.
|- Okay, come here.
 See, this is a Phillips head screwdriver and this is a flathead screwdriver.
 - See, 'cause it's got a-|- Flat head.
 Yes, exactly.
|We need a Phillips head screwdriver so go ahead and find that,|and we'll get started, okay? Hurry up.
|We get done by 5:00, beers are on me.
 Well, well, well,|look who Santa stuffed in my stocking.
 - Yeah.
 Carrie.
 What a surprise.
|- Isn't life a scream? My God, you look fantastic.
 Breakups agree with Luke Danes.
|Give me a hug.
 Easy, there.
 Kids are here.
 So, how are you? I heard all about it.
|I tell you, that Lorelai is out of her mind.
 I mean,|that's apparent from the outfits alone but to let one of the last|real he-men go free she should up that dosage, baby.
 - Carrie, what are you doing here?|- I'm the director.
 Isn't that fabulous? Jenny got me into it.
 - Jenny's your|- My youngest, she's seven.
 And, God help her,|the spitting image of her father.
 - Yeah, where is she?|- She's hiding under a chair somewhere.
 She's so odd, that girl.
|She's always hiding from me.
 Yeah, crazy.
 I got to|build Tevye's house here.
 So I have to get rehearsal started, anyway.
 It's good to see you, Luke.
|We'll have to catch up later.
 Yeah, sure.
 We sure will, Carrie.
 Don't you ever leave me|alone with her again.
 Okay, kids I need my cast right here|in the middle of the stage.
 Everybody, let's gather right here.
 - Hey, Luke, you're helping out here?|- Yeah, sets.
 - How about you?|- I'm playing Tevye.
 - You're-|- Come on, kids, chop chop.
 Excuse me, my director's calling.
 Okay, now, before we start rehearsal,|I just want to ask has anybody seen Jenny? Okay, never mind.
 Now, I need to remind you|that I need to know whose mommies and daddies|are going to be coming to the show.
 Yes, Damon, I know|your mommy's a lesbian but is she coming to the show? Okay, great.
 And everyone else,|I need to know so I can issue your tickets.
 - Yes, Kirk.
|- My mother's going to be in Florida.
 Okay, fine.
 Everybody else tell me or Miss Kushner|by the end of the day.
 Now, before we start,|does anybody have to go potty? Well, go now and go fast.
|We have a lot of work to do.
 I'll just be two minutes,|and then it's "L 'Chai-im, To Life.
 " Hey, Lulu.
 - Yes.
|- Yeah, I was just wondering where are all the other tall people? Excuse me? You know, other people to help out with|the lighting, the make-up, the costumes? They'll be here.
|They all come in at different times.
 Okay, I was just asking.
 No biggie.
 - I'm here.
 I'm done.
 I flushed.
|- Good boy, Kirk.
 Okay, everyone take your places|for the top of the show.
 What is Kirk doing in the play? We couldn't find a boy|who could handle the part.
 But it's an elementary school play.
|How hard could the part be? - Tevye's a very demanding role.
|- But- We looked and looked.
|We even opened up auditions to the scary extension-school kids,|but nothing.
 And you know, we had a terrible|experience last year when we did "Jesus Christ Superstar.
 " - Yeah.
|- Jesus was allergic to peanuts and stuffed one up his nose and broke out in terrible hives|during intermission.
 The second act was all Judas|and Pontius Pilate.
 Pure disaster.
 We had to refund money.
|It was a nightmare.
 So this year, we went with a ringer.
 A fiddler on the roof.
 Sounds crazy, no? Boy, does it.
 - I got them! I'm here!|- Great.
 Get in here.
 I bought all the glue and glitter they had.
 Perfect.
 - So, what are you thinking here?|- I don't know something colorful or something peaceful.
 You know, it could be a Zen sort of space|or a yoga studio.
 - Drew Barrymore has one.
|- And she looks very calm.
 I just want it to be|a special, all-me alone place.
 Here, look in this for ideas.
 Classic Hollywood Homes.
 - And look what I found.
|- A disco ball.
 - Where'd you find a disco ball?|- In my closet.
 Wow.
 I should have done this years ago.
 - Hello?|- I heard a noise in the kitchen.
 - What kind of noise?|- A bam or a clang.
 Possibly a crash.
 It might have been a wham or a ka-pow.
 - Well, did you go check it out?|- Excuse me.
 I'm extremely busy.
 Someone here has to work.
|I mean, the two of you just run off to do your little decorating project|and you leave me here alone.
 - Michel, did you actually hear a noise?|- Of course I heard a noise.
 - It was a thwap or a vroom.
|- Got to go, Michel.
 - What's the matter?|- Apparently, Batman's attacking the inn.
 Hey, "Moulin Rouge," what do you think? Jeweled elephant in one corner,|Ewan McGregor in the other.
 Sounds yummy.
 - What, Michel?|- I'm smelling something very funny coming from the kitchen.
 Could be|a pungent cheese, could be arson.
 Should I call the firemen to come,|or should I just fetch some crackers? Rory.
 Good.
 I'm glad you're here.
|I wanted to talk to you about something.
 I think we need to discuss the incident|at "The Daily News" the other day.
 What incident, Doyle? We were in the middle of a meeting,|I, your editor, was talking and suddenly, without warning,|you flew out of the room.
 - I was gone for five minutes, Doyle.
|- Yes, but the very fact that you felt comfortable enough to leave|signals a big problem.
 - I had to talk to a friend.
|- This is a matter of respect, Rory.
 Respect for the paper, respect for me|Frankly, respect for yourself.
 - Doyle.
|- I have a pebble in my shoe.
 Damn thing's been driving me|crazy all day long.
 - Anyhow, where was I?|- My lack of respect for you.
 Yes, good.
 Thank you.
|You have to remember that this is college.
 You're training for real life here.
 You need to start developing boundaries|between your work and your personal life.
 - Doyle!|- What? - Your sock is on my coffee table!|- It's just for a second.
 You want to talk about boundaries? You are here every day.
|You eat my food, you drink my soda.
 You have a key,|and you don't even live here.
 Paris said "mi casa, su casa.
 " Great.
 Well, Paris' "casa" is right in there so go in or get lost,|because I have company coming and I don't want the first thing he sees|when he walks in to be your feet or face.
 - But I'm your editor.
|- Out! And take your pebble with you! I bet Woodward and Bernstein never tossed Ben Bradley|out of their room! Ben Bradley kept his shoes on! I don't know if anyone has noticed,|but suddenly, I am the only one working.
 - You're right.
 No one noticed.
|- My arm is cramping up.
 - We offered to take over, Michel.
|- These stencils are antiques.
 They've been handed down|from generation to generation of Gerards.
 - No one touches these stencils but me.
|- Okay.
 The fumes are making me sick.
 My God.
 You had a fit to be included and you've done nothing but complain|since you got here.
 I did not have a fit to be included.
 I have a life.
 I have plenty of friends,|and I dare you to find anyone who has a larger collection|of techno and world music than I do.
 I'm fulfilled and need nothing|from either one of you.
 - Poor Michel.
|- No! Do not "poor Michel" me! No.
 Well, I have to say, for only a few hours'|work, this place looks pretty snazzy.
 I have finished with this wall.
 Super.
 Three more to go.
 Sometimes doing one wall makes it the focal point, a place of interest.
 - All four walls, Michel.
|- You tricked me into this.
 Just like Tom Sawyer.
 So, what do you think? Is it turning into|exactly what you had in mind your special, all-you alone place? Yeah.
 It sure is.
 - What's up, Doc?|- "What's up, Doc?" Well, Harpo doesn't talk,|so there's no good catchphrase.
 - Well, then, do Groucho.
|- Everybody does Groucho.
 Come in.
 I like what you've done with the place.
 Well, it's all about the vibe.
|Hey, what did you bring? Just some leftovers|from the Cartina engagement party.
 - I told you I'd take care of the food.
|- And I see you did.
 Pretzels of the world:|San Francisco sourdough German pumpernickel,|chocolate-covered Swiss and the wasabi bites are very intriguing.
 - I also ordered a pizza before you got here.
|- At least we've got the food part covered.
 Yes, we do.
 Sit.
 - You gonna stay like that all night?|- No, sorry.
 - I mean, you can.
|- No, it's okay.
 - I mean, it works for you.
|- No, I'm good.
 - I guess we should start the movie.
|- Okay.
 - Wasabi nugget?|- Thanks.
 - You in a little bit of pain there?|- Much, much more than a little.
 Don't worry.
 Your mouth|will get numb in about a minute.
 I'm really looking forward to that.
 - How about a soda?|- That would be terrific.
 Thanks.
 Thank you very much for kicking my undefined|sexual male partner out of the room that we share.
 - I had company coming, Paris.
|- You insulted him.
 You demeaned him.
 - You made him feel unwelcome.
|- He was unwelcome.
 And now, thanks to you,|he refuses to come back here which means I have to spend the night|over at his place with three roommates.
 The place is a health violation.
|Things grow on the windowsill without the help of pot or soil and|there is the faint aroma of sweat socks and starter cologne lingering|in the air at all times.
 And yes, I have to bring my own|toilet paper over there because it is a third world country.
 Thank you very, very much.
 God, I miss this place.
 Now, that's a countersunk screw, Damon.
 Good man.
|Your lesbian mother will be proud.
 - Lulu, it's the big day, you know?|- I know.
 It's so exciting.
 Yeah, but I'm still wondering|where the other adults are.
 - They'll be here.
|- Yeah, you've been saying that for days you know,|I'm still the only person in here that doesn't have to hang his sheets|out his window in the morning.
 - I don't understand.
|- They wet their beds, Lulu.
 Right.
 Well, I promise you, Luke by tonight there'll be lots of grown-ups|here for you to talk to.
 - It's not about having someone to talk to-|- Luke, we've got a problem.
 - What is it, Kirk?|- This dairy cart you made me- - What's wrong with it?|- It pulls too easily and the wheel doesn't wobble.
 - So what?|- Well, it's too good.
 You've built me a twenty-first century|dairy cart.
 There's no such thing|as a twenty-first century dairy cart.
 Exactly.
 Look, Tevye's a poor man.
|I mean, you've heard the song.
 Yes, I've heard the song, Kirk.
 Okay, so, he's poor, he's tired,|he's suffering, and his horse is lame.
 His life is hard,|so pulling this cart should be hard.
 You're an actor.
 Pretend it's hard.
 I'm not that kind of actor.
 For my type|of work, it has to be legitimately hard.
 There you go.
 Remember to thank me|in your acceptance speech.
 Thank you, Luke.
 This is impossible! All right, kids, break's over! Kirk, let's take it|from the last part of your first monologue.
 All right, places, everyone.
 And music.
 Because of our traditions we've kept our balance|for many, many years.
 Here in Anatevka,|we have traditions for everything how to eat, how to sleep,|how to wear clothes.
 For instance, we always keep|our heads covered and always wear a little prayer shawl.
 This shows our constant devotion to God.
 You may ask,|"How did this tradition start?" I'll tell you.
 I don't know.
 But it's a tradition.
 Because of our traditions everyone knows who he is|and what God expects him to do.
 She tripped! Yente tripped! Damn it, I was feeling it, people!|I was feeling it! - Anna, honey, are you okay?|- No, she's not okay! She tripped! She's fine, Luke.
 How would you know if she's fine?|Your kid's under a chair somewhere.
 - Luke.
|- Her costume doesn't fit.
 - We'll fix it before the show.
|- It should have been fixed by now.
 I mean, this shouldn't have happened.
 I mean, there were supposed to be|other adults here.
 This is ridiculous! This is completely unacceptable! He takes his work very seriously.
|I mean it.
 Just try and pull this cart.
 - Hey.
|- Hey, Luke.
 What are you- - Yente tripped.
|- What? She tripped just as she was heading out|to tell Avram about Ruchel.
 The shoemaker's daughter? Yeah, she's trying to fix him up|with Avram's son.
 But she's almost blind, she can hardly see.
 Hey, I am not doing a bit with you here.
 The kid tripped because|her dress was too long.
 - Okay.
 Is she hurt?|- Of course she's not hurt.
 But she completely blew her entrance.
 All the people of Anatevka|are standing around with their goats and she tripped, and they had to reset|the goats.
 And if you were there where you were supposed to be,|her costume would have fit and Yente wouldn't have tripped.
 What do you mean,|where I was supposed to be? You're making the costumes,|at least that's the rumor.
 I'm making the sets, and I'm there.
 Yeah, I am making the costumes.
|I'm making the costumes here and I'm bringing them there|when they are done.
 Oh, sure, a likely story.
 - Hey.
 What is your problem?|- My problem is that I'm spending the day teaching a bunch of kids|how to use tools which won't properly fit in their hands|for another 8 to 10 years because you signed me up to do it and then you're not even there|when you're supposed to be.
 Well, you could have said no.
 I could have said no?|Have you tried saying no to Bradley when he's got a giant inhaler|shoved in his mouth? - No.
|- Well, you can't! What the hell am I looking at? It's my new special alone space.
 Oh, yeah? Well, you got a whole house|of special alone space.
 - Not like this.
|- So, what, are you - gonna hang out in your garage now?|- I don't know, maybe.
 I mean, why not? It's not like I have a boat|that needs storage or anything.
 - You could park your car in here.
|- I never park my car in here.
 I have never,|ever parked my car in here, Luke.
 And you know that.
 But I come home to this big, huge,|suddenly empty space and I thought I would try|to do something nice so it wasn't just a giant hole of depression|sitting out here.
 - I thought I was doing you a favor.
|- Please.
 - I did.
|- Well, gee.
 Thanks a lot.
 - It's your garage.
|- Whatever.
 What was I supposed to do,|leave the thing in here forever? No.
 Absolutely not.
 Much better|to sneak it out of here and park it in front of the diner|like a giant "they broke up" billboard for the whole town to see.
 - I didn't mean it like that.
|- How did you mean it, Luke? I can't believe you're mad at me|for getting my boat out of your garage.
 I am not mad at you because you|got your boat out of my garage I am mad for the way|you got the boat out of my garage.
 - What, did I ruin the lawn?|- You didn't even call me, Luke.
 You didn't leave a message|or a note or anything.
 You just snuck in and took it.
|And I got to come home and find it gone.
 Although I didn't come home|and find it gone I drove by the diner|and assumed it was gone.
 You know what? It doesn't matter,|'cause it's done.
 We're done.
 It's fine.
 I'm not mad.
 I can tell.
 Well, I have dresses to make,|so I'll see you at the theater.
 Now, have you ever heard|the one about the two Irishmen? I'm gonna say something that will upset|possibly everyone in the entire world.
 Wow.
 I thought the "I Love Lucy" episode|with Harpo Marx was lame.
 Get out.
 There's no way Harpo, even for a second would have believed|he was looking in the mirror.
 And the last time they made that popping-up-from-behind-the-partition|move she was totally slower than him.
 You've carried this with you|for a very long time.
 I mean, we had to believe a lot|during those Hollywood shows.
 Dore Schary just happened to be|hanging out at their pool.
 And I'm sorry, I was totally with Lucy when Ricky took those women|to the premier of his movie.
 - What an ass.
|- You've got to stop watching "I Love Lucy.
 " Man, I hope that's Paris.
 Maybe she and Doyle had a fight.
 - That would be great.
|- There's so much darkness under this "Bosom Buddies" exterior|of yours.
 - Hello, stranger.
|- Hi.
 You're back.
 Just rolled in.
 - So, how was it? Was it fun?|- No, very dull.
 Let's not talk about it.
 We're all going to China Palace for food.
|Grab your coat, let's go.
 I can't.
 What? Sure you can.
 Come on, I missed|you.
 Let me buy you a fortune cookie.
 - I kind of have company.
|- Really? Anyone I know? - Hey, Marty.
 Good to see you.
|- Yeah, you, too.
 Well, you come, too.
|The more, the merrier.
 Come on, Marty.
 If you're gonna be|hanging with Ace like this then it's time to get to know you|without a waiter's uniform on.
 Let's go.
 Car's waiting outside.
 We do not have to go.
 But you want to.
 No.
 Well, I mean, if you do.
|But you don't, so forget it.
 It's cool.
 Let's go.
 Really? Are you sure?|Because you don't look sure.
 Sure, I'm sure.
 Car's waiting outside.
 Okay, but if we get bored or if Dore Schary happens to be there,|then we bail.
 - Deal.
|- Okay, I'll get my coat.
 I swear, I thought|he was never gonna wake up.
 If I'd known the hangover was going|to last that long, I wouldn't have There's nothing like a charming little you-|wouldn't-believe-how-drunk-I-got story - to get the girls all hot.
|- It always worked before.
 - The smell of this food is making me ill.
|- I think it's delicious.
 - How can you eat like that?|- Juliet hasn't eaten a meal since 1994.
 My metabolism|simply doesn't accept food.
 Yes, that must be|a modern medical miracle.
 May I? Sure.
 Hey, Marty, do you want some beer? - Here you go, man.
 I got you.
|- Thanks.
 Rosemary's going home with me tonight.
 I just thought everyone at this table|should know.
 Oh, Finn, you do hallucinate.
 - Are you gonna eat that fried shrimp?|- I think I am.
 - Oh, God, can I watch?|- Juliet, just eat something.
 No, I am not eating until I get married|to some gorgeous but very poor man,|who will sign an ironclad pre-nup.
 And then I will get very, very fat,|but he will never leave me because he would be cut off without a|penny and die in a trailer park.
 - My God, that is brilliant.
|- That is sick.
 I agree with anything|Rosemary says tonight.
 Not going home with you, Finn.
 You know where they have|the best Chinese food in the world? - This tiny little place outside Zugerberg.
|- Zugerberg! The golden days of Zugerberg.
 What's Zugerberg? Zugerberg is the boarding school|I went to in Switzerland.
 - Really?|- Yep.
 Grades 7 through 12.
 Wow, living in Switzerland.
|That sounds exciting.
 Boarding school.
|Man, that must have sucked.
 Sucked? Are you kidding?|Those were the greatest days of my life.
 - The partying that went on there, insane.
|- I did a year at Andover, not bad.
 - You didn't miss your home, your family?|- My family? Did I miss my family? - Logan, did I miss my family?|- Let's see, which mom were you on then? - I believe it was the blonde.
|- Oh, yes.
 - She was hot.
|- You didn't know her, Finn.
 All your mothers have been hot, Colin.
 No, Marty, I didn't miss my family.
 Tevye, I suppose you know|why I've come to see you.
 Yes, I do, Reb Lazar,|but there's no use talking about it.
 - Why not?|- Why yes? - Why should I get rid of her?|- Well, you've a few more without her.
 I see.
 Today you want one.
|Tomorrow you may want two.
 Here you go.
 Now, no more bottle-butting|till the show's over.
 Here you go, Paulie.
 Sneak that out there|when they start dancing.
 Frankly, because I am lonesome.
 Lonesome? What are you talking about? You don't know? We're talking about my new cow.
 - I've got a hammer.
|- I know you do.
 A milk cow, so I won't be lonesome? What's so funny? I was talking about your daughter.
 - I need that "schmatte.
 "|- Okay.
 I got it.
 I got it.
 - Sara! Where'd Sara go?|- Relax, we'll find her.
 Shame on you.
 Okay, the night's young.
|Where are we going next? I don't think I can move.
 - You're full?|- I'm full.
 - Is it fabulous?|- You know, Juliet, it doesn't suck.
 Let's hit The Alligator Lounge.
 Yes.
 Perfect, Zydeco music.
|You'll love this place.
 - Well, I-|- What do you say, Marty? You up for a little Cajun craziness? - I-|- I got it.
 Everybody owes $75.
 Pony up, please,|so we can get the hell out of here.
 Seventy-five? I got you.
 - Are you okay? Do you have enough?|- I don't- Hey, don't sweat it, man,|I can cover you, too.
 - No, thanks.
|- It's no big deal.
 I invited you.
 My treat.
 It's okay.
 I just need to find an ATM.
|I'll be right back.
 - Marty-|- An ATM.
 My, how quaint.
 - I'll be right back.
|- You okay? Yeah.
 No, I'm fine.
 I just think I remember|seeing a bank across the street so I'll go catch Marty.
 You couldn't find an ATM? No, there's at least six ATMs|within a two-block radius and every single one of them is gonna tell|me that I only have $18 in my account.
 And then I believe they will flip me off.
 I think some of the more reputable banks|have suspended their flipping-off policies.
 I can't go back in there.
 I can't leave.
|So here I stand, frozen on the sidewalk.
 Here, I have some money.
 - No.
|- Marty, just take it.
 I'm not gonna take your money.
 Well, you're not gonna just stand out|here for the rest of the night.
 - Well, why not?|- Because, at the very least when all those guys come out of|the restaurant, they'll see you.
 Come on.
 Please, Marty.
 Look.
 Just say you found an ATM,|take the money we'll go inside, you'll hand it to the guys,|and then we'll leave.
 You and me.
 What about the Zydeco club? Well, I've never felt the need for|Zydeco before in my life.
 No need to change that now.
 Come on, please? Yeah.
 And I thought getting pantsed at the prom|was gonna be the low point in my life.
 Okay, go.
 - I'll pay you back next weekend.
|- Marty, please forget about it.
 I work a party Saturday night.
|I'll pay you on Sunday.
 - There's a possibility it may all be in ones.
|- No, I'm really sorry about tonight.
 - There's no need to apologize.
|- You want to come in? - We still have a few movies left to watch.
|- Rory I feel like|I really need to tell you something.
 Okay.
 I know we're friends,|and I'm glad we're friends.
 But I don't want to be just friends anymore.
 I like you.
 I like Logan.
 Yeah, I figured.
 - I don't know why.
|- Really? 'Cause I've got a few guesses.
 I'm sorry.
 - I don't know what to say.
|- It's okay.
 You don't have to say anything.
 Are we still friends?|Please say that we're still friends.
 Sure.
 We're still friends.
 Please come back in.
|We can watch "Duck Soup" again.
 Please? I don't really want to watch "Duck Soup"|right now, Rory.
 I really like "Duck Soup " so I really don't want it associated|with this particular night.
 - I understand.
|- Yeah.
 - I'll pay you back next weekend.
|- Okay.
 - Hey.
|- Hey.
 - Can I?|- Yeah, sure.
 That move always seems cooler|in the movies.
 I think you maneuver your way|through a window quite gracefully.
 Thank you.
 I assume you've had practice.
 - No.
 First time.
|- I'm sure.
 So, how was the Zydeco music? I left when Finn jumped in on vocals.
 Excellent self-preservation instincts.
 I just wanted to make sure|you got home okay.
 - Well, yeah.
 I got home okay.
|- So I see.
 - Thanks for the concern.
 I appreciate it.
|- It wasn't all concern.
 Oh, really? No, I don't believe I said|a proper good night to you this evening.
 - No, you didn't.
|- Good night, Ace.
 I thought you said a proper good night.
 You want to go get changed|into something more comfortable? More comfortable than this? I actually was hoping|for some feetsie pajamas.
 No, you know I'm not that kind of girl.
 Do you want me to go? - Rory, you want me to go?|- No.
 Good, 'cause if you think|climbing in that window was hard English