# GilmoreGirls-S05E21
# source: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=gilmore-girls&episode=s05e21

This feels so decadent.
 - Isn't this decadent?|- Very decadent.
 Are there more marshmallows? All you two have been dipping|are the marshmallows.
 You haven't touched the kiwi|or the pineapple or the tangelo slices.
 - But it's fruit.
|- Fruit is good for you.
 - We're fondue purists, Grandma.
|- Yeah, we dip old school.
 The government says|you should have nine servings of fruit and vegetables per day.
 - Imperialist propaganda.
|- I think Noam Chomsky would agree.
 - Yeah, but Noam doesn't dip fruit.
|- Or laugh.
 - Ever seen that "punim" on him?|- Easter Island.
 Luminista, please bring|more marshmallows.
 Bless you.
 - I'd love to get your opinion on something.
|- Sure.
 The city ballet's in trouble.
|We've given so much over the years but it's never enough to cover|everything they need.
 - I hate that.
|- So, we're trying something new.
 Select patrons, such as myself,|are sponsoring individual dancers.
 - Help me pick one.
|- Pick what? My dancer.
 I get to take one home.
|Bios are on the back.
 - And this is legal?|- Of course, it's legal.
 - Do you want a boy or a girl, Grandma?|- I'm thinking a little girl, cute and petite.
 - They're all petite.
|- But not all cute.
 This one should "fouetté"|over to the dermatologist.
 - Yes, I'd rather not look at that.
|- Really, Mom, this is a little bit creepy.
 It's not creepy.
 We're endowing dancers so they don't have to worry|about money.
 It's nice.
 Gregorio here looks|pretty well endowed already.
 Stop that.
 - Here's a little cutie-patootie.
|- She's darling.
 - Look at those little feet.
|- Woah.
 You're right.
 - This Gregorio guy, what's up with that?|- Rory! Just a little girl talk, Mom.
|Who are we offending? Let's make two piles.
|One for the maybes, one for the nos.
 - Sandpaper face is a no?|- Definitely.
 What about endowment boy? - The maybes.
|- You go, Grandma.
 I bet Gregorio would be good|dipped in chocolate.
 Sorry.
 I don't know.
 Adopting a ballet dancer?|The whole thing sounds very shady.
 It's good to support the arts|any way we can even the shady-sounding ways.
 - Hey, you took my book bag.
 I need that.
|- Sorry.
 So, you really think|that transferring your stuff bit by bit like this is the way to go, huh? Easier than renting something?|Doing it all at once? You really want to relive|the U-Haul incident of May 2004? - You make one iffy U-turn.
|- We were in a tunnel.
 - A wide tunnel.
|- Going the wrong way - down a one-way street.
|- They don't let you forget.
 Yeah, I've got that elephant's memory|when it comes to nearly dying.
 Hey, you took my book bag again.
 So, hey, let's finalize|our plans for Thursday.
 Right.
 So, Jackson says|Sookie has been napping between 11:00 and 12:30 every day,|we can count on it.
 It must be nice to nap|without feeling guilty.
 - Then get pregnant, you'll have an excuse.
|- No, thanks.
 So, meet me at their house at noon,|bring decorations and she'll wake up to a nice,|fun, surprise baby shower.
 - You got it.
|- I think it's cool we waited this long to throw it.
|She's totally not gonna expect it.
 - Plus, we forgot.
|- Only we know that.
 - I'm not telling.
|- Good.
 - Bye, hon.
|- Bye.
 - Mom, my purse!|- Sorry.
 - Luke, can I have a word with you?|- Yes.
 You overcharged me for the toast.
|It's only supposed to be $1.
 I didn't overcharge you, Kirk.
|I raised the price of wheat toast.
 It's $1.
10.
 - You're kidding.
|- I don't do toast humor.
 - $1.
10 from $1? That's a 10% bump.
|- It's a dime, Kirk.
 - I could refuse to pay.
|- Then I'll steal your bike.
 That's never worked before.
 I haven't raised the price|of my toast in seven years, Kirk.
 - It's still a bargain.
|- I'll give you $1.
04.
 - No.
|- $1.
05.
 That's my last offer.
 - Do I look like e-Bay?|- I take my toast dry.
 - Isn't there a butter-and-jam discount?|- No.
 What about your chairs? I'm light, and I tend to plop my butt|directly on the chair without sliding so there's practically no wear and tear.
 There's no discount|for direct butt-plopping.
 - What about-|- Fine.
 $1.
05.
 It's $1.
05.
 You got it.
 Thanks.
 That's very nice of you.
 Hey.
 You raise something from $1 to $1.
10.
|Is that such a big deal? Well, that's 10%.
 So percentage-wise,|it's not so tiny.
 Did I step into something here? I shouldn't have gotten into a business|that involves dealing with people.
 - Hey.
|- Hey, your cover! - I got an advance copy.
|- Wow.
 - Look at the inn.
 It looks beautiful.
|- I know.
 - I've got to get a new pair of pants.
|- Okay, that didn't exactly follow.
 No, for the party they're gonna throw you.
 You don't need new pants.
|You just need pants.
 And the party's in New York,|so you may not even need pants.
 - I've got to get a copy.
|- You got a connection.
 I want to get a bunch, though.
|Frame one or two of them.
 How's the article? What's it say? It was then, sadly, that I|discovered Luke could not read.
 - You know what I mean.
|- People are gonna think I wrote it.
 I mean, it's big.
 - I nearly cried when I read it.
|- Good.
 And the fact that when|Emily Gilmore reads it she's going to hire men to|attack me with tire irons - that's something else altogether.
|- What did they put in? Not every heinous thing|I said about her, but enough.
 I mean, it's good stuff.
 It's funny.
|Maybe if I told them, "not the face.
 " - Who?|- The guys with the tire irons.
 I think you should just show it|to her and get it over with.
 Maybe.
 Yeah, you're probably right.
 Hello? Hold on.
 Hey, Luke, it's for you.
 It's Taylor.
 Caesar, you just broke Luke's standing,|"When Taylor calls, I'm out "even if he can see me through|the stupid connecting window" rule.
 I can tell him you're out.
 And that Duke,|your evil identical twin, is in town.
 No, I'll take it.
 I actually have|to discuss something with him.
 - Hello.
|- Luke? - Hey, buddy.
|- Hey, buddy.
 So, the powers that be have signed off|on you purchasing the Twickum house.
 All that's left is dotting the I's|and crossing the T's.
 Okay, fine.
 Sorry, Lorelai's there.
|Can't talk now, right? Pretty much.
 You know, I'm a bit of a romantic, Luke.
 The thought of you buying this house|for your burgeoning family is quite touching.
 I almost tear up.
 Adds to the tax base, too.
 - Good.
 Talk to you later.
|- Goodbye.
 Wow.
 You and Taylor seem to be|getting on very well these days.
 Yeah, well, he's been cooperating|with me on certain matters.
 Luke, I think the sales tax|is off by a penny.
 In fact, I'm sure of it.
|I'm ready to go to the mat on this one.
 Those guys with the tire irons?|Where did your mother get them? The DAR,|and they don't work for outsiders.
 Show me the penny, Kirk.
 Hey, Al.
 Hey, Pete.
 Hey, Lance.
 - This goes to Metro, ASAP.
|- Okay.
 Rory, if you see Patel,|tell him I'm looking for him.
 Got it.
 - Need it back by 5:00, gentlemen.
|- Thanks, beautiful.
 Manners, boys.
 - Rory, you got those obituaries?|- Yes.
 Give me five minutes.
 - Lot of dying today.
|- I hear that.
 Thank you.
 Patel, Charlie wants to see you.
 - You going by Audrey?|- I can.
 - Give her this.
|- Okay, will do.
 - Hey, Ace.
|- Hey.
 You're early! There's a first for everything.
|Where's the fire? Just south of the 95.
 It's a four-alarm.
|We've got Kessler on it.
 - This is from Patel.
|- I'm not talking to him.
 I'll tell him.
 - How did you know about the fire?|- I didn't.
 I meant, where are you going|in such a hurry? I'm at half speed|compared to this morning.
 - Oh, no.
|- What? I'm gone for five minutes|and this place becomes a dumping ground.
 I'm loving the totally non-generic feel|of your space here.
 - I have customized it somewhat.
|- Eccentric uncle? - Brian Eno.
|- I was close.
 So let's go.
 - It's 4:30.
|- Cut out early.
 There's nothing going on.
 We're doing our rough front page.
 We're picking leads, photos.
|It's our busiest part of the day.
 The people of Stamford|don't get their paper tomorrow - they'll turn on the radio.
|- I can't go.
 - I know the boss.
|- So do I.
 But I know how to work the boss|at least a little.
 I know he's somewhere in the vicinity.
 - Who, your dad?|- Can't you sense it? The flurry of the frightened,|the shuffle of sycophants? Hey! Someone new.
|Have we been introduced? Jose Canseco, post-steroids.
|Should be a warning to people.
 - Are you keeping Rory from her work?|- I was about to call security.
 Does everyone know about the- Noon on Friday, main conference room.
|Come with your game.
 Good.
 Did you call your mother|about the vineyard? - She's on my list.
|- Push him on that, won't you? - I'm going to four, if you want to catch up.
|- Okay.
 - See you.
|- Enjoy four.
 - What's four?|- Fourth floor.
 - You news people and your jargon.
|- We have our own language.
 - Is he treating you all right?|- Who, your dad? He's been great.
 - Sure?|- Yeah.
 Just checking.
|So, what do you think about Friday? - An excellent alternative to Thursday.
|- My sister's engagement party? Right, I'm gonna try.
|I'm dying to see the yacht.
 It's gonna be full of Honor's ditzy friends,|but the harbor's cool.
 Try and leave|your grandparents' dinner early.
 They get you every Friday night.
|Let me have one.
 - You're very one-note today.
|- I miss you, Ace.
 I'll have more free time|once finals are over and summer's here unless I get that summer job here.
 You're probably a shoo-in.
|My father seems to like you.
 - I hope so.
 I love it here.
|- Okay.
 So I'll just go hang somewhere|till you're done? I'll be done at 6:30, 7:00 at the latest.
 - Ace.
|-6:45.
 So maybe I'll be hanging on two or five.
|Is that the right terminology? You're getting there.
 - Come on, please.
|- I'm done.
 - No, you can't be done.
|- I'm done.
 - There's more.
 I know it.
 It's germinating.
|- I'm done.
 I'm at peace.
 There's no more.
 - Just the smell of Manhattan.
|- I knew it.
 There was more.
 I mean, forget about the smells|you can't identify.
 The ones you can identify are putrid.
 I mean, if it's not that|rank smell of hot dog gushing out of those dirty sidewalk carts it's the stench of the subway|pouring out of the dirty grates.
 The manhole-cover steam?|God knows what that steam is.
 - You can't get a breath of fresh air.
|- Go, Luke.
 Rant, Luke.
 The whole city is a decaying heap.
 It's too many people|crammed into too many buildings on too small a piece of land.
|It's an experiment that's failed.
 They should just give the whole island|a push and float it over to Europe.
 But after we see "Spamalot," right?|I paid a lot for those tickets.
 I'm fine with an urban environment.
 But you need land around you,|space, air to breathe.
 - I'm done again.
|- I love Ranting Luke.
 - Why does this song keep playing?|- Because I put the CD player on repeat with my fancy remote in my fancy limo.
 Hey, do a limo rant.
|I bet that's a good one.
 No, it's right they sent you a limo.
|You deserve it.
 - And it enabled us to drink and not drive.
|- That's good, too.
 - I heard there was good food at this party.
|- I heard that, too.
 Never made it to the food, did we? I had three peppermints I took|from the bowl in the men's room.
 Gave the attendant a $5|because it's all I had.
 Made it to the bar, though.
 Yeah, we should have eaten|something before we went.
 - Who knew we'd keep missing the trays?|- But I'm not hungry, but I'm something.
 - What am I?|- You're drunk.
 I haven't been drunk in years.
 Hey, have I thanked you enough|for escorting me and being such a good sport and shaking hands|with all the big-city folk you don't like and putting extra cherries|in my manhattan? Yeah, you did.
 There'll be more thanking later on tonight.
 Tastes like peppermint.
 - Hi, you're late.
|- Sorry.
 It's only a little after noon.
|I'm not that late.
 Well, we have very limited time|during Sookie's nap here.
 I just don't want to blow it.
 Hold on.
 You went to Doose's|for baby-shower decorations? - I didn't know where else to go.
|- A decoration store? - Is there such a thing?|- Yes, what did you get? Poppers.
 Taylor had nine left.
 Okay, there's 10 of us,|so someone doesn't get to pop.
 I'll pass on the pop.
|And plates and cups and - Chicks being hatched? That's Easter.
|- No, I know, but I figured hatching is birth.
 - So, we're right on topic.
 70% off, too.
|- What else? New Year's Eve balloons with Father Time|and the New Year's baby on them.
 We'll blow them up and|cheat the old-man side to the wall so we can't see it.
|And then change the word "year" - so it says, "Happy New Baby.
 "|- That's just sad.
 - What's with the attitude?|- There's no attitude.
 You've been Anne Sexton since I pulled up.
 Sorry, I think I just slept a little funny.
 Come on, let's get up in there|while we still have the chance.
 - Look out! Coming through!|- It's happening.
 - What's happening?|- Oh, my God, it's happening? - You mean it's happening, happening?|- It's coming round the mountain.
 I can't watch this! - Go get her suitcase.
 It's by the door.
|- I'll grab her suitcase! - I'm freaking out Rory.
|- It's okay.
 She's a traditionalist.
 When she has a baby, she's gonna be|in the waiting room, pacing and smoking.
 We should have thrown her|the baby shower earlier.
 Then I wouldn't have had to watch this.
 You were gonna throw me a baby shower? We were gonna set it up during your nap.
 - Want a boost?|- I can make it.
 - God.
|- Hey, watch it! Sorry, I just don't want to see|what's coming around the mountain.
 - See you guys at the hospital?|- You'll see me.
 Yeah, I have to go back to Yale.
 Plus, she's thoroughly sickened|by what's happening to you.
 I'm not sickened.
|It's finals time.
 I'm stressed.
 - Contraction!|- That's pretty sickening.
 - Hang on.
|- I'm sorry you didn't get your party.
 - Blame little Name-to-come.
|- We'll see you there.
 See you there.
 You're going to open your eyes|when you drive back to Yale, right? Yes, I'm just giving them|a five-minute head start.
 - We're taking the same road.
|- Good thinking, honey.
 - Bye.
|- Bye.
 I know he wants the bone.
 I know there's gonna be|a complication getting the bone.
 But "Marmaduke" still|cracks me up every time.
 - Refills are still free, right?|- Yeah, they're still free.
 - Luke's.
|- Luke, it's Taylor.
 - Hey, Taylor.
 How's it going?|- Not so well.
 I mean, for you.
 It's going very well for me.
 I just had a group|of German tourists come in and they've been shoveling it in|since they sat down.
 What do you mean|it's not going well for me? It's the Twickum house.
|Someone's put in a competing offer.
 A competing|Taylor, you promised that house to me.
 And I did all that I could,|but this other offer includes a substantial|down payment in cash.
 The powers that be|are seriously considering selling the house|to this fellow townsman of yours.
 I'll up my offer.
 This guy will just up his, then.
|He's got vast resources.
 How many resources can he have?|He's living in Stars Hollow.
 Luke, he's willing to put down $250,000.
 - What? That can't be right.
|- That's what it is.
 I know everyone in this stinking town.
 What fellow townsman|has $250,000 in cash? - I'm not sure I'm at liberty to say.
|- Tell me, Taylor.
 - Okay.
|- Say that name again? I'll talk to you later.
 "Sally Forth" is on fire today.
 On fire! - Where did you get $250,000?|- What? I don't have $250,000.
 - You don't?|- No, just shy.
 It's $247,868 Those chocolate-raised|are calling my name.
 Where the hell|did you get that much money? I've been working for 11 years, Luke.
|I've had 15,000 jobs.
 I've saved every dollar I ever made.
 That, and the miracle of compound|interest, has created a bounty of $250,000.
 Again, just under.
 I don't want to brag.
 You put a competing offer|in on the Twickum house? That's right.
|It's a perfect place for me and Lulu.
 - You know I have an offer on that house?|- I've heard talk to that effect.
 - Take it back.
 Take back the offer.
|- No, you take yours back.
 I had a deal with Taylor before|you even knew that house was available.
 - Did you get it in writing?|- No, but- An oral agreement's only|as good as the paper it's written on.
 Hey, that would be a good line|for "Dennis the Menace " after he fails to mow Mr.
 Wilson's lawn.
|I should send that in.
 This is not gonna go down this way.
|You are not getting that house! "Au contraire," my friend.
 I happen to know that|your credit's not exactly stellar.
 My credit? Granted, you've got|some real estate holdings but your cash flow's|been flat for three years.
 And unless you're willing|to sell off assets you may be able to swing no more|than a 5% down payment which makes you a real-estate risk.
 - How do you know the state of my assets?|- That's the power of deep pockets, Luke.
 Put a sawbuck in the right hands,|and they babble like parrots.
 I am one of Stars Hollow Bank's|oldest customers.
 I'm not anticipating any problems.
 I'm Stars Hollow Bank's biggest customer.
 - I think that means more.
|- I don't believe this.
 You're swimming in cash and you|fought me over a 10-cent raise on toast.
 And you folded like a road map.
 It might explain the discrepancy|in our net worths.
 So, I think I will have those donuts to go.
|You've got change for $100, right? - I want to talk to the town elders.
|- The town elders? You keep talking about|the powers that be.
 - That's the town elders, right?|- Yes.
 They oversee the town assets,|the real estate.
 I want to see them.
 They won't go for that, Luke.
 - Why?|- It isn't how it's done.
 They don't deal with the public.
|They're the final arbiters.
 - What they say goes.
|- I'm seeing them.
 - But-|- Arrange it! - You breathing, honey?|- I'm breathing.
 Hey, was that Andy Dick|out in the hallway? No, honey.
 This happened last time.
 You go into labor, you start thinking|you see famous people.
 Right, suddenly my midwife|was Wolf Blitzer.
 - Hey, you need me to unpack you?|- You probably don't have to.
 - We have everything she needs all set up.
|- We guys always pack a suitcase.
 Useless.
 So, you been thinking about names? I'm leaning towards Ethan for a boy,|or Glenda if it's a girl.
 Although I like Martha, too,|and Rupert for a boy.
 They're all good, sweetie.
 Hey, whatever we don't use,|we save for the next one, right? Right.
 The next one.
 Will you stay with her?|I got to call my mulch delivery guys - and let them know what's happening.
|- Yep, I'll be here.
 - You comfortable?|- I am, Penelope Cruz.
 - Really?|- What? - You're eating an apple?|- I'm sorry.
 I'll put it away.
 No, eat.
 I'm just surprised.
|It's not your thing.
 I know.
 We were by a vending machine,|checking you in.
 - It was there, and it looked good.
|- It does look good.
 It looks like Ben Stiller! Hey, Sookie, when did you know for sure? - About what?|- That you were pregnant.
 - How could you tell?|- Don't you remember? - Norman Mailer.
|- Right.
 Norman Mailer.
 I wonder how Norman is.
|I had a dream about him the other night.
 He was yelling at someone|to shut up and read Joyce.
 But how soon was|the Norman Mailer moment - after you and Jackson conceived?|- Wow! I don't know.
 A few weeks? - It was weeks?|- I think.
 Then you didn't know before?|Not a feeling or anything? I don't know.
 You've had one before.
|Don't you remember? - Yeah, it's been a while.
|- Why are you asking? I don't know.
 Being in a maternity ward|makes me wonder about these things.
 I'm going to see how far along she is.
|We'll be a couple minutes.
 Sure.
 She looks like Marlo Thomas.
 - See, it's not just me.
|- I'll be outside.
 - Excuse me, Doctor.
|- Yes.
 - Hi.
 You're not off to save a life, are you?|- Not at the moment.
 Okay.
 Just a quick question.
 Pregnancy tests.
|What's the deal with them now? I haven't taken one in a couple decades and I was wondering|if they work any differently.
 No, but they're more accurate now,|but the process is similar.
 Okay, so let's say you do it,|have sex, you know.
 How soon after can a test|tell you anything? - At least two weeks.
|- Not two days? It won't be definitive after just two days.
 Boy, the sword of Damocles|is really hovering over you - for a couple weeks there, huh?|- Pretty much.
 Home tests can be tricky, too.
 Can't buy one where I live,|because people would see and talk.
 It's a small town.
 And even afterward the garbage man could see|the box in the trash and blab.
 And, you know,|I like my garbage man, but again it's a small town.
 It's not your problem.
 - So there's no machine?|- Machine? Yeah, a machine you could stick me in.
 You know, you're putting|pig vessels in people.
 Isn't there a machine|that could tell me right away away from the prying eyes|of the garbage man? You need to wait|and take the test at the proper time.
 Okay, see, I'm eating an apple.
 Normally, this would not be|a sign of anything except hunger except, I don't eat much fruit.
 I know I should,|but I don't have a hankering for it.
 I had it when I was pregnant|with my first kid, though.
 Kept craving those apples.
|And this morning - boy, was I craving an apple.
|- That could be a sign.
 - It could?|- Or not.
 Okay, you're nice, you're sweet,|and I've taken up too much of your time.
 - Thank you.
|- No problem.
 Okay.
 - Hello.
|- Lorelai, it's your mother.
 I just have a quick question.
 - Okay.
|- I got my ballerina.
 Which one? Sashanka? No, I waited too long, and|Mitsie Hertferdshire scooped her up.
 It's okay because|Sashanka tore a ligament last year and is probably washed up.
 - I got Pola.
|- Oh, Pola.
 Blond hair, bullet body, so petite - but thighs that could break concrete.
|- Sounds good.
 They delivered her this morning, and|I have to tell you, it's been so much fun.
 She speaks this charming broken English,|and everything is so new and fresh to her.
 I'm glad.
 So, what's up? Pola wandered into your room|looking for the bathroom.
 She really doesn't know left from right.
 And she found that old toy of yours.
|The magic eight ball.
 - I can't believe that's still there.
|- And she is mesmerized by it.
 She's been playing with it ever since,|asking it questions.
 She won't put it down.
|And I was just wondering - if I can let her keep it.
|- Sure.
 - It's practically glued to her hand.
|- Whatever Pola wants, Pola gets.
 Good.
 Thank you.
 It is yes! Yes! I'm gonna be rich! I just want to hug the stuffing out of her.
|You'll meet her tomorrow night at dinner.
 - I'm looking forward to it.
|- Bye, and thanks again.
 Bye, Mom.
 - Hey, how's it going?|- Fine.
 She's all checked in.
 Breathing normally, contracting painfully.
|Her cursing should start any time now.
 - Everything's as it should be.
|- Good.
 I mean, that was weird, wasn't it? She was like, what,|a week and a half early? Yeah, those little buggers tend|to come when they want to come.
 I still can't get "coming around|the mountain" out of my mind.
 It's one of those phrases|like "Drop it like it's hot" - that I really wish I'd never heard.
|- Hey you're doing everything you need to do|in that area, right? - What area?|- Protection to prevent something from|coming around the mountain? - I hope so.
|- Hope? This is not an area where|hope is good enough.
 I think I have it covered,|and that wasn't meant to be a euphemism.
 "Think" is not good enough, either.
|What kind of birth control do you use? I'm in the dining hall.
 - That was not my question.
|- People are like three feet away from me.
 Listen, all I'm saying is,|you cannot leave it up to the guy, okay? - They are not reliable.
|- I don't leave it up to the guy.
 They get into this state,|you know, primordial.
 It's very exciting, but so is eating|a gallon of pudding.
 Believe me, you're gonna regret that|later.
 I use that as an example - because I know you like pudding.
|- Okay.
 You've got to figure,|if he shoots, he scores.
 Look around.
 There are babies|popping out all over the place.
 You're in a maternity ward.
|You've got a skewed sample there.
 - So you caught up on the subject?|- You've caught me up society's caught me up, the health channel|on cable's caught me up.
 Miss Driscoll, the sad spinster|gym teacher at Stars Hollow High caught me up.
 Miss Driscoll? Right, like she would|ever need birth control.
 - I'm caught up, honest.
|- Okay, good.
 - Mom, what's going on with you?|- Nothing.
 - Mom?|- I might be pregnant.
 Oh.
 So that's where this is coming from.
 I blame Mom.
|She never sat me down for the talk.
 And Miss Driscoll.
|She had her chance, too.
 All those P.
T.
A.
 meetings,|and all she ever talked about was golf.
 How did this happen? I mean, if it's true.
 Luke and I came home from|the magazine party the other night.
 We were a little loopy,|and it got primordial.
 All roadblocks down.
|I mean, I am always beyond carefuI.
 The last time I had|my roadblocks down was, I don't know.
 Count how old you are to the day,|and add nine months.
 But that doesn't mean- - I just ate an apple.
|- Uh-oh.
 - Yeah, and I liked it.
|- Woah.
 My body is telling me something.
 Maybe it's not telling you,|what you think it is.
 Maybe it's just telling you|to better comply with the government's recommendations|for fruit and vegetable intake.
 - That's not just propaganda, you know.
|- Maybe.
 - And-|- What? Would it be so horrible? I mean, it's Luke.
 - It is Luke?|- Yes, it's Luke.
 You guys are so close,|it could be headed somewhere.
 I know, but not right now, hon.
|It's early for us.
 You know, I mean,|my life is going really good.
 It's the inn and this new|potential opportunity, and you know, I just got rid of you.
 It's the first time in my life I've gotten|to feel like a single, grown-up woman.
 - Now is just not the right time.
|- Okay, maybe it's not true.
 - Yeah, maybe.
|- But what are you going to do if it is? I could really use|my magic eight ball about now.
 - I'm gonna let you go, hon.
|- Keep me posted.
 Okay.
 Bye.
 - I'm early?|- A little.
 - It's not 10 after 12:00?|- Your watch must be fast.
 My wife probably set it ahead|to get me home earlier.
 - It never works.
|- It's 11:49.
 - Charmless, isn't it?|- The room? - Needs plants.
|- I can get plants.
 - Ever been to the "Tribune" offices, Chicago?|- No.
 A cathedral.
|Go, if you ever get the chance.
 I will.
 - Gonna get that?|- I'm not done here.
 You got 10 minutes.
|I'm gonna stay here, catch up on e-mails make everyone uncomfortable|that I beat them here.
 That sounds good.
 - Hey, you.
|- It's a girl.
 A girl! Good, we need a girl.
 - Why do we need a girl?|- I don't know.
 Aren't there enough guys|walking around out there? It's a beautiful girl, name to come and Sookie's fine,|Jackson's fine, everyone's fine.
 - Good.
|-14 hours of labor was the downside but Sookie has|the rest of her little girl's life - to get back at her for that.
|- I love the circle of life.
 - And there's more good news.
|- What? It was a false alarm.
 I'm not pregnant.
|The crisis has passed.
 - Mom, good.
 I'm glad.
|- You're glad? As the sight of babies|isn't freaking me out anymore - I can enjoy the maternity ward again.
|- What was with the apple? I don't know, but I just had|a MoonPie and a Ding-Dong and washed it down|with an Orange Crush in the cafeteria.
 - So, no desire for anything nutritional.
|- Thank God.
 I'm glad, Mom.
 Yeah.
 So, listen.
 How about we reschedule|Sookie's baby shower? - How? It's too late.
|- No, we'll throw a "Welcome to the Earth,|Baby Girl Belleville" party.
 - Did you save the decorations?|- Still in my car.
 How about Saturday morning?|That's when she gets home.
 Just come back with me|tonight after dinner.
 - We'll set it up at her house.
|- Sounds good.
 Hey did you ever mention|this pregnancy scare to Luke? My God, no.
 Can you imagine? "Luke, you're gonna be a daddy.
 "|Suddenly, there's nothing left but a puff of smoke|and a baseball cap spinning on the floor.
 Yeah, he never seemed much|like a family guy.
 This is for the best.
|Listen, I've got to get back.
 We have a big staff meeting|in a few minutes and I wanna get back and make sure|everything's set up and ready.
 I'll see you tonight,|my one and only offspring.
 - Bye.
|- Bye.
 - Congratulations.
|- Thanks.
 - She's sound asleep.
|- I'm not so bright-eyed myself.
 Before you go to sleep,|we should probably decide on a name.
 - I know.
 Names are so hard.
|- But the good thing whatever name we don't use now,|we just use on the next one.
 - Yeah, we need to talk about that.
|- Sure.
 I probably should have brought|it up sooner, sorry.
 - No problem.
 What?|- You're getting a vasectomy.
 - What?|- You're getting a vasectomy.
 You got me.
 - You're funny.
 Dark, but funny.
|- I'm not joking, sweetie.
 We're cutting that tube, if it is a tube.
|I'm not really up on the procedure.
 The doctor doing it will be, though,|so I'm sure he'll know.
 - You're not kidding?|- I'm not kidding.
 - Sookie, come on.
|- Jackson, we have one of each.
 - We kept the species going.
|- But I wanted four.
 And I wanted three.
|This is a good compromise.
 I'm sorry.
 Two is not a compromise|between three and four.
 This is Reggie.
 He's going|to take you down and have it done.
 - I'm having it done today?|- Yep.
 - They sent the big nurse.
|- Just in case.
 Hey! You get her back afterwards.
|It's just a quick outpatient procedure.
 Go in, lie down, close your eyes,|snip-snip, and you're shooting blanks.
 Is this all I'm having done today,|or do I need to get some glute implants? It's everything, I promise.
|Kiss before you go.
 I just thought of the perfect name.
 First name, Martha.
 Middle name,|Janice Laurie Ethan Rupert Glenda Carson Daisy Danny.
 - You got them all in.
|- Now go get cut.
 - Hi, Mom.
|- Lorelai, come in.
 - I want you to meet my special guest.
|- I'm curious to meet her.
 Boy! - She sure looked different in her picture.
|- This is Mikhail.
 Mikhail, my daughter, Lorelai.
 - Hi.
|- Hello.
 - What happened to Pola?|- That annoying little stick.
 - She drove me crazy.
|- You loved her.
 There was something wrong with her,|so flighty, so skinny.
 She made no noise when she walked,|so you couldn't hear her coming.
 - I felt like I was being stalked by an elf.
|- Thank you.
 She had a mentality of a preschooler.
 If she was sitting when she laughed,|she would clap her feet together.
 Smoked like a fiend, too.
 As she kept playing with that|obnoxious magic eight ball of yours she'd ask it the same question|over and over till she got the answer she wanted.
 I told her that's not how it works.
 You're supposed to accept|the first answer it gives and that's that, but, no, she kept going.
 I wanted to stick the little twig|in the garbage disposal.
 - So I exchanged her for Mikhail.
|- Really? You can do that? Just trade her in|for another human being? I paid for her, Lorelai,|and she wasn't what I wanted.
 - All right.
|- Isn't he stunning? - He's easy on the eyes, yes.
|- You should see him stretch.
 - Do you want Luminista to take your bag?|- No, I'm gonna keep this with me.
 - There's something I want to show you.
|- Good.
 Shall we go in the living room? He's learning English,|so keep your words short.
 - Living room.
|- Yes, please.
 What a value.
 How interested are Stamford|residents in arts coverage - of a city 40 miles away?|- They're interested.
 That just takes resources|away from covering local events- That are less interesting than events|taking place in New York City.
 If they're that interesting, we should send|a couple of our own calendar staffers.
 Freelancers are a pain in the butt.
 So, Franz Ferdinand comes to New York.
|Forget freelancers, you'll go cover it? - I didn't say that, and who's he?|- He's a band.
 - Watch it, Fisher.
|- Even I knew that, Sam- - Mitchum, please, arbitrate.
|- And spoil the fun? No way! - It's your money.
|- Money well spent.
 - It's not your money, Lucille.
|- Look, keep the system as is.
 We don't even have office space|for extra people, let alone the budget.
 Go to universities, Yale, wherever get volunteers to pick up|what our staff can't cover.
 Those kids jump at the chance.
 - I'll pick up some slack.
|- After you pick up my dry cleaning, right? - I'll pick that up, too.
|- Good, don't let him push you around.
 Are we gonna end this marathon|before we get to subscriptions? - Please say no.
|- Charlie's feeling neglected again.
 Where are we|with our sales department, Charlie? Abundant turnover.
|We have to start paying more.
 - That got the boss where it hurts.
|- It's minimum wage plus 20% commission.
 - And all the stale pastry they can eat.
|- Up it to 30%.
 Okay, now I'm in pain.
 Crunch the numbers, Lloyd,|and get them to me.
 I never go behind|the back of Captain Crunch.
 - Let's get together Monday.
|- Let's all resume this Monday.
 Go home.
 Meet your kids.
 Feed your dogs.
|Have a good one.
 Good night.
 That was fun.
 Yeah, that's the way|those things should go.
 Give and take.
 The less I say, the better.
 - Can I get you anything?|- No, I'm about to take off here.
 Okay.
 So I'm going to be pulling back here soon.
 - From the paper?|- I've done my damage.
 It's time for them to take it|and make something of it.
 - Okay.
|- I'll probably be in Monday maybe Tuesday,|then not so much after that.
 I'm happy to keep going,|even without you here.
 You know, you and I haven't really|sat down and talked about the situation about how you're doing here and all.
 - You've been busy.
|- I've meant to.
 I offered you the job,|took you under my wing.
 - It's part of the deal.
|- Great, I'd love your feedback.
 Go on and sit.
 I've worked with|a lot of young people over the years.
 Interns, new hires.
 I've got a pretty good gut sense|for people's strengths and weaknesses.
 Whether they have that certain something|to make it in journalism.
 - It's a tough business.
 Lot of stress.
|- Definitely.
 And I have to tell you, you don't got it.
 Now, guts can be wrong.
|Mine's been wrong before.
 But not often.
 I thought I was doing okay.
 I just don't think|you really have the drive to put yourself out there, to be honest.
 To get a story, to dig.
|Just now, in this meeting I encouraged everyone|to say whatever they wanted.
 - You said nothing.
|- I wasn't sure if I should.
 Exactly.
 I mean, you saw Harry.
|He jumped right into the fire.
 - You didn't.
|- But Harry's not an intern.
 Doesn't matter.
 - I've always done what's asked of me.
|- See, the thing is, in the real world it's not always good enough|to do just what's asked of you.
 I thought I was in a really good|rhythm with everyone here.
 I'm not saying you're not competent.
 You're smart.
|You're terrific at anticipating needs.
 Actually, you'd make a great assistant.
 Oh.
 I'm sorry.
 It's not my pleasure|to disappoint someone like you.
 Especially you.
 What with the extenuating circumstances.
|But it's healthy.
 I don't know any other way.
 I don't B.
S.
 I should get back.
 Hey, listen, I know this is rough, but I may have just done you a big favor.
 Okay.
 Thanks.
 He had no contract.
|He had nothing in writing.
 Granted, his offer matched|the fair-market value of the property but it was a rigged-bid situation.
 The house wasn't even|officially listed for sale.
 - It wasn't a rigged bid, Kirk.
|- That's for the courts to decide.
 - Get to the point, Kirk.
|- The house should be re-listed.
 You should take the best offer|from the person with the best chance of securing financing.
 That person is me.
 All right.
 And, Luke,|what do you have to say to that? What the hell are we doing|in a steam room? Luke, I explained that if you wanted|to see the town elders you had to do it on their terms.
 - This is ridiculous.
 I can't think in here.
|- You should strip and get in a towel.
 I'm not getting in a towel.
 - I think he's got body issues.
|- I don't have body issues.
 I just don't agree with what's going on.
|How it's going on.
 I don't think it's appropriate|for the defendant to address you in this tone, is it? I'm not the defendant, Kirk.
|This isn't a court.
 It's not even a room.
|It's a box full of hot air.
 - Now he's insulting you.
|- Listen, old guys, I should get the house.
 - Watch your manners, young man.
|- I can get a loan- But I have deep pockets.
 Not now, I mean.
 Right now I'm naked,|but my pants have pockets.
 Who are you guys, anyway? What gives you the authority|to make town decisions? Luke, this isn't helping.
 He's a hothead with body issues|and shallow pockets.
 This isn't right.
|Taylor and I had an agreement.
 - He needs therapy and probably pills.
|- Luke should get the house.
 - What?|- What? It's the right thing to do.
 Kirk may have a better claim technically,|but Luke wants it more.
 - But-|- I knew Luke's father, his grandfather.
 - We all did.
|- He'll care for the house because he cares so much about it.
 - He wants it for him and Lorelai.
|- For me and - Did you?|- We all watched Luke pine for Lorelai for nine long years.
 He waited for her while she went through|her many relationships.
 He won her.
 Now he wants this for her|and for the others.
 - Others? What others?|- You'll bring children into the house.
 I'll bring children into the house, too.
|Maybe not my own.
 It's right for Luke to have it.
 Kirk is young.
 There'll be other places for him to go.
|That's what I think.
 - I agree.
|- Me, too.
 Luke should get the house.
 - Rip!|- Thank you.
 Thank you, sir.
 Hey, Luke, it's a big yard.
|You'll have there, a lot of lawn.
 I was wondering if we could talk about my|rendering gardening services? I have tools.
 - Syrustey.
|- Syrustey.
 - Fantastic.
|- And where is your town, Syrustey? - Just outside Moscow.
|- It sounds wonderful.
 - Our people die very young there.
|- That doesn't sound so good.
 What's in the bag? You've been clutching that bag all night.
|What's in it? She's got mystery bag.
 A mystery bag, yes.
|What's in the mystery bag? This is my cover story.
 Your cover story? I thought it wasn't coming out for two weeks.
 - Let me see that.
|- Okay.
 Lorelai owns an inn.
 - What would you call it, maybe a "dacha?"|"- Dacha," yes.
 - This is it.
|- Fantastic.
 - Thank you.
|- Great "dacha," this "dacha!" - Are there other pictures with the article?|- Go ahead and read it.
 We have time before dinner, right?|We can't start dinner until Rory gets here.
 You're going to love my granddaughter.
 You'll just want to pick her up|and throw her in the air.
 Give one to Mikhail.
|It's how he's learning English.
 Got plenty to go around.
 - Gorgeous!|- Yes.
 - It's a rave.
|- We got lucky.
 I'll be right back.
 - Where are you going?|- I'll just be right back.
 Sit, Mikhail.
 I didn't mean that as a command.
|But please have a seat.
 I'll just, I'm gonna Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Lorelai! - Lorelai, are you in there?|- No.
 - Come out of there.
|- No.
 - This is pathetic!|- I know.
 - The things you say in this.
|- I know.
 Calling me Pol Pot.
 Mom, it was meant as a joke,|the Pol Pot, the walking anthrax.
 - I was just being edgy, like Chris Rock.
|- Walking anthrax! - You haven't gotten to that part yet?|- No! Something to look forward to.
 I'm not going to continue talking|about this through the door.
 Look, Mom, I was mad at you|when I did the interview, okay? And I said things, but I didn't mean them.
 It just happened.
|And I'm not used to talking to reporters.
 I didn't know about the|off-the-record on-the-record thing.
 But I know now,|and I'm really sorry it happened.
 I did not force Jimmy Carter|out of his room at that hotel.
 See, that I thought was|just an amusing anecdote.
 I did not get into a "bitch fight"|with him.
 He's an ex-president! He was with that insufferable Rosalynn.
 Again, Mom, I am really,|really sorry, and unless you forgive me I am going|to camp out in here, possibly forever.
 Mom, I'm just Don't tell your friends about the article,|so they won't read it.
 And the ones who do,|just tell them I was misquoted.
 And I would recommend that|you stop reading the article right now and just look at the pictures.
|The pictures are really pretty.
 If you are applying explosives to the door,|please tell me, so I can step away.
 I'll stop reading.
 And we won't talk about it again, ever.
 Fine.
 Come out.
 - Let's go back to the living room.
|- Thank you, Mom.
 - Goodbye, Mrs.
 Gilmore.
|- Mikhail, where are you going? - I must leave.
|- Leave? Why? Mikhail! Mikhail! Hey, you're here early.
 - I guess.
|- Way early.
 Did you skip your dinner? Come down here, so we don't have to yell.
 I'm sorry.
 - So, there she is.
|- Who? The boat.
 Calling them "she"|is one of those nautical traditions.
 - Right, something sexist in that, I'm sure.
|- I'm sure.
 - So, how'd you get away?|- I don't know.
 I just got away.
 - I'm glad.
|- So, who's she? - Who?|- The girl on the boat.
 Okay, I'm sorry.
|We were calling the boat a "she.
 " I'm a little bit behind but I'm catching up.
 She's a friend of my sister's.
 I didn't mean to interrupt anything.
 You weren't interrupting anything.
 - Looked like I was.
|- I've known her forever.
 I didn't mean to pull you away.
 We were just talking.
|Me, her, and her husband.
 If you want, I can have them pull out|pictures of their 2-year-old.
 Ben has them in his jacket pocket.
 - Do you even want me here?|- Ace, I invited you here.
 Right, on a Friday night,|when you knew I couldn't come.
 It's my sister's party.
|I didn't pick the night.
 Traffic sucked getting here.
 Sorry, but I can't do anything|about the traffic, either.
 Can we just - What the hell's wrong with you?|- Nothing.
 - I'm just in a weird mood.
|- I'll say.
 I'm sorry.
 I just - Can we go somewhere else?|- What? Let's go somewhere else.
|I don't really feel like being around people.
 - Okay, name it.
|- Will your sister mind? I've been here an hour and a half.
 I've talked to everybody.
 My duty's|done.
 Where do you want to go? I don't know.
 Somewhere far.
 Out there.
 - Where?|- Out to sea.
 Out to sea? Let's take that fancy-pants|yacht of yours for a spin.
 Tricky, since it's about to head out|with all my sister's friends on it.
 - Don't you have another one?|- Not here.
 - Where's the other one?|- Far away.
 Let's just drive somewhere,|let's go to New York.
 I don't want to drive.
 I want to be out there,|just the two of us, alone.
 You know the beginning of "Moby Dick,"|when the narrator says that when he finds himself|growing grim about the mouth and wanting to knock people's hats off,|he takes to the sea? - Yeah.
|- I feel like knocking people's hats off.
 So I guess we got to take to the sea.
 - That one looks good.
|- Yeah? - Nice and seaworthy.
|- Not ours to take.
 That ever stopped you before? I think I've been|a bad influence on you, Ace.
 - Let's go, Huntzberger.
|- Let's go.
 See, I was mad at Mom,|Mrs.
 Gilmore here, at the time.
 And I ended up saying things|I shouldn't have said.
 Because, you see, normally,|I don't make jokes about Joseph Stalin.
 They're inappropriate.
 I just said it in jest to this writer,|and she printed it.
 I mean, she's not Joseph Stalin,|and not that this is any excuse but there's no way I could have|known that a Russian man whose entire family and their village|was killed by Stalin would be reading this in front of me.
|I mean, there's just no way.
 She has this off-putting|sense of humor, Mikhail.
 You'd know that|if you spent time with her.
 - Yes, you would.
 You would know that.
|- Yes.
 I mean, Joseph Stalin was a monster.
|So please stay.
 - You just caught us on a bad day.
|- All right.
 This must be Rory.
 Excuse me.
 - Hello.
|- Mom.
 Hey, when are you getting here?|I really, really want you here.
 - You need to come and get me.
|- Where are you? English